My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose any more weight.

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2

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  • Rogers2088
    Rogers2088 Posts: 8 Member
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    He's just a boyfrind, they come and go. Health and Happiness to you.
  • LindaSue5
    LindaSue5 Posts: 7
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    Oh my word I would LOVE to be your weight!!!! I am 5' 1" and weigh 147. I bet you look great right now!!!! I agree that it is your body and you need to be happy with yourself but don't get so small that you look sick because that is NOT sexy at all. Be healthy!!!
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    I disagree with the advice, how do we know the full picture the girl could have an eating disorder, we can only see one side of it! Plus the Mum is saying eat more, stay healthy Kissxxx and listen to your body

    +1 if this is really the case, you should talk to a Dr or at least a nutritionist. Eating disorder = bad mojo. Really if this is the case, your bf should be looking at leaving you. If not, your bf is what we call being a "guy." Good luck finding one that isn't looking at your chest and hips.
  • Jhanahan
    Jhanahan Posts: 3
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    From a guy’s point of view I can see where your boyfriend is coming from. If he is making those comments you have to ask yourself if there is any merit to what he is saying. When you go out to a party or a restaurant do you make a big deal about what you can and cannot eat or drink? You should be able to have whatever you would like on the menu or eat what is served at a party without saying I can eat that because I want to lose weight. That is what will upset a boyfriend more than anything especially when you are already very thin.
    Guys also look at a girl that is very thin and think she is very fragile. We do not want to worry about breaking her in half from giving her a hug. I think it is important to ask yourself if you were to lose more weight would you be any healthier? The objective should be to be healthy and not meet a certain weight. If you healthy weight is 120 then you should try to stay there, if it is less then by all means do what it takes so you are the healthiest you can be.
  • SommerJo
    SommerJo Posts: 258 Member
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    It's your body and your choice. But I really don't think ignoring him is right.

    Decode the "guy speak". Just because he's talking about your boobs and butt, doesn't mean it's strictly sexual. He might be trying to express concerns that he's not as physically attractive to you anymore -- but maybe it's deeper -- maybe he's worried about your health.

    I'm not saying your height and weight are unhealthy. But maybe there's something triggering his concern.
  • Bankman1989
    Bankman1989 Posts: 1,116 Member
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    So my bf thinks I am getting "bony" I am only 5'2" and 117 lbs. It is around 21-22ish BMI, perfectly healthy but I would like to get down to 110. He said to stop it and gain more weight. He said I am too crazy that I even count olive oil in my diary. He said I am on the road to an eating disorder. He said he loved my body more when I was technically overweight in the 140s cuz then I had breasts and a bigger butt. If I had breasts and I was 100 lbs he probably wouldn't care.. I want to satisfy his wishes, he's against implants but he loves them on other women, figures. ugh men. -_-

    I want to tone my ab region as it is my biggest problem spot. Its not bulging or huge, Id be happy if I was 115 and toned. All this talk makes me want to just stop and maintain my weight. If only he knew how much I want to eat regularly as I have been on a caloric deficit since March of this year. I am currently doing Insanity and its a lot of cardio. Should I switch to something that is more for strength training? Any suggestions? I just want to let that all out. I'm so frustrated.


    I believe a person SHOULD do everything in their power to live a healthier life. At 5'2 and 140 you may have been a lil overweight depening on your body. At 117 I can't see how you could still be over.

    HOWEVER

    I just started dating a woman 5'4 and 160. She hopes to lose 20 pounds. She has big breasts and I like them. I like women who have curves so if they are going to lose those curves it would be hard to see T & A go bye-bye but I would support it. I don't want my woman to be as muscular as I but I don't want her to weigh more than me either.

    Bottom line is do what's best for you. It's your body AND he's not your husband (sorry). Don't know if he's in shape but normally the partner who objects isn't. You would blame him and regret it if you listened to him.
  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
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    Guys are conditioned to not discuss the weight issues with women properly. We have been given a cheat sheet of answers from sitcoms and chick-flick movies:

    Am I fat? No.
    Do I look fat? No.
    Should I lose Weight? No.

    Women ask these questions because they are insecure. If your jeans don't fit you are getting fat, you don't need to ask. Guys answer the way they do because they don't want to piss you off (or possibly they actually don't want to hurt your feelings). Sometimes this goes the extra mile where a guy will tell you that you don't need to lose more weight. That could be going on.

    Get in whatever shape you want to be in, and he'll like it if you're confident. Guys like women. Preferences are just a facade so we have something to talk about.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
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    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    Anyway, You are the shape that you are. Unless you get butt/boob implants, tell him the only way you are going to look how he prefers is to put weight back on. Stress to him how unhappy you were at that weight and how much healthier you are now.

    Also, I would lay off talking about the diet around him (if you do that) as it drives them crazy and will only reinforce his theory that you are obsessed. Speaking from experience here lol.

    At the end of the day, the most important thing is how happy you are with yourself. It is your body.
  • Kissxx
    Kissxx Posts: 99
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    I understand the guy's point of view completely. And no I am not on the verge of an eating disorder, I am a registered nurse and have seen real ED in the psychiatric unit. I eat what I want when we're out and even indulge in some alcohol once in a while. I dont think Im "skinny" at all. Im just average weight and I think he dislikes that. He liked me because I didnt look like all the other asian girls and I actually had curves but it wasnt attractive to me. I know I'll do what I want and keep going on this journey until I finally reach my goal and be comfortable in my own skin.
  • BrewerGeorge
    BrewerGeorge Posts: 397 Member
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    When you've been dieting a long time and lost 20-something pounds, it's easy to get hung up on the weight number. The goal weight becomes the be-all-end-all and can sometimes be a little divorced from reality. I bet the woman you were at 140# would be THRILLED to wake up at 117, but because you set the 110 goal back then you're still not satisfied with 117. I'm not trying to tell you which decision to make, just reminding you to make it for the right reason. The right reason would be that you still honestly think you need to lose weight NOW, not because you're not yet at the goal you set originally.

