WHY PEOPLE DO THIS TO YOU?

lalinzki
lalinzki Posts: 121
edited October 3 in Health and Weight Loss
So the people close to you know that you are trying to make a life changing decision. So why does it seems like they offer you the worst food ever that they know off and you know you are not suppose to eat. Why do they do that? Is it because they think you are better than them? Because they think that its okay for you to eat that chocolate cake, chips, and other junk food? I always wonder why people do this to the ones trying to better themselves specially family and friends. Its like offering a recovering alcoholic a beer..WTCP F.Y.I. .."It means what the crabby patty" just in case. Sometimes I feel that because you are eating healthy they feel bad that they are eating unhealthy foods and want you to join the DARK SIDE :frown: . Sometimes it's too much that you have to repeat yourself over and over again until go off at them, then they have the nerve of telling you "You are grouchy that's why you need to eat more". :explode: :explode: :explode: Share your experiences "getting a cup of water/coffee and waiting for you to share" :wink:
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Replies

  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    I hear ya. My in laws do this to me. I think it is because they do feel bad that they aren't eating the way they should be and if they can get you to eat what they are eating then they feel like they aren't so bad. :explode:
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
    Maybe they think you look really good, so it's "safe" for you to eat that way again?
  • lizsmith1976
    lizsmith1976 Posts: 497 Member
    Yep! Co-workers try and shove bad food on me, my parents, other family, and friends do the same thing. (Except for the few that I am in this together with). And I am SOOOO tired of hearing "You are getting too skinny". I am well within the healthy range for weight and BMI, just exercising and eating healthy. I think so many people have lost perspective on what is healthy and also they want you and everyone else to stay in denial with them so they are not confronted by a healthy lifestyle.
  • ellekay22
    ellekay22 Posts: 147 Member
    Because my mother-in-law does this to me BIG TIME, I've decided to have her and my FIL over for Thanksgiving this year. I'm going to fill the table with yummy nutritious food and eat EVERYTHING! And she'll watch my husband eat green things and my 3 year old son. She always complains that I don't eat what she's prepared (because everything is beige). And if she chooses not to eat it, she can stop at the KFC on the way home and get her fill of beige.

    *NB my son will eat green things - not my husband eat my son.
  • TankGirl71
    TankGirl71 Posts: 241 Member
    Look up "crabs in the bucket" on wiki. Pretty much sums it up.
  • Donners185
    Donners185 Posts: 329 Member
    I know wat you mean. My best friend does this to me constantly. She moans and moans at me to eat something and then when i get angry at her shes says i must be in a bad mood because im hungry!!! She drives me crazy. She always buys extra large portions when we are at the cinema and then the whole way through the film she keeps offering me food saying there is too much for just her. I think she does it because shes embarassed about all of the crap she eats and wants me to eat the same so she can justify it. :explode:
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    I had a friend admit to me why she does this actually. She said that she is jealous of me/other people losing weight. She feel insecure when people are trying to improve themselves. Feels the need to attempt to sabatoge
  • CallmeKellie
    CallmeKellie Posts: 20
    I've experienced this myself. I think that some people are just intimidated by others who set goals and actually achieve them. Some people relish in the failure of others. Once you start achieving goals, that "dark side" comes out of those who really are not happy for you and your success. That's y they go out of the way to make you feel like you're losing too much weight, etc. They're minds just can't process it. LOL Keep taking care of yourself and achieving those goals. As my husband loves to tell me, if they're not talking about you, that's when you worry. Next time, slap that chocolate cake out of their hand! j/k LOL
  • Ashley121205
    Ashley121205 Posts: 131 Member
    My husband constantly wants me to eat bad food :( But I don't. My Mom does also. When I walk in the door she says " Oh don't look at the cupcakes or cookies" I'm thinking to myself " Thanks but I wasn't" 99 percent of food doesn't tempt me. Most of the time I don't think that they really know how offensive it is.
  • CallmeKellie
    CallmeKellie Posts: 20
    That's it right there!
  • reese66
    reese66 Posts: 2,920 Member
    Maybe they think they are being polite by trying to share what they had. Sharing is something we teach our children so when we grow up it an automatic thing to offer to share and we fill bad if we don't offer.

    Or maybe your right and they are evil.

    Either way good job of sticking to your new life style!!!
  • JoyfulSparkle
    JoyfulSparkle Posts: 96
    Family around me have the idea that if I am in a place where I need to lose weight, where does that leave them? They have more to lose than I have. Also, how did I get to a place in my life to confront issues, that they have never decided to think about. none-the-less take action.
  • JoyfulSparkle
    JoyfulSparkle Posts: 96
    kind of- "let's all be miserable together"
  • chollingshed74
    chollingshed74 Posts: 57 Member
    I decided this time around I would not even tell people, just because of that. And so far so good! I learned from you guys stories, because it seems as soon as you say that, thats when the food, judgements and problems start.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    Don't discuss it. Ignore. That's all you can do. Their problem, not yours.
  • nukebhs83
    nukebhs83 Posts: 158
    OMG--my mom did this to me yesterday when i was over there watching football with my dad. she came home from church and made hamburgers--i just want one--she made me two then after eating lunch she brought in a cup of jello with whipped cream and said---here this is low cal. WHAT PART OF EATING HEALTHY AND WORKING OUT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND??????? then all evening---do you want a coke--no, dr pepper---no, sprite---no. ugh. really people???????
  • Scheezo
    Scheezo Posts: 13
    I've had this happen too. Its frustrating but you have to realize this is your decision to be healthier, not theirs. Just keep saying "I can't eat like that anymore" It'll get easier with time.
  • Babygirl082578
    Babygirl082578 Posts: 44 Member
    What gets me is when they say something is healthy and you know it is not! Many people have no clue what they are talking about in this dept and your stuck with having to say not to it and make them feel wrong.
  • Fitnin6280
    Fitnin6280 Posts: 618 Member
    I can totally relate. I love my Dad but he is the worst! Ever since I was little he always made my weight an issue, saying that I needed to lose weight, and now, when I go home, he is always pushing food on me. "Try this cake I made." "Don't you want some more Cheese Noodles"... And if I don't eat, he is almost insulted.... It is a no win situation! So yes I completely feel your pain!
  • meg_sue
    meg_sue Posts: 9 Member
    I think that sometimes the people offering you bad food choices simply haven't pulled their head out, and aren't thinking about it. I think others feel less bad of their own food choices when they have someone else making the same bad decisions with them.


