cheater or cheatee?
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There's no one size fits all.
I've cheated, I've been cheated on, in the same relationship. Needless to say, that relationship is now over. Nothing is black and white.
Respect and communication is black and white.
Oh, I can tell you and I are going to get a long a treat.
Maybe in your perfect world things work in black and white. Unfortunately, where us mere mortals languish, people make mistakes for a multitude of reasons and the reasons are shades of grey.
Interesting to hear different takes on it though.0 -
cheater's fault always in my book. there is no one to PUSH them to cheat. there may be a push for them to LEAVE. but i don't understand how one can spare another's feelings by straying outside of their committment. just leave the relationship. i'd rather deal with a broken heart than a broken ego. straight up. and i have been cheated on.0
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There's no one size fits all.
I've cheated, I've been cheated on, in the same relationship. Needless to say, that relationship is now over. Nothing is black and white.
Respect and communication is black and white.
Oh, I can tell you and I are going to get a long a treat.
Maybe in your perfect world things work in black and white. Unfortunately, where us mere mortals languish, people make mistakes for a multitude of reasons and the reasons are shades of grey.
Interesting to hear different takes on it though.
Respect and communication are Black & White. It truly is that simple. You should try it.
Cheating is not a mistake. It is a choice. There is no "grey" area when you are in a relationship. You know, my grandparents are celebrating their 70TH wedding anniversary after only knowing one another for a week! Their secrets....communication and respect.
And it's not about Mortality, it's about morality. Take care of that which can control i the relationship with respect and love, and it should be returned equally. If not, then it is bound for failure.0 -
Sorry but I think you should have the balls to end it with your partner before you start messing around. It disgusts me really. I have had the situation come up with someone I dated where I was attracted to someone else and I was honest about it with the guy and broke things off before anything happened. If your partner is messing around and gives the you some sort of disease....I can't even imagine how horrible that would be. I have never cheated and never will. You work out your issues with your partner or get out of the relationship. It's the right thing to do. Trust me, the truth will always come out sooner or later. No one deserves to be treated like that...
ETA: changed "you're" to "your" lol that would have killed me to leave it like that.0 -
I think cheating is cheating, I'm sure there's situations that "drive someone to cheat" but if you need to look outside your relationship for something else to make you happy then it's not worth stringing it along anymore. If you lack will power and you know your spouse/S.O. isn't cool with sharing their partner (I've heard that some people are fine with having an open relationship, though this concept is totally alien to me) then maybe you shouldn't be with them in the first place.
I hate cheaters. If my husband cheated on me he'd be out the door, because that's all I could ever think about if I knew and we tried to get intimate again. I've told him as much though, and I have all the trust in the world, I was just making an example
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There are many different ways of "cheating: nowadays. Physical and emotional are the 2 most common. Usually a person cheats because he/she is not feeling fulfilled in some aspect. And then they meet someone who does. I think it's also a way to "get back at" the SO. "If you don't want me I can find someone who does"
Alot of people keep saying communication is the key. And I totally agree. However, what happens if you have a partner who refuses to communicate? Who gets defensive and/or upset if you even mention whatever subject matter?
But I agree with the above poster. Things have a way of coming around to bite you in the *kitten*.0 -
I never cheated.
I was accused weekly, if not daily for over 26 years.
Even 9 months pregnant I was accused of cheating.
I never cheated. Never came close. Didn't get hit on because I had the "Don't touch look" (someone told me this)
To this day, he says I cheated. I have been out of the house for 4 months, am happy being alone with my thoughts. Alone with someone who likes me, knows I am not a cheater, knows I am worthy of love and health. Yes ME! I am cheating on him with ME!!
My question is, do you think HE is a cheater?
A few friends have said they feel like he accused because he was doing it. I do not think so, but dayum......:huh:
Oh and I do not feel it is ok under any circumstances. Even now I will not seek male attention because the divorce has not been filed.0 -
Is there a story behind this?
just that in a different thread someone said that if someone cheats their significant other must not have made them happy, so they should get off their *kitten* to make them happy, basically saying it was their fault.0 -
if there is a relationship that goes south, one partner cheats, is it the cheaters or cheatees fault? I mean, if people can't keep their partner happy, all they have to do is try harder, right? *gag*
My response: uh, no, NEVER. If someone wants more *kitten* (secretly), they shouldn't have signed the legally biding document saying they would only have the one and only forever and always..... or they should sign a new legally (un) binding document to take it away. So, no, it is NOT the person who got cheated ons fault, but the cheater - ALWAYS.
I have a strong feeling i know the root of this story. Maybe i dont know sh*** but it sounds like a hunch ive had.And i totally agree with your opinion. Just get a dicorce obviously that relationship isnt fulfilling you and im sure it goes deeper than just the lack of sex.
has nothing to do with me, I can tell you that, lol. Just something I saw in another thread that got me wondering.0 -
I have a family member that cheated..... and although I really think he shouldn't have...... he worked his butt off everyday so his wife would have enough money to live and could be comfortable and stay home with the seven kids, but it was never enough for her so she went and got her own jobs and was never home and he would try to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't have that and eventually he got sick of it....... the only sad thing is because of his example most of their kids went down hill and three of his sons did the same thing.0
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All Male Species are "Cheaters" by nature. The drive to "Pass on" their genes to a new generation. I have seen many documentaries relating to this subject.
