My Boyfriend has cyber "girlfriends"

Hi

I'm probably the least jealous person on the planet
Dh and I have been together since we were 16 (minus a few months in my 20's) and I could care less if he has female friends, goes to lunch/dinner with them....I don't care if he 'checks out' another woman at the mall (of course in a VERY VERY subtle manner...we even chat about it...my theory is we are all human and can admire beauty...)
Considering all of that, what your BF is doing WOULD bother me....
Most importantly if it is upsetting or bothering you, you should discuss it and I would hope if he cares about you, he would STOP
I would try to take the high road at this point and rather that retaliate in anyway....discuss it and work it out

Good luck, kim

Yeah, that is definitely not good.

I agree with mnichol. Don't waste your time on this guy anymore. You deserve to be with someone who cherishes you and wouldn't do something to hurt you. And whether or not you're having relations should have no bearing on his "extracurricular activities." Don't ever feel like that makes it okay. Seriously.

It is SO not okay.

I cannot believe the amount of women who tolerate any kind of porn addiction to compete with them in their marriage. These are not only "real" outside relationships, they are deviant outside relationships with women who have deviant sexual tendencies as well. Can you see this leading anywhere good? I sure can't.

If you really want to plumb the depths of your husband's behaviour, buy a program that monitors activity on your computer. Then you can see what he's doing when you're not around.

I completely agree. I put up with an internet porn and World of Warcraft addiction for 3 years until the relationship eventually crumbled because I couldn't pry him away from the internet. We worked opposite shifts but instead of trying to spend the little time we did have together each day he would be sleeping because while I was sleeping, he would spend all night surfing the internet for porn or playing WoW. It does create a huge invisible wall in the relationship and if you value your relationship, then it needs to be addressed. If you talk to him and he doesn't change (or at least make an effort) then maybe you should step back and really consider if you want to be with someone who will continue to do something that makes you uncomfortable or upset just to satisfy their own needs.

Deviant sexual tendencies? It's someone playing make-believe getting smacked on the tush. It seems like 'deviant' and 'porn addiction' are strong words to use after hearing about one incident. I don't see how spying on your spouse leads anywhere good either. That doesn't build trust or open lines of communication. When he finds out, it's just going to make things worse. He's not a child and won't appreciate being monitored like one.

I agree Song. Spying on your significant other is a no no. If something is wrong then speak up. Is the next suggestion going to be going through his phone or his emails?? :noway:

There's nothing wrong with video games, deviant sexual tendencies or porn as long as it's in moderation. :bigsmile: You've told him how you feel and if he can't respect that then he isn't respecting you and doesn't deserve you. Tell him to go warm up to his computer.

I took him to Breakfast this morning and confessed that it bothered me... he said he could tell... and he doesn't think that I should think I'm weird for it bothering me... He sounded like he got the message... but then again he actually didn't say the words... " I won't do it again" (I just realized now after reading the new replies). So I just now brought that up... he did get frustrated & angry. He said it is harmless the spank... everyone does it and it isn't a sexual thing and that he couldn't help the girl bending over gensture that happens even when it isn't directed at him. I told him when I was in the game nothing like that happend... he said the club I was at is PG and there are clubs that aren't. The one he has a cyber job at isn't PG and that is why. He got mad and said he would just quit the whole game if it would make me happy. I said why couldn't he play the game and not use that gesture and ignore when others do it to him? or do like I do and hang out at a PG club.

if he offered to quit the game if it would make you happy, then I say accept this offer. if he was making a genuine offer, he will follow through. if he was bluffing and you call the bluff, he will get mad. then you can reassess. I do think there are a few posts that are going overboard damning his actions, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, and you bring it up to him, and he still doesn't change the behavior, that has more to do with his level of respect towards you than anything else you have mentioned here.

My DH was exchanging emails with someone he went to high school with. one of the messages was flirty, and I confronted him about it, told him it made me feel upset to think he was saying flirty things to this woman. He got the message, apologized, and hasn't repeated that behavior.

willingness to respect your feelings is the important factor here. boys can be clueless, but if he continues even after you have pointed out how it makes you feel bad, then you have something more substantial to respond to.

as always, IMHO.

You should not feel that you have to lose weight or do things to earn his love and attention. Do you want to always feel like you need to compete to continue your relationship?