    Fortunately for me, I came to terms long ago with the glorious - ness of all that is me, and am okay with telling folks to sod off with their bad choices for the things going into my body. I have a hard enough time with my own sweet tooth, I really don't need help from anyone else.
  • hummingbird71
    hummingbird71 Posts: 298 Member
    I know exactly what you are talking about! My family is very supported of me and my husband for doing this and wanting to make a healthy change! However, I have one sister that is not quite on board but wants to be. But there is another issue at hand with her. She has a 7 yr old daughter who is "overweight" and to the point that other kids are making fun of her at school. She is trying to teach her to eat healthier but there is a fine line to "over-doing-that" with a 7 yr old. Now its to the point that she does NOT want me to discuss "how many calories" and "what's the portion size" when around her. She feels that her daughter should not have to worry about those kinds of things and if she hears me and my husband talking about it then she will be become obsessed with calories. I however believe that she can see us as a "role model" and see that by being aware of calories and portion sizes is very important to weight loss. I know she is only 7 but.... my sister continues to let her eat and drink things that are not as healthy for her and doesn't stop her from eating 4-5 cookies when 1 would have been enough and then let her eat some kind of fruit. My thing with her is she is unhappy with the way she looks as well as her daughter and instead of "dealing with the issue at hand" she would rather "sweep it under the rug" and only deal with it when she wants to, which is hardly at all. So I try not to indulge in her "dark side" way and keep myself focused on myself and my family habits!
  • clw_888
    clw_888 Posts: 157 Member
    Our family get together's usually revolve around food also and it's generally not the healthiest choices. According to my family members, canned veggies and white potatoes are a great source of veggies. But those are their choices, not mine. If I go to their house I expect to eat like this or to have these choices be offered at least. I also always volunteer to bring a dish so there is something healthy and good that I can eat when I am there. I know by making the right choices I am helping my body and being an inspiration at the same time. If I give in and eat those choices it is only my fault...not the person who offered.
  • Guinivere
    Guinivere Posts: 357 Member
    I think its a mixture of all of the above - plus other people who are still in love with how eating crap makes them feel - feel genuinely concerned that you are denying yourself this lovely comfort. They cannot conceive that you retrained your body and now it takes comfort in healthy fuel without all the sugar, salt, e numbers, preservatives, colours, hidden nasties, fillers, bulking agents....

    In particular I find it physically difficult to eat fried food - I feel like I'm gonna barf!

    It's also funny these same people have seen me lose 3 stone and think I've taken a magic pill or had "something done". Nope just discipline, and a change in attitude. No more procrastination, excuses or laziness. They want the magic pill but not good honest focus - I haven't found one step of this hard work! I never felt denied. They don't believe me! They are not ready to take that leap........

    Thank goodness for MFP
  • coatsie79
    coatsie79 Posts: 187 Member
    You're the one making the change not them. You can't expect people to change their behavour because of a decision you have made. Yes, some people may change their own behaviours around you, but most won't. That's not their issue, it's up to the person who is making the change to adapt.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    It is apparent, my friends are better than everyone else's friends.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    You're the one making the change not them. You can't expect people to change their behavour because of a decision you have made. Yes, some people may change their own behaviours around you, but most won't. That's not their issue, it's up to the person who is making the change to adapt.

    The OP is not expecting anyone to change. Just not to through garbage food in their face and expect them to eat it.

    Might want to read the post through before posting.
  • glitterpiss
    glitterpiss Posts: 113
    Hah I guess I'm one of those terrible food pushers with my best friend. Hes already underweight and still freaks out about calories and goes through periods of exercising many hours ever day for weeks when he "feels fat". I just want him to enjoy a dessert with me sometimes lol.

    While I don't ever have people try to overfeed me, my parents do occasionally make comments like "are you sure you can eat that?" which drives me crazy, especially now that I have it under control and keep track of my consumption.
  • yummy♥
    yummy♥ Posts: 612 Member
    It is apparent, my friends are better than everyone else's friends.

    this is clearly the answer.
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    It is apparent, my friends are better than everyone else's friends.


    My family, too. Craziness.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Some people express affection through food. Other people quite simply do not know very much about nutrition. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume their intentions are good rather than feeling as though they are trying to sabotage things.

    This works for me.
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