I hate the saying "what ever"
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msstillion79
Posts: 142
You know how a teenager is soppose to say "what ever" all the time Yeah i have a fiancee that says it no matter what i say I am getting frustrated so much with our relationship i dont understand why he is saying it about everything from my new healthier way of taken care of myself and triing to get him on board to what im doing that day from school appointments anything even to the kids behaviors Do u guys think that he wants to seperate from me but is afraid to ? This has gotten worse since i have lost weight and am wanting to care for my needs not his now I come first before him and I have always done everything in this family for fourteen years and now i want him to step up and be the "man" of the house taken responsibilities of the kids behaviors their school needs and to make simple decisions of like where to go for family night AHHHHH its getting me so frustrated i dont know what to do and why he is doin this Any suggestions im afraid cause i do love him so that im goin to go back to the way it use to be and i dont want that i need to take care of me my health has suffered for years for all the stress it is to take everything on for a family of five SOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:frown: :devil:
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Replies
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It is common for mates to either get jealous or get scared when their partner begins to lose weight. Some will subconsciously try to sabotage the weight loss efforts too (eating chips or ice cream in front of the person trying to change his/her ways, distracting dieter from doing exercise, etc). He might be afraid that if you lose weight you won't need/want him anymore or you might start to get attention elsewhere. It's a self-esteem issue on the part of the other person. You might notice certain "friends" being the same way. It's a "side effect" of weight loss....you just focus on YOU and being the healthiest person you can be (in all areas of your life ~ physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). If he can't get his stuff together you will see how strong you are and YOU will make the decision of whether he is good enough for YOU. Not the other way around. Try communicating with him and see what's going on. Sounds like you guys haven't had a good heart to heart in awhile and it's time.0
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If you don't take care of yourself and your health you won't be able to care for your family either. He is probably acting that way so you WILL go back to your old ways. I'm not sure he wants to separate but wants to go back to the way it was. Change isn't always easy on people. Have you talked with him about your health issues and that you need to take care of yourself to be around for your family? It's time he became your partner and not another person for you to be responsible for like another child. It's hard for us as women with our nurturing tendencies, wanting to give and take care of everyone else but us until we get resentful that everyone just takes us for granted. Tell him you love him and that you have supported him and cared for him now you need some of that in return. Only you know the best way to approach him with this but you need to communicate how you are feeling to him. You are doing the right thing in loving and caring for yourself, don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing that.0
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First of all...slow down and breathe a minute! You're getting yourself into a state.
Second, if you are on here asking this question of a bunch of strangers, you already know the answer. You're just looking for validation. You do not need me or anyone else to tell you that you have a right to feel how you feel.
Relationships are tough. Especially when the dynamics are changing. Most people loathe change. He may not care what you are doing to improve your life; he's only concerned with how it directly affects his life. This is the nature of most people (men particularly, I'm afraid). His surliness is his way of punishing you for rocking the boat. You have some hard decisions to make, and no one but you can make them.
1. Maintain the status quo: Live the way he has been accustomed to. The old you, the old him.
The consequences:
a: He will be happy. You will grow resentful and depressed, and he won't understand why.
b: He will continue to be surly and uninvolved, and you will find out that it wasn't anything to do with your new lifestyle, but something else entirely, that you have no control over.
c: He will be happy. You will learn to love yourself just the way you are, or make small, invisible changes to your lifestyle that make you content.
2. Continue with your new lifestyle, without his support. The new you. The old him. You just can't expect him to be excited for your victories, since from his perspective, they are costing him. (He isn't getting the coddling from you he's used to, since you're using that energy to care for yourself.)
The consequences:
a: He learns to be more self-sufficient, and you eventually grow as a couple
b: He whines and wallows in self-pity, resenting you for all your "selfishness", and your relationship suffers or even crumbles.
c: He will end the relationship. He will say it's because "you changed", but it was really because he had no desire to step up into an active role in the family.
d: You will end the relationship. Your new lifestyle will give you the strength and confidence to realize that you don't need a fifth child to care for, but a partner in life. You will kick him to the curb and live a marvelously healthy and active life, and so will your kids.
Really, hon, get some advice from a professional. I'm just another mom with a bunch of kids and an unsupportive (but learning) husband. I made the choice to care for myself. You have to decide what's best for you.
