cheater or cheatee?

bry_all01
bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
edited October 3 in Chit-Chat
if there is a relationship that goes south, one partner cheats, is it the cheaters or cheatees fault? I mean, if people can't keep their partner happy, all they have to do is try harder, right? *gag*

My response: uh, no, NEVER. If someone wants more *kitten* (secretly), they shouldn't have signed the legally biding document saying they would only have the one and only forever and always..... or they should sign a new legally (un) binding document to take it away. So, no, it is NOT the person who got cheated ons fault, but the cheater - ALWAYS.
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Replies

  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
    Is there a story behind this?
  • hibee_rye
    hibee_rye Posts: 18 Member
    Sorry,

    Although I agree in principle I have seen too many different situation to make this a certain 'rule'.

    The major one that springs to mind is abuse, either physical or psychological, that can drive a partner to 'cheat'. What do you do with that? Fear and insecurity can do funny things to a person's mind or sensibilities. Not always as easy as just saying - it's always the cheater's fault...
  • 99Tinkerbell
    99Tinkerbell Posts: 384
    I say once a cheater always a cheater so get out as soon as you can. I don't believe you make someone cheat, they will tell you it was you but that's the guilt talking!
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
    I cheated on a boyfriend once because he told me that I was fat and no one would ever love me.

    I proved him wrong.
  • MuffinMan25
    MuffinMan25 Posts: 110
    All Male Species are "Cheaters" by nature. The drive to "Pass on" their genes to a new generation. I have seen many documentaries relating to this subject.

    Do I think married people should cheat? No

    :tongue:
  • obstacleone
    obstacleone Posts: 228
    I cheated on a boyfriend once because he told me that I was fat and no one would ever love me.

    I proved him wrong.

    I don't know how to respond to this.
    How did you prove him wrong?

    Did the person you cheat on him with love you?
    did he love you because you cheated on him?
    what did you teach him besides not to trust you?
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
    i agree, however some people give the other a push towards cheating.. that said i do.agree its cheaters fault
  • MARI1010
    MARI1010 Posts: 76 Member
    if there is a relationship that goes south, one partner cheats, is it the cheaters or cheatees fault? I mean, if people can't keep their partner happy, all they have to do is try harder, right? *gag*

    My response: uh, no, NEVER. If someone wants more *kitten* (secretly), they shouldn't have signed the legally biding document saying they would only have the one and only forever and always..... or they should sign a new legally (un) binding document to take it away. So, no, it is NOT the person who got cheated ons fault, but the cheater - ALWAYS.

    I have a strong feeling i know the root of this story. Maybe i dont know sh*** but it sounds like a hunch ive had.And i totally agree with your opinion. Just get a dicorce obviously that relationship isnt fulfilling you and im sure it goes deeper than just the lack of sex.
  • RocketsGirl75
    RocketsGirl75 Posts: 648
    I disagree. I think that every situation is different. I think sometime there are actions on both sides that drive someone to cheat. Do I think it is right? No. But I do think that in SOME situations both parties have to look at what they did that contributed to that situation.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    I disagree. I think that every situation is different. I think sometime there are actions on both sides that drive someone to cheat. Do I think it is right? No. But I do think that in SOME situations both parties have to look at what they did that contributed to that situation.

    I agree... with your disagree...
  • MARI1010
    MARI1010 Posts: 76 Member
    I disagree. I think that every situation is different. I think sometime there are actions on both sides that drive someone to cheat. Do I think it is right? No. But I do think that in SOME situations both parties have to look at what they did that contributed to that situation.

    Yeah i agree in reality its easy to judge and say thats just bot right. But be in that persons shoes and its a whole other demon. Its hard when you feel like youre comitted to a relationship but you just wish things could be different. Sometimes people cheat to not basically not "hurt" the other person more by giving up on that relationship/marriage and try and stick it out while getting their kicks on the side meanwhile feeling completely empty in that relationship. Its really sad on both ends usually. Theres also a reason to why a person cheats. Now some are straight up dogs who try and get as much *kitten* as possible but some really arent.
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
    Is there a story behind this?

    Yes, but it would be against forum rules to explain.

