My Boyfriend has cyber "girlfriends"

Options
24

Replies

  • sunflower8926
    sunflower8926 Posts: 485 Member
    Options
    It is SO not okay.

    I cannot believe the amount of women who tolerate any kind of porn addiction to compete with them in their marriage. These are not only "real" outside relationships, they are deviant outside relationships with women who have deviant sexual tendencies as well. Can you see this leading anywhere good? I sure can't.

    If you really want to plumb the depths of your husband's behaviour, buy a program that monitors activity on your computer. Then you can see what he's doing when you're not around.
  • keiko
    keiko Posts: 2,919 Member
    Options
    I think it's just a game and if it makes you feel insecure in your relationship then maybe there is another problem that isn't being addressed between the two of you. Its just a harmless game right?

    I don't think it is harmless... I have a friend who discovered his wife talking dirty to guys on myspace... she eventually went as far as talking about meeting them... they are divorced now... that wasn't harmless.:mad:

    Sadly this is happening more and more as people meet and form attachments through the internet. We always think it's harmless until it's gone to far.

    For me, I'd have to talk with him and tell him how you feel. We all talk with guys on here. My DH talks with women on pogo when he's playing games. But he's playing chess, cribbage... Not games of a sexual nature. Yes I know what he's playing because I can look at his computer screen just like he can come on and look/read mine at anytime.

    One thing we both have agreed on is to not put any hint of anything inappropiate in our marriage. We are both careful to think would I want my spouse to be doing this? We have talked about these things and agree that talking or doing things of a sexual nature even in virtual land is for us wrong and not want we want in our marriage.

    I hope that if or when you talk to him you will be able to stay calm, not place blame. Just let him know your feelings. And I hope he is receptive to not only hearing them but understanding them.
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Options
    I agree with a lot of the others.
    if it bothers you it needs to be brought up.

    I wouldn't be comfortable with it.
    It's a boundary issue for sure.

    I have a buddy who's husband did the same thing on Myspace, thinks it's harmless up until the point of him and the chic deciding to meet up..... :huh:
  • michaelhe
    michaelhe Posts: 81 Member
    Options
    You should not feel that you have to lose weight or do things to earn his love and attention. Do you want to always feel like you need to compete to continue your relationship?

    Chances are that he is not just doing this because of how a recent issue is affecting your relationship. These online sites can be addicting. Some people can innocently play them while others cannot. It is impacting your relationship whether he wants to admit it or not (your post is proof of that) and he needs to honor you here or you should read the writing on the wall.

    -Mike
  • chinadolly
    chinadolly Posts: 53
    Options
    WHOA....I'd have issue with that as well, have you told him it bothers you? and this has nothing to do with your insecurities, if anything he's adding to them! If it bothers you, and it would DEFINITELY bother me, say something, a mans reaction tells all. If he gets defensive, you need to wonder why? he should be completely ok, deleting his game if that's what it takes to make you comfortable. You should be his priority not these little on line crotch crickets he's playing with. Just to make you feel better, they're probably 300 pounds, 65 years old, smell like day old cigarette smoke, and have one tooth flopping in the wind....seriously , talk to him. I had this little problem with my son, what is it with men and sex? for the first 16 years of their life they go without it, you think a couple weeks here and there for whatever reason would be bloody walk in the park, do they forget that they have hands?? worked for them in high school!!!GRRRR! :grumble: jeeez, everything today is pi*sing me off! :laugh:

    HAHAHAHAHA!....well said gf.....crotch crickets...lmao! I've never heard of those, but I know I don't want them!
  • Mommy2Girls
    Mommy2Girls Posts: 100
    Options
    Bottom line - if it makes you uncomfortable in any way then you need to talk to him about it. And make sure that you don't let it discourage you in your weight loss journey. Feeling insecure is never a good feeling, especailly when it's within a relationship.
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
    Options
    [
    Ya... too be honest... I've been kind of put off by this game thing and havent been in the mood to do him any favors. He usually is playing the game while I'm asleep and then sleeps while I'm at work anyway so that makes timing difficult.

    You guys have some serious issues that are far too complex to solve here. If you want to save your relationship then I would recommend that you stop talking about this here or with girlfriends and take him to discuss it with a counelor, clergy or older advisors. The path you're on is not going to get you to a healthy strong relationship.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    Options
    I have lost 32 lbs, bought new clothes, new make up, and am using a fancy face creams to even my skin tone... all this and I'm still insecure!

