Dear Deployment, I HATE you.

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  • wilted6orchid
    wilted6orchid Posts: 423 Member
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    August...still time to lose a bit more.
  • wilted6orchid
    wilted6orchid Posts: 423 Member
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    How long do you have left?
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
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    How long do you have left?

    He is on a year long deployment. So Jan-Feb time frame next year. Fortunately he does get a break about "halfway" through. He'll get to come home for two weeks. We're thinking in August. I'm SO excited for that. He is going to be so overwhelmed with lovin' he's not going to know what to do with himself. :smooched: hehe

    It looks like we both have a little bit of a journey before August. :flowerforyou: Here's to us both!!!
  • Jon_Fryett
    Jon_Fryett Posts: 7
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    Jon, seriously, are you a career retention specialist?

    The unfortunate thing about men in the military (especially when they've been in for a long time) is that they often fail to recognize that people are different. It's like they all seem to think, "if you're not happy being in the military then there must be something wrong with you." Sorry, but that's not the case. Some people just decide they don't like it. Period.

    If you love the military, good for you. My husband doesn't, and will be pursuing a career that suits him better when it's his time to EAS. And since we are married, and we are equals, he and I will discuss our future and our career options together. I will not blindly follow him in whatever HE decides to do. That is not how marriage works. His current career creates a lifestyle that neither of us are happy with. Therefore, that has to be changed. Having said that, I know that means we will have to prepare for the day we will no longer be living on his military paycheck. And guess what? I'll do whatever it takes to make sure my husband and I aren't separated like this again.

    You are totally right on your view points. Everybody is different. I got out at my 10 yr mark with the same attitude you guys have right now. 2 yrs later I kicked myself in the rear because I didn't know I had it so good in some areas. So I re-joined into the reserves and guard which only means Parttime military. We still have to deploy now-and-then.

    To each his own...best of luck with your future together and your weight loss program. You guys will survive.
  • johnblake
    johnblake Posts: 661
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    I can't give you advice on what to do. There are lots of places to get help.

    I will tell you for me my mood swings so much now that I'm on a ship and I get pissed super fast and my wife is home not understanding what I'm going through most of the time I don't understand what I'm going through, plus while on deployment I'm in a whole nother world, that I can't and don't want to talk about.

    Most of the time I'm a real *kitten* to my wife, I'm not trying to be it just happens, I aways have to come back and say I'm sorry which make me shut up and not talk to her at all, feeding the fire.

    A military life is hard, the best thing my wife does for me is just what you said you do, she sends me stuff and writes me lettles when I'm home she is there just to give me hugs.

    best of luck.
  • GIBride01
    GIBride01 Posts: 328 Member
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    Well, said it once, I'll say it again..it sucks...no matter what you do. :flowerforyou: Being away from your loved one just plain sucks...you are away from him and he is away from you. Not everyone is made for every job, and having someone career military compare notes with someone in a short period of time is apples and oranges IMO. My husband is ARMY,,,through and through,,,he lives and breathes it and has for the past 20 years. Ask him to sit under a tree and draw while listening to an IPOD...he'd fall asleep in 3 minutes or go crazy, one of the two. He is as sensitive as a rock, honest to God wrapped a Christmas present for me one year with 100 mile hr/tape (to really solidfy the 100% army point..) But he is damn good at his job, and loves every minute of it. Sometimes a job teaches you as much what you don't want to do as what you do want to do. Your hubbys job happened to come with a stint in the sandbox:frown: You will both get through it and move on, to something that suits you better and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Different strokes..

    And my 2 cents about the unhappy husband is what another poster said, keep it as light and as happy whenever possible on the phone and letters. My husband is a fixer, if I have a problem and he can't fix it, he is upset...which generally makes him a butthead. I don't want or need him to fix anything most times, but it is his nature. The times I have unloaded on him from far away, I made him feel worse because he couldn't fix it for me. He has plenty to keep his mind occupied where he is, so the burden to keep things as positive as possible falls right on you...like I said, it sucks, welcome to the wonderfull life of the military wife:grumble: . Smile on the phone with him, hang up and yell, scream, throw a few things, come here and vent,,,whatever you can do. Takes a strong man to be in the military, it takes a stronger woman to back him up...you are strong and will get through this.
  • johnblake
    johnblake Posts: 661
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    Well, said it once, I'll say it again..it sucks...no matter what you do. :flowerforyou: Being away from your loved one just plain sucks...you are away from him and he is away from you. Not everyone is made for every job, and having someone career military compare notes with someone in a short period of time is apples and oranges IMO. My husband is ARMY,,,through and through,,,he lives and breathes it and has for the past 20 years. Ask him to sit under a tree and draw while listening to an IPOD...he'd fall asleep in 3 minutes or go crazy, one of the two. He is as sensitive as a rock, honest to God wrapped a Christmas present for me one year with 100 mile hr/tape (to really solidfy the 100% army point..) But he is damn good at his job, and loves every minute of it. Sometimes a job teaches you as much what you don't want to do as what you do want to do. Your hubbys job happened to come with a stint in the sandbox:frown: You will both get through it and move on, to something that suits you better and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Different strokes..

