Question for trainers about professional ethics and conduct
joowelz
Posts: 172 Member
Hello,
I just had an incredibly tense and awkward argument with my personal trainer and need to test my assumptions and expectations with other personal trainers so I can figure out if this is worth being perturbed about.
My trainer comes to my condo gym three times a week to train me for an hour. He also trains another woman immediately before my session (I found him through her). The issue is he is an incredibly outgoing, extroverted and social personality, and in the time he has been coming to my condo gym, he has amassed a groupie-like following of mostly women and a couple of men. Every week, the social dynamics among them grow. It is making me really uncomfortable.
For example, today, when I went down to the gym at 11:30 am, I walked into a dance party. One of the men had brought a boom box and four residents, including the other client, were partying in the condo gym with my trainer.
These other people would never be at the gym at 11:30 am before. I believe they have changed their workout times to around this time just to hang out with my trainer, who as I said, is extremely social with them. My trainer sometimes gives them exercises to do or corrects their form, etc. He asks about their weekend plans, greets them by name and says goodbye with "See you on Thursday, [Name]!" when he is leaving, even though none of these people are his clients. They are just people who live in my condo.
I personally don't talk to them, partly because I have had conflict with a couple of them. These are neighbours I have known for 8 years and there is history between us.
I have tried to explain to him my discomfort with his overly friendly demeanor with residents in my building who are not his clients, but he just brushes off my concerns and changes the subject.
Today, we actually had a fight about it. I told him I don't find his behaviour professional and that because of his, I am being forced to regularly see a group of people I don't want to run into. It also ruined my workout today because I was so angry about the wild dance party I walked into, that I couldn't focus on my workout.
Am I totally out of line here? Is there any legitimacy to my complaint? I honestly can't sort out my feelings on this one. All I know is that the situation is making me really angry. I question his respect for me as a client and sometimes wonder if he likes coming here because he gets social attention out of it. I want him to focus on his two client, me and the other woman only, and not invest time or energy in forming friendships with other residents in my gym who have no intention of hiring him.
Please help. Thanks.
I just had an incredibly tense and awkward argument with my personal trainer and need to test my assumptions and expectations with other personal trainers so I can figure out if this is worth being perturbed about.
My trainer comes to my condo gym three times a week to train me for an hour. He also trains another woman immediately before my session (I found him through her). The issue is he is an incredibly outgoing, extroverted and social personality, and in the time he has been coming to my condo gym, he has amassed a groupie-like following of mostly women and a couple of men. Every week, the social dynamics among them grow. It is making me really uncomfortable.
For example, today, when I went down to the gym at 11:30 am, I walked into a dance party. One of the men had brought a boom box and four residents, including the other client, were partying in the condo gym with my trainer.
These other people would never be at the gym at 11:30 am before. I believe they have changed their workout times to around this time just to hang out with my trainer, who as I said, is extremely social with them. My trainer sometimes gives them exercises to do or corrects their form, etc. He asks about their weekend plans, greets them by name and says goodbye with "See you on Thursday, [Name]!" when he is leaving, even though none of these people are his clients. They are just people who live in my condo.
I personally don't talk to them, partly because I have had conflict with a couple of them. These are neighbours I have known for 8 years and there is history between us.
I have tried to explain to him my discomfort with his overly friendly demeanor with residents in my building who are not his clients, but he just brushes off my concerns and changes the subject.
Today, we actually had a fight about it. I told him I don't find his behaviour professional and that because of his, I am being forced to regularly see a group of people I don't want to run into. It also ruined my workout today because I was so angry about the wild dance party I walked into, that I couldn't focus on my workout.
Am I totally out of line here? Is there any legitimacy to my complaint? I honestly can't sort out my feelings on this one. All I know is that the situation is making me really angry. I question his respect for me as a client and sometimes wonder if he likes coming here because he gets social attention out of it. I want him to focus on his two client, me and the other woman only, and not invest time or energy in forming friendships with other residents in my gym who have no intention of hiring him.
Please help. Thanks.
0
Replies
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Not a trainer.
I assume he's being that social because it's potentially new clients, as perhaps led to yourself becoming a client.
I think you should expect your money's worth in terms of attention paid to you during the time you're paying for, but you can't expect the trainer to not be sociable to others, if it's brief. Is it the time with others that's the issue? Is it a few minutes during the hour, or is it more? Or is it about the "others" specifically?
