My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose any more weight.

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Replies

  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    First Off, Not all guys can preach about surgery- most who perform it are men.
    Second, Not all guys drool over FHM.
    Third, Maybe its the conflict over what you know is right, and what appeals to your senses. (You say "mmm", but then, "no" to chocolate cake at times I am sure.)
    Fourth, not all guys are as able to identify fake/real.
    Lastly, its biological. Women get surgery to enhance the things that men are designed to be attracted to. (And if there is anything this thread has taught me is that if it is their body, it is their choice, right?)

    The women who decide to modify themselves via surgery are the ones you should be attacking, not the men who are attracted to it. They are the ones who are escalating the evolutionary arms race. In terms of economics, they have created a negative externality. The benefit they are getting is at the expense of all other women, and for men who are trying to select "good" genes.
  • BrewerGeorge
    BrewerGeorge Posts: 397 Member
    While guys may like the way the fake stuff looks with clothes on, I don't know any guy who likes the way the fakes FEEL. At strip clubs that are no-touch, girls with implants will make more money. But if the club has table dances or lap dances with touching, the girls with natural breasts will make more money. Truly.

    That's why guys almost always tell their partners - whose breasts they get to feel - that they don't want them to have implants, while still "drooling over" the girls with fakes in magazines.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    First Off, Not all guys can preach about surgery- most who perform it are men.
    Second, Not all guys drool over FHM.
    Third, Maybe its the conflict over what you know is right, and what appeals to your senses. (You say "mmm", but then, "no" to chocolate cake at times I am sure.)
    Fourth, not all guys are as able to identify fake/real.
    Lastly, its biological. Women get surgery to enhance the things that men are designed to be attracted to. (And if there is anything this thread has taught me is that if it is their body, it is their choice, right?)

    The women who decide to modify themselves via surgery are the ones you should be attacking, not the men who are attracted to it. They are the ones who are escalating the evolutionary arms race. In terms of economics, they have created a negative externality. The benefit they are getting is at the expense of all other women, and for men who are trying to select "good" genes.

    Excuse me? go and take a chill pill. I didn't come on here to get into a sexist rant. I said I was speaking from experience.
  • ltnangel_92
    ltnangel_92 Posts: 19
    Its your body, not his. Doesn't he want you to be happy? Well if getting to 110-115 lbs makes you happy, then he should cheer you on.

    but, maybe you should do strength training, that way u build muscle = less "boney." but you still will be skinny, but with a more shapely form.

    then again, you can always find someone who will like you for who you want to be, and they will cheer you on. Dont stress "everything happens for a reason"

    =)
  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
    Excuse me? go and take a chill pill. I didn't come on here to get into a sexist rant. I said I was speaking from experience.

    No, you came here to have a sexist rant and not be called on it.
  • VeganGal84
    VeganGal84 Posts: 938 Member
    Your body, your choice. Don't lose or gain weight for anyone but yourself. Seriously.

    And please don't make blanket statements like "ugh. men." There are lots of amazing men out there who love their partners for who they are, and would never pressure them about their weight (my amazing boyfriend included in this group.).
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    Excuse me? go and take a chill pill. I didn't come on here to get into a sexist rant. I said I was speaking from experience.

    No, you came here to have a sexist rant and not be called on it.

    Are you a mind reader? No. So do not presume to tell me what I am doing. I came on here to offer my advise to the poster, end of.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    Your body, your choice. Don't lose or gain weight for anyone but yourself. Seriously.

    And please don't make blanket statements like "ugh. men." There are lots of amazing men out there who love their partners for who they are, and would never pressure them about their weight (my amazing boyfriend included in this group.).

    Awww :) There is still hope.
  • krkoch1983
    krkoch1983 Posts: 55 Member
    I would thank him for caring so much, but unless you ask for his opinion, to keep it to himself. If you feel that you are healthy, then keep up the hard work. Also, we perceive our bodies differently than those around us, maybe consider what he's saying as a guidance to redirect to toning, not losing more weight.
    As far as the boobs and butt go - he'll just have to deal!
  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
    Are you a mind reader? No. So do not presume to tell me what I am doing. I came on here to offer my advise to the poster, end of.

    I'm not presuming anything. This statement, to me, seemed to be a bit of a sexist generalization:
    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    Myself and my male friends are not like this. I'm sorry if your experience with men has been different.
  • Kissxx
    Kissxx Posts: 99
    Oh I didnt say hes for breast surgery. He hates it and doesnt want me to get it at all. He does say theyre only their for looks and he doesnt want to touch them if its fake. Im sorry if I started a misunderstanding. I love him dearly and will take his advice with a grain of salt. Instead of doing my usual insanity workout today, I just did some strength exercises.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
    Are you a mind reader? No. So do not presume to tell me what I am doing. I came on here to offer my advise to the poster, end of.

    I'm not presuming anything. This statement, to me, seemed to be a bit of a sexist generalization:
    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    Myself and my male friends are not like this. I'm sorry if your experience with men has been different.

    I'm sorry if this offended you but I did not mean it that way. It was a passing comment, one which was reflected my own experience with men (which I did type somewhere in the post) Perhaps I should have made that more clear to avoid people getting defensive.
  • ivyjbres
    ivyjbres Posts: 612 Member
    I understand the guy's point of view completely. And no I am not on the verge of an eating disorder, I am a registered nurse and have seen real ED in the psychiatric unit. I eat what I want when we're out and even indulge in some alcohol once in a while. I dont think Im "skinny" at all. Im just average weight and I think he dislikes that. He liked me because I didnt look like all the other asian girls and I actually had curves but it wasnt attractive to me. I know I'll do what I want and keep going on this journey until I finally reach my goal and be comfortable in my own skin.

