I hate when people compliment my weightloss. Why do I feel this way? Does anyone else feel this way?

johnnyr860
johnnyr860 Posts: 19 Member
edited February 2023 in Motivation and Support
I have lost 30 lbs in the last two months. For the last three weeks I have averaged 5 lbs lost per week. At work everyone wants to compliment me. Today my coworker came up to me and said "I am so damn proud of you and your progress you look great so far!" For some reason I hate being complimented. I look in the mirror and take my shirt off and I hate what I see. Stretch marks and the fat of my belly don't make me feel good. Because I see myself every day I don't notice the difference however, I'm able to wear shirts that I haven't worn in years because they were too tight. Shirts that I couldn't button now button.

Shirts I wear now from before the weight loss feel like a blanket from how big they are. For the first time, I am able to button the top button of my dress shirts which is a major deal since my neck was so fat I couldn't do that. I feel amazing! Some days I have so much energy I feel like I could lift a car. I did 3 hours at the gym yesterday instead of my usual 2. So why do I feel so bad and hate it when people compliment my progress? Does anyone else ever feel this way?
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Replies

  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    Sometimes it takes a good while for your weight loss and new look to register with your brain. I take any compliment that comes my way (I'm 68). I'd suggest that you practice responding with good grace, because if everyone is complimenting you, they truely think you look fantastic and one day you'll think so too. It's nice to have people that care--the opposite is much worse.

    Best wishes for your continued weigh loss!
  • drana325
    drana325 Posts: 42 Member
    Take the compliments. You're doing great. High five.



  • johnnyr860
    johnnyr860 Posts: 19 Member
    snowflake954 wrote: »
    Sometimes it takes a good while for your weight loss and new look to register with your brain. I take any compliment that comes my way (I'm 68). I'd suggest that you practice responding with good grace, because if everyone is complimenting you, they truely think you look fantastic and one day you'll think so too. It's nice to have people that care--the opposite is much worse.

    Best wishes for your continued weigh loss!

    Thank you. Seems easier said than done. I went on my break at work and a group of my coworkers were returning from their break and one of them goes to feel my stomach and said "Oh sexy slim I see you! Looking good!" At home my roommate and his girlfriend are always talking about how jealous they are that I have lost all this weight and my roommate jokes that his girlfriend and him are always getting fatter because they keep eating junk food even though they are both in great shape and workout everyday. It may take me some time to get used to the compliments but hopefully it can register and get easier to acknowledge as time goes by.
  • Ghostofachance
    Ghostofachance Posts: 305 Member
    I get it - it took me forever to be able to graciously accept a compliment about my weight loss - partly because I was (and still am) self-conscious about my appearance. For me, I have to assume it's well-intentioned and take it in that spirit. I usually thank them for noticing and try to pivot the conversation to something else.
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,840 Member
    Perhaps your brain interprets it as "if they say I look great now, I must have looked horrible before"?
    Or you have trouble accepting the compliments because you worry about regaining the weight and potentially not really deserving the compliments?
    Or not being at your goal yet and therefore not deserving the compliments yet?
    We can be our own worst enemy sometimes :smile: It's something to work on, to be proud of your progress.
  • johnnyr860
    johnnyr860 Posts: 19 Member
    Lietchi wrote: »
    Perhaps your brain interprets it as "if they say I look great now, I must have looked horrible before"?
    Or you have trouble accepting the compliments because you worry about regaining the weight and potentially not really deserving the compliments?
    Or not being at your goal yet and therefore not deserving the compliments yet?
    We can be our own worst enemy sometimes :smile: It's something to work on, to be proud of your progress.

    I think this may be it for me. I lost 30 lbs at one point in time because I struggled with my mental health and my weight for the longest and I fell into this deep depression where I lost 30 lbs in one month out of the blue. Eventually, I gained it all back and then some. That was years ago and I have come a very long way since those dark days. Every day I have to remind myself how far I have come especially with these 30 lbs. I worry that I could fall down and gain it all back again but I remind myself that I am not the same person I used to be and will continue to move forward. I will continue to work on my progress thank you 😊
  • johnnyr860
    johnnyr860 Posts: 19 Member
    Ghostofachance wrote: »
    I get it - it took me forever to be able to graciously accept a compliment about my weight loss - partly because I was (and still am) self-conscious about my appearance. For me, I have to assume it's well-intentioned and take it in that spirit. I usually thank them for noticing and try to pivot the conversation to something else.

    Thank you and yes I always thank people when they compliment me even if I don't want the compliment. My coworker is good though if I go to the breakroom to get a snack or something she will always ask what I bought and take the item to inspect the nutrition label to ensure I do not go over my calorie limit for the day. Sometimes tough love works lol. I get that it will take some time for me to adjust to the compliments and hopefully soon enough I can be ok with it and feel better about myself when I look in the mirror. I am glad you were able to do that.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,534 Member
    edited February 2023
    One of the big challenges of weight loss is coping with noise. And there is a boatload of WL noise that comes at us from all directions. Much is from the media as it is reliable clickbait. Much is from advertising, its a money maker. (When I started paying attention I was shocked at how much mis-“information” about WL I had internalized from ads.) Much of the noise is from family and friends. Much is from coworkers and casual acquaintances. Just remember it is noise and can trip you up even to the point of quitting if you let it in your head.

    I weighed 285 lbs and was a heart attack or stroke waiting to happen. Exactly 1 person, my oldest friend, bothered to mention that he was concerned about my weight. Commenting on the weight of a fat person is generally taboo. Strangers will hurl weight related insults and flash mean looks, but the topic is out of bounds for folks we know. Then we start to lose and its anything goes. Why? I don’t know. Some of it is likely sincere. Some may be anxiety because we are changing. Some may be anxiety because of their own weight or health.

    But why other people do what they do or say what they say doesn’t matter. It seemed strange to me at the time but to lose weight and keep it gone I had to become more assertive. I had to become stubborn in a particular way. Single minded. Unshakable. Weight loss takes a thick skin.

    I don’t subscribe to the weight loss “support system” idea. This even though I lost the last 30 lbs of 100 at Weight Watchers. (BTW If you’re a guy looking for weight loss support don’t expect to find it at a WW meeting.) I think WL is mostly a solitary pursuit. Try to keep your plan to yourself. As suggested, find your way to what is basically a polite brush off.

    Them: Wow. You’ve lost some weight. What are you doing?
    Me: Old fashioned diet and exercise. (Walking away.)

    Maybe you’ll find a kindred spirit but don’t count on it. I’ve found a couple of message boards to fill the gap. Here I can communicate with like minded people.

    And now that I’ve sold you on keeping your own counsel, here’s some unsolicited advice. Maybe slow down. Or for sure don’t be discouraged when your weight loss slows down. If you have a lot to lose you can post big numbers at first but don’t let your head start computing where you will be by X date if you keep losing at your current rate. Try to look at the next 5 lbs and no more. Forget the calendar, it’s not a weight loss tool. And beware of your own brain, it will wreck you if it can. Today it doesn’t like stretch marks. Tomorrow it will find a new complaint. I think our brains hate weight loss. Actually parts of our brains hate change of any kind, it won’t give up the old ways without a fight. Significant weigh loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. Never quit. You can have the life you want. Good luck.

  • pdd1216
    pdd1216 Posts: 319 Member
    I completely get it. I think they honestly mean it as encouragement (most people), but it feels judgmental. And I completely hate the "I'm so proud of you...". I could go on a rant but recognize it as chatter and try not to let it affect you. We receive it much differently than intended.

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