Snoring partner
honeybunsteal
Posts: 1 Member
How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom
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Replies
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Sleep in the living room. Seriously. My partner and I live in a one-bedroom apartment and that was the only solution to the issue. Even with earplugs I could hear the snoring. We both sleep a lot better now because he is an extremely light sleeper and any time I made the slightest motion or noise he would wake up.2
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siberiantarragon wrote: »Sleep in the living room. Seriously. My partner and I live in a one-bedroom apartment and that was the only solution to the issue. Even with earplugs I could hear the snoring. We both sleep a lot better now because he is an extremely light sleeper and any time I made the slightest motion or noise he would wake up.
Yep. Sometimes snoring isn't (strictly) a medical thing but if he doesn't want to change it, you can't make him. Ear plugs might help, or even a noise machine or a fan if it isn't super loud. My husband snores sometimes but I rarely hear it if I fall asleep before him (what usually happens, I'm the morning person and he's a night owl.) Sometimes I can reposition his head without him waking up.
But if none of that helps, try sleeping somewhere else, even if it's the couch.0 -
Have you tried a nose tape ?1
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It's for a different reason, but I sleep with earplugs. Highly recommend the Loop ones!0
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If all else fails, a pillow over the face should do the trick. Lol it's crossed my mind after listening to my wife keep me up at 3am night after night. Sigh.5
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Nudge em. They'll wake up and maybe turn over. If it's reaaly bad and you aren't getting your sleep in that you need then it's the couch2
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honeybunsteal wrote: »How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom
When I stopped drinking heavily in the 90s I was no longer able to share a bedroom with my then-husband, a snorer. We did have a second bedroom. I haven't shared a bedroom with a partner since.
I think it's messed up he denies it, even when you record it, and won't seek medical attention. You could sleep in the living room, but if I were in your shoes, because of his lack of consideration for your needs, I'd think about a different living arrangement.7 -
kshama2001 wrote: »honeybunsteal wrote: »How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom
I think it's messed up he denies it, even when you record it, and won't seek medical attention. You could sleep in the living room, but if I were in your shoes, because of his lack of consideration for your needs, I'd think about a different living arrangement.
Agreed. My SO was much the same although he acknowledged that he snored, he just laughed it off like it was some kind of superpower to be proud of. Even his hunting buddies complained about it. He also refused any medical solutions. His dentist made him some kind of mouthpiece to wear at night, he wore it for about 10 minutes, said it "felt weird" and that was the end of that. Earplugs didn't muffle the noise sufficiently.
He was living at my house at the time. Because he works out of town, when he was here he wasn't working. I work a normal Mon to Fri job. I was the one getting crap sleep, moving to another room or trying to sleep in spite of it and then crawling in to work half dead the next day. So eventually I moved him back to his own house and it's been that way ever since.3 -
tomcustombuilder wrote: »Nudge em. They'll wake up and maybe turn over. If it's reaaly bad and you aren't getting your sleep in that you need then it's the couch
When I tried that with my partner he would roll back over onto his back as soon as he went back to sleep, LOL.
In my case he acknowledges he snores but won't go to a sleep specialist. He says that he's going to go to one but then never does it. I'm not sure why that is. Part of it is I once went to a sleep specialist for my insomnia who was really mean and condescending, and my partner was there, so now he thinks all sleep specialists will be that way for some reason. Part of it might be fear.1 -
Back in the olden days, when people were maybe meaner (?), a suggestion was to sew a golf ball in a pocket on the back of snoring partner's PJs. Seems like that could start a conflict, but it's the old-school advice, take it for what it's worth - maybe just amusement value?
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Back in the olden days, when people were maybe meaner (?), a suggestion was to sew a golf ball in a pocket on the back of snoring partner's PJs. Seems like that could start a conflict, but it's the old-school advice, take it for what it's worth - maybe just amusement value?
I've seen that advice still today as it prevents the snorer from sleeping on their back.