Good luck!0 -
If all he is doing is saying ":what ever" i think you might be making more of it than it actually is0
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We don't know what he is thinking. You should talk to him.0
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It is common for mates to either get jealous or get scared when their partner begins to lose weight. Some will subconsciously try to sabotage the weight loss efforts too (eating chips or ice cream in front of the person trying to change his/her ways, distracting dieter from doing exercise, etc). He might be afraid that if you lose weight you won't need/want him anymore or you might start to get attention elsewhere. It's a self-esteem issue on the part of the other person. You might notice certain "friends" being the same way. It's a "side effect" of weight loss....you just focus on YOU and being the healthiest person you can be (in all areas of your life ~ physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). If he can't get his stuff together you will see how strong you are and YOU will make the decision of whether he is good enough for YOU. Not the other way around. Try communicating with him and see what's going on. Sounds like you guys haven't had a good heart to heart in awhile and it's time.
I do not understand why everyone on this site always thinks people are jealous of them.
When my husband lost weight, I was ecstatic for him. He is healthier and looks better, what is to be jealous of? Some of my close friends are starting to ask me about tips on how to lose weight and get healthier, I am doing all I can to push them in the right direction because I would love for them to be healthy, too.0 -
It is common for mates to either get jealous or get scared when their partner begins to lose weight. Some will subconsciously try to sabotage the weight loss efforts too (eating chips or ice cream in front of the person trying to change his/her ways, distracting dieter from doing exercise, etc). He might be afraid that if you lose weight you won't need/want him anymore or you might start to get attention elsewhere. It's a self-esteem issue on the part of the other person. You might notice certain "friends" being the same way. It's a "side effect" of weight loss....you just focus on YOU and being the healthiest person you can be (in all areas of your life ~ physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). If he can't get his stuff together you will see how strong you are and YOU will make the decision of whether he is good enough for YOU. Not the other way around. Try communicating with him and see what's going on. Sounds like you guys haven't had a good heart to heart in awhile and it's time.
I do not understand why everyone on this site always thinks people are jealous of them.
When my husband lost weight, I was ecstatic for him. He is healthier and looks better, what is to be jealous of? Some of my close friends are starting to ask me about tips on how to lose weight and get healthier, I am doing all I can to push them in the right direction because I would love for them to be healthy, too.
Whatever.0 -
It is common for mates to either get jealous or get scared when their partner begins to lose weight. Some will subconsciously try to sabotage the weight loss efforts too (eating chips or ice cream in front of the person trying to change his/her ways, distracting dieter from doing exercise, etc). He might be afraid that if you lose weight you won't need/want him anymore or you might start to get attention elsewhere. It's a self-esteem issue on the part of the other person. You might notice certain "friends" being the same way. It's a "side effect" of weight loss....you just focus on YOU and being the healthiest person you can be (in all areas of your life ~ physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). If he can't get his stuff together you will see how strong you are and YOU will make the decision of whether he is good enough for YOU. Not the other way around. Try communicating with him and see what's going on. Sounds like you guys haven't had a good heart to heart in awhile and it's time.
I do not understand why everyone on this site always thinks people are jealous of them.
When my husband lost weight, I was ecstatic for him. He is healthier and looks better, what is to be jealous of? Some of my close friends are starting to ask me about tips on how to lose weight and get healthier, I am doing all I can to push them in the right direction because I would love for them to be healthy, too.
Whatever.
You're just jealous.0 -
It is common for mates to either get jealous or get scared when their partner begins to lose weight. Some will subconsciously try to sabotage the weight loss efforts too (eating chips or ice cream in front of the person trying to change his/her ways, distracting dieter from doing exercise, etc). He might be afraid that if you lose weight you won't need/want him anymore or you might start to get attention elsewhere. It's a self-esteem issue on the part of the other person. You might notice certain "friends" being the same way. It's a "side effect" of weight loss....you just focus on YOU and being the healthiest person you can be (in all areas of your life ~ physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). If he can't get his stuff together you will see how strong you are and YOU will make the decision of whether he is good enough for YOU. Not the other way around. Try communicating with him and see what's going on. Sounds like you guys haven't had a good heart to heart in awhile and it's time.
I do not understand why everyone on this site always thinks people are jealous of them.
When my husband lost weight, I was ecstatic for him. He is healthier and looks better, what is to be jealous of? Some of my close friends are starting to ask me about tips on how to lose weight and get healthier, I am doing all I can to push them in the right direction because I would love for them to be healthy, too.
Whatever.
I am jealous of this answer.0 -
First of all...slow down and breathe a minute! You're getting yourself into a state.
Second, if you are on here asking this question of a bunch of strangers, you already know the answer. You're just looking for validation. You do not need me or anyone else to tell you that you have a right to feel how you feel.
