Relationship Question
Hi All!! So I have a question....obviously. I have been married for ten years, and through out the years the hubby and I have always have friends of the opposite sex and we are ok with that. Well recently he has been texting a single 20 year old girl who works at the gas station, simply because they are friends. Now maybe in my old age I am getting a little bit of jealous bone, but am I the only one who finds it inappropriate that a married 32 year old man is texting a single 20 year old girl? He has tons of females he chats with, text, sometimes even goes out to dinner with, as I do guys. But this time, I am not digging it. Thoughts, opinoins?
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Replies
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has he said or done anything to make you suspicious? is he acting differently or talks about this girl 'differently'?0
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Well, hows your sex life? If things are lacking in that department, i'd get worried. Otherwise she's probably just another "friend."0
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has he said or done anything to make you suspicious? is he acting differently or talks about this girl 'differently'?
Good Questions
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If it's usually OK, but your instincts tell you otherwise here, listen to your gut. With my ex (we dated for 5 years), I ignored my instincts and it turned out to be a huge mistake.
Talk to your husband about it, in my opinion.0 -
absolutely, positively not - put a stop to that now. MY husband - OLDER than yours was doing the same thing with a 27 yr old woman- I finally told him I wasn't comfortable with it - but he did whatever he wanted "you're crazy, just friends" etc. I have a history of mental illness so the 'crazy' thing (used to) work and I backed off. Finally, (other stuff too) I left him and guess who moved in before the month was out?
NOW some a**hole calls me crazy and he's gonna SEE crazy - I'm DONE with the crazy **** - don't have the lying pigs in my house or their teenage girlfriends either0 -
All I can say is, when you're dancing on a slippery slope - don't be surprised if someone falls!0
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I agree with Shanni. If you have a weird feeling about it, there is most likely a reason for it. I know I wouldn't be feeling that. Listen to your instincts on this one. If you're usually ok with it and you aren't right now, then something is up.
Talk to him about it before something happens that can't be taken back.
Good luck!0 -
I actually just went through something similar with my husband. He had become really friendly with this girl he was friends with at school. There were some things that they could relate to that I could not. One day he stayed late at school to hang out and help her out with some schoolwork. That night we had a blow up, but essentially I had warned him to be careful. In the end, he acknowledged my feelings and was more aware of his actions. Over time, I have been able to see the relationship for what it is because I (as well as my husband) have been able to see more of the person she is. My one question for you is: What about his texting this 20 year old is bothering you? Once you figure that out, I would suggest you have a frank conversation about what is bothering you and why. Then you can figure out where to go from there. I hope this helps...0
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depends really... does he text her constantly. if he is talking(or doing anything) with you does he have to put u aside for her texts?? Does he do things other than texting that bother you?? if its just texting(nothing over the line texts) then its probably ok but if he is texting innapropriate things or acting weird about it or wanting to see her all the time mayby u should be worried. u really didnt say enough in your post lol. Either way TALK TO HIM.. see his reactions.0
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I didn't even know they were friends until she started texting. He had never spoke of her before. And I have talked to him and he swears it's innocent, but something doesn't feel right. Like last night when he got finished cutting his hair he sent her a picture of himself. It's just different. It could just be my insecurities are full blown right now. Then he is like oh I'll give up a friend if it makes you happy, almost throwing a whole guilt trip on me, because I usually just cave. I mean I am completely independant so if he walked out tomorrow, I would survive. But if you want to act like your twenty again, let me go. I am a big girl, I can handle it.0
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I didn't even know they were friends until she started texting. He had never spoke of her before. And I have talked to him and he swears it's innocent, but something doesn't feel right. Like last night when he got finished cutting his hair he sent her a picture of himself. It's just different. It could just be my insecurities are full blown right now. Then he is like oh I'll give up a friend if it makes you happy, almost throwing a whole guilt trip on me, because I usually just cave. I mean I am completely independant so if he walked out tomorrow, I would survive. But if you want to act like your twenty again, let me go. I am a big girl, I can handle it.
I wouldn't cave, I would make him prove it. If he can't drop her, then somethings up.0 -
you know when you said you both have friends of the opposite sex? do you ever get together for a meal? maybe you could talk to her and get to the core of their friendship or whatever it is may or may not have.
because at the moment, as much as i would like to say follow your instincts, you don't have a lot to go on, and the worst thing you could do at the moment is start falling out with him over, what is at the moment essentially nothing, and pushing him towards someone who as you you say 'gets' him more.
i guess what i'm saying is you need more than a feeling, to make this an issue. keep it there, and keep an eye out, but don't come across as jealous.0 -
This may be the wrong thing to say, but as a college professor, I see a lot of 20-somethings on a daily basis, and they text . . . A LOT.
They text their mothers.
They text their brothers.
They text their BFFs.
They text their boyfriends.
They text their exes.
So to her, it may be totally innocent. But it could be flirting.
My question isn't why a 32 year old man is texting a 20-something girl, but why a 20- something girl is texting constantly with a 32 year old married man when she's got so many other options.0 -
This may be the wrong thing to say, but as a college professor, I see a lot of 20-somethings on a daily basis, and they text . . . A LOT.