At the end of the day, if you aren't enjoying it, you should stop using them. Do you even need a trainer at this point? If you have the form down by now... or do you need someone to get you into the gym and push you during a workout?2 -
Was it DURING your training time? If yes, he's the *kitten*. If not, you're the *kitten*.6
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I'm not a personal trainer, but in reading your story, my big question is this: during your paid time with him, does he focus his attention exclusively on you, or does the party atmosphere continue? If the party continues, then yes, I'd say you have a legit beef. But if it breaks up and you're his only focus, then less so.
If I hire a trainer, my personal expectation is that during the time I'm paying him/her, I can dictate how the time is spent, but before/after this time my say over how he/she spends time is extremely limited. Think about your boss at work. While you are on the clock, you must comply with company rules. But if you want to carpool with somebody in a different office, and your boss is uncomfortable with that person, how would you feel if your boss ordered you to stop carpooling?3 -
It's difficult to give a black and white answer because there are no many dynamics going on. Today, for example, the party atmosphere continued even after I arrived and started my personal training session. My trainer was focusing on me, yes, but the four other residents continued with the dance party in the gym, including blasting the music on the boom box, rowdy behaviour, loud talking and general revelry. This NEVER happened before. I've been working out at 11:30 am in my condo gym for 8 years. These people have started hanging out in the gym around my workout hour and lingering BECAUSE of my trainer's presence. He called himself "a magnet" today. He said "I know, I'm a magnet, haha".
My irritation is due to the chaos/rowdiness going on now during the hour I use to work out (which used to be a quiet hour) AND due to the fact that my trainer has gotten overly friendly with THESE particular people who I am not on speaking terms with.
He has been coming here for about a year training the other woman, so if anyone else wanted to hire him, they would have by now. They have no intention of hiring him and becoming a client. Why should they when he gives them tips for free, on our dime.
Another time I walked into the gym to find one girl playing hopscotch on the ladder thingy my trainer brought for me to work out on. I gave them a funny look but then took my time taking my jacket off and hanging up my keys, etc., hoping that by the time I'm ready, she will get off the ladder and leave us alone. When I went up to my trainer and said "Ok, I'm ready," the girl said "Oh, let me get out of the way" but my trainer said to her "No, it's OK, you're not in the way. We're going to warm up with lunges, you can keep going." I couldn't believe he said that, but again, I just tried to ignore it and do the lunges. The girl jumping around and giggling like a 12 year old started to annoy me, so I pretended she was getting in my way and said "Sorry, Lisa is going to have to stop because I don't have enough room here." That's when she got off the ladder thing.
I'm not sure I am painting a clear picture, but you see, the lines are kind of blurred. I feel like he is pushing boundaries. I also think the women in the gym like the attention and free tips they are getting from him.
He charges only $33 a session and comes out to see me three times a week, and he is very good at being a trainer, not to mention fun, so I have kept him around though I have a lot of discomfort with his approach and interpersonal style. If I could find a replacement for that price, I wouldnt' hesitate to cut him loose because walking into a party with these characters three times a week is ruining my morale and exercise goals. It feels like there's a cult following starting.
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Retroguy2000 wrote: »Not a trainer.
Do you even need a trainer at this point? If you have the form down by now... or do you need someone to get you into the gym and push you during a workout?
I only started weight training 2 months ago so I do feel I need coaching and was planning to commit for at least six months.1 -
Then tbh it sounds like you're jealous of the other women, or his occasional interactions with them.My trainer was focusing on me, yes
You've mentioned "party atmosphere" and "music", but it's unclear whether they are breaking any rules while using the space they have paid for the same as you. If they are, and there is nobody to complain to, or you have complained and they won't enforce anything, then that sucks.
Most condo gyms are small, and I'm not convinced you need six months with a trainer to learn enough to train. If you need the motivation, that's a different issue.
It sounds like you're going to have to cut ties and work out alone at another time, to get the quiet space you want. The other women aren't going to change so long as he's there, and from all that you've said, he's not doing anything wrong.2 -
I don't like the fact that my trainer is buddy-buddy with one of the men too, as the man is someone I don't speak with, for good reason. If I'm jealous, it is not because I have the hots for my trainer. It's more about being uncomfortable with him becoming friends with people who are not friends of mine, when he should be focusing on training us and getting out. There is another trainer who comes to our gym too. He never talks to people. He does his job and leaves.
