How to Keep Going

Reneesantiago56 · January 13

Just want to know how to keep trying, when I have failed so many times that my family does not believe in me anymore. It's so difficult and disheartening.

yirara · January 13

Where does it go wrong? And maybe a sneaky comment but why does your family need to know?

refactored · January 13

I like this quote from Thomas Edison: "I have not failed. I've just found 10000 ways that won't work." Write down all the approaches you have tried and why you think it didn't work out. Make a plan based on what you have learnt. If you need some motivation I recommend the Half Size Me podcast or you tube videos. Her paper pencil journal approach is good if you want to learn more about your eating habits and start changing your habits:

csplatt · January 13

How long do you tend to work at it before you give up?

sollyn23l2 · January 13

Reneesantiago56 wrote: »

Just want to know how to keep trying, when I have failed so many times that my family does not believe in me anymore. It's so difficult and disheartening.

Here's my perspective: it's unfair to expect/require anyone else to believe in you. It's not their job. They have lives and concerns of their own. We all do. And let's be honest... them believing in you before didn't really make a difference in your success, or you wouldn't still be in the same situation. You losing weight isn't their goal, it's yours. You have to believe in yourself. When I teach my three year olds the phrase "can we fix it? Yes we can!" It's so they learn to believe in themself, not so that they depend on someone else to believe in them.

springlering62 · January 13

I was all dramatic and would loudly announce to family “I’m going to lose weight, yall don’t let me eat thus and so and make me do this and that exercise”.

Cue the eye rolls. Cuz…..:

The first time someone said something to me about what I was eating or (not) doing, I’d snap off at them and do the exact opposite- to an extreme.

What worked best for me was shutting my mouth, setting a goal,learning everything I could about how to achieve that goal, working towards that goal, and most of all, forgiveness to myself if I missed a goal for a day or two or three, as long as I found myself back working towards it.

I am wearing a yoga top this morning that my daughter sent me when I lost weight. She hadn’t seen me in a year or so. I imagine when I said I’d “lost weight”, she did the long-distance eye roll, and tbh, probably sent me the top, which she used to wear herself, in a fit of childishness. She was floored when she visited and I wore it to please her.

She also thought I was terminally ill and had hidden it from her, though, lol. Frankly, because I’d trained her to a lifetime of low expectations.

cmriverside · January 13

What worked best for me was shutting my mouth, setting a goal,learning everything I could about how to achieve that goal, working towards that goal, and most of all, forgiveness to myself if I missed a goal for a day or two or three, as long as I found myself back working towards it.

^^This. Every word. Especially the shutting my mouth part. That's important - less food gets in.

I set a Goal. I planned for and pre-paid for a vacation eight months in the future because that's how long I figured it would take me to lose 60 pounds and be comfortable in shorts, tank tops and a bathing suit for a week. That was a big motivator. I even started buying clothes in too small sizes. That was a little dicier because I really didn't know what size I'd be...but it worked out.

Then I set exercise goals. Nothing too drastic, just stuff I like to do that is active.

I couldn't give up because 60 pounds and a trip to a tropical island.

wm3796 · January 13

If you are tired of failing and starting over, then decide right now you won’t fail and won’t have to start over. Remember the good feeling you have when you step in the scale and see the change. Think of the more energy you will have. Think of how much easier it will be just to walk, climb stairs. Keep these thoughts with you when you reach for that high caloric food, late night snack, extra serving, high caloric dessert. These thoughts may help you make the right choices to be successful. There is so much positive things that will happen to your body when your weight is a good range!

actual_bears · January 13

One of my favorite things I learned in therapy is that half-assed is better than no-assed. In other words, it's better to do something badly than to not do it at all. I do things badly constantly, and when I have the energy to do it "perfectly," I try to, but I don't beat myself up over not doing it the "right" way. I track my meals even when I know I'll go over my calories, because that's what half-assing it looks like to me. This week, I went over on my calories more days than not. But that's okay, because I'm building a habit right now. When this habit is ingrained, I'll start fine-tuning my meals so I go over less often. Just do one small thing every day, even if it feels insignificant. Even if it's just adding in vegetables on top of your normal meals, or parking in the furthest parking spot to get some extra steps in. Build your habits, and keep building them, even if you have to half-*kitten* them.

And don't worry about what anyone has to say. In my opinion, the more doubters, the more people you get to surprise when those tiny habits start paying off!

AnnPT77 · January 13

Reneesantiago56 wrote: »

Just want to know how to keep trying, when I have failed so many times that my family does not believe in me anymore. It's so difficult and disheartening.

It's not about your family, it's about you. I hate to say it, but I think motivation comes from inside. No one else does it for me. It's all about what I choose to put in my mouth, chew, and swallow; plus how much and how I decide to move my body. I'm 100% in control of both those things. I can decide to change that, or not.

My best advice would be to pick an approach for yourself that's as easy as possible to stick with, while still making gradual progress, rather than trying extreme eating or exercise in pursuit of fast weight loss.

Sometimes a moderate weight loss rate a person can stick with will get them to goal weight in less calendar time (and for sure with less stress!) than restrictive eating rules, ultra low calories, or punitively intense exercise that causes deprivation-triggered overeating, breaks in the action, or even giving up altogether.

I also endorse the idea of not telling other people about it: All that ever seems to do is provoke unwanted questions, suggestions or interference. Thinking others can/should "motivate" us can also make it tempting to blame others if something goes wrong, which is counter productive, IME.

You can do this, if you choose to do this, and commit to make some changes in your daily eating and activity habits. They can be small, gradual changes - those add up.