In my case it wouldn't have helped. He snored in every position -- back, side, stomach, sitting on the couch.1 -
Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way0
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My partner snores; I use Mack's or Deep Sleeps silicone earplugs. I'm a really light sleeper but after a lot of experimentation, these are the ones that work for me. I thought it would be a dealbreaker when we got together but it's just not an issue any more.1
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kshama2001 wrote: »honeybunsteal wrote: »How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom
When I stopped drinking heavily in the 90s I was no longer able to share a bedroom with my then-husband, a snorer. We did have a second bedroom. I haven't shared a bedroom with a partner since.
I think it's messed up he denies it, even when you record it, and won't seek medical attention. You could sleep in the living room, but if I were in your shoes, because of his lack of consideration for your needs, I'd think about a different living arrangement.ericatoday1 wrote: »Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way
FWIW, I think both of these are right, heh.
You do have some degree of choice over whether or not you let it bother you. I'll admit too I generally don't know what people mean when they say "partner" in terms of expected level of commitment, because that seems to vary a lot depending on the couple, but yeah, it isn't great to live with someone who disrespects your needs, and if that's part of an overall pattern in your relationship, I don't think it's good news. From his side, though, if he's generally considerate and respectful, he might think going so far as to record him is a bit much and maybe even embarrassing, which doesn't generally provoke the most thoughtful responses in people (IME it often inspires defensiveness, which is usually counterproductive.)
So you have to decide what you can live with and if it's worth trying some of the alternatives suggested, or if (big step, but maybe the right one) you just shouldn't live with this person.2 -
I got my husband to stop snoring. He said his nose was stuffy every night. I get him to use a steroid nasal spray every day and he takes a decongestant tablet before bed every night. I also bought an air purifier for our bedroom. He rarely snores anymore, and he says he sleeps better. Also, the air purifier is white noise so if he does snore a little, it helps me to not wake up.2
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ericatoday1 wrote: »Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way
That might work for you, but some people are very light sleepers and some are very loud snorers. There is absolutely no way I can ignore it and go back to sleep. Mine will wake me up in another room with his snoring.6 -
Mrsrobinsoncl wrote: »ericatoday1 wrote: »Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way
That might work for you, but some people are very light sleepers and some are very loud snorers. There is absolutely no way I can ignore it and go back to sleep. Mine will wake me up in another room with his snoring.
I defy anyone to use "mind over matter" tricks to sleep when there's a chainsaw going next to you. The SO's snoring is heavy enough to make the mattress vibrate and he's audible from three rooms away with closed doors. (yes, he probably has sleep apnea and no, he has no interest in a sleep study) 5 -
So, what I am about to suggest doesn't work well if the person is in the same room as you, unfortunately, but I have had success with listening to white noise things on YouTube, I'll put it on in my room, adjusting volume accordingly and it somehow manages to mask noise coming from the next room (hopefully they've shut their door... lol). The one I put on is from SnorEraser's channel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I13pge1-SWQ&ab_channel=SnorEraser , if anyone's interested here in giving it a shot.
I tried ear plugs, but couldn't get used to them.
Edited to add: I noted that the OP doesn't have a spare bedroom (sorry OP, I hope you can find a solution soon!) ,but hopefully this can help others.1 -
Mrsrobinsoncl wrote: »ericatoday1 wrote: »Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way
That might work for you, but some people are very light sleepers and some are very loud snorers. There is absolutely no way I can ignore it and go back to sleep. Mine will wake me up in another room with his snoring.
I defy anyone to use "mind over matter" tricks to sleep when there's a chainsaw going next to you. The SO's snoring is heavy enough to make the mattress vibrate and he's audible from three rooms away with closed doors. (yes, he probably has sleep apnea and no, he has no interest in a sleep study)
I think the point is less "pretend the sound isn't actually loud," and more "don't hold onto resentment and let it fester." There's more room to actually do something about it if OP decides not to be helpless, angry, bitter or resentful. If the only solution is: the partner has to feel bad about it and he has to stop snoring, there's a lot less within OP's control. She can be annoyed about it, but will it help her actually get any sleep at night?
