What do do? Totally lost

rl2010
rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello, I am a 52 year old male that has struggled with weight my whole life. I am 5’8 and currently weigh 300 lbs. I believe this obesity has also caused me to have lower back issues and and breathing problems of being out of breath very easily. Walking/standing more than a few minutes hurts. My cholesterol is elevated, triglycerides are high, sugar surprising normal despite family history of diabetes. Sleep apnea (even though doctors have weight loss will not correct it for me), on blood pressure meds to keep it in normal ranges.

I also believe depression has been around a long time that I usually brush off but thinking this is getting worse.


Some history:

I enjoy food too much and we eat takeout or restaurants most nights. This is aided having kids sporting events, or what ever and getting home late. When we do have time I have lost the ambition to cook at home due to lack of easiness and flavorful food that can be made quickly. I can not stand leftovers for most things. I work in an office that we bring in food from delis and restaurants for lunch. (Sick of salads and chicken). Tracking food has been a struggle as I do not know how to measure what is in takeout food when the small delis/restaurants that don’t post calories. Maybe it’s a 200 calorie sandwich or maybe 1000 calories.

I also enjoy and find allot of stress relief in drinking alcohol. Beer or hard liquor and usually have a few drinks 3-4 nights a week.

I did not play many sports as a child and I think that has led to my anti-exercise lifestyle. Tried joining a gym 20 years ago and lasted a month. Bought dumbells and weight bench,now a storage shelf. I have tried walking(now painful). As a kid I liked bicycle riding and bought a new bike (used it once). A new Nordic track exercise bike (used it twice in 2 years). Now winter is here it’s another excuse not to do anything.

Last spring I tried NO carb eating and I was very strict. Ended up losing 47lbs in about 4 months. Went on a vacation where there was not allot of low carb options and that started the down fall and I am now back where I was 8 months ago. I was about 1/2 way to my weight loss goal of 100lbs but that is now long gone. Bought new clothes and now can’t fit in them so off they go to donation. And my old larger clothes don’t fit either.

While most of what I fight against is excuses. And probably correct. But I live by this. The simple idea is trying one thing always fails. The idea of losing a lb a week is not satisfying when I need to lose over 100. Right now I hate the way I feel, I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere.

I agree dad diets are short term and are not sustainable like I found with low carb. Sleeve surgery would probably be a disaster. Same for the new diabetic drugs - once you stop them the weight it back on. Thoughts are to try a psychologist maybe. I just don’t know what I should really do or talk to for help.

Sorry for the book, Anyone else been down this low?

Replies

  • xbowhunter
    xbowhunter Posts: 1,239 Member
    edited December 2023
    Loosing weight is f*&^%*g hard so you have to dig deep. No one can do it for you!

    From reading your post a few obvious things that would make a huge differance.

    Quit drinking cold turkey. a few drinks 3 to 4 times per week = around 3000 calories give or take a few. For me one drink leads to several then the snacks come out and BAM you're over your daily calorie intake 3 to 4 times per week.

    Also start making and prepping your own meals. Eating out is absolutely disastrous for calorie counting.

    Good luck and I hope you well...
  • rl2010
    rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
    I agree I must quit drinking and doing something. drinking for stress relief has been the only choice. Bad food choices as well. My commute is full of traffic (1.5-2hrs in traffic vs 30 min with no traffic) often I find waiting it out at the local place near my office for a few drinks while traffic thins out.

    Making my own food has become a nightmare a full of frustration. I don’t know where it came from but I have no idea where to begin. Thoughts if getting a piece of chicken, putting it in a pan to cook and the thoughts if the bland cardboard tasting meal results in driving me nuts. Now take that chicken and bury it in a sauce and cheese (defeats the point of eating chicken for a healthy meal) is more doable. Vegetables are very hit or miss. Eating salad with a ton of dressing for flavor defeats the purpose. Then the leftovers to bring for lunch. - can’t stand them.

    I am terrified of Exercising. I have gained so much weight I can’t get dressed without being out of breath. The thought of walking even short distances are nightmarish.

    I just do not know how to change my thinking. When I think about making any change or setting a goal frustrated me more.

    The goal of losing a 100 lbs is huge. So some say make it smaller. Losing 5 lbs. to me is no accomplishment and will come back on. So I don’t knit how to brainwash myself on that either.

    Sorry for the rant.
  • Corina1143
    Corina1143 Posts: 3,624 Member
    Choose your hard.
    Being overweight is hard.
    Losing weight is hard.
  • rl2010
    rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
    Not sure what you mean? Overweight apparently is easy since it’s natural.
  • loulee997
    loulee997 Posts: 273 Member
    rl2010 wrote: »
    Hello, I am a 52 year old male that has struggled with weight my whole life. I am 5’8 and currently weigh 300 lbs. I believe this obesity has also caused me to have lower back issues and and breathing problems of being out of breath very easily. Walking/standing more than a few minutes hurts. My cholesterol is elevated, triglycerides are high, sugar surprising normal despite family history of diabetes. Sleep apnea (even though doctors have weight loss will not correct it for me), on blood pressure meds to keep it in normal ranges.

