Discouraged…

creesama
creesama Posts: 128 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know other peoples weight loss should not affect my journey, but it turns out that 2 women in my office that I admired from a distance for losing so much weight did so by going to Mexico for the stomach sleeve surgery 😕 No judgment to them, I’m just sad because I thought, if they can be super disciplined, then so can I. It’s so hard making a lifestyle change and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep it up long term.

Replies

  • kaferine69
    kaferine69 Posts: 202 Member
    It does sounds like you're judging them because they lost the weight using surgery. It's simply a different tool that they used. You're using a different tool. And they have to face a lot more restrictions than you do.

    Why do you think you won't be able to keep it up long term? What's stopping you?
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,204 Member
    I can understand how it would hit that way. (But I'm betting some parts of their choice haven't been super-fun. And those operations don't guarantee keeping weight off long term, either. I won't diss people who make the surgical choice, but making a success of it also involves commitment to long-term changes in habits. Regain is very probable, otherwise.)

    Have you joined any motivation groups here in the Challenge area, as a possible source of support/motivation? That helps some people.

    Certainly, there are people here who've succeeded in losing significant amounts of weight, and kept it off long-ish term so far.

    (I guess it's tooting my own horn, but I'm one. I lost about 50 pounds back in 2015-16, have stayed at a healthy weight since. Trust me, I'm not a special unicorn. I'm more like a hedonistic aging hippie with a very limited willpower/motivation/discipline budget. I think that if I can do it, probably other people can, if they can commit to the process. I'm far from the only one who's done something similar, not special at all.)

    I hate to say it (and it's not really in my motivation set), but how do you feel about pettiness as a motivator? Or the potential to motivate other friends/family to choose healthier lifestyles? Some people think it's fun to lose weight and keep it off to illustrate that it really is possible . . . not just possible, but compatible with a happy, non-deprived life.

    In my mind, a key success factor is finding relatively easy, practical, convenient new habits, routine daily habits that can run almost on autopilot when other parts of life get complicated (because they will). How that looks will be different for each unique individual, because we all have different preferences, strengths, limitations, and lifestyles.

    I think you can do this, if you can commit yourself to experimenting and figuring out what new habits work for you. Trying something that doesn't work, isn't a failure. It just crosses something off the list that doesn't work. Keep experimenting, and I think you can succeed. Only giving up the effort is a sure route to failure, IMO.

    Best wishes!
  • creesama
    creesama Posts: 128 Member
    kaferine69 wrote: »
    It does sounds like you're judging them because they lost the weight using surgery. It's simply a different tool that they used. You're using a different tool. And they have to face a lot more restrictions than you do.

    I’m sorry you took it as judgmental, it really isn’t. I’m just saying I was using their success as something I could possibly achieve because I thought I was on the same path. I don’t begrudge them going about it how they did and recognize surgery is very necessary for certain cases. I just thought their success story would be something I could mirror, and while it is achievable, it is an entirely different process that I can’t follow.
  • creesama
    creesama Posts: 128 Member
    Thank you for your thoughtful response @AnnPT77 Those are all good strategies to consider. I have lost 50lbs before in 2020, but my goal was 100 and now 25 has crept back on. It’s part of the discouragement, knowing how hard it was the first time and knowing I have to do it again. Another difficulty is my work days and days off are so different that routines are tough to keep consistent. But that is where I should start, so thank you again for your feedback. I really wasn’t putting them down. It was just discouraging to realize our paths were different because it helps to see people having success on a journey you are starting. I’m happy they are successful in their own way, they deserve it
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,204 Member
    edited May 16
    creesama wrote: »
    Thank you for your thoughtful response @AnnPT77 Those are all good strategies to consider. I have lost 50lbs before in 2020, but my goal was 100 and now 25 has crept back on. It’s part of the discouragement, knowing how hard it was the first time and knowing I have to do it again. Another difficulty is my work days and days off are so different that routines are tough to keep consistent. But that is where I should start, so thank you again for your feedback. I really wasn’t putting them down. It was just discouraging to realize our paths were different because it helps to see people having success on a journey you are starting. I’m happy they are successful in their own way, they deserve it

    For the record, I didn't think you were putting them down. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't doing that, either. :flowerforyou:

    When it comes to avoiding regain, it helps to have some strategy to nip it in the bud quickly. Someone here defined maintenance as re-gaining and re-losing the same 5 or so pounds over and over. :D

    There's something to be said for that view, IMO. I'm lucky: I hate clothes shopping with a horrible fiery passion. For me, that was maybe the worst side of weight loss: I needed all new clothes, right down to the underwear. Ugh.

    Now, if my jeans start getting a little snug with my Winter long underwear inside, I'm triggered to make a tiny cutback, and creep weight back down slowly. (I haven't had to do a major calorie deficit again yet. The "small cut" approach has been pretty painless, very slow, but it has worked.)

    I'm cheering for you to succeed: The quality of life improvement IME is very much worth that effort.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,204 Member
    P.S. Another thing that helped me along the way was reading threads like these:

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1275030/whats-your-most-recent-nsv#latest
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1167854/photo-only-success-stories#latest
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10207059/before-and-after-face-edition#latest

    There's like a bazillion posts in each of those threads. I would read a few pages in one of those when I was feeling like it was getting to be a bit of a slog, and that helped me. YMMV. I still read the new posts.
  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 2,994 Member
    edited May 16
    creesama wrote: »
    Thank you for your thoughtful response @AnnPT77 Those are all good strategies to consider. I have lost 50lbs before in 2020, but my goal was 100 and now 25 has crept back on. It’s part of the discouragement, knowing how hard it was the first time and knowing I have to do it again. Another difficulty is my work days and days off are so different that routines are tough to keep consistent. But that is where I should start, so thank you again for your feedback. I really wasn’t putting them down. It was just discouraging to realize our paths were different because it helps to see people having success on a journey you are starting. I’m happy they are successful in their own way, they deserve it

    A hard truth is what you wrote there is completely normal.

    Don’t get too discouraged about it.

    I first started weight loss about 25 years ago. I never weighed myself. And always had “comfortable” clothes. I have no idea how much I actually weighed back then.
    But I do know that my wake up call was not being able to click the seatbelt around me in our Ford F150.

    I assume with my height that I was somewhere around 300. But I don’t actually know.

    With Weight Watchers I got down to about 175. Then (redacted but very thing) happened and I gained again. Not to 300. But well over 200.
    Spark People helped me get down again. Then they went away and I came here. I got almost to a normal bmi and hit a huge plateau. Got discouraged.
    And have gained some again. Started this particular round at about 220.
    I’m losing. But I have chosen to weigh only once a month until I get close to my previous weight here.

    Point being. Experiencing a setback is normal. It doesn’t happen to everyone. But it does happen.

    Everyone’s journey is different. The key is to pick yourself up and just keep going.

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