Gifts of Chips

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loulee997
loulee997 Posts: 273 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey,

I'll be upfront. I love potato chips. They are my absolute favorite food. But they were killing me. I have no off switch with chips.

I didn't want to make them a 'forbidden' food. So instead, I only eat them when I visit my mom. I only buy the small bag at the gas station and I pre-plan the calories. I eat them on the drive home in the car. It works for me.

Overall, giving up chips has been a huge help in starting to lose weight again. I've tried to give them up before but I'd crave them so badly, it would keep me up at night. I'd dream about them. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

I'm taking new meds for my ADHD/depression--and they have helped me curb my chip binging. I still want them but the volume of the want is turned down.

So the problem?

Friends and family seem to try to sabotage me. Friends bought me 2 giant family-size bags of Doritos and lemon cake. I am not much for cake. About the only kind I do like is lemon cake. But 2 family-size bags of Doritos? Really?

My family keeps pressuring me to have 2nds if I go for dinner. First, I don't want seconds. Second, I don't have the calories in my day for seconds. They also keep trying to give me bags of chips...they supposedly don't want.

I feel like I'm saying no 100 times a week. They ask for a 101. I do love chips. But I don't want them right now.

Honesty hasn't worked. Asking for them to stop didn't work.
I'm not sure how to get them to stop.

They keep shoving the thing I want most in my face all the time. It just makes my life harder.

Replies

  • herblovinmom
    herblovinmom Posts: 352 Member
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    @loulee997 Good job resisting temptation and sticking with your plan. Portion controlled chips in an environment you can control is great 👍 sabotaging family and friends, not so great 🫤. Your definitely building more tolerance with the challenges though.. remember you can’t control what others do, like gifting you items you don’t want, you can only control your reaction and so far it sounds like your doing amazing avoiding their advances. Just keep doing you and eventually they may lay off. I had a similar love for donuts, they were like kryptonite. People would come to visit and bring donuts, my hubby would buy a dozen on the weekend, even the bakery donuts were calling for me once a week at the grocer. But eventually that all changed, now I can enjoy a gluten free donut from time to time and people no longer bring them when visiting 😉
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,166 Member
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    Intentional sabotage, you think? Food is some families' love language, which can be unfortunate. But there are lots of potential emotional complexities in which families might do that: Frank sabotage, fear of change, shame about their own eating, silly stereotypes about what anorexic behavior looks like . . . .

    It's pretty clear that you have your head straight about what it takes to move toward your own goals. But whatever they're thinking . . . well, that's an issue in their heads.

    Do they expect you to eat the big bags of chips in front of them? If not, maybe drop them off at a food bank or homeless shelter on your way home? There are people who would be pleased to get a treat food like that.

    Other than that, honestly, there's not much you can do, except not eat the "gifts" or extra portions whenever possible.

    I'd recommend being as boring about it as possible, just "no, thanks" and change the subject. If they put another plate in front of you by force, push the food around a little and quit when possible, without comment. If you have the kind of family who pitch in on clean-up chores after a meal, maybe get up and start that as soon as it's polite. It's likely that the more you make an issue of it, the more they will push.

    Is anyone in the family slim, and also eating less than the average in your family? If so, how do they behave in these cases?

    I'm not minimizing your situation, truly. But it's impossible to perform personality transplants on other people. (I so much wish it were otherwise!) About all we can do is focus on the aspects we personally can control, and consider the best (maybe somewhat subtle, sneaky, or counterintuitive) ways we can influence people to do the thing we want. Being direct isn't always the most effective, unfortunately. I don't advocate outright lying, but sometimes a little acting or indirect/distracting approach is more effective.

    They may get over it in the long run, or at least reduce the frequency. IME, people tend to get used to folks new odd-seeming habits after a while, and stop trying to change them.
  • loulee997
    loulee997 Posts: 273 Member
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    Mostly I think their intentions are good--even if the application sucks. They want me to have something I enjoy. But they get their feelings hurt when I say not to 2nds or bags of chips. Its always so stressful. No one ever takes no for an answer.

    Direct hasn't worked. I've been tossing the chips or refilling my plate but not eating it. It's so wasteful. It's just more work than I really want it to me.
  • MaggieGirl135
    MaggieGirl135 Posts: 977 Member
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    For the chip problem, just keep saying no; you seem to be successful at that. You won't be able to stop them from doing that, beyond requesting it, which you have already done. Continuing to ask them not to offer chips to you will just prove futile and frustrating.

    Other than saying no for the second helpings, just fill your own plate for the first time, but put slightly less on it. Then, have seconds, again, controlling your own serving sizes and eating only a bit of it. Pushing your food around on the plate as previously suggested may also be successful, since it takes some time, possibly to the end of the meal. If everyone gets busy clearing the table, it may be less obvious that it wasn't eaten.
  • Sparkuvu
    Sparkuvu Posts: 2,566 Member
    edited November 2023
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    Not my tip, but I'll pass it on since it feels so powerful:

    "Casually look at the pushed/offered food, widen your eyes slightly, and say so casually its like an afterthought, OH, I DONT EAT THAT ANYMORE and go right into turning away. Talking. Or whatever." She said it never failed her. I think her screen name was Indy Girl & her real name Beth Donahue.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    loulee997 wrote: »
    MaggieGirl135 wrote: »
    For the chip problem, just keep saying no; you seem to be successful at that. You won't be able to stop them from doing that, beyond requesting it, which you have already done. Continuing to ask them not to offer chips to you will just prove futile and frustrating.

    Other than saying no for the second helpings, just fill your own plate for the first time, but put slightly less on it. Then, have seconds, again, controlling your own serving sizes and eating only a bit of it. Pushing your food around on the plate as previously suggested may also be successful, since it takes some time, possibly to the end of the meal. If everyone gets busy clearing the table, it may be less obvious that it wasn't eaten.

    I never understand why someone else's food is other people's business.
    But it just is...

    Thanks! Maybe I'll split my portion into 2 servings. Same calories but it appears as if I'm getting seconds.

    I've had this problem for years with my skinny husband. Saying "NO" puts you in a bad light and insults them. THAT is just the situation.

    So, I'd accept the bags of chips gracefully and thank them profoundly and then, as Ann suggested, give them away as fast as possible.

    As for them pushing seconds on you, I'd say "I'm so full right now with this fantastic food, could you box me up a portion for later?"

    That way you look like a hero and just have to find a way to dispose of the extras. Family and food = love in many cultures. Who can say no to love?
  • Ll0ydD0bler
    Ll0ydD0bler Posts: 16 Member
    edited November 2023
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    Can't help as far as pushy people, but definitely do not feel guilty about wasting the food, because eating it when your body doesn't need it is also wasting it. The waste happened when it was bought or served. Using your body as the trash can isn't better! So toss it guilt free, and continue to gently communicate that you want them to stop serving it up for you.

    Also my weakness is ice cream. I just can't buy it because I can't not eat it.

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