You don't think it's unprofessional for a personal trainer to be forming relationships with people who are not his clients at a private condo gym? The only reason he even has access to this facility is because I and the other woman pay him to train us.0 -
Also, it really bugs me when the other client's session is finished and she has left the gym, and he still lingers to use the treadmill. I had taken a 2-week running break recently where we didn't train for 2 weeks, but I was still going to the gym to use the treadmills. I go down and see him there working out. He is overly comfortable in our building.0
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No, I don't think it's unprofessional.
You can't police who he talks to, how he talks with them, or what he does after your time is up.
You can hire that other trainer. If they're too expensive, then it's a case of you get what you pay for.3 -
Not a trainer nor have I ever hired one. That said, I wouldn't go so far as to say it's necessarily unprofessional, but yes, in your shoes I would be annoyed too. I'd chalk it up to a personality difference. I would not enjoy training in that particular environment. Not everybody fits with everybody. That's OK.5
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If I hire a trainer, my personal expectation is that during the time I'm paying him/her, I can dictate how the time is spent, but before/after this time my say over how he/she spends time is extremely limited.
But that’s just it. He is coming to a private residence to train two clients back to back. He arrives when he is supposed to start training the other client for one hour. Then i come and he trains me for one hour. When we are done, he needs to leave the premises, as this is not a Goodlife gym or YMCA. Even if this was just a personality clash, wouldnt a professional trainer reign in his gregariousness out of respect for the client relationship, especially knowing the socializing bothers his client greatly?
Isnt this scenario exactly what they mean when they say “Dont *kitten* where you eat”?0 -
Do you understand how personal trainers who are not employed by a single gym acquire new clients? Partly via word-of-mouth (such as your own experience), partly through social interaction with potential clients. Your trainer may be actively trying to acquire more work. Can it make you uncomfortable? Sure, you're feelings are legitimate, I apologize if anybody here made you feel otherwise.
Is it unprofessional? Nope, this part is within bounds, IMHO, so long as his behavior during the one-hour block of time you hire him for is dedicated just to you and meets your needs (i.e. guiding you through a workout, teaching and coaching and not trying to change you into becoming a party type if you're not already).
Now your story about the trainer utilizing the treadmill "after hours" when one client is done and the other is not using him, that is abusing access.2 -
If i thought his motivation was to attract more clients, this wouldnt bother me so much. I would understand and respect his need to earn a living.
The people at my gym we are talking about have no intention of hiring a PT. They have seen him around for over a year. I’m the only one who asked him to take me on as a client.
Forgive me, I’m not trying to be stubborn about this. I’m just trying to sort out my feelings about the situation and figure out how to move forward.
One thing i should have mentioned is that in the process of our ‘fight’ today after his groupies left, he raised his voice at me and got really angry back. He was muttering some words and venting in frustration. He ended up storming out. We are supposed to meet up again on Saturday. I have paid upfront for the month. I dont know how i can possibly work out under the instruction of a trainer who has disrespected me this way.
To answer someone’s earlier question, the party of five today was breaking the no loud music or tv rule in our gym. These residents dont normally behave this rambunctiously. They are being emboldened by a fun loving, party animal muscle bound trainer who seems to be running the place.
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Find a different venue for your training. Your condo gym reminds me of a dorm laundry room, always hoppin' and noisy. I think you've pushed each other's buttons. You've invested time and money, but the party may be over. Be upfront. Call the man, and ask him if he'd like to continue. He might want to shake hands, refund your money and part ways.4
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It sounds like your only solution is cutting ties. If you tell the noisy group to be quiet, they'll call you a Karen and ignore you. If you report them, chances are nothing happens, and if it does then they'll know it was you and they'll call you a Karen.
Why be upset that he uses a treadmill after your session? Unless you personally need it, why care so much? I understand that he shouldn't, but so what? If another resident wants to use it and can't, they can complain about it. Not your problem.
Your "feelings" should be you aren't enjoying the service you've paid for. The end.
Have him reimburse you for the month you've paid, and if he won't, then reschedule the times so the party group won't know about it and you'll have a better chance of enjoying your session.
