Starting again for the 1000th time

I agree with @DFW_Tom in many ways. You're 30. Are you going to suffer for the rest of your life? You need to find a new way and perhaps try some different things.

I think you can eat food you like and still lose. There are so many options. Up your protein, veggies, and fruit. See what happens. Most menus have lower calorie options. Study a menu BEFORE you go out. See how many calories are in your favorites. Maybe you can eat half of something and take the other half home.

Chocolate can be dynamite unless you can satisfy yourself with a couple of smaller pieces. There is "elimination" and "moderation" decide which you can do.

Whatever you decide, remember you'll be doing this for the rest of your life. It has to be sustainable.

Exercise is very good for you, unless you're exhausting yourself. Choose carefully and do something you like. Do different things to keep moving. When you get to the point where your day is not complete without movement, you'll know you've arrived.

Please don't get discouraged. If you can manage to eat and do things you like while losing, the stress eating will go. You'll be happy. That's your real goal. Stop now and again and ask yourself "Am I happy with this?" If the answer is "no", then change it.
Good luck. You can do this.

Yes, what those clever people above said. You need to make it a habit, like getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. You decide you want good teeth, and you need to find a legit reason for wanting to lose weight. Just being at a lower weight is such a rubbery reason. Find a proper one from which you can draw motivation.

I think others have given good advice about tactics to try, that are solid. I haven't done most of them, because I'm an undisciplined flake basically (hedonistic aging hippie). Nonetheless, I was able to calorie count my way to weight loss back in 2015-16, and have been at a healthy weight since.

My conclusion: Finding the tactics that make things easier for oneself as an individual - that's key. What those tactics are will vary from one person to the next, because we're all unique individuals with differing preferences, strengths, challenges, etc.

I needed to take the reins, and persist until I found the ways to adjust my routine eating and activity habits so that I achieved the calorie balance I needed. I had to take responsibility, and persist.

Try to find things that make the effort easier for you, not something that is difficult to keep up, not something reliant on discipline, motivation, willpower, etc. Experiment, looking for what reduces your calorie intake manageably, is practical, tasty, reasonably filling, lets you have a social life, etc. Review your diary, see what constitutes easier vs. harder days. It might be food, it might be sleep, boredom, stress, emotions, habits, too much or too little exercise, . . . . Notice what your triggers are, and experiment with strategies to respond differently to them.

Find ways to move more (exercise or daily life) that are reasonably fun, or at least tolerable and practical. Extreme, punitive exercise is nonessential, and can be counter-productive.

Put the things that make it easier into your routine habits. Keep doing that, you'll make progress. Don't worry about a rare day that's out of sync: It's a drop in the ocean. Just get back to your normal routine ASAP, and keep looking for more reasonably tolerable, practical changes in habits/patterns.

ash1864 wrote: »

I feel like I'm starting all over again for the 1000th time and it's so depressing.
I'm around 90kg, 5"8, female, aged 30. I've been playing this game since I was 14.
I know how to do it and do it well, it's just so hard to keep it up.
If anyone has any advice for continuity and not being waylaid by life, please let me know. I let life events get in the way - I lost over a stone between Feb-May this year, then because I went on holidays throughout the summer until August, I never got 'back on track'. It's September now and and I feel overweight, the doctor is concerned about BMI and I'm terrible for comfort eating and portion control. I let my emotions rule my eating if I'm not calorie counting and planning in exercise.

If emotional eating is part of the picture, don't hesitate to seek expert help with that. There should be no more stigma about talking to a professional counselor when we have difficult problems with thought patterns, than there is about talking to a mechanic when we have trouble with our car. That's why professional helpers exist.

If that's not an option, look into relevant books or podcasts that apply those techniques in one's own life. One I've seen recommended here is The Beck Diet Solution, which is not "a diet", but rather about applying cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) strategies in one's own life.

I'm not a podcast gal, but I've seen others here recommend some of those for similar reasons, too. I hope they may chime in.

You are in charge here, even when it doesn't feel like it. You can make change in your life, and when you realize that viscerally, it will be very empowering. It will give you skills you can go on to apply in other parts of your life.

Since you're being smart enough to apply yourself at 30, rather than waiting until 50+ like I did, you will be doing your future self a huge favor in terms of health and quality of life. Go for it.

But when I do that, all I think about is planning my next meal, how many calories I've had, how many I can have, can I have that chocolate bar within my daily amount, how much will I burn off at that class later. AND it is EXHAUSTING. Tips for a dispairing 30 year old here!

Perhaps calorie counting isn't the best method for you. It's possible to lose weight in other ways, even though getting calories in line is the underlying mechanism for all of them. That's what some of the other popular "diet methods" are going for: The plate method, intermittent fasting, low carb, "intuitive eating" (in the sense of rules/guides for doing that, not simplistically), whatever. If calorie counting feels too obsessive to you, it may not be your best method.

I'm old enough (67) to have been adult before calorie counting was remotely practical, though people knew about calories. People lost weight then by various methods, including simply reducing portions and seeking more filling foods, making changes until their weight started to drop. My own father did that, lost many tens of pounds in his 60s, and kept it off for the rest of his life.

