Calorie Counting and Social Life

I have a couple of private food entries for Generic Stuff 20% Protein and Generic Stuff 4% Protein. They are 100 calories each with 5g and 1g protein respectively. I don't care about the other macros.

If it's a one-off sort of meal, I'll get the best estimate I can, and in your case it might have to be eye-balling it and guessing based on your tracking experience, and enter it as say 8 * Generic Stuff for 800 calories. Always make an effort to track everything, even if it's just a guess. So what if you're off by a couple hundred, it's a one-off, it's noise in the long run.

You should also be experienced enough from tracking to look at the meal and decide whether it's best to have a smaller portion or not worry about it. You could also load your plate with more veggies and less carbs if possible.

If it's a work event, you know when it will be. Maybe "bank" some calories in the days before and after, and enjoy yourself that night.

xbowhunter wrote: »

I don't count calories when I go out for dinner.

Life is wat too short for that kind of nonsense.

How often do you go out for dinner or order take out?

Twice a day? Once every day or second day? On Friday, Saturday and Sunday of every week?

Sure, i would not worry THAT much about a meal or so a week.

But frequent 1500 to 2000 Cal meals cannot fit in all budgets

Adapt you have to. And yet to start with some big picture wins.

The biggest one for you is going to be figuring out long term how you can walk away from the table with the correct proportion of calories compared to hubby.

Sounds like he may be a OMAD person by nature. And get a good extra 1000 Cal budget on top of yours to begin with.

So you may need to change the mix of what you eat with him. Or figure out the proportions which may be plates 2/3 or 1/2 of his... not equal.

Dinner plate for him ... salad plate for you? An apple or some dates 20-30 min before dinner? 🤷‍♂️

I know that some of this is not your question, but . . .

jackjackattck wrote: »

Thank you all, this is great advice so far! I am an Engineer and like things in black and white, and I have spent most of my adult life being "all or nothing" with dieting (fairly unsuccessfully). I will get all the motivation to start fresh, weigh myself and take "starting" pictures, make up a fancy spreadsheet on Excel with goals and a tracker, then the second I deviate and have red marks all over my fancy spreadsheet I give up and delete it. I can't tell you how many Excel sheets I started and deleted!

With gentleness in my heart (sincerely), but with frankness in my typing fingers: That's not really a full bore scientist/engineer approach, is it? I'm sensing some emotion in there . . . maybe even some guilt, self-recrimination, and that sort of thing? That's not an accusation: We're all human. I get it.

The data can help you, if you're a data geek like me. But what scientist scraps the whole project whenever an outlier bit of data enters the picture? (An unsuccessful scientist, I'm thinking.)

I'm not saying you need to take the data-focused approach, but if you lean that way, lean all the way into it. Track the good, the bad, the everything. Learn from it. It really can be insight-provoking.

There are strategies that can help, I think, but if you can bring a bit more strategic and a bit less subjective focus to the situation, that may help you better sort out what works and what doesn't.

The times when I WAS successful, as mentioned, were before I had a baby and I lived alone - I could spend 1 hour doing HIIT cardio workouts and eat plain grilled chicken and be satisfied. My lifestyle now with a young toddler and both my husband and I working beyond full time, I don't have time for HIIT workouts, and I can't be as picky about what I eat (my husband is the cook in the family, I can't deal with it after working 50 hours). So thats why I feel it had to be all or nothing - when I was in great shape I was exercising A LOT and eating very healthy. It seems so daunting, that I now need to loose 75 lbs. and it's like I am staring at the bottom of Mt. Everest thinking there is no way in hell I can maintain what lifestyle I used to when I was fit in my 20s. I suppose I need a better real life way of accounting for variation and flexibility and not be so black and white, maybe that will help me when I deviate and I won't give up and run away.