    I also believe depression has been around a long time that I usually brush off but thinking this is getting worse.


    Some history:

    I enjoy food too much and we eat takeout or restaurants most nights. This is aided having kids sporting events, or what ever and getting home late. When we do have time I have lost the ambition to cook at home due to lack of easiness and flavorful food that can be made quickly. I can not stand leftovers for most things. I work in an office that we bring in food from delis and restaurants for lunch. (Sick of salads and chicken). Tracking food has been a struggle as I do not know how to measure what is in takeout food when the small delis/restaurants that don’t post calories. Maybe it’s a 200 calorie sandwich or maybe 1000 calories.

    I also enjoy and find allot of stress relief in drinking alcohol. Beer or hard liquor and usually have a few drinks 3-4 nights a week.

    I did not play many sports as a child and I think that has led to my anti-exercise lifestyle. Tried joining a gym 20 years ago and lasted a month. Bought dumbells and weight bench,now a storage shelf. I have tried walking(now painful). As a kid I liked bicycle riding and bought a new bike (used it once). A new Nordic track exercise bike (used it twice in 2 years). Now winter is here it’s another excuse not to do anything.

    Last spring I tried NO carb eating and I was very strict. Ended up losing 47lbs in about 4 months. Went on a vacation where there was not allot of low carb options and that started the down fall and I am now back where I was 8 months ago. I was about 1/2 way to my weight loss goal of 100lbs but that is now long gone. Bought new clothes and now can’t fit in them so off they go to donation. And my old larger clothes don’t fit either.

    While most of what I fight against is excuses. And probably correct. But I live by this. The simple idea is trying one thing always fails. The idea of losing a lb a week is not satisfying when I need to lose over 100. Right now I hate the way I feel, I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere.

    I agree dad diets are short term and are not sustainable like I found with low carb. Sleeve surgery would probably be a disaster. Same for the new diabetic drugs - once you stop them the weight it back on. Thoughts are to try a psychologist maybe. I just don’t know what I should really do or talk to for help.

    Sorry for the book, Anyone else been down this low?

    It can be so hard.

    I'm losing the same 100 pounds for the third time. I've lost it and kept it off for a while and then gained it back. This time I've changed how I approach weight loss.

    I'm making only small changes. No major life changes. You'd be surprised how much impact small adjustments will make.

    Start small. Switch your alcohol out to lower-calorie alcohol.

    LOW CALORIE ALCOHOL
    • Vodka and soda 82 calories
    • White Wine Spritzer 75 calories
    • Michelob Ultra 100 calories
    • Prosecco 100 calories, 6 ounces
    • Tequila with Fresh Citrus Juice 128 calories
    • Vodka Martini, 128 Calories
    • Rum and Diet Coke 135 calories
    • Heineken Light
    • Dogfish Head Slightly Mighty (IPA)
    • Kona Light
    • Corona Light

    DINNER
    You don't want to cook. That's okay. But you can choose a low-calorie take-out for dinner. I used fast food since I do not what restaurants you prefer.

    Taco Bell--A soft taco is 180 calories.
    Taco Bell-- Bacon Club Chalupa: 450 calories
    Taco Bell -- Veggie Mexican Pizza: 470 calories

    KFC-- Extra Crispy Chicken Drumstick: 170 calories
    KFC -- Chicken Little Sandwich 300 Calories
    KFC -- SNACK Size Famous Bowl 270 calories
    KFC --Green Beans 25 calories
    KFC -- Corn on the Cob 90 calories
    KFC -- Extra Crispy Chicken Tender 140 calories each (without sauce)
    KFC -- Original REcipe Chicken Thigh 270 calories

    ARBYS-- Classic Roast Beef Sandwich: 360 calories

    CHIPOTLE -- Barbacoa Bowl: 200 calories

    CHIC-FIL-A -- Grilled Chicken Sandwich: 380 calories
    CHIC-FIL-A- 8 Piece Breaded Nugget 250 calories
    CHIC-FIL-A --MEDIUM FRUIT CUP-- 70 calories

    SUBWAY-- 6" Steak, Egg White & Cheese Flatbread: 217 calories
    SUBWAY-- 6" Spicy Italian Sub: 208 calories
    SUBWAY-- 6" Veggie Delite Sub: 162 calories

    WENDYS-- SOUR CREAM AND CHIVE BAKED POTATO - 300 calories
    WENDYS-- CHILI CON CARNE 253 calories
    WENDY'S --- Cheeseburger Deluxe Junior 340
    WENDYS-- Jr. Cheeseburger 290 calories
    LUNCH
    Get your dressings or sauces on the side.
    Stay away from salami, pepperoni, or high fat deli meats.
    The calories are the highest with high-fat meats and the dressings on the sandwich.