They text their mothers.
They text their brothers.
They text their BFFs.
They text their boyfriends.
They text their exes.
So to her, it may be totally innocent. But it could be flirting.
My question isn't why a 32 year old man is texting a 20-something girl, but why a 20- something girl is texting constantly with a 32 year old married man when she's got so many other options.
That's a good question!! Thanks for the feedback everyone.0 -
Peronaly it would bother me if these texts went back and forth for long periods at a time. If this was the case, why is he not spending it with you ???? Just a thought... Hope I have it wrong xx0
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Trust your instincts. There may not be anything going on yet but he is flirting with fire and if he respects your feelings he will knock it off.0
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Just another vote for trusting your instincts on this.0
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Agree with trusting your instincts. Each situation. If you feel it is harmless, it probably is.
If it gives you an icky feeling... well then you need to nip it in the bud.
Sometimes men/woman may have a friendly texting/im relationship that is totally innocent. But you need to make certain. And if you aren't comfortable with it, don't put up with it.0 -
Or just say how you feel, I am sure if he knew how you felt he would stop! xx0
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Trust your instincts and talk to him about it more. If it is nothing he will give you the info you need to prove so.0
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I will say it again, trust your instincts! There is a reason this feels different then his relationship with his other female friends. Do not let him brush you off, say you're crazy, or give you a guilt trip. Tell him that you don't want him to be friends with her anymore.0
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I think that is inappropriate. He's married and texting a younger girl. Have you told him how you feel? Do you know the girl?0
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I would acknowledge that while both of you have friends of the opposite gender you are uncomfortable with this relationship and would he please drop her as a friend. Any guilt trip he tries or anger to me would be a real red flag. Trust your instincts they are telling you to beware that danger MAY be lurking nearby. Hugs to you.0
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If it's usually OK, but your instincts tell you otherwise here, listen to your gut. With my ex (we dated for 5 years), I ignored my instincts and it turned out to be a huge mistake.
Talk to your husband about it, in my opinion.
^^^^^ THAT .. always listen to your intuition ..0 -
I'd be a little leery of the situation if I were you. What could he possibly have in common with a 20-year old (male OR female) that makes them want to text so much? And sending her a picture of his new haircut.... uh.... weird. It doesn't sound all that innocent to me. I'd definitely bring it up to him or keep your guard up for other signs. Best of luck to you.0
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As a guy, if he openly admits he's texting her, I wouldn't worry.
Just mention it politely. Say it just makes you a little uncomfortable, which is totally understandable.
The more you worry and dwell on it, the worse its gonna build up, and seem in your head.
Chances are he doesn't realize how it makes you uneasy, and he'll respect that and do it less, or stop completely.0 -
I didn't even know they were friends until she started texting. He had never spoke of her before. And I have talked to him and he swears it's innocent, but something doesn't feel right. Like last night when he got finished cutting his hair he sent her a picture of himself. It's just different. It could just be my insecurities are full blown right now. Then he is like oh I'll give up a friend if it makes you happy, almost throwing a whole guilt trip on me, because I usually just cave. I mean I am completely independant so if he walked out tomorrow, I would survive. But if you want to act like your twenty again, let me go. I am a big girl, I can handle it.
I wouldn't cave, I would make him prove it. If he can't drop her, then somethings up.
^This x 1000000.
Guilt trips don't work with me. If I'm unhappy, my man is going to know about it and he will fix it. The end.0 -
All I can say is, when you're dancing on a slippery slope - don't be surprised if someone falls!
Of all the comments here, I'd have to agree with this one the most. Keep in mind, I am 44 and in a very different type of relationship than you are, but I'll give you my opinion. While there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex when married, there should be boundaries. I do not think it is appropriate to have friends of the opposite sex that your spouse doesn't know. I don't think it's appropriate to go out and make new friends, either. How did he become "friends" with this 20 year old who works at a gas station? And why would she want a pic of him with a new haircut? It's one thing if he keeps in touch with all his female friends he had before he knew you, or ones that both of you know. But, making new female friends just doesn't seem right to me.
Communication is important. Tell him how you feel.....tell him this doesn't feel "right" and talk to him. See how he reacts. This may be a good time to establish new boundaries, too. Best wishes to you!0 -
My main question is where a 32 year old man in meeting a 20 year old girl...If it is at work (like he also works at the gas station), I understand, although I too find it odd he sent a photo to her of his new haircut.
In all honesty, I get the feeling your husband could be starting an affair. I would confront him kindly, but if the behavior continues, I would suggest just leaving. You look like an attractive woman from your photo, so I am sure that it would take a lifetime to count every man who would die to be with you and wouldn't do this to you. ^^0 -
Yes! This! When I got married, both of us stopped texting anyone single of the opposite sex. A few ladies insisted on continuing to call and text until I stepped in and told them to back off. He knew it bothered me and he stopped for me and I for him.All I can say is, when you're dancing on a slippery slope - don't be surprised if someone falls!
I think if you are feeling unsure about this one, its instinct telling you something isn't kosher. Talk to him about her.0
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