I am also trying Intermittent Fasting so far this year which has been successful for me to just control my intake better. My husband is thin and a big eater, so skipping a meal in the morning has been helping me feel less guilty and have some ability to indulge in a higher calorie dinner. For now I know I did not gain 75 lbs. overnight (although it was only over a few months while pregnant yikes), I will not lose it overnight. I am trying to focus on small things (like IF and taking more walks) but somehow my mind keeps telling me I'm not doing all the things I did when I was in good shape. Yet... my life has changed, so maybe it is time for my strategy to change.

To the bolded: Well, yeah. Different circumstances, different tactics.

I grasp the basic situation. (I was married to one of those guys, too. (Widowed now, not divorced. ))

I noticed that you don't seem to have answered PAV's question about how often there are dinners out and that sort of thing. Maybe I'm wrong, but that makes me think there's a little catastrophizing going on in your mind (which is also not "scientist thinking" .)

It sounds like IF is helping you. This is good thinking.

In general, I use the tactics in your first post for meals out: Estimate as best I can, using MFP database entries on the high side. I also use PAV's "snap a phone photo" method when it's polite. (Put a fork or something obvious in the photo for scale. Remember to turn off the flash.)

There are other things I think are polite in others' homes, applied with sensitivity: "This is so delicious! How did you cook it? Can I have your recipe?" "What kind of cheese is this? It's just right in this dish!" etc. That kind of questioning definitive, but it gives hints about calorie level. Of course, the one plate idea is good. Of course, excuses are useful: "Just a tiny slice of pie, please. Looks so delicious, wish I had skipped lunch so I'd have more room." If self-serving, hit the salad/veggies hard. Etc.

Honestly, if the meals out are only a few times a week, estimating is good enough. If you're always over on those days, maybe set a conservative (slow) weight loss rate in MFP, then under-eat goal a little bit most days ("bank calories") in order to have some wiggle room for meals out. It sounds like your husband is cooperative about cooking variations for you, so his help is meaningful here. I assume he knows your goals for improving your health, and understands this will benefit him long-term as well.

Reading between the lines here, so maybe this doesn't apply: It's really important not to give in to "I ate more calories than I had available at lunch, so I'm going to throw in the towel for today and eat whatever for the rest of the day". I'm not saying to skip eating if you're hungry later. What I'm suggesting is that if you have a challenging meal coming up, plan for it: Maybe eat lightly earlier, and - if hungry later in the day after the high-calorie meal - choose something that's filling and nutritious but relatively low calorie to fill out the day.

After some kind of off-plan event, no point in beating yourself up about it. That burns no extra calories and feels bad, so why do it? Look at the clock. Spend no more than 10 minutes thinking about the off-plan situation. Was it worth it? (Sometimes it is, IME . . . especially when during loss most of these things only delay reaching goal weight by a few hours, maybe a day.)

If it wasn't worth it in retrospect, spend that 10 minutes thinking how to manage similar circumstances differently next time they arrive. Mentally revise your plan accordingly. Rehearse the new plan vividly in your head a few times, like a mini-movie.

Then let it go: Log your best estimate, and get back on plan immediately. Next time similar circumstances arrive, test-drive that new plan. If it worked, great, keep it in your toolbox. If it didn't, think of an alternative, and try that next time instead.

It's an experimental process, right? Something that doesn't work isn't a personal failure, it's a learning experience about something that doesn't work for you. That's useful. Learn from it, and try something else. You'll work it out. (Or you may decide some few things aren't worth worry. I'm heading into year 8 of maintenance, still don't handle potluck situations well through some combination of temptation, hedonism, and FOMO. I finally figured out that since I only go to a few potlucks a year, this isn't a life crisis. I usually eat over goal, and that has very little impact in the big picture.)

In my view, what we're really trying to do in these circumstances is figure out new permanent habits that don't just get us to goal weight, but also help us stay around that weight long term (ideally forever) almost on autopilot. Losing weight may be hard, but many people think maintaining is harder. Sometime during loss, I think that means it's a really good idea to find those relatively-easy maintenance habits, and practice them until they're routine. Just my opinion, though.

Best wishes!