    *Get any ranch, mayo, or toppings on the side or leave it off.
    Replace with spicy mustard or vinaigrette instead--lower calorie.

    On sandwiches, try removing the top piece of bread on sandwiches. You can either split the bottom bread into 2 pieces or cut it up with a fork/knife.

    These tiny changes should help lower calories without significantly changing your life.

    Every six months, make another SMALL change. A change that won't drastically change your life but will help with weight loss.

    Maybe you start with these small changes and add exercise in later.

    Small, simple, slow, steady.
  • iLive2Walk
    iLive2Walk Posts: 5,410 Member
    I imagine that going out to dinner must be expensive - how about one of those pre-made meal plans - Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, Factor? Or if you want to learn to cook and put meals together - Hello Fresh or Blue Apron?

    I too wanted a quick fix - but in January of 2023 something clicked, and I said "Enough is enough, you have been on a "diet" for years." I also ready that slow and steady also mean less excess skin (which was a real fear factor for me). I started walking, every day! I made a goal to reach 1,500 miles in 2023. Found that wasn't enough to keep me motivated so tried a challenge on MFP. I tried many of them; I highly recommend them. They keep you motivated and accountable. I am still a work in progress, but have lost 64 pounds this year and I owe a lot of my success to these groups. They make losing weight and exercise fun! Give one a try - you won't regret it. (I did make my 1,500 goal and then some - ending the year with 2,500 miles)

    The following are my favorites and both have rounds starting soon. They are friendly competitions with teams - but in a really fun way. Noone really cares who wins, but you work together to try to make your team be on top.

    The first is based off the Biggest Loser TV show, but of course noone gets voted off. There are teams (full disclose I am co-leader in the Determined Desert Tortoises so kind of biased on the best team) who are competing to get the highest score in the challenge and the highest weight loss percentages. The weekly challenges change each week (like a bingo card to check off - with excercise, nutrition and self help chores). The Determined Desert Tortoises are a wonderful group; sharing great ideas, support, motivation, and accountability in such a nonjudgmental way. We would love for you to join us!


    If you are interested in joining the BLC 54 you will need to join our registration team and read about our teams to be ready to join us. Registration runs until Dec 27, the next round starts right after the new year - January 3. Give it a try - you won't be disappointed. Follow the links above to learn about the teams and to register.

    FOLLOW THIS LINK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE DETERMINED DESERT TORTOISE TEAM:

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kdkCp1eT1WatM9XalyEY8gx3j7IKTQLdrwlg6NiJdFM/edit

    FOLLOW THIS LINK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE BIGGEST LOSER CHALLENGE :

    https://blcteam.weebly.com/orientation-page.html

    FOLLOW THIS LINK TO THE REGISTRATION TEAM AND FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS THERE TO SIGN UP

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/140750-the-blc-biggest-loser-challenge-registration-team

    If you are a Harry Potter fan - this challenge is AMAZING. So creative! I am not going to lie, if you do everything (you don't have to), it is a lot. Might not be the best choice if you are just starting. Here is the next round sign-up thread which starts January 12.

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10905099/hogwarts-weight-loss-challenge-term-48-9-week-challenge-january-12th-march-17th#latest

    There are others out there like the Fat to Fit group, and the 5% challenge which are a little less intense - and more a month to month challenge - I like them too!
  • slade51
    slade51 Posts: 188 Member
    What worked for me is not restricting any one thing 100%. I walked for 45 mins or more daily listening to podcasts, cut down candy, soda, alcohol and drank a lot of water before any snacks or meals.

    As the exercise time grew and weight dropped I started biking and joined a gym. After a while, I lost cravings for sweets and looked forward to the long walks.

    Try different exercises to find what you like to do, then keep at it. The more you do, the better you feel.
  • rl2010
    rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
    For the most part I don’t eat sweets. Don’t mind water, 0 carb soda here and there. I’ve cut way back on beer to a few once in a while but alcohol in general is vodka/soda or bourbon with ice. So while alcohol is still there it’s the lesser of the evils as far as calories goes.

    It’s finding a way to have food and make food that is decent and keep be satisfied and not running to a stakeout restaurant for flavor. I used to cook but don’t have the time to prep and nothing comes out good anymore. I end up tossing most of the food in the trash then I am hunting for junk to eat. The thinks I like to eat in the past year since I stopped keto at home are pasta, or something similar. Everything else has been takeout from more pasta and something, Chinese, eating out at Mexican or fast food crap. Sad when you think of it. I can’t think of anything great I have eaten in a while. I love fish - never make it. No one in the house will eat it so we don’t. I’ll order it out but smothered in some sauce that is not healthy.