    And my 2 cents about the unhappy husband is what another poster said, keep it as light and as happy whenever possible on the phone and letters. My husband is a fixer, if I have a problem and he can't fix it, he is upset...which generally makes him a butthead. I don't want or need him to fix anything most times, but it is his nature. The times I have unloaded on him from far away, I made him feel worse because he couldn't fix it for me. He has plenty to keep his mind occupied where he is, so the burden to keep things as positive as possible falls right on you...like I said, it sucks, welcome to the wonderfull life of the military wife:grumble: . Smile on the phone with him, hang up and yell, scream, throw a few things, come here and vent,,,whatever you can do. Takes a strong man to be in the military, it takes a stronger woman to back him up...you are strong and will get through this.
    Amen
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
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    Well, said it once, I'll say it again..it sucks...no matter what you do. :flowerforyou: Being away from your loved one just plain sucks...you are away from him and he is away from you. Not everyone is made for every job, and having someone career military compare notes with someone in a short period of time is apples and oranges IMO. My husband is ARMY,,,through and through,,,he lives and breathes it and has for the past 20 years. Ask him to sit under a tree and draw while listening to an IPOD...he'd fall asleep in 3 minutes or go crazy, one of the two. He is as sensitive as a rock, honest to God wrapped a Christmas present for me one year with 100 mile hr/tape (to really solidfy the 100% army point..) But he is damn good at his job, and loves every minute of it. Sometimes a job teaches you as much what you don't want to do as what you do want to do. Your hubbys job happened to come with a stint in the sandbox:frown: You will both get through it and move on, to something that suits you better and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Different strokes..

    And my 2 cents about the unhappy husband is what another poster said, keep it as light and as happy whenever possible on the phone and letters. My husband is a fixer, if I have a problem and he can't fix it, he is upset...which generally makes him a butthead. I don't want or need him to fix anything most times, but it is his nature. The times I have unloaded on him from far away, I made him feel worse because he couldn't fix it for me. He has plenty to keep his mind occupied where he is, so the burden to keep things as positive as possible falls right on you...like I said, it sucks, welcome to the wonderfull life of the military wife:grumble: . Smile on the phone with him, hang up and yell, scream, throw a few things, come here and vent,,,whatever you can do. Takes a strong man to be in the military, it takes a stronger woman to back him up...you are strong and will get through this.

    Thank you for everything you said. I think I'll be trying my best to keep my little vents off this forum. I'm usually fine within 24 hours and feeling kinda like a tard for writing anything here. :laugh:

    Your Christmas present story is so funny! On our first Christmas, my husband and I had only been dating for two months. He was downstairs wrapping all of the gifts he bought me and wouldn't let me come downstairs. It took FOR-EV-ER because he was meticulously wrapping them with beautiful paper and then tying matching ribbon around each box. He made sure to make neat, pretty bows on top of each box. I can't stress enough how NOT-MILITARY my husband is, haha. Not that there is anything wrong with a guy who IS gung-ho military. It's just that my poor hubby really isn't, and is going to be a tortured soul until the day he can take off his boots for good. :-P

    That being said, he did just find out that his SSgt wants to put him up for an award. :drinker: We are also thinking he will come back a higher rank than when he left. :) Whoo!!
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
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    I can't give you advice on what to do. There are lots of places to get help.

    I will tell you for me my mood swings so much now that I'm on a ship and I get pissed super fast and my wife is home not understanding what I'm going through most of the time I don't understand what I'm going through, plus while on deployment I'm in a whole nother world, that I can't and don't want to talk about.

    Most of the time I'm a real *kitten* to my wife, I'm not trying to be it just happens, I aways have to come back and say I'm sorry which make me shut up and not talk to her at all, feeding the fire.

    A military life is hard, the best thing my wife does for me is just what you said you do, she sends me stuff and writes me lettles when I'm home she is there just to give me hugs.

    best of luck.

    I know you said you couldn't give me advice, but your second paragraph is a huge help. What you wrote sounds very similar to what my husband says.

