Advice needed

deanowatt11
deanowatt11 Posts: 14 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hey, I'm not a new member. Been in and out of this app for a few years and had great success with it. However this year has been tough. I split from my wife at the start of the year due to an affair on her part. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and its got me thinking about myself, my health, my future. Although I'm not ready to open myself up to the risks of a relationship again I am thinking about sorting myself out. I'm not hugely over weight, definitely rocking the dad bod which, surprisingly has had lots of positive attention. So my advice needed? Well I'm am seriously struggling to get my head in the game on this. I'll start it and a day or two goes by and it's out of the window. How do I keep focused? What do you all do to keep you on the right mind set?

Replies

  • Sofiapilla
    Sofiapilla Posts: 284 Member
    Staying in the mindset is theeee hardest part. I’ve been (off and) on this app for years too and I’m always amazed at the people who keep at it day after day, like don’t they get tired of the grind?? My overall mindset is a giant scoop of couldn’t care less with a light sprinkling of gotta do it 100% and it really really frustrates me that I can’t just stick with a goal for like 5 minutes, sheesh

    I was recently diagnosed with adhd as an adult so it has helped explain a LOT. Perhaps even how i managed to hijack your thread and make it about me 😬

    Just wanted to bump it to see what kind of replies you get because i need to get in the right mindset myself
  • kinetixtrainer2
    kinetixtrainer2 Posts: 9,286 Member
    This may or may not work for you. Find a good play list. Music that speaks to or even podcasts or speeches. Some of my favorites on workout playlist are great military pre battle speeches. (To each their own and whatever it is to get you in the head space to grind).

    Build your workout around your pre existing injuries if you have any. And build your workout into your schedule. Make it work for you.

    If you’re leaning then find your maintenance calories and set your daily goal to 500 less and *kitten* stay strong on your meal plan. Give yourself one free meal per week where you eat whatever you want as long as it’s in one sitting.

    Don’t lower your calories less than 10x your desired body weight. (This will become more important when you get close to your goal weight and will help maintain muscle while leaning). Make up the additional deficit in cardio work. Shoot for at least 10,000 steps per day and 15,000 if you can.

    Weigh daily or at least once per week. Naked and first thing in the morning. As you drop weight you need to adjust your cals and macros as you go. A decent rule of thumb on macros are 40 protein, 30 carbs and 30 fats to start with. Adjust from there as you learn your body.

    If you have a day where you fall off the wagon don’t look at as “I *kitten* up again, no use in sticking with it”. When you get up the next morning carry on with the plan. One day will not make or break you.

    And this won’t work for all or even most, but appreciate the hard *kitten* work you put in. Learn to enjoy the fact you’re doing something that many others don’t have the will power to do. Enjoy the grind. 🤷‍♂️.

    I’m no expert but this has worked for me. Excuse any typos I don’t proof read 😁

    Hope at least some of this helps.
  • Sofiapilla
    Sofiapilla Posts: 284 Member
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »

    Learn to enjoy the fact you’re doing something that many others don’t have the will power to do.

    feeling attacked
  • kinetixtrainer2
    kinetixtrainer2 Posts: 9,286 Member
    Sofiapilla wrote: »
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »

    Learn to enjoy the fact you’re doing something that many others don’t have the will power to do.

    feeling attacked

    No
  • Sofiapilla
    Sofiapilla Posts: 284 Member
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
    Sofiapilla wrote: »
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »

    Learn to enjoy the fact you’re doing something that many others don’t have the will power to do.

    feeling attacked

    No

    vprexr98byyz.gif
  • kinetixtrainer2
    kinetixtrainer2 Posts: 9,286 Member
    Sofiapilla wrote: »
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
    Sofiapilla wrote: »
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »

    Learn to enjoy the fact you’re doing something that many others don’t have the will power to do.

    feeling attacked

    No

    vprexr98byyz.gif

    ix87ih8hqhxr.gif
  • Skrib69
    Skrib69 Posts: 687 Member
    I’m another that’s been using the app for 10 years off and on. Initially I was really good and logged everything on the basis of ‘that’s close enough’ and not getting anal about it. I lost 25lbs and hit my target weight. After maintaining the weight more or less for 18 months I decided I didn’t want to be a slave to logging so stopped that. Over the last 2-3 years I have put back 10lbs and made moderate efforts to get back down with some success.

    However, recently my Dr told me I was pre diabetic and to give up carbs to get things back under tighter control. Ironically it is this kick that has got me back on the app.