    Bry, CHEATER not cheatee, contrary to a certain belief that I am not at liberty to discuss since it would violate forum rule number 14 that I keep seeing pop up.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I think you're responsible for your own cheat. Don't blame the other woman/man. Don't blame your spouse; blame yourself for being too much of a wimp to get out of your miserable relationship. Is it awful that your partner doesn't want to touch you, thinks of you as a fixture rather than a person, acts like your needs don't matter? Yeah, but what are you accomplishing by cheating? You're making a bad relationship worse. Just GTFO and keep it movin'.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    if there is a relationship that goes south, one partner cheats, is it the cheaters or cheatees fault? I mean, if people can't keep their partner happy, all they have to do is try harder, right? *gag*

    My response: uh, no, NEVER. If someone wants more *kitten* (secretly), they shouldn't have signed the legally biding document saying they would only have the one and only forever and always..... or they should sign a new legally (un) binding document to take it away. So, no, it is NOT the person who got cheated ons fault, but the cheater - ALWAYS.

    Let me pretense this with the note "No one individual will Ever fully 100% truly satisfy another" - and not just sexually.

    Life is all about choices and respect. Without communication in the relationship, it is destined to fail, and usually because one cheats on the other. The issue of complacency within relationships is at an extreme level these day. That's one reason we have so many failed relationships and divorces.

    If both people within the relationship respect one another, as well as themselves, then this issue never arises. They communicate their issues. If they do not, then the choices they make will ultimate lead to the destruction of what they have.

    Society, over the years, has deemed that it is OK to be greedy and always want more...the question when it comes to this...Can you ecognize it, and choose respectfully?

    as for
    I mean, if people can't keep their partner happy, all they have to do is try harder, right?
    Ths is only partly correct. Because if only on half of the relationship is doing so, the other will still lead to failure.

    As for me, the frst one was put to the curb. The second was resolved out of respect for the vows we took and the love for one another. the results were an AMAZING sex life
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    I disagree. I think that every situation is different. I think sometime there are actions on both sides that drive someone to cheat. Do I think it is right? No. But I do think that in SOME situations both parties have to look at what they did that contributed to that situation.

    This is a pot of S H I T

    There is not situation that makes it OK to cheat.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    All Male Species are "Cheaters" by nature. The drive to "Pass on" their genes to a new generation. I have seen many documentaries relating to this subject.

    Do I think married people should cheat? No

    :tongue:


    You re incorrect and need to get your personally prejudices and interpretation of others corrected.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    I cheated on a boyfriend once because he told me that I was fat and no one would ever love me.

    I proved him wrong.


    No, you proved that you are easy and have no respect. Love isn't based on lies, hate, or spite.
  • bahrainbel_2
    bahrainbel_2 Posts: 79
    There's no one size fits all.
    I've cheated, I've been cheated on, in the same relationship. Needless to say, that relationship is now over. Nothing is black and white.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    There's no one size fits all.
    I've cheated, I've been cheated on, in the same relationship. Needless to say, that relationship is now over. Nothing is black and white.

    Respect and communication is black and white.
  • bahrainbel_2
    bahrainbel_2 Posts: 79
    I cheated on a boyfriend once because he told me that I was fat and no one would ever love me.

    I proved him wrong.


    No, you proved that you are easy and have no respect. Love isn't based on lies, hate, or spite.

    LOLOL!!!! I would say the boyfrriend was being pretty spiteful and hateful and not showing much respect :-/. Yes, cheating is never right, but calling someone who has been degraded by a loved one easy is ridiculous. Naive, yes, easy....stop being so judgemental.
  • bahrainbel_2
    bahrainbel_2 Posts: 79
    There's no one size fits all.
    I've cheated, I've been cheated on, in the same relationship. Needless to say, that relationship is now over. Nothing is black and white.

    Respect and communication is black and white.

    Oh, I can tell you and I are going to get a long a treat.
    Maybe in your perfect world things work in black and white. Unfortunately, where us mere mortals languish, people make mistakes for a multitude of reasons and the reasons are shades of grey.

    Interesting to hear different takes on it though.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    cheater's fault always in my book. there is no one to PUSH them to cheat. there may be a push for them to LEAVE. but i don't understand how one can spare another's feelings by straying outside of their committment. just leave the relationship. i'd rather deal with a broken heart than a broken ego. straight up. and i have been cheated on.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    There's no one size fits all.
    I've cheated, I've been cheated on, in the same relationship. Needless to say, that relationship is now over. Nothing is black and white.

    Respect and communication is black and white.

    Oh, I can tell you and I are going to get a long a treat.
    Maybe in your perfect world things work in black and white. Unfortunately, where us mere mortals languish, people make mistakes for a multitude of reasons and the reasons are shades of grey.