Calorie counting worked great for me, but to me it's a fun, productive science fair project for grown-ups, not at all obsessive or stressful.

If you do continue calorie-counting, it's normal for it to feel a little bit busy or stressful while getting into the routine, but trying to minimize emotion, anxiety, guilt, etc., would be a good idea. (I know that's easy to say. But still.) If it's that temporary kind of effect, you may find you're calmer as time goes on, if you can stick with it for a while.

Best wishes.

try intermittent fasting.

sollyn23l2 wrote: »

musicfan68 wrote: »

Winning4EJ wrote: »

A good cleanse may help not only clear the body but also the mind. I'd consider taking laxative(s) according to the directions and drinking a ton of water to flush out your system of anything that could be effecting your appetite and mind negatively. It may be helpful for starters.

Eating light like mostly soups and salads ect that day.

No, OP, this is totally unnecessary. Bad advice.

Awe, come on, everyone should poo their pants at least once as an adult.

I know you said this in jest, but….

My mom was bedridden,required spoon feeding, and was in adult diapers for several years at the end.

My entire goal with this whole lose weight/get fitter thing is to avoid pooping myself as an adult.

Yesterday would have been my dad’s 83rd birthday. It occurred to me that he was 20 years older than I am now when he passed, and in terrible health. Heavy smoker, recovered alcoholic, severely diabetic, congestive heart failure.

If all I have left is 20 years, I want them to be excellent, fun, and full years. I don’t want to be confined to a bed or “lift chair” , watching endless reruns of that SVU show, and forced to eat the crap the nurses cook up, and waiting for them to change my diaper afterwards.

These years are a gift, to be treasured and parsed wisely.

springlering62 wrote: »

sollyn23l2 wrote: »

musicfan68 wrote: »

Winning4EJ wrote: »

A good cleanse may help not only clear the body but also the mind. I'd consider taking laxative(s) according to the directions and drinking a ton of water to flush out your system of anything that could be effecting your appetite and mind negatively. It may be helpful for starters.

Eating light like mostly soups and salads ect that day.

No, OP, this is totally unnecessary. Bad advice.

Awe, come on, everyone should poo their pants at least once as an adult.

I know you said this in jest, but….

My mom was bedridden,required spoon feeding, and was in adult diapers for several years at the end.

My entire goal with this whole lose weight/get fitter thing is to avoid pooping myself as an adult.

Yesterday would have been my dad’s 83rd birthday. It occurred to me that he was 20 years older than I am now when he passed, and in terrible health. Heavy smoker, recovered alcoholic, severely diabetic, congestive heart failure.

If all I have left is 20 years, I want them to be excellent, fun, and full years. I don’t want to be confined to a bed or “lift chair” , watching endless reruns of that SVU show, and forced to eat the crap the nurses cook up, and waiting for them to change my diaper afterwards.

These years are a gift, to be treasured and parsed wisely.

Absolutely. And laxatives will definitely not help accomplish that. But, as to the OP's initial question... I strongly recommend taking it slow and accepting that it will take a while. No quick fixes.

Jacq_qui wrote: »

I am someone who has started over lots. I'm very much two steps forward, one back. I read a really useful thing here once; "you're starting over again because you didn't learn everything you needed to the last time"! I really like that. Everyone has to find their own path - as said above, what works for one, won't work for another. Each time I restarted I looked at what worked last time, what didnt'. I've found a few things:
Exercising to fit in treats was just backwards. Exercise for a healthy body, not to justify what chocolate I want to eat later. (Sugar craving is HARD, but you can control it a lot better if you don't keep feeding it)

I no longer count exercise calories - I used a calculator (like this https://www.calculator.net/calorie-calculator.html) to work out what I should aim for.

Eating the same calories every day has also made it easier - I no longer get hungry on days I can't get to exercise because well, I eat the same amount each day.

Emotional eating is hard. Definitely consider how you can work on reducing this (for me I found routes to stress mgmt) There are books, courses and all sorts on this. I learned that if I'm eating chocolate in response to feeling bad, then the thing I love just becomes an extra punishment and makes me feel worse in the long run.

To help with emotional eating - I never walk through shop aisles in stores which have all the chocolate and biscuits in. I just don't go there.

If you buy something, you'll eat it. So don't buy it! I still scour the cupboards hunting for something, but if it's not there, it's amazing what I'll settle for!

That said, I usually have a bar of dark chocolate I can nibble on. It has to be properly dark though otherwise I would possibly be tempted to eat it in one go. Much easier to add in a 50cal square to my diary then 250cals +.

I quit eating after dinner. I just have enough in the day to not need it now.

I'm still a work in progress, I'm ok with that! You don't have to be at your target weight to be happy. And reaching your target weight doesn't mean you'll be happy either. Find things that you can include in your life long term. Northing worthwhile was ever easy, right?

I've done pretty much the same thing. If it works for you, that's awesome! And you make a great point. Losing weight will not make you happier in and of itself. It *may* help if it allows you to do more of the things that make you happy.