I don't know about anyone else, but IME there's nothing that keeps me up at night like bitter anger. IMO, not worth it.3 -
My man has had what I call a “sleepy machine” for about 15 years. We own three…one for home, one for the cabin and one for travel. He gets so mad if he does not get to use his machine for sleep. He sleeps so well using it. There are at home sleep studies now. You get the stuff, you sleep at home, you transmit data. Boom. He has no excuses. You do the research and tell him he either does it or HE sleeps on the sofa.4
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penguinmama87 wrote: »Mrsrobinsoncl wrote: »ericatoday1 wrote: »Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way
That might work for you, but some people are very light sleepers and some are very loud snorers. There is absolutely no way I can ignore it and go back to sleep. Mine will wake me up in another room with his snoring.
I defy anyone to use "mind over matter" tricks to sleep when there's a chainsaw going next to you. The SO's snoring is heavy enough to make the mattress vibrate and he's audible from three rooms away with closed doors. (yes, he probably has sleep apnea and no, he has no interest in a sleep study)
I think the point is less "pretend the sound isn't actually loud," and more "don't hold onto resentment and let it fester." There's more room to actually do something about it if OP decides not to be helpless, angry, bitter or resentful. If the only solution is: the partner has to feel bad about it and he has to stop snoring, there's a lot less within OP's control. She can be annoyed about it, but will it help her actually get any sleep at night?
I don't know about anyone else, but IME there's nothing that keeps me up at night like bitter anger. IMO, not worth it.
Sure, resentment is also bad for sleep. But take away the resentment about the chainsaw, and there is still a chainsaw keeping you up.
I started using Mack's ear seals then, and still use them to this day, but they are not enough for me when a snorer is in the room with me.3 -
honeybunsteal wrote: »How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom
I tried the nudge, mine snores on every side. I tried the couch, his snore is so loud I hear it still but it's not where I want to push him out of the bed accidentally on purpose lol. If you find the answer let me know.3 -
There are headbands that you can wear to sleep that have speakers built in, you could try them with white noise.
I use an app called Sleep Cycle mainly because it is a gentle alarm to wake you when you are naturally most awake within a timeframe you set, eg 30mins. It also records all the noises throughout the night. If you used it for a week it might be helpful to a) show him how much of an issue it is and b) reassure yourself how much sleep you did actually get despite the interruptions - which links back to the post about trying to minimise how much it winds you up.
I honestly feel for you because it would drive me nuts as a light sleeper and I’d have to lay down the law and say go get it fixed or pack your bags.2 -
penguinmama87 wrote: »Mrsrobinsoncl wrote: »ericatoday1 wrote: »Not to be that person, but as somebody who has dealt with this, I’ve learned that a lot of the irritation comes from my choice to be annoyed by it I’ve noticed it’s actually pretty easy to ignore and kind of use it as white noise if I look at it that way
That might work for you, but some people are very light sleepers and some are very loud snorers. There is absolutely no way I can ignore it and go back to sleep. Mine will wake me up in another room with his snoring.
I defy anyone to use "mind over matter" tricks to sleep when there's a chainsaw going next to you. The SO's snoring is heavy enough to make the mattress vibrate and he's audible from three rooms away with closed doors. (yes, he probably has sleep apnea and no, he has no interest in a sleep study)
I think the point is less "pretend the sound isn't actually loud," and more "don't hold onto resentment and let it fester." There's more room to actually do something about it if OP decides not to be helpless, angry, bitter or resentful. If the only solution is: the partner has to feel bad about it and he has to stop snoring, there's a lot less within OP's control. She can be annoyed about it, but will it help her actually get any sleep at night?