    And I don't think you can ignore the opinion of a guy you've been with for 6 years, either. He's invested enough time to have earned the right to an opinion about your body and health. Again, I'm not telling you to do what he says because he said it, but his opinion is worth more consideration than some other posters are saying to give it, IMO.

    OTOH, he won't know what you weigh unless you tell him, and I don't think a guy is going to notice a 5 lb difference - even on a 115 lb woman. If he's expressing these things, I'd bet real money that he's less concerned about physical changes and might just be a bit tired of living with somebody constantly "on a diet."
  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
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    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    First Off, Not all guys can preach about surgery- most who perform it are men.
    Second, Not all guys drool over FHM.
    Third, Maybe its the conflict over what you know is right, and what appeals to your senses. (You say "mmm", but then, "no" to chocolate cake at times I am sure.)
    Fourth, not all guys are as able to identify fake/real.
    Lastly, its biological. Women get surgery to enhance the things that men are designed to be attracted to. (And if there is anything this thread has taught me is that if it is their body, it is their choice, right?)

    The women who decide to modify themselves via surgery are the ones you should be attacking, not the men who are attracted to it. They are the ones who are escalating the evolutionary arms race. In terms of economics, they have created a negative externality. The benefit they are getting is at the expense of all other women, and for men who are trying to select "good" genes.
  • BrewerGeorge
    BrewerGeorge Posts: 397 Member
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    While guys may like the way the fake stuff looks with clothes on, I don't know any guy who likes the way the fakes FEEL. At strip clubs that are no-touch, girls with implants will make more money. But if the club has table dances or lap dances with touching, the girls with natural breasts will make more money. Truly.

    That's why guys almost always tell their partners - whose breasts they get to feel - that they don't want them to have implants, while still "drooling over" the girls with fakes in magazines.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
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    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    First Off, Not all guys can preach about surgery- most who perform it are men.
    Second, Not all guys drool over FHM.
    Third, Maybe its the conflict over what you know is right, and what appeals to your senses. (You say "mmm", but then, "no" to chocolate cake at times I am sure.)
    Fourth, not all guys are as able to identify fake/real.
    Lastly, its biological. Women get surgery to enhance the things that men are designed to be attracted to. (And if there is anything this thread has taught me is that if it is their body, it is their choice, right?)

    The women who decide to modify themselves via surgery are the ones you should be attacking, not the men who are attracted to it. They are the ones who are escalating the evolutionary arms race. In terms of economics, they have created a negative externality. The benefit they are getting is at the expense of all other women, and for men who are trying to select "good" genes.

    Excuse me? go and take a chill pill. I didn't come on here to get into a sexist rant. I said I was speaking from experience.
  • ltnangel_92
    ltnangel_92 Posts: 19
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    Its your body, not his. Doesn't he want you to be happy? Well if getting to 110-115 lbs makes you happy, then he should cheer you on.

    but, maybe you should do strength training, that way u build muscle = less "boney." but you still will be skinny, but with a more shapely form.

    then again, you can always find someone who will like you for who you want to be, and they will cheer you on. Dont stress "everything happens for a reason"

    =)
  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
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    Excuse me? go and take a chill pill. I didn't come on here to get into a sexist rant. I said I was speaking from experience.

    No, you came here to have a sexist rant and not be called on it.
  • VeganGal84
    VeganGal84 Posts: 938 Member
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    Your body, your choice. Don't lose or gain weight for anyone but yourself. Seriously.

    And please don't make blanket statements like "ugh. men." There are lots of amazing men out there who love their partners for who they are, and would never pressure them about their weight (my amazing boyfriend included in this group.).
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
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    Excuse me? go and take a chill pill. I didn't come on here to get into a sexist rant. I said I was speaking from experience.

    No, you came here to have a sexist rant and not be called on it.

    Are you a mind reader? No. So do not presume to tell me what I am doing. I came on here to offer my advise to the poster, end of.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
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    Your body, your choice. Don't lose or gain weight for anyone but yourself. Seriously.

    And please don't make blanket statements like "ugh. men." There are lots of amazing men out there who love their partners for who they are, and would never pressure them about their weight (my amazing boyfriend included in this group.).

    Awww :) There is still hope.
  • krkoch1983
    krkoch1983 Posts: 55 Member
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    I would thank him for caring so much, but unless you ask for his opinion, to keep it to himself. If you feel that you are healthy, then keep up the hard work. Also, we perceive our bodies differently than those around us, maybe consider what he's saying as a guidance to redirect to toning, not losing more weight.
    As far as the boobs and butt go - he'll just have to deal!
  • micahnelson
    micahnelson Posts: 92 Member
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    Are you a mind reader? No. So do not presume to tell me what I am doing. I came on here to offer my advise to the poster, end of.

    I'm not presuming anything. This statement, to me, seemed to be a bit of a sexist generalization:
    Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

    Myself and my male friends are not like this. I'm sorry if your experience with men has been different.

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