    My point is that you need your own reason to do what needs to be done. Other peoples motivation might be a good idea but if it doesn’t move you, it’s no good for you.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,034 Member
    deanowatt11 wrote: »
    Hey, I'm not a new member. Been in and out of this app for a few years and had great success with it. However this year has been tough. I split from my wife at the start of the year due to an affair on her part. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and its got me thinking about myself, my health, my future. Although I'm not ready to open myself up to the risks of a relationship again I am thinking about sorting myself out. I'm not hugely over weight, definitely rocking the dad bod which, surprisingly has had lots of positive attention. So my advice needed? Well I'm am seriously struggling to get my head in the game on this. I'll start it and a day or two goes by and it's out of the window. How do I keep focused? What do you all do to keep you on the right mind set?
    There are 7 billion people in the world. Half are women. Trust me when I'll tell you that you'll find someone who'll appreciate you. Do what I did. Take a trip to where you think you may want to meet a woman. You'll see what you may have been missing.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • ElMeroKeeQue
    ElMeroKeeQue Posts: 546 Member
    I think it’s all been mentioned. You need to find a big motivator to get you moving on those days when you really don’t care to do anything. The rest of the time it’s easier to just do something as opposed to nothing for your work out.
    Then don’t be hard on yourself. Forming new habits is hard but every bit of work you put forward is more than you could have done. So build on that as much as you can. For both diet and exercise. And one day doesn’t tear it down. Every day is a good day to start again.
    For me, it has helped to make it way easier to get some sort of a workout in. Whether that be finding a good body weight exercise that only takes 15 minutes when I have no time. Or building my own personalized workout area has really helped. It’s comfortable enough and versatile enough to change up my workout when I get bored of my normal routine. It’s tailored to my martial arts needs.
    Best of luck to you!
  • briscogun
    briscogun Posts: 1,138 Member
    You can ask 100 members on this site what motivates them and you will get 100 different answers.

    I guess the thing is, you need to find your reason why you DO want it, and that reason has to be more powerful than the reasons why you DON'T want it.

    Maybe it's for health reasons (like pre-diabetic), maybe its for vanity reasons (tired of seeing the person that's staring back at you in the mirror), maybe you really want to fit into your clothes again, it could be anything. But that reason has to be able to override your past habits.

    They say it takes 3 weeks to form a new habit (or break an old one). So if you can stick with it for 3 weeks you will be well on your way to developing healthy habits. Once the lifestyle becomes a habit it's much easier to stay with it.

    So to make a long post short: find your WHY, then keep it top of mind and use that to keep you moving towards your goal.

    Good luck!
  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,669 Member
    briscogun wrote: »
    You can ask 100 members on this site what motivates them and you will get 100 different answers.

    I guess the thing is, you need to find your reason why you DO want it, and that reason has to be more powerful than the reasons why you DON'T want it.

    Maybe it's for health reasons (like pre-diabetic), maybe its for vanity reasons (tired of seeing the person that's staring back at you in the mirror), maybe you really want to fit into your clothes again, it could be anything. But that reason has to be able to override your past habits.

    They say it takes 3 weeks to form a new habit (or break an old one). So if you can stick with it for 3 weeks you will be well on your way to developing healthy habits. Once the lifestyle becomes a habit it's much easier to stay with it.

    So to make a long post short: find your WHY, then keep it top of mind and use that to keep you moving towards your goal.

    Good luck!

    I would agree with forming habits. I started small. Make a change you can stick with and slowly increase that step before adding another. Example...workout one day week for couple weeks then up it to 2 then 3 and so on. Add another habit, eat 100 cals less a day or one snack less then increase after a week...its less overwhelming and forms solid habits.
  • xbowhunter
    xbowhunter Posts: 1,309 Member
    Hmm what motivates me?

    When I see really overweight dudes that are walking heart attacks.

    I say to myself " do you want to be like that?" My answer is hell no ! :)
  • Revolu7
    Revolu7 Posts: 1,035 Member
    Dont worry about finding something that motivates you. That comes and goes....motivate is nothing more than a "motive" to do something. People are always searching for the motive....a wedding to get in shape for, a reunion, summer, get an ex jealous.....i heard it all. The way to actually be successful is discipline. Discipline works with a without a motivating factor. I have spent my whole life either as an athlete, a trainer, or just as someone that has training so ingrained in my brain i dont obsess about not doing it or doing it.....its just part of what i do without too much thought on how, when, where, etc.

    The advice i have given to any who ever wanted it is, build up disciplinary habits and dont worry so much about the workout and diet at first. That will be a given once your habits are strong. Build in small wins everyday....like not hitting snooze in the morning. Making your bed as soon as you get up. Triggering the brain its time to get moving and bed isnt the option anymore. There is a famous speech by a Navy admiral and in it he speaks a lot about this. He says no matter how bad your day goes you still get to come home to a made bed, and that feels good. Start the day with a win, and end it with just a small bit of happiness goes a long way in wanting to add wins to the day. Soo. Those will be exercise and diet. And by then you may have built up the discipline that doesnt allow the yoyo effect so many struggle with. Curveballs in life are a foregone conclusion. Discipline really helps staying in control and wackiing those damn things out of the park once in a while insted of striking out everytime.

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