Spin made me cry today

And not because my butt hurts. (and it does.)

I’m not a super emotional person. Well, maybe a little bit. My husband hates for me to watch the Hallmark Channel, I always cry at those
“soldiers surprise homecoming” videos, and sometimes when I see someone accomplish a goal you can just tell that they are working really hard at, I’m so happy for them that I get overwhelmed and BOOM, I’m weeping.

Today I got up early, got Aedan on the bus, and went to the gym. My trainer for the Weight is Over Program, Jaime, highly suggested going to Spin class. She explained to me all about how it a low-impact on your body – but super high intensity class that, if done often enough, will kick your butt (literally) and help melt calories away. I was very nervous about Spin for a number of reasons.

As a cancer survivor, physically riding that Spin bike was going to be hard. My oncologist told me a while ago that maybe bike riding might not be my “thing” anymore. I sat on one of those seats and I tended to agree with him. I went to the local bike shop, Straightline Bikes and explained my situation. The guy at the shop showed me a few gel bike seats, and suggested one for me to try. He was very encouraging, and even let me check out the real bikes. I have hope of one day owning another bike and riding. I miss it.
It is a REAL class. So far, I’ve done Zumba. While Zumba kicks my butt I have such a great time in there it’s more like a party. I knew this spin class was all about working, and working HARD. I wondered if I had what it takes.
This one is the hardest one. I had to figure out if it was ready and willing to give it up- to GIVE MY ALL and bring it. I had to let go of all those failed times, the skipped videos, the walks ended too soon, THE LACK OF FAITH in myself and COMMIT. I had to decided if I was able to say THIS IS MY TIME, and I care about myself enough to get this done. I had to stop worrying about everyone and concentrate only on myself.

I did it. I even managed to stand up a few times on the bike and I lasted the entire class. I didn’t give up on myself, as I have so many times before.

It is far easier to give up then to carry on. But I kept on carrying on until I did it. And that’s when I started crying. I was concentrating on the cool down and wiping down the buckets of sweat off me when I realized that I HAD DONE IT. And I quietly wept for the person who was busting her butt to accomplish and goal and DID it. This time the person was me.

Your biggest challange isn't someone else. It's the ache in your lungs, and the burning in your legs, and the voice inside you that yells "CAN'T". But you don't listen. You just push harder. And then you hear the voice whisper "CAN". And you discover taht the person you thought you were is NO MATCH for the one your really ARE.