Chances are that he is not just doing this because of how a recent issue is affecting your relationship. These online sites can be addicting. Some people can innocently play them while others cannot. It is impacting your relationship whether he wants to admit it or not (your post is proof of that) and he needs to honor you here or you should read the writing on the wall.

-Mike

I agree. I have felt like I had to compete a lot of times until I found out that he was trying to hit on another girl who was also over weight. :explode: My DH owns an internet cafe and I did not know these sites existed but I need to look them up in order to know what to watch for. Mike is right he needs to honor your marriage but unfortunately some people can be very self centered.

To my experience people start out with certain behavior patterns if not properly dealt with they act them out. :grumble:

Have you tried blocking these sites or adding some type of safe filter to your computer? I hope that he does stop to make you happy:happy: But if you find out that he does not and realizes that he need help I can direct you to some web sites that have helped us.:happy:

You are beautiful women :bigsmile: and most of the time the problem is not us but the person doing it. So keep doing what your doing with your diet and do not let no one get you down.:flowerforyou:

Yeah, that is definitely not good.

I agree with mnichol. Don't waste your time on this guy anymore. You deserve to be with someone who cherishes you and wouldn't do something to hurt you. And whether or not you're having relations should have no bearing on his "extracurricular activities." Don't ever feel like that makes it okay. Seriously.

that's a little harsh dont you think? granted, yes this is something that bothers her... however something needs to be said. This guy is being made out to be some kind of trash for playing a videogame with adult content which I dont agree with, although I dont play the game myself or have ever heard of it. Before everyone goes and makes their mind up about someone who they dont know the first thing about, why dont we let his real girlfriend approach him about it first before running his name through the dirt?

No, I don't think it's harsh. If she was married to the guy, then I could see talking it over and "working through it." Why waste the time and energy when she still has the very easy option to leave? Things like this have the markings of a long-term, ongoing problem. He's not just going to stop. And the fact that he's doing this while she's sleeping? Call me crazy, but that would definitely be reason for concern in my eyes.

I'm not trying to run the guy's name through the dirt. He can do what he wants. It's up to her whether she can live with it. It's already bothering her now. If it were me, I'd say goodbye and find someone whose values were in alignment with my own in regard to things like this. Again, if she were married my take on this would be different.

And by the way, regardless of what anyone here says, the woman who posted this thread is going to do what she wants. She knows the guy, she's the one in the relationship with him. I think it goes without saying that the opinions given here are probably not going to have that much of an impact on what this woman decides to do. And that's perfectly fine!

This thread is getting crazy! I keep coming back to read what people are writing because I honestly cant believe some of it? IT'S A VIDEOGAME!! If it's something that hurts her then he should stop but come on... a loser? Is there something about him I didn't read? I have to admit I think this shows just how many drama queens are actually on this site.

Maybe should be the subject of another thread or not one at all but if you want a nice guy/gal then that is what you should look for.

Trophys,lifes of the party,fun and excitement don`t ever seem to equate to happiness however that is what most folks seek.

Sadly the saying nice guys (would add ladies too) finish last is not a term coined by accident.

I have to admit I think this shows just how many drama queens are actually on this site.

Have you been keeping a tally?
:huh:

hehe not necessarily but it's gotta be up there.

I hope the Cubs go all the way this year!

WAY TO BREAK IN DAVE!!!! LOL love it:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I have to admit I think this shows just how many drama queens are actually on this site.

Have you been keeping a tally?
:huh:

hehe not necessarily but it's gotta be up there.

:laugh: :laugh:

Consider this.....and I don't mean to be cruel here but....

If someone has to crawl into a game on a regular basis and assume an alter ego, or deviant character, to feel alive and fulfilled then they have some real issues with their self esteem and personal worth.

So, that's pretty much anyone who's ever played XBox Live, World of Warcraft, Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons, Pretty Pretty Princess, or any type of role-playing or pretend? Why is it that, as adults, playing pretend means we're psychopaths? :huh: I like video games, I used to role play a lot, and I am fine with myself. I really think this whole thread is too judgmental and therapist-y.

I hope the Cubs go all the way this year!

Go all the way to where? :huh:

farther than New York would be good:laugh: