Boyfriend trouble

lbrockman2197
lbrockman2197 Posts: 10 Member
My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

Replies

  • TorontoDiane
    TorontoDiane Posts: 1,413 Member
    mixed signals happen when communication breaks down... it happens far too often sadly
  • Adventurista
    Adventurista Posts: 1,785 Member
    Hold your ground. Pressure does not equal real respect.
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,739 Member
    He was hoping you'd reconsider putting out if he wowed you.

    Is this decision a temporary thing?
  • Songbird_30
    Songbird_30 Posts: 20 Member
    He made the effort to see if you might change your mind.
    He shouldn’t give you ultimatums it’s your body and your decision, if he truly cares he will respect it.
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    edited February 18
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    Were you always abstinent in this relationship or is it something you changed in the relationship recently? You of course have every right to make your own decisions on your body and beliefs. Any one who cares about you should respect this. However, in an adult relationship if a dynamic of it changes where one party is no longer happy, that party has every right to not want to be in the relationship any longer. Respect goes both ways. And difference in beleifs on what is important to a relationship should be respected on both sides.

    I would add this. If you were always abstinent in your relationship then your bf knew what was up and should not have a problem with it now. Also, if he is trying to manipulate you to try and change your mind that is a d nozzle move and you should kick him to the curb.

    As an adult a person has every right to say i do not want to be in a sexless relationship just as much as someone that says they want to be abstinent. The only thing that each has to do is respect the opinion of each other.

    That’s a good point

    Something about this post tingles my Spidey senses
  • Revolu7
    Revolu7 Posts: 1,035 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    Were you always abstinent in this relationship or is it something you changed in the relationship recently? You of course have every right to make your own decisions on your body and beliefs. Any one who cares about you should respect this. However, in an adult relationship if a dynamic of it changes where one party is no longer happy, that party has every right to not want to be in the relationship any longer. Respect goes both ways. And difference in beleifs on what is important to a relationship should be respected on both sides.

    I would add this. If you were always abstinent in your relationship then your bf knew what was up and should not have a problem with it now. Also, if he is trying to manipulate you to try and change your mind that is a d nozzle move and you should kick him to the curb.

    As an adult a person has every right to say i do not want to be in a sexless relationship just as much as someone that says they want to be abstinent. The only thing that each has to do is respect the opinion of each other.

    That’s a good point

    Something about this post tingles my Spidey senses

    Yup, i get that feeling too
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,135 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    Were you always abstinent in this relationship or is it something you changed in the relationship recently? You of course have every right to make your own decisions on your body and beliefs. Any one who cares about you should respect this. However, in an adult relationship if a dynamic of it changes where one party is no longer happy, that party has every right to not want to be in the relationship any longer. Respect goes both ways. And difference in beleifs on what is important to a relationship should be respected on both sides.

    I would add this. If you were always abstinent in your relationship then your bf knew what was up and should not have a problem with it now. Also, if he is trying to manipulate you to try and change your mind that is a d nozzle move and you should kick him to the curb.

    As an adult a person has every right to say i do not want to be in a sexless relationship just as much as someone that says they want to be abstinent. The only thing that each has to do is respect the opinion of each other.

    That’s a good point

    Something about this post tingles my Spidey senses

    I always assume these are troll post - but hopefully it works out for op
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    edited February 19
    😐
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,135 Member
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    😐

    You give the best advice !
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    😐

    You give the best advice !

    Thank you. And I just want you to know, we can continue to be friends whether you put out of not. 🤗

    Though some chocolate once in awhile would be nice.
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,135 Member
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    😐

    You give the best advice !

    Thank you. And I just want you to know, we can continue to be friends whether you put out of not. 🤗

    Though some chocolate once in awhile would be nice.

    How do you feel about sweeet and sour candies ?? Sour straws - sour patch kids and what not - otherwise I guess I’ll have to put out 🤷‍♂️
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,982 Member
    Sex is very important to me. So if all of a sudden the decision of my SO was to abstain from having it, then I would likely move on.
    But this doesn't sound like an adult relationship.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,739 Member
    Isn't lent coming up? That's what I was thinking.
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    😐

    You give the best advice !

    Thank you. And I just want you to know, we can continue to be friends whether you put out of not. 🤗

    Though some chocolate once in awhile would be nice.

    How do you feel about sweeet and sour candies ?? Sour straws - sour patch kids and what not - otherwise I guess I’ll have to put out 🤷‍♂️

    No sour candies! When should I expect you?
  • avamurawski123
    avamurawski123 Posts: 4 Member
    Relationship are hard but he might be confused himself.
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    In all seriousness, I’m very sorry your boyfriend lost both his hands. It’s probably been hard for him to adapt. ❤️
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    edited February 19
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    In all seriousness, I’m very sorry your boyfriend lost both his hands. It’s probably been hard for him to adapt. ❤️

    Also, without the use of his hands, I can see why you don’t mind abstaining. 🤭 Okay I’m done now.. 🚪 🦒
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    edited February 19
    glassyo wrote: »
    Isn't lent coming up? That's what I was thinking.

    It’s Lent now, except I don’t think you count Sundays. Oh wait. It’s Monday isn’t it
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    In all seriousness, I’m very sorry your boyfriend lost both his hands. It’s probably been hard for him to adapt. ❤️

    I think I missed that chapter
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    In all seriousness, I’m very sorry your boyfriend lost both his hands. It’s probably been hard for him to adapt. ❤️

    I think I missed that chapter

    I added it. Isn’t this one of those continue on the story posts? 🤔
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    You would be amazed how he compensates
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    edited February 19
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    My boyfriend told me a couple days ago that our relationship won’t last til next month because I recently decided to be abstinent. But yesterday he took me on this amazing date. He gave me valentines gifts, took me to a nice Italian dinner and belted songs in the car with me. I love him but if he’s serious I don’t know what to do. Why’s he sending me mixed signals?

    Were you always abstinent in this relationship or is it something you changed in the relationship recently? You of course have every right to make your own decisions on your body and beliefs. Any one who cares about you should respect this. However, in an adult relationship if a dynamic of it changes where one party is no longer happy, that party has every right to not want to be in the relationship any longer. Respect goes both ways. And difference in beleifs on what is important to a relationship should be respected on both sides.

    I would add this. If you were always abstinent in your relationship then your bf knew what was up and should not have a problem with it now. Also, if he is trying to manipulate you to try and change your mind that is a d nozzle move and you should kick him to the curb.

    As an adult a person has every right to say i do not want to be in a sexless relationship just as much as someone that says they want to be abstinent. The only thing that each has to do is respect the opinion of each other.

    That’s a good point

    Something about this post tingles my Spidey senses

    I always assume these are troll post - but hopefully it works out for op

    wd99ugrhrk4k.gif
    I refuse to pay the troll toll
  • lbrockman2197
    lbrockman2197 Posts: 10 Member
    glassyo wrote: »
    He was hoping you'd reconsider putting out if he wowed you.

    Is this decision a temporary thing?
    glassyo wrote: »
    He was hoping you'd reconsider putting out if he wowed you.

    Is this decision a temporary thing?
    glassyo wrote: »
    He was hoping you'd reconsider putting out if he wowed you.

    Is this decision a temporary thing?

    I wasn’t always abstinent, no. But I have been for a bit and recently he’s been pressuring me more and more to do it. While he’s said he’d support me and that he’s proud of me, he seems to be contradicting himself.

  • lbrockman2197
    lbrockman2197 Posts: 10 Member
    Oopsies responded to the wrong one 🤷‍♀️
  • lbrockman2197
    lbrockman2197 Posts: 10 Member
    glassyo wrote: »
    He was hoping you'd reconsider putting out if he wowed you.

    Is this decision a temporary thing?

    No
  • lbrockman2197
    lbrockman2197 Posts: 10 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Sex is very important to me. So if all of a sudden the decision of my SO was to abstain from having it, then I would likely move on.
    But this doesn't sound like an adult relationship.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png


    Errrrmm no we are both adults 😂
  • Adventurista
    Adventurista Posts: 1,785 Member
    Sorry he continues to pressure. Imagine you have told him why. Some things are deal breakers, some not, and that is really only something you can determine.

    Fwiw, coercion and ultimatims, manipulations were dealbreakers for me. And no regrets. Hope you wake up one morning and know, either way.