    My boyfriend Plays a video game called Second Life, last night he was "gesturing" (an action that you choose from the game where he spanked a girls butt and then she got on all fours sticking out her butt (that is when I noticed:noway: )... then he changed to his girl character and went shopping with her or another for lingeree and leather body suits...

    Am I wierd that this makes me feel insecure??

    WARNING TMI (we havent been able to have "relations" lately due to a medical issue I've been having and that has me wondering)
    Im an avid SL player and not to bring you down or anything but nothing ever comes good from it for the most part everyone is so deceitful in that game and up to no good the problem is that it isnt a game its a virtual world where you can do anything you want with no consequence.....the spank animation is something that she wears on her avatar and is activated by him clicking her tush usually ...and her getting on all fours is usually activated by a collar most commonly worn by bdsm gorean roleplayers in SL....to call it a game would be very incorrect because these people spend countless hours basically living inside Second Life...I had to catch myself as well because I was spending 10+ hrs a day on Second Life neglecting my Real Life..I wish you luck all I can suggest is that you join the game with him...and see whats up
  • purrrr
    purrrr Posts: 1,073
    Options
    i once had a bf who was virgin before me but he was into 'weird' cyber stuff, then he would look for other girls and after we broke up i learn he's gone into all sorta real crazy stuff like doing it at bizzare places like cemetaries, young, old women, men, animals and what not, you have no idea how much crap there might be in a seemingly innocent guy... i know i am very prejudiced but my best advice is to kick his sore butt asap before he has hurt you more than what he already has...

    i'm sorry you are going through this :ohwell:
  • molsongirl
    molsongirl Posts: 1,373 Member
    Options
    [
    Ya... too be honest... I've been kind of put off by this game thing and havent been in the mood to do him any favors. He usually is playing the game while I'm asleep and then sleeps while I'm at work anyway so that makes timing difficult.

    You guys have some serious issues that are far too complex to solve here. If you want to save your relationship then I would recommend that you stop talking about this here or with girlfriends and take him to discuss it with a counelor, clergy or older advisors. The path you're on is not going to get you to a healthy strong relationship.

    thinking you're jumping to conclusions, you have her in a nutty professors office, "saving" her relationship, you have no clue how serious this is, she's not asking for marital counsel, just wether or not she's right in feeling the way she does....it's all about insecurities not wether she's happy with the clod. :noway:
  • kimss
    kimss Posts: 1,146
    Options
    sounds to me like the man needs to get a job....he is obviously got too much free time on his hands. you should talk with him and give him a chance to stop, but if he choses you over some dumb-a*@ game, give him the boot...... sounds like he needs you more than you need him... I 'm a bit biased I admit, but once a scumbag, always a scumbag, I've never seen one change. Respect and love are not negotiable
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    Options
    Hi

    I'm probably the least jealous person on the planet
    Dh and I have been together since we were 16 (minus a few months in my 20's) and I could care less if he has female friends, goes to lunch/dinner with them....I don't care if he 'checks out' another woman at the mall (of course in a VERY VERY subtle manner...we even chat about it...my theory is we are all human and can admire beauty...)
    Considering all of that, what your BF is doing WOULD bother me....
    Most importantly if it is upsetting or bothering you, you should discuss it and I would hope if he cares about you, he would STOP
    I would try to take the high road at this point and rather that retaliate in anyway....discuss it and work it out

    Good luck, kim
  • mnichol
    mnichol Posts: 642
    Options
    Life's too short to be miserable, find someone new, who finds being with you the best thing around!!!
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
    Options
    Yeah, that is definitely not good.

    I agree with mnichol. Don't waste your time on this guy anymore. You deserve to be with someone who cherishes you and wouldn't do something to hurt you. And whether or not you're having relations should have no bearing on his "extracurricular activities." Don't ever feel like that makes it okay. Seriously.
  • GIBride01
    GIBride01 Posts: 328 Member
    Options
    Hi

    I'm probably the least jealous person on the planet
    Dh and I have been together since we were 16 (minus a few months in my 20's) and I could care less if he has female friends, goes to lunch/dinner with them....I don't care if he 'checks out' another woman at the mall (of course in a VERY VERY subtle manner...we even chat about it...my theory is we are all human and can admire beauty...)
    Considering all of that, what your BF is doing WOULD bother me....
    Most importantly if it is upsetting or bothering you, you should discuss it and I would hope if he cares about you, he would STOP
    I would try to take the high road at this point and rather that retaliate in anyway....discuss it and work it out