HORSE S_IT! F__k documentaries.I disagree. I think that every situation is different. I think sometime there are actions on both sides that drive someone to cheat. Do I think it is right? No. But I do think that in SOME situations both parties have to look at what they did that contributed to that situation.
This is a pot of S H I T
There is not situation that makes it OK to cheat.
Correct as hell!0 -
Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.0 -
I'm not placing anybody anywhere, and I have no fear of sounding off - been there done that and I'll tell the world. The only one sounding high and mighty are those saying that they are wise enough to never marry etc... I've been cheated on and she admits to this day that there was absolutely no reason to blame me. Things weren't perfect, but they never are...
I WILL NEVER CHEAT. I can state that as an absolute fact. I've been married for 27 years and we've worked through our problems and have a great life together. I fear it will happen again, but I don't expect it to. If you cheat, you choose to cheat - end of story.0 -
I'm not placing anybody anywhere, and I have no fear of sounding off - been there done that and I'll tell the world. The only one sounding high and mighty are those saying that they are wise enough to never marry etc... I've been cheated on and she admits to this day that there was absolutely no reason to blame me. Things weren't perfect, but they never are...
I WILL NEVER CHEAT. I can state that as an absolute fact. I've been married for 27 years and we've worked through our problems and have a great life together. I fear it will happen again, but I don't expect it to. If you cheat, you choose to cheat - end of story.
Well OK then ... good luck to you and see you on the other side ;-)
I don't like contracts more then I don't trust myself .. I love him and am loyal to him alone ..is that not enough why do I have to bring the state or the law into my business ?0 -
Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.
Hi Sarabara,
I wasn't trying to be high and mighty by any means and I'm certainly not trying to offend. I have been in situations of temptations so I can speak from experience. I know me and my integrity so I'm quite comfortable up on my pedestal, no fears of falling here. I personally couldn't live with myself constantly lying to a significant other. I would never want to go through the heartache of being cheated on and, as such, would not do it to someone else. If a person can't learn to say no to temptation or know when to draw the line when a friendship starts turning into something more, then they should not be in a monogamous relationship. Period.
I wish you the best though, it sounds like you have a lot you are dealing with right now. :flowerforyou:
Everyone has choices they make in life, however they must accept the consequences of their actions. Cheating will eventually hurt everyone involved.0 -
Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.
Hi Sarabara,
I wasn't trying to be high and mighty by any means and I'm certainly not trying to offend. I have been in situations of temptations so I can speak from experience. I know me and my integrity so I'm quite comfortable up on my pedestal, no fears of falling here. I personally couldn't live with myself constantly lying to a significant other. I would never want to go through the heartache of being cheated on and, as such, would not do it to someone else. If a person can't learn to say no to temptation or know when to draw the line when a friendship starts turning into something more, then they should not be in a monogamous relationship. Period.
I wish you the best though, it sounds like you have a lot you are dealing with right now. :flowerforyou:
Everyone has choices they make in life, however they must accept the consequences of their actions. Cheating will eventually hurt everyone involved.
Nor was I trying to hurt you sweet Cella , just letting you all know I used to say that myself and I know it can happen but I couldn't have explained the reasons why it shouldn't any better then you did! Beautiful thanks Cella:flowerforyou: 0 -
Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.
Hi Sarabara,
I wasn't trying to be high and mighty by any means and I'm certainly not trying to offend. I have been in situations of temptations so I can speak from experience. I know me and my integrity so I'm quite comfortable up on my pedestal, no fears of falling here. I personally couldn't live with myself constantly lying to a significant other. I would never want to go through the heartache of being cheated on and, as such, would not do it to someone else. If a person can't learn to say no to temptation or know when to draw the line when a friendship starts turning into something more, then they should not be in a monogamous relationship. Period.
I wish you the best though, it sounds like you have a lot you are dealing with right now. :flowerforyou:
Everyone has choices they make in life, however they must accept the consequences of their actions. Cheating will eventually hurt everyone involved.
Nor was I trying to hurt you sweet Cella , just letting you all know I used to say that myself and I know it can happen but I couldn't have explained the reasons why it shouldn't any better then you did! Beautiful thanks Cella:flowerforyou:
Nothing but
for you here! 0 -
For the record I HAVE NOT CHEATED and I MA NOT SINGLING ANYBODY OUT !
You guys are all wonderful peeps and I love this website more then I used to love cake!! hehe
But BE wary thats all :ohwell: :indifferent:0 -
However poorly the cheater was treated, it's still not really the fault of the victim of cheating/
It's the responsibility of the cheater to either get the relationship remedied or leave.
I don't have any "regrets" but I wish some things in my life had gone a bit different.
I'm the only one to blame for what I wish had gone different.0 -
I have a family member that cheated..... and although I really think he shouldn't have...... he worked his butt off everyday so his wife would have enough money to live and could be comfortable and stay home with the seven kids, but it was never enough for her so she went and got her own jobs and was never home and he would try to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't have that and eventually he got sick of it....... the only sad thing is because of his example most of their kids went down hill and three of his sons did the same thing.
completely not a personal attack but this stuck out to me and i'm genuinely curious. so your family member cheated on his wife because she worked too much?0
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