WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2024

Rosemarie2972 · April 24

I need to go back and catch up on the comments.

My husband declined over 7 years and I handled more and more of the household issues. He did continue to work until 2 years before he passed. I am very proud of him for this. Yet I feared the landing into widowhood. I don't know why..we had arranged for me to have a fairly soft landing into widowhood. And it was a soft landing. I do worry about housing for the future as property taxes increase.

Carol: Believe it or not, I am driving from Middle GA up to Athens for this Grief Share group. I like the Athens/Watkinsville area. My husband and I had considered retiring there. Maybe I will go there in the future.

This morning I purchased a pre-planned garden to make a memory garden. My gardening has always been iffy. It gets very hot and I do not go out and water like I should. However I am excited that i do not need to select the plants. The plants are deer resistant so I do not have to figure out what plants at Lowes are deer resistant. I am looking forward to this!

https://www.americanmeadows.com/product/pre-planned-gardens/deer-resistant-garden?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=GSN - Items - AMI|Perennials|C:None&gad_source=4&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8vO_xcLZhQMVPTcIBR2y5whAEAQYBiABEgJkzvD_BwE

Best,
Rosemarie from GA

MsElphaba · April 24

Good morning, Friends!

63F and sunny here in Jacksonville, FL, going up to 83F today.

Kylia: Glad you enjoyed SIX! Still singing the songs? I hope that was a nice break for everything else going on.

I agree with Machka, I don't think "Training to be a Widow" is the right way to look at it. I don't think we should prepare to be independent, we should be able to be independent any time. I love my boyfriend Ed, but he can be a bump on a log. We've been together 13 years, maintain separate residences (though he is part owner in our house), and will probably never marry. I decided years ago that when he said he wasn't interested in doing something, that didn't mean I couldn't do it. I've been a much happier person because of it! I've learned to travel by myself, go to movies on my own, even eat out by myself. I'm pretty good company! Sure sometimes I drag some friends or my dog along, but being with just me, myself, and I. After having been in two marriages where my husband and I were joined at the hip, being able to do my own thing is verra nice. If something were to happen to Ed, I would be sad of course, but I don't feel I would need to "learn" how to be without him.

Story:
Spotting BabaYaga in the now crowded kitchen, Gretel grabs Hansel and heads for the front door of the castle. At least the dead body has provided a distraction for them to leave to party and look for BabaYaga’s delicious house.
They push through the large wooden doors into the cool night air. As they are descending the castle steps, they spot a cloaked figure lurking at the bottom of the steps. They tip toe as far as they can along the opposite side of the large stone steps. When they get to the bottom, they turn onto the pathway leading away from the castle and to the main road. Just when they think they are in the clear, a hand harshly grabs Hansel’s shoulder. He yells. Gretel turns to see the cloaked figure grabbing Hansel. She body slams the figure to the ground, pushes back the hood of the cloak to see that it is….

Linda
Jacksonville, FL

pipcd34 · April 24

439439

OregonMother · April 24

Annie -- check for a tripped GFCI outlet. It looks like a regular outlet with a red button on it. Push the button in and see if that works. A circuit may also be tripped in the fuse box. You can check to make sure they are all "on". Good luck!

Flea
Willamette Valley OR

drkatiebug · April 24

Rosemarie2972 wrote: »

I need to go back and catch up on the comments.

Carol: Believe it or not, I am driving from Middle GA up to Athens for this Grief Share group. I like the Athens/Watkinsville area. My husband and I had considered retiring there. Maybe I will go there in the future.

Best,
Rosemarie from GA

I am only 20 minutes north of Athens. If you are ever in town and want to meet up for lunch or coffee, let me know!

SophieRosieMom · April 24

Heather - glad you'll be able to see Bea, if only for a little while. Busy kids! Did Max get his hat yet?

More thoughts on being a widow - Carol's comment:

To me, the term "widow" is simply this: a woman who has lost her spouse by death and has not remarried. There isn't a "best" way to deal with it. We are all different. For some of us, it can be viewed as being alone, being lonely, being by ourselves, being independent, being free to do what we want when we want, taking on new tasks we aren't familiar with, being sad, being lost, feeling hopeless.... some or all of the above, depending on the situation, and lots more I haven't listed.

I also think that having been married while young to the same man for many decades - just out of high school or college, for example, and then losing this person, might be different than what others may have experienced that have taken a different route, and may have lived by themselves for a while. Being a caregiver for an ailing spouse can add another layer.

I understand Carol's observation that she's "preparing for widowhood". (Carol, apologies in advance if I'm invading your territory here.) She's preparing for eventual change, whatever than means for her. Just as others of you are preparing for possible life changes in other ways. I don't think Carol is looking at it wrong. Carol is processing and preparing it the best she knows how in a way that is right for her even though she might find herself in uncomfortable territory.

For me, it's been an ongoing process and I've been able to handle some things much better than I thought I would, but I've also failed in areas I thought I had prepared for. I learn as I go, and deal with the uncomfortable a lot.

I just looked out the window and three deer have discovered the bird feeder. Yikes! Need to get going and spray "liquid fence" on the shrubs that are just starting to leaf out.