    This deployment thing is proving to be quite an experience. A life-changing one. A relationship-changing one. I know it's still so early on in the deployment, but I can sense that we are going to grow so much. Sometimes I forget how young we are, plus...we are newlyweds. Everyday I feel closer to him and I feel our bond is stronger. Something I really needed was to learn how to be in a relationship, but be okay with being alone. This deployment is forcing that life lesson on me. I have always been a very needy girl. I needed constant attention, plus I was emotionally needy! Relying on one phone call a day was hard at first, but it has done wonders to calm down all of my needy tendencies. And putting his needs before mine has been a very important part of that process also.

    I love him and I'm really proud to be his wife...he is seriously great and sometimes I don't know what I did to deserve him.
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    You may think he isn't a military man because you know him the way you do, but inside of him he still is and he may not show you his work side around you, but a different man. We have our family face and work face.

    I met my husband at work. We worked together for a year.

    With all due respect, my husband is not a lifer and does not have the mentality that you do. I appreciate everything you are trying to tell me. I am a Marine Brat and was raised by a lifer. I know lifers and I am very familiar with their values and beliefs.

    I *KNOW* my husband does not share your feelings about this sense of being a "military man." I know because he tells me this everyday, lol.

    I think I missed if you ever mentioned this....
    Why did he join?
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
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    You may think he isn't a military man because you know him the way you do, but inside of him he still is and he may not show you his work side around you, but a different man. We have our family face and work face.

    I met my husband at work. We worked together for a year.

    With all due respect, my husband is not a lifer and does not have the mentality that you do. I appreciate everything you are trying to tell me. I am a Marine Brat and was raised by a lifer. I know lifers and I am very familiar with their values and beliefs.

    I *KNOW* my husband does not share your feelings about this sense of being a "military man." I know because he tells me this everyday, lol.

    I think I missed if you ever mentioned this....
    Why did he join?

    My husband's family has some problems with money. His mom and older sister strongly encouraged him and his brother to join the military. I know my husband felt like he had to go so that he'd lift a little bit of that financial burden off of his parents' shoulders. The same goes for his brother, who joined the Navy. (It didn't help that they lived in southern California, and to move out on your own over there at 18 or 19 years old is damn near impossible).

    Before I knew my husband, I had met plenty of people who complained about the military and I couldn't understand why they had joined. I had that "well, you knew what you were getting yourself into" mentality. But I realized, hey, I grew up around it, but not everyone has. Combine that with recruiters telling you everything you want to hear, and there you have it - disillusionment. lol

    My husband realizes (and actually, so do I) that everyone's military experience is different. Some people get great duty stations and get to work for great people, and some people just don't. I used to work with my husband and I can vouch for his work "environment" (i.e. the people he has to work for). It's really pretty awful. Let's just say...when my husband's superiors found out we were dating, they set out to get me fired...and well, they accomplished that. I worked with my husband for a year...

    That's an entirely different story. A very long one too. lol. If you ever care to hear it I can share...but otherwise I won't bore you with it. :-P
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    Ohhhh romantic drama/soap-opera stories!
    YAY!
    I need more hobbies....well besides recipe hunting!
    :laugh:
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
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    Ohhhh romantic drama/soap-opera stories!
    YAY!
    I need more hobbies....well besides recipe hunting!
    :laugh:

    lol! Yeah, it is drama-filled, for sure.

    It sucks because I've been waiting for the day he gets promoted. Because when he does, he can choose the two people who get to pin the new rank on his uniform in the promotion ceremony. I have been patiently waiting for the day I can stand in front of our naysayers and pin that bad boy on his collar. Unfortunately now it looks like my opportunity will be missed since he will probably get promoted over there. Damn!!!!
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    That would be a wrinkle.... especially if he's gettin out before another one.
  • ccano
    ccano Posts: 149 Member
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    I suppose it's okay though. The glory is in the gold band he wears in front of them every single day. :) My civilian boss told me at one point that work romances never last. At some point after we got engaged my hubby came home and told me that my former boss congratulated him on our engagement. Mhm. haha

    I realize I might be coming off as kind of immature right now, but oh if you heard the story you would understand why I feel so strongly about this. lol
  • johnblake
    johnblake Posts: 661
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    I'm not really sure what to tell you, if your hubby is not staying in. Then your lucky, it will shape your life right now but if it's the last deployment, you'll look back on this and think if you made throught this you'll make it through anything.

    Those of us that have to leave our familes behind year after year and miss the first steps the first days of school, the graduations, we ( I mean my shipmates out there) we have support, but the wife's always year after year they come home and be Mom and Dad.
    Being the wife of a serviceman is without a doubt is the hardest job in the world.

    Make it throught this you''ll have a great life

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