Best wishes for success: The results are worth the effort, IME.

littlegreenparrot1 · January 14

We are what we repeatedly do. Make a change and stick to it, eventually it's just habit and no effort.

I find how I talk to myself is important. To quote yoda, 'do or do not do, there is no try'

I don't try, I make decisions and action them. Always realistic though, I'm not big on suffering.

So, tomorrow I'll go for a swim before work. Breakfast will be overnight oats because it's easy and I like them. Lunch will be leftover soup from what I make tonight. Dinner will be something light and quick so I I don't feel nasty when I go out again to pilates. Tomorrow I'll work out Tuesday and so on it goes...

I am fundamentally lazy and greedy, I won't do things that are hard, complicated, or I don't like. No point beating myself up for that, easier to work with my nature than against it. What's important is that I believe in me.

Adventurista · January 14

I hear you. I tried to quit smoking and lose weight for years, always eventually stopped trying/quit and regained weight/smoked again.

One time, told someone I was quitting smoking (again) and they replied, you won't. Not, good for you, hope you do this time, but, no you won't. I was crushed.

I like coming here, where other people are trying to. Can talk about it here. I stopped talking about it in the real world except when very necessary. Can't stand the judgement or smart-stupid comments anymore. It would be nice to have real support and understanding from friends/family but they just don't, so places like this help.

Ps (edit to add) - just gotta keep trying... 1 more time, 1 more day, every day... like getting dressed or brushing our hair - it's about taking care of ourselves... over and over and over. Don't need to explain, justify or defend that to anyone... it is ok to take care of ourself.

Dreamroper · January 15

It's so hard sometimes, isn't it? It just feels like a cloud over your head that follows you around. Good advice here for sure, and that old saying: take one day at a time, is probably the best. Just one day, you can get through just one day. Then the next day. You can get through just one more day. Good luck. We know how hard it is, and many others are struggling with you. You are not alone on this journey.

mlconstant5 · January 16

Everyone is so different on how people get motivated, stay motivated and most importantly, how to keep going when motivation is low.
I cannot tell you have many times in the last few years I set goals, told my husband “this is it” and then stop after a week or so and “fail”. For me, reading Atomic Habits by James Clear is what shifted my mindset. Especially on days that I don’t feel like doing anything I’ll say “what can I do today that will better my tomorrow?” It can be small. I also found being kinder to myself because the day doesn’t need to be perfect but do something.I started by making small daily goals to accomplish and by the end of the week and month, those small accomplishments really add up!
Also, I find writing down your WHY while you are in a strong wave of motivation helpful because on a day that motivation is low, it’s a great reminder to read what’s important to you.

millej238 · January 16

One of my favorite things I learned in therapy is that half-assed is better than no-assed. In other words, it's better to do something badly than to not do it at all.

This is it exactly - consistency in showing up is key

For me I've found a few things keep my weight in check:

1. Log my food honestly & accurately every day (including weighing things where I can, or over-estimating calorie counts on foods where I'm not sure)

2. Dont restrict calories too much from maintenance calories - for me, I cant stick to eating 1500 a day. I'm losing very slowly at 1900 and I find this manageable

3. Do something physical daily where I move my body. In line with the quote above, some days I'm motivated enough for a hard strength training program and then some days I drag myself out for a half-assed walk.

4. Find small healthier substitutes for food items - especially things I eat every day. Instead of full cream milk go to a reduced fat or skim milk.

You can do this - you just need to try every day!!!!

kshama2001 · January 16

Reneesantiago56 wrote: »

Just want to know how to keep trying, when I have failed so many times that my family does not believe in me anymore. It's so difficult and disheartening.

Although you didn't mention the word "motivation," it seems like that is what you are struggling with? I'd never get anything done if I needed motivation to do it. Instead, I force myself to create healthy habits and just do things until they become routine.

For example, I walk during my breaks at work. I only WANT to do it when it's nice out, but I do it no matter what (there's an indoor option which isn't nearly as pleasant as being outside on a nice day, but I get my steps in.)

Here's my favorite article on motivation: https://www.wisdomination.com/screw-motivation-what-you-need-is-discipline/

Rahray771 · January 17

I was feeling discouraged (and hungry!) tonight, so I came on this community board instead of thinking about what I can't eat! It was so helpful! Thank you all!

I'm going to try your suggestions. For instance, I will keep my diet to myself. Hard to do because I cook for my husband and he doesn't need to diet.

Lots of encouragement here, though! Thank you all! I hope you find the same inspiration and strength to keep going!

springlering62 · January 17

Rahray771 wrote: »

I was feeling discouraged (and hungry!) tonight, so I came on this community board instead of thinking about what I can't eat! It was so helpful! Thank you all!

I'm going to try your suggestions. For instance, I will keep my diet to myself. Hard to do because I cook for my husband and he doesn't need to diet.

Lots of encouragement here, though! Thank you all! I hope you find the same inspiration and strength to keep going!

Mine gets what’s put in front of him. He didn’t even notice because I made an effort to make sure it was still tasty.

When he saw me losing weight was when he decided to join me here.

I’ve tried to make it to where it’s not punishing for either of us, but especially him. I make sure he gets lots of desserts or snacks. The low cal ice cream, he’s vastly disappointed if I forgot to prep the mix. Low cal apple pie was a massive hit, and right now I’m experimenting with low cal sugar free cheesecake. Absolutely zero complaints from that direction. 👍🏻

Rockymountainliving · January 17

I also do all the cooking. Does my husband NEED to lose weight? No. Does eating healthier benefit his body? Yes. He gets bigger portions and sometimes I go meatless while he gets lamb (which I find gacky and he loves).

How to Keep Going

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