Then either hire the other trainer for fewer sessions if they are more expensive, or do without. You should know exercise form well enough by now, and if not there's YT.5 -
I am also very protective of my calm and quiet workout atmosphere and I'd be super annoyed by the other residents intruding as well. I have always felt that the world DOES revolve around me and I own it, but after many years of my mom shouting at me that it doesn't I still have that voice in my head to remind me that I'm only the boss of myself and can't control what others do. That being said, I've often changed my workout times and gym routines (sometimes even switching gyms or working out at home) to avoid people I don't want to deal with at the gym...I very much like my workouts to be MY time where I can just be in my own
head.
I'm sorry you are struggling with this! If I was in your position and I REALLY liked working out with my trainer I'd make amends and try to move forward, and try my best not to let the presence of the others ruin my workouts. If I tried and couldn't get past it, I would cut ties.1 -
@AnnPT77 do you have any comments or thoughts on my situation? I think you are a certified PT ?
No, I'm not a PT. My middle and last initials are "PT". I never thought about that potential confusion when I picked my user name, or I would've picked a different one. I had some rowing coaching certifications but that's a whole different thing.
I've never even had a personal trainer, so I have no context at all for the question - sorry.2 -
I have a coach. If you can’t get on with your PT or their behaviour doesn’t meet your expectations you need to leave them. You can’t change them (which is what I feel you might want), and it sounds like you have realised they are not actually a good fit for you. Move on, get someone else and just be glad you’re realised now before parting with more than a few weeks up front!8
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I think you’re in a situation that’s not fixable.
That said, I live in a building with a large fitness center. There is no way the building management would allow a disruptive “dance party” to happen. People do have trainers, but my guess is that trainers staying after their client has gone would be a strict no. (Possibly even a liability issue? Not sure.) It seems really unprofessional to me, and kind of rude of your trainer and other people who aren’t a part of the loud party.
There’s probably no solution. Even if you’re successful at stopping what you don’t like, there will always be awkwardness. You need a good relationship with your trainer.1 -
@AnnPT77 I thought you were a Physical Therapist. PT, DPT.
@claireychn074 I thought you were an Olympic Coach.
It doesn't pop my balloon. I'll still think of you in that way, excellence in every area.1 -
Ahhh shucks 🤗 nah, I’m just an obsessive middle aged lifter who refuses to give up!Hiawassee88 wrote: »@AnnPT77 I thought you were a Physical Therapist. PT, DPT.
@claireychn074 I thought you were an Olympic Coach.
It doesn't pop my balloon. I'll still think of you in that way, excellence in every area.
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The "party" atmosphere is something you should bring to the management of the condo if it violates the rules. As far as him socializing with others, you can't police that outside of the time you are paying for...it doesn't matter if you don't like those people or not.5
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So I finally decided to let him go and he turned on me and became so nasty that I don't think I've encountered language like that since grade school. He left a voice message on my phone saying that the parties will continue in the gym despite my warning that he is influencing residents to break the rules with the loud music, that nobody there likes me anyway and that I will be replaced soon so it doesn't matter.1
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Respectfully, he has a professional reputation to protect. It's his livelihood. This world and the internet are a very small place. Cut him some slack. Head UP. I hope you find a compatible trainer.2
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Hiawassee88 wrote: »@AnnPT77 I thought you were a Physical Therapist. PT, DPT.
@claireychn074 I thought you were an Olympic Coach.
It doesn't pop my balloon. I'll still think of you in that way, excellence in every area.
You're very kind!
But nah, just an opinionated li'l ol' lady who can touch-type dangerously fast.
My advice is worth every one of the zero pennies people here pay for it, I figure . . . hope so, anyway. 5 -
@AnnPT77 Your humility is a rock solid foundation. You help everyone.2
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I would get rid of him and find another solution. Maybe a more expensive but more professional trainer twice a week instead of three times?1
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So I finally decided to let him go and he turned on me and became so nasty that I don't think I've encountered language like that since grade school. He left a voice message on my phone saying that the parties will continue in the gym despite my warning that he is influencing residents to break the rules with the loud music, that nobody there likes me anyway and that I will be replaced soon so it doesn't matter.
Well, your instincts to cut him were correct. Sorry he was so unprofessional and that you had to deal with all this. Ugh.4 -
Leave, that trainer doesn’t care about his clients0
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