    When on keto I was very restrictive to lose 47 lbs. lunches were grilled chicken cesar salads, occasional Cobb salad, and when home tuna out of a pouch. Lots of pickles and cheese sticks to kill the cravings. Dinners were a mix or anything that had no carbs or skipped meals. Now I think of grilled chicken and I want to throw up.

    I may try keto again but in the end that will be another yo-yo. I feel worse now that I gained all the weight back. Breathing is horrendous. Walking 5 steps feels like I need oxygen. Can’t stand for more than a few minutes and can’t walk more than short distances. Don’t know how I would exercise at this point. Just put on a winter jacket. I can’t zip it. I am a mess. Don’t have a good doctor to talk with. All say lose weight. News flash. If that is what doctors are charging for I’ll become one and rip people off.
  • rl2010
    rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
    And thank you all for the replies. I am reading and trying to figure out how to incorporate any change
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    If you read your own post.. it is pretty clear why you weigh 300 pounds. It is also clear you don't want to do the work to lose the weight.. but you are at the point of thinking about it. that's good. I wish i could tell you . you can eat fast food....and not exercise and do something easy to lose more than 100 pounds.
    But .. yeah losing weight takes changing your entire life. and it takes work.. The payoff is ease of life.. movement.. fitting in ... and being able to walk away from things that right now you think you really need.
  • rl2010
    rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
    I know why I am overweight and unhealthy. Due to self hate, stress, depression, and time.

    What I don’t know is how to change. And permanently. It’s all mental. I’ve become so jaded I don’t know where to begin to cook at home to make a healthy meal that at least satisfies me to get going. Thinking about cooking grilled chicken and some vegetable infuriates me. And I know there will be a few nights where I won’t be home until after 9. Starting to cook a meal at 9 means eating at 10. I can’t stand leftovers so preparing ahead of time and just microwaving something is not for me.

    Also what food staples to have on hand that I could eat on the fly for a meal. Say frozen to done in a few minutes? Or something not refrigerated that I can eat from scratch?
  • rl2010
    rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
    I also do not think I could exercise with my current state. Breathing is horrible. Out of breath walking 10’ft. Back hurts when standing/walking.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,941 Member
    edited December 2023
    More later. Do you have access to physiotherapy? They might help you with your back and slowly mobilizing you again. You work in an office? Is there a communal kutchen? Get up, get your drinks regularly instead if having them on yoyr desk. Tiny walks, but might help you get moving more again.
  • Skylightsauc
    Skylightsauc Posts: 16 Member
    rl2010 wrote: »
    I also do not think I could exercise with my current state. Breathing is horrible. Out of breath walking 10’ft. Back hurts when standing/walking.

    I just finished reading all your posts and a lot of it sounds familiar. You say you want to make changes but then add road blocks as to why you can't. You are right about one thing. Something has to change in your mind. You have to snap!
    It happened to me in August while on a trip. I could not keep up with the walking, I couldn't climb stairs, and constantly worried about what barrier would be next. I was miserable because I was over weight. I was a normal weight at your age after a year on WW. I felt great, got a new job and loved my life. Over the years I gained the weight back. I'm retired now and have had to face facts. It's my last chance to make permanent changes.
    I really think you have to get to that place of looking down the road and asking what you want the rest of your life to be. You have to face it, then you have to stop making excuses. For example, you CAN exercise. Start by exercising while sitting in a chair. Lots of videos on YouTube to help.
    Also stock up on frozen veggies, and already portioned fish and chicken. Learn to make some one pan meals, by putting one portion of meat and two vegetables in an electric skillet. It takes 10 minutes. While it's cooking make a small salad, or stir together a quick sauce. I make honey mustard, Chipotle sour cream with lime, or worchestershire with tarragon etc. All I make is about a tablespoon.
    I get the desire to have a few drinks too. Switch to the lightest beer available and drink a glass of water after the first one, or vodka and soda in a tall glass-just one. BUT first you have to want to do this. Get determined, change your mindset. Tear down your road blocks.
  • rl2010
    rl2010 Posts: 16 Member
    Thank toy. I just came home to avoid fast food. Nothing in the house healthy or remotely ready to eat. So you know what. I am off to find fast foods. I can not do this. I don’t know why I vented here and should t have . Thank you for your suggestions. I’ll face inevitable and up the life insurance . At this rate 53 won’t happen .
  • cacarbine1
    cacarbine1 Posts: 1 Member
    Please don’t doubt yourself. You are capable and you can become a better version of yourself. You will mess up, you will make mistakes. But then you will keep trying and you will become healthier! If you made one change today to sit in a chair and lift your legs 5 times, or walked in place for a 10 steps every time you are about to sit down, those are wins! Even if you ate fast food all day. Give yourself at least one win today! I’ll be praying for you. You are capable!

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