Mom & Dad Issues, anyone else have them?

I think the better question is ." Who doesn't have them?" Issues with parents that is!

The best thing I can tell you to do is to just call them one day. Say everything you need to say - everything you would regret not telling them if they died tomorrow. Resolve things as best as you can, then move on. Find foster parents who can fill that hole for you (a friend's mom, an older coworker, etc).

Make one last phone call to each of them. Say all the things you need to say. Then move on without them. You can't make someone love you or want you in their life. It sucks when it's a parent, but it happens. Just make sure that you get things off your chest so that you're not stuck with a lifetime of "I wish I had told them ..."

Maybe they'll come around as they get older, but don't hold your breath.

I haven't spoken to my dad in 6 years (again). I won't allow him to smoke in my house because one of my son's is pre-asthmatic and it's just plain nasty as hell. My mom is a smoker and she steps out on the porch. My dad was offended and now won't speak to me because I didn't make accommodations for his bad habit. He's also an alcoholic and I've been clean/sober for almost 8 years, so there's a definite rift there. The last time we really spoke where he was nice, he let me stay on his couch when I was homeless and getting myself clean. I was took some vacation time to get myself together & find an apartment. I woke up one morning to a sticky note on my glasses that said "You've been here two weeks. Don't you think that's long enough -Bobby". Needless to say, that's how our relationship is when it's 'good'. My mom on the other hand lives here with me to help me take care of my kids. She undermines my authority with my children and isn't helping my possibly ADHD son to stay in a consistent rule basis. She works at a local store and won't buy herself anything from there. She either takes mine or asks me to go by the store where she works and buy it for her. She gets a discount for crap's sake. I've been overweight all my life because I grew up in a household with her and my stepdad. He was a raging abusive alcoholic and she spent so much time trying to baby him, that I was ignored. Often no one knew where I was and never particularly cared as long as I wasn't needing anything from them. My mother has been nothing but sabotage on my healthy eating and workout plan. I put my kids to bed at 8pm, but have to wait an hour until 9pm when she leaves for work to do my workout or she will purposefully need to run the can opener, dishwasher and trashcompactor at the same time just to distract me. Or need to ask me a million questions and have me find things for her so I have to end up starting my workout over because I get lost in the combinations. She hasn't once told me anything about how good I'm doing, how hard I'm working or how much better I look. I've lost 73 lbs. - it is obvious.

I came to a realization a very long time ago that I'm just fine on my own. My kudos come from people that love me. They come from my co-workers, my friends, my MFP family and my clean/sober 12-step group. For now, that's enough for me.

I have issues with my mom especially. I realize both my mom and dad are who they are and at this point in their life they aren't going or willing to change that. Sometimes the best people in your life are not your blood. I have a great friend who I love dearly and my husbands family who am closer to. Realize it's not YOU, it's them and they are missing out on someone great. Live life with no regrets. Good Luck.

I think the better question is ." Who doesn't have them?" Issues with parents that is!

I don't. My parents were high school sweethearts and I was born the same year my mom graduated high school. They've been married 39 years and I've never seen them fight. I recently asked my dad how he does it (I'm divorced after 10 years) and he said, "son...you're mother isn't effing drama. That makes it easy."Lol he makes me laugh...

I think he was suggesting that my ex WAS drama. Ha!

I have to agree with SallieBeige.

My parents divorced when I was young. We lived about 6 hours driving time from my dad and his new family. I believe my brother and I always wondered if he truly loved us. We did anything he asked of us because we were afraid that he was not going to love us. This has carried on in our adult years.

I was going to say that it seems like when we hit our forties we do look back on our life's. It dawned on me that my relationship with him was all on his terms. I was upset to see that basically I allowed him to control me. I was very unhappy realizing that he was not giving as much as I was into the relationship. I saw him give more with my half sister and my step sister. It was very painful. I knew I had to do something about it.

Through conversations of trying to get him more actively involved with my kids the past ten years. Inviting them to everything my kids were involved in. They never came up even in their early sixties. I realized my father is happy with the relationship as long as it is in his terms. As long as he is telling me he wants to see us and we come to his house. I also realized that he and my stepmother have chosen a very sedentary lifestyle. So that when we come you just sit. I felt like they've made choices in their lives and perhaps it was my time was my time to accept it.

I took back the control by letting him know when we our available to come and visit them. I have been much happier in that I am not carrying this underlying anger and resentment knowing he did more for his second family than he did for my brother and I, and I was doing the majority of the relationship. I am also glad that I came to these terms because it was so emotionally draining.

Good luck!

i prefer my women with daddy issues. jk

I have dad isssues! My dad left my mum when she was 4 months pregnant with me, he piss3d off with some other woman, married her and got her pregnant 3 times! And now there a happy little family! So ive got 3 step brothers/sisters that i have never met and i probably wont ever meet them! They dont even know of me! My dads mum (my nan) i get on with her okay, i ring her and keep in touch and stuff but she never mentions anything about him. I ask about him and all that, and she replies with 'oh i dont ave anything to do with him' ...im sorry but what a load of bull****e! She most definatley has something to do with him and his 3 other kids!! .. it upsets me think about it soo i try not too and keep my mind off it and all that, but at the end of the day, its his loss not mine!