I don't know about anyone else, but IME there's nothing that keeps me up at night like bitter anger. IMO, not worth it.
Trust me, it wasn't bitter anger keeping me up at night, it was the 100 decibel snoring two feet away from me. Although his refusal to explore/implement any possible solutions and his attitude of "Hee hee hee, I don't have any problem sleeping" like it was the funniest thing ever were a bit frustrating at times. He didn't feel bad about it. Even being kicked out of my home and having to live in his own house again didn't motivate him, but at least I sleep better now.5 -
This sounds very familiar to me (together for 32 years now), and I have to add:
* It is impossible to ignore hard snorers, really impossible. The comparison with a chainsaw is not far off. I had nights where I started to cry because I was so tired and frustrated that I couldn't sleep. Ignoring it wasn't an option. We couldn't sleep with an open window as the neighbors heard him.
* Hubby went to a sleep clinic, got evaluated and got an operation. This was 20 - 25 years ago and I'm sure the techniques have evolved now, but in his case the operation had an impact for a year or so, and then the snoring began again.
* I have tried every earplug, every sound device, even the expensive white noise earbuds from Bose. Nothing masks the snoring.
* When you cannot get your sleep night after night, month after month ... there is no way you are not going to be upset about it. Bitter anger is a good word for it, with a vicious circle included: going to bed was stressful, days started with resent and after some time you are just broken because of sleep deprivation.
* Because we really wanted our relationship to work we moved to a larger house with two bedrooms. I now still use earplugs because I can sometimes hear him even in another room. I feel there is still a stigma about it, but we don't care. I'm pretty sure that the move saved our relationship.
* When going on holiday, we now always rent a cottage or a two bedroom apartment instead of a hotel room.
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My husband snores, but fortunately he’s not super loud…just constant. I am a pretty deep sleeper (I credit having lived as a child in an apartment in the flight path of JFK), so if I fall asleep first, his snoring doesn’t wake me. If he goes to bed before I do, I play white noise on the Alexa, adjusting the volume as needed to drown him out.0
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It is a miserable life living with a snorer who can care less. After 20 years of being sleep deprived.. trust me. you'll find a way. Get a bigger place with two bedrooms ... it is only fair.. and your sleep and health matter too.
Maybe get an objective counselor for a few sessions to get your partner to come to a solution where you both get treated equally.2 -
We got a wedge pillow (shaped like a triangle) which props up my upper torso by about 15 degrees. My snoring has all but disappeared, which my wife loves. My recurring acid reflux has all but disappeared, which I love.1
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honeybunsteal wrote: »Plus he won't seek medical attention.
I know you can't force anyone to do anything but it's a shame that he won't seek medical attention. I snored for years and blamed it on a deviated septum instead of admitting that I might have sleep apnea. I finally did a sleep study and guess what? Mild sleep apnea.
I use a CPAP now and the difference in my quality of sleep is life changing. I'd like to kick myself for not taking care of this years ago. My husband has had a CPAP for our entire relationship so I had no real excuse not to do a sleep study other than my own laziness and denial.
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honeybunsteal wrote: »How to get sleep n stay asleep with a person who snores all night every night. They claim they don't snore even when I record it. Plus he won't seek medical attention. There is no spare bedroom
Separate beds with our heads in the opposite corners of the room.
Earplugs.siberiantarragon wrote: »tomcustombuilder wrote: »Nudge em. They'll wake up and maybe turn over. If it's reaaly bad and you aren't getting your sleep in that you need then it's the couch
When I tried that with my partner he would roll back over onto his back as soon as he went back to sleep, LOL.
In my case he acknowledges he snores but won't go to a sleep specialist. He says that he's going to go to one but then never does it. I'm not sure why that is. Part of it is I once went to a sleep specialist for my insomnia who was really mean and condescending, and my partner was there, so now he thinks all sleep specialists will be that way for some reason. Part of it might be fear.
Where do you even find a sleep specialist?0
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