Relationships are tough. Especially when the dynamics are changing. Most people loathe change. He may not care what you are doing to improve your life; he's only concerned with how it directly affects his life. This is the nature of most people (men particularly, I'm afraid). His surliness is his way of punishing you for rocking the boat. You have some hard decisions to make, and no one but you can make them.
1. Maintain the status quo: Live the way he has been accustomed to. The old you, the old him.
The consequences:
a: He will be happy. You will grow resentful and depressed, and he won't understand why.
b: He will continue to be surly and uninvolved, and you will find out that it wasn't anything to do with your new lifestyle, but something else entirely, that you have no control over.
c: He will be happy. You will learn to love yourself just the way you are, or make small, invisible changes to your lifestyle that make you content.
2. Continue with your new lifestyle, without his support. The new you. The old him. You just can't expect him to be excited for your victories, since from his perspective, they are costing him. (He isn't getting the coddling from you he's used to, since you're using that energy to care for yourself.)
The consequences:
a: He learns to be more self-sufficient, and you eventually grow as a couple
b: He whines and wallows in self-pity, resenting you for all your "selfishness", and your relationship suffers or even crumbles.
c: He will end the relationship. He will say it's because "you changed", but it was really because he had no desire to step up into an active role in the family.
d: You will end the relationship. Your new lifestyle will give you the strength and confidence to realize that you don't need a fifth child to care for, but a partner in life. You will kick him to the curb and live a marvelously healthy and active life, and so will your kids.
Really, hon, get some advice from a professional. I'm just another mom with a bunch of kids and an unsupportive (but learning) husband. I made the choice to care for myself. You have to decide what's best for you.
Good luck!0 -
It is common for mates to either get jealous or get scared when their partner begins to lose weight. Some will subconsciously try to sabotage the weight loss efforts too (eating chips or ice cream in front of the person trying to change his/her ways, distracting dieter from doing exercise, etc). He might be afraid that if you lose weight you won't need/want him anymore or you might start to get attention elsewhere. It's a self-esteem issue on the part of the other person. You might notice certain "friends" being the same way. It's a "side effect" of weight loss....you just focus on YOU and being the healthiest person you can be (in all areas of your life ~ physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). If he can't get his stuff together you will see how strong you are and YOU will make the decision of whether he is good enough for YOU. Not the other way around. Try communicating with him and see what's going on. Sounds like you guys haven't had a good heart to heart in awhile and it's time.
I do not understand why everyone on this site always thinks people are jealous of them.
When my husband lost weight, I was ecstatic for him. He is healthier and looks better, what is to be jealous of? Some of my close friends are starting to ask me about tips on how to lose weight and get healthier, I am doing all I can to push them in the right direction because I would love for them to be healthy, too.
Whatever.
I am jealous of this answer.
You should be.0 -
Double post.0
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I am 30 and say "whatever" constantly! It doesn't have any bearing on wanting to make any dramatic changes...for me it just means "ok, I am done talking about this particular topic and I wanna move onto the next." OR I say it in a joking manner. I think you should talk to your husband and ask him what you are asking MFP... that is the only way you will really know how he feels. For me, i don't think my husband thinks I am serious about getting back in shape because he has seen me fail before...maybe your husband has the same view when it comes to you taking better care of yourself..all we can do is prove them wrong and stick to MFP and the gym or whatever else you do to get in shape. Congrats on your new lifestyle and I hope you stay on your roll no matter what you "think" your husband feels because it is your body and you have to be happy with it.. BEST WISHES with both!0
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VERY WELL PUT!!! :0)0
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Perhaps he's just overwhelmed with all the changes at once and doesn't understand. He may be wondering if you are asking him to change because you are unhappy with him. I'd say talk to him about it. Get him on board with living healthier. But also put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself what you would think / feel if he had made a sudden change in the way he'd been living. I'm sure you can get through this, just keep the lines of communication open and be patient while he adjusts. I'm sure he does not want you to be unhealthy so keep that as the focus, rather than his lack of <whatever> in the past.
Sorry for using "whatever" :flowerforyou:0 -
For 14 years everything was one way in your household and now, because you are changing, you expect him to suddenly change as well. That's not really fair. This isn't what he signed up for, and lived with, for many years.
You can't force people to change because you want them to. He will either have to adjust, which is rather unlikely, or the relationship will end.0 -
You can't force people to change because you want them to. He will either have to adjust, which is rather unlikely, or the relationship will end.
I think it's more She will have to adjust. it may not be him it may be you, you are taking a new approach to your life he is the same, I know it's frusterating to be moving forward and watching somebody you love stand still but thats life, keep on moving and maybe he'll catch up, but don't jepordize your relationship on how you feel he may feel ask him.
p.s. Good luck0
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