    Interesting to hear different takes on it though.

    Respect and communication are Black & White. It truly is that simple. You should try it.

    Cheating is not a mistake. It is a choice. There is no "grey" area when you are in a relationship. You know, my grandparents are celebrating their 70TH wedding anniversary after only knowing one another for a week! Their secrets....communication and respect.

    And it's not about Mortality, it's about morality. Take care of that which can control i the relationship with respect and love, and it should be returned equally. If not, then it is bound for failure.
  • Cella30
    Cella30 Posts: 539 Member
    Sorry but I think you should have the balls to end it with your partner before you start messing around. It disgusts me really. I have had the situation come up with someone I dated where I was attracted to someone else and I was honest about it with the guy and broke things off before anything happened. If your partner is messing around and gives the you some sort of disease....I can't even imagine how horrible that would be. I have never cheated and never will. You work out your issues with your partner or get out of the relationship. It's the right thing to do. Trust me, the truth will always come out sooner or later. No one deserves to be treated like that...

    ETA: changed "you're" to "your" lol that would have killed me to leave it like that.
  • pumpkinmoccasin
    pumpkinmoccasin Posts: 316
    I think cheating is cheating, I'm sure there's situations that "drive someone to cheat" but if you need to look outside your relationship for something else to make you happy then it's not worth stringing it along anymore. If you lack will power and you know your spouse/S.O. isn't cool with sharing their partner (I've heard that some people are fine with having an open relationship, though this concept is totally alien to me) then maybe you shouldn't be with them in the first place.

    I hate cheaters. If my husband cheated on me he'd be out the door, because that's all I could ever think about if I knew and we tried to get intimate again. I've told him as much though, and I have all the trust in the world, I was just making an example :)
  • Jennjenn1974
    Jennjenn1974 Posts: 350 Member
    There are many different ways of "cheating: nowadays. Physical and emotional are the 2 most common. Usually a person cheats because he/she is not feeling fulfilled in some aspect. And then they meet someone who does. I think it's also a way to "get back at" the SO. "If you don't want me I can find someone who does"

    Alot of people keep saying communication is the key. And I totally agree. However, what happens if you have a partner who refuses to communicate? Who gets defensive and/or upset if you even mention whatever subject matter?

    But I agree with the above poster. Things have a way of coming around to bite you in the *kitten*.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    I never cheated.
    I was accused weekly, if not daily for over 26 years.
    Even 9 months pregnant I was accused of cheating.
    I never cheated. Never came close. Didn't get hit on because I had the "Don't touch look" (someone told me this)

    To this day, he says I cheated. I have been out of the house for 4 months, am happy being alone with my thoughts. Alone with someone who likes me, knows I am not a cheater, knows I am worthy of love and health. Yes ME! I am cheating on him with ME!! :tongue:

    My question is, do you think HE is a cheater?

    A few friends have said they feel like he accused because he was doing it. I do not think so, but dayum......:huh:

    Oh and I do not feel it is ok under any circumstances. Even now I will not seek male attention because the divorce has not been filed.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    Is there a story behind this?

    just that in a different thread someone said that if someone cheats their significant other must not have made them happy, so they should get off their *kitten* to make them happy, basically saying it was their fault.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    if there is a relationship that goes south, one partner cheats, is it the cheaters or cheatees fault? I mean, if people can't keep their partner happy, all they have to do is try harder, right? *gag*

    My response: uh, no, NEVER. If someone wants more *kitten* (secretly), they shouldn't have signed the legally biding document saying they would only have the one and only forever and always..... or they should sign a new legally (un) binding document to take it away. So, no, it is NOT the person who got cheated ons fault, but the cheater - ALWAYS.

    I have a strong feeling i know the root of this story. Maybe i dont know sh*** but it sounds like a hunch ive had.And i totally agree with your opinion. Just get a dicorce obviously that relationship isnt fulfilling you and im sure it goes deeper than just the lack of sex.


    has nothing to do with me, I can tell you that, lol. Just something I saw in another thread that got me wondering.
  • Letty_c
    Letty_c Posts: 278 Member
    I have a family member that cheated..... and although I really think he shouldn't have...... he worked his butt off everyday so his wife would have enough money to live and could be comfortable and stay home with the seven kids, but it was never enough for her so she went and got her own jobs and was never home and he would try to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't have that and eventually he got sick of it....... the only sad thing is because of his example most of their kids went down hill and three of his sons did the same thing.
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