    Good luck, kim

    Agree..I am not a jealous person at all, don't mind in the least if my husband notices another attractive woman or has female friends, but spanking another woman's A**, virtual or not, would annoy me. But my opinion and everyone elses opinion here doesn't matter....it obviously bothers you, so say something to him. If it were me, it would be along the lines of 'spank some other chicks netherregions, you will never spank mine again...' Good luck.
  • amunet07
    amunet07 Posts: 1,245 Member
    Options
    I took him to Breakfast this morning and confessed that it bothered me... he said he could tell... and he doesn't think that I should think I'm weird for it bothering me... He sounded like he got the message... but then again he actually didn't say the words... " I won't do it again" (I just realized now after reading the new replies). So I just now brought that up... he did get frustrated & angry. He said it is harmless the spank... everyone does it and it isn't a sexual thing and that he couldn't help the girl bending over gensture that happens even when it isn't directed at him. I told him when I was in the game nothing like that happend... he said the club I was at is PG and there are clubs that aren't. The one he has a cyber job at isn't PG and that is why. He got mad and said he would just quit the whole game if it would make me happy. I said why couldn't he play the game and not use that gesture and ignore when others do it to him? or do like I do and hang out at a PG club.
  • MattySparky
    MattySparky Posts: 771
    Options
    Yeah, that is definitely not good.

    I agree with mnichol. Don't waste your time on this guy anymore. You deserve to be with someone who cherishes you and wouldn't do something to hurt you. And whether or not you're having relations should have no bearing on his "extracurricular activities." Don't ever feel like that makes it okay. Seriously.

    that's a little harsh dont you think? granted, yes this is something that bothers her... however something needs to be said. This guy is being made out to be some kind of trash for playing a videogame with adult content which I dont agree with, although I dont play the game myself or have ever heard of it. Before everyone goes and makes their mind up about someone who they dont know the first thing about, why dont we let his real girlfriend approach him about it first before running his name through the dirt?
  • flcaoh
    flcaoh Posts: 444
    Options
    It is SO not okay.

    I cannot believe the amount of women who tolerate any kind of porn addiction to compete with them in their marriage. These are not only "real" outside relationships, they are deviant outside relationships with women who have deviant sexual tendencies as well. Can you see this leading anywhere good? I sure can't.

    If you really want to plumb the depths of your husband's behaviour, buy a program that monitors activity on your computer. Then you can see what he's doing when you're not around.

    I completely agree. I put up with an internet porn and World of Warcraft addiction for 3 years until the relationship eventually crumbled because I couldn't pry him away from the internet. We worked opposite shifts but instead of trying to spend the little time we did have together each day he would be sleeping because while I was sleeping, he would spend all night surfing the internet for porn or playing WoW. It does create a huge invisible wall in the relationship and if you value your relationship, then it needs to be addressed. If you talk to him and he doesn't change (or at least make an effort) then maybe you should step back and really consider if you want to be with someone who will continue to do something that makes you uncomfortable or upset just to satisfy their own needs.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Options
    It is SO not okay.

    I cannot believe the amount of women who tolerate any kind of porn addiction to compete with them in their marriage. These are not only "real" outside relationships, they are deviant outside relationships with women who have deviant sexual tendencies as well. Can you see this leading anywhere good? I sure can't.

    If you really want to plumb the depths of your husband's behaviour, buy a program that monitors activity on your computer. Then you can see what he's doing when you're not around.

    Deviant sexual tendencies? It's someone playing make-believe getting smacked on the tush. It seems like 'deviant' and 'porn addiction' are strong words to use after hearing about one incident. I don't see how spying on your spouse leads anywhere good either. That doesn't build trust or open lines of communication. When he finds out, it's just going to make things worse. He's not a child and won't appreciate being monitored like one.
  • Iceprincessk25
    Iceprincessk25 Posts: 1,888 Member
    Options

    Deviant sexual tendencies? It's someone playing make-believe getting smacked on the tush. It seems like 'deviant' and 'porn addiction' are strong words to use after hearing about one incident. I don't see how spying on your spouse leads anywhere good either. That doesn't build trust or open lines of communication. When he finds out, it's just going to make things worse. He's not a child and won't appreciate being monitored like one.

    I agree Song. Spying on your significant other is a no no. If something is wrong then speak up. Is the next suggestion going to be going through his phone or his emails?? :noway:

    There's nothing wrong with video games, deviant sexual tendencies or porn as long as it's in moderation. :bigsmile: You've told him how you feel and if he can't respect that then he isn't respecting you and doesn't deserve you. Tell him to go warm up to his computer. :wink:

Categories