    Maybe do some extra exercises to build up your booty and pecs to make you boobs look bigger? 7 pounds will always be more noticeable to you than anyone else, so maybe there's a compromise like a shift more towards maintenance where weight loss isn't your focus, but a bonus if it happens?
  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
    I'm sorry if this offended you but I did not mean it that way. It was a passing comment, one which was reflected my own experience with men (which I did type somewhere in the post) Perhaps I should have made that more clear to avoid people getting defensive.

    Fair enough. I probably shouldn't stress over comments anyway- I hear stress raises cortisone levels and impacts metabolism. :)
  • jamie1888
    jamie1888 Posts: 1,704 Member
    I suggest that you stop focusing on the number on the scale and BMI (BMI is useful for people that have a lot of body fat to lose!). Have your body fat tested and pick a goal for that. Losing the tummy area will come down to reducing more body fat. Your body decides where it will lose the fat from first. So, in your case, your body is saving the tummy for last! Keep eating clean, exercising & strength training. Your body will transform but it does take time!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,993 Member
    While your life is yours, his opinion is actually valid to the point that some females do tend to go overboard. I sometimes gets clients that want to lose more even if it may make them look scrawny to others.
    The choice is ultimately up to you. But IMO, your weight is well within reason and you pic shows it. Losing the butt and breasts already mean you bodyfat % is probably low. To get the butt back, incorporate WEIGHTED squats to increase the size of the gluteal muscles. Just doing cardio isn't the most effective way to lose weight. You need strength training to retain lean muscle. Good luck on your decision.
  • mandylooo
    mandylooo Posts: 456 Member
    If you want to be superskinny, that is your choice. But I understand your boyfriend. My husband is just like that. They hate these masculine bony Sarah Jessica Parker Types. Totally unattractive. Women look a lot better with curves and some butt.

    I agree. Consider whether he's really helping you rather than hurting you the way you suggest. You said he liked you at 140lb - it's kinda cute if he likes you for who are rather than what you weigh.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    While your life is yours, his opinion is actually valid to the point that some females do tend to go overboard. I sometimes gets clients that want to lose more even if it may make them look scrawny to others.
    The choice is ultimately up to you. But IMO, your weight is well within reason and you pic shows it. Losing the butt and breasts already mean you bodyfat % is probably low. To get the butt back, incorporate WEIGHTED squats to increase the size of the gluteal muscles. Just doing cardio isn't the most effective way to lose weight. You need strength training to retain lean muscle. Good luck on your decision.

    ^^^ This. If you want to change your body shape, it's ultimately your decision. Just don't overdo a good thing and keep all things in balance. Only YOU can allow yourself to be comfortable in your own skin, as you say. And that has nothing to do with body shape but your own self worth.
  • rockstarginaa
    rockstarginaa Posts: 1,529 Member
    Stop living your life for someone else. You WILL regret it eventually.

    Amen.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    I'm with your boyfriend on this one. I just think women look better in a 25 bmi, and are more fun to have diinner with to boot. If you already look good and feel good, why are you still losing? I don't think you have an eating disorder, but you may be falling into a trap common to women (and some men) of using the feeling of control brough about by dieting to fill another type of void.
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
    I think he just a little worried because your BMI is healthy but will it be at 110lbs?? He shouldn't have stated he liked you better before. And it's smart to count olive oil thats 120 calories. I see his side of things and I myself would take it into consideration but at the end of the day you got to do what is going to make you happy and what will make you feel good. If you think you'll be happy at 115lbs and more toned then switch it up, maybe get p90x.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Maybe it's not the weight loss and more the lifestyle? Watching people count and limit calories for months is exhausting. Aim for what you want, but do remember to be healthy. 115 and toned sounds fine for someone that's 5'2''. Remember that this is about your health, and as long as you're healthy he should respect it.
  • ennaejay
    ennaejay Posts: 575
    You know what, you may want to pick up New Rules of Lifting for Women. It might shed some light on how you view yourself, and offer some balance to what you've learned so far.

    You may have to re-learn some things to be happier in your own skin. I suggest what you want isn't to be thinner, but to be fit.

    Go for TIGHTER, not lighter. Pick up the book and give it a read, you'll find something worth holding on to. :) It's not gospel truth but it's really eye-opening with a ton of good lifestyle plans about how our bodies are designed, and how to work with our genetics.
  • LMP1979
    LMP1979 Posts: 54 Member
    Just to offer some additional thoughts: There's a difference between always asking someone for their opinion (maybe he is getting asked opinions alot and you don't realize it) vs someone always obsessing over giving their thoughts to you on how you should be. If a person asks another for their opinion and receive an honest answer, they cannot be blamed for that - they were asked.

    If it were me I just would drop telling him the weight numbers as it's only 5 lbs or so, but talk about being healthy, feeling healthy and being fit. If he really is only stuck on your looks - you may find he will be just another boyfriend!

    Be happy and confident with yourself first. You look great already - you DO realize that, right?! :smile:
  • saugustin07
    saugustin07 Posts: 28 Member
    You can only live for yourself and do what makes you happy. If you want to lose more weight and you have goals go for it. If your boyfriend cares about you he will love you the when you lose the weight and respect your wishes!
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