Back in a bit.

Lanette

SW WA State

kevrit · April 24

Read up to PG. 47. Have appointments today so will catch up later…

RVRita

grandmallie · April 24

Bad bad news on the baby front
Tracy is beside herself and wants to be alone.
Went to the FMD.and the one twin that had forearm missing is in much worse state ,shows it has no stomach and has heart defect.. and quite a few other defects.. so she will end up having to have a reduction of the fetus..she is devistated.. I told her I could come down.. but she just wants to be alone..
So keep her in your thoughts and prayers please.

dec62269 · April 24

I hope this is the group for me..... I'm starting over.....again.... I work FT and take care of my mother who has dementia..... so trying to do the exercise from home as mush as possible.... going to start walking.... now that the weather is getting warmer....

SophieRosieMom · April 24

Allie - So sorry to hear about the little one. Big (((Hugs))) heading to Tracy.

Lanette

dlfk202000 · April 24

SophieRosieMom wrote: »

More thoughts on being a widow - Carol's comment:
To me, the term "widow" is simply this: a woman who has lost her spouse by death and has not remarried. There isn't a "best" way to deal with it. We are all different. For some of us, it can be viewed as being alone, being lonely, being by ourselves, being independent, being free to do what we want when we want, taking on new tasks we aren't familiar with, being sad, being lost, feeling hopeless.... some or all of the above, depending on the situation, and lots more I haven't listed.

I also think that having been married while young to the same man for many decades - just out of high school or college, for example, and then losing this person, is different than what others may have experienced that have taken a different route. Being a caregiver for an ailing spouse can add another layer.

I understand Carol's observation that she's "preparing for widowhood". She's preparing for eventual change, whatever than means for her. Just as others of you are preparing for possible life changes in other ways. I don't think Carol is looking at it wrong. Carol is processing and preparing it the best she knows how in a way that is right for her even though she might find herself in uncomfortable territory.

For me, it's been an ongoing process and I've been able to handle some things much better than I thought I would, but I've also failed in areas I thought I had prepared for. I learn as I go, and deal with the uncomfortable a lot.

Back in a bit.

Lanette
SW WA State

It is like that for my mom- Married my dad at 14yrs old and was married to him for a few months shy of 65 yrs.
It has been a struggle for sure(for all of us)-her being independent for the very first time at almost 80yrs old. Some choices are a bit off to some of us. Learning to suggest things to her but not so much that she feels we are pushing her, taking over or telling her what to do has been a huge struggle. Still dealing with that.
A lot, she has been fine with like bills etc, because she handled all of it. Dad had no idea about any of the finanaces.

She is struggling trying to keep up the property. 3 1/2 acres. She does have a little help now but always could use more. She focuses on one aspect but neglects other things.

Time to go walk MIL's dog- Hope to work in my garden this afternoon.

Debbie
Napa Valley,CA

Vickil57 · April 24

Kylia--It is hard when you care about the job and customers and your co-workers don't. Sending hugs!
Heather--Glad you are getting to see the grandchildren.
Allie--Sorry to hear Tracy's news. Sending hugs for everyone and saying a prayer.
Woke up this morning to news we lost a special friend during the night. She has been battling cancer for acouple years and was a fighter. So felling a bit off today.
Blessings, Vicki GRAND ISLAND, NE

1948CWB · April 24

Allie ~ So sorry to hear the terrible news. Prayers for Tracy.

Everyone's comments about "training to be a widow" were interesting. Lanette is right that we all come to this stage in life with different perspectives. I will do OK but it won't be easy.

Carol in GA

pipcd34 · April 24

440440

LisaInArkansas · April 24

Allie - I'm so sorry.

grandmallie · April 24

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers..
Stopped and got Tracy some flowers and left them at the house
So hope that helps cheer her up a bit.

grandmallie · April 24

And there is always this funny guy xoxo

Joy1580vb · April 24

Allie, so sorry to hear your devastating news. Thoughts and prayers for all.

Joy

cityjaneLondon · April 24

Allie - So sorry. I had a definite feeling that was the case. That doesn't make it any easier. It's still her baby. I hope Tracey can reach out for help, and is able to have the time to mourn. What a complicated situation. My heart goes out to all of you.

As a lot of you know, I had a full-term stillbirth in 1978. Baby Kate. I will be thinking of her on May 10th. For ever our daughter.

I had a great catch up chat with my brother at lunchtime today. He is expecting his 11th grandchild on May 11th. His birthday is on the 15th, so I decided to send him his birthday present early. It's a 'cheese wheel ', with six cheeses from the Midlands. I know he will love it. Arriving Friday.
In the summer he is opening their house to his son, partner and two children, plus his youngest son. They live in a small house. What a man!

Caught up on the family sagas. I didn't know the youngest had dropped out of university, due to mental health issues. I'm hoping the baby mother will be able to take her professional optometrist exams in the autumn. It will require organisation, with her mum helping out and taking time off work. Not sure she has the staying power. John can't get on with my family, and I do feel it is a different world. I love my brother with a passion, but most of the family are .......

Love to all, Heather UK xxxxxxxx

TerriRichardson112 · April 24

Pg 45

WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2024

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