Flawed thinking that keeps sabotaging me

You have to plan those meals. Balance the protein..carbs.. calories..and fat. I know there are people out there that can do it on the fly but I have to plan it out...even that chocolate craving.

It sounds like you're talking about one day, maybe just one meal, and already feeling like you're sabotaging yourself?

Oh, man.

If you ask me (as a formerly obese, now slim person), weight management is a forever kind of activity. It requires new habits. New habits evolve through patience and persistence.

Today, with that combination of choices, you learned one tiny bit of behavior that didn't work out for you. That's useful. It's not a personal failure, it's learning. Frame it that way.

Others have made suggestions about how you could consider some different choices next time in similar circumstances.

Myself, I'm not a pre-planner of my days, but I agree that that's a good strategy for many. I do tend to pre-plan restaurant visits, i.e., look at the menu online when I don't feel rushed, and decide what to order. I also recognize that many restaurants will leave off items (dressings, sauces, etc.) if I ask politely. Some may be willing to give me a plate of different veggies sides (if they have some non-fried/low-butter ones) with a protein.

Though I don't prelog, I do think in terms of my whole day, not just one meal. If I wanted a bigger lunch, like a restaurant meal, I'd think about a calorically light breakfast with some protein, and a plan for dinner that was veggie-heavy with a calorie-efficient protein. (I'm distinguishing that from pre-logging, because I don't pre-plan in detail.)

Give yourself some grace, some time and space to learn what new habits will work for you. One day or meal is a drop in the ocean. What you do most days, most of the time - your daily habits - is the ocean. You can chip away at evolving those habits in a good direction over a period of time. You don't need to be perfect instantly. Learn and revise. That can work.

You can do this! Talk to yourself about it like you would talk to a dear friend. You are learning. Encourage yourself, as you would a friend. If that's not a habit, I know it's hard. I'm not talking "it's OK that you failed", I'm suggesting "you tried something new; what did you learn from that, and what would you try differently next time to pursue your goals?" That mindset, too, can evolve over time.

Only giving up leads to failing. Trying things, learning from them, keeping what works, discarding what doesn't: It's a success process, if you simply keep working at it.

I'm cheering for you to succeed: The results are worth the effort!

There's many kinds of "wrong" thinkings.

When I was obese I used to think that "olive oil is healthy", so I'll just poor a half cup over the oven baked potatoes to make the unhealthy lamb roast healthier. You can stop laughing anytime. You want more? Even while losing weight but before I started logging on MFP? This healthy cranberry orange muffin with peanut butter and jam is OBVIOUSLY healthier than an egg mcmuffin so I will eat it instead of the egg mcmuffin I want.

But wait, there's more--even while doing the right things. While cutting down from the 3 cream 4 sugar large or extra large coffees of which I naively thought a cream is a creamer and a sugar is the same packet regardless of the size of the coffee... I actually increased the cream to compensate for the sugar I was decreasing... eventually I did get to LIKING and PREFERRING black coffee and have actually (and with no intention to do so) spat out in public in the restaurant by reflex the first sip of a double double I was given by mistake.

Do we even need to continue?

JUST count your calories. LOG. Review your log. Evaluate the bargains you scored! Was this that or the other worth the calories to you? Did it help you hit your protein, fiber, good fats, or happy jollies goals for the day? Then it was good... keep on adding more good stuff to the next day. No? Bad bargain? Then maybe try something else instead? Or tweak it till it is better!

I don't know many restaurants that will REFUSE to modify your meal if you're willing to be polite and invest financially. And if they do refuse...you don't have to go back again, do you?

Now sometimes they will fail even when trying. Try ordering less noodles and a large pho... and see how far you will go. I mean it's not one place or one city where I've tried to.... and I still haven't managed to get the message across!

Either eat the noodles in the dish and less pho outings for me (the case!)... or go to plan B where you order it as a take out where the noodles are usually not in the soup already (I don't do take outs because at that point I might as well throw a bag of veggies in the nuker)... or to plan C where you just take the dang noodles you don't want out and just leave them on the plate (I've done it but I don't LIKE doing it and on at least a couple of occasions they snuck right back into my bowl anyway).

Wait a second... you know what's common to all this?

You slowly make changes and choices that are get you closer to being able to more easily meet your goals.

Expecting to get it all right from day one? That's a no go.

And BTW. The minimum RDA for protein is less than half of what most of us consider optimum. Seeking optimum doesn't mean you are going to collapse from malnutrition after a day or ten of suboptimal choices.*

*depending on starting point. If you're at the tail end of starvation and already malnourished or are otherwise health compromised well yes your margins are narrower and you should be talking to a registered dietician or health professional not a random internet stranger.

And I think it was you who mentioned your daughter bringing home 20lbs chocolate from the Lindt outlet?

I walked in with that on my mind, firm intentions, privately smirking “oh, I’d never do that!” And walked out with that or more.

Those pound bags of Easter chocolate for $5. 😫

And when you count calories and your friendship circles change a bit, your friends are like “don’t give me any!”

But…..bargains!!!!!!

First, it is one meal of one day. It takes time to get things right, and one meal of one day is not make or break thing.

Second, the flaw is not in your thinking, although 30 grams of protein is a good goal for a meal as for most people it will fill them up more. The issue, as others have pointed out, is not realizing that when ordering a salad you need to order it differently. Dressings should be on the side always as restaurants put huge amounts on salads and salad dressing is one of the higher calorie items in a salad. Breaded fried anything on the salad, while it will give you protein, will also have a lot of fat. Not that fat is in itself bad, but it is higher in calories per gram than protein and carbs. Go will grilled meat instead. Likewise cheese and bacon are higher in calories per gram and should be limited if calories are to be reduced. A small amount of both is fine, and will add a lot of flavor to a salad. Once again, restaurants put far more on a salad than is ideal. Once you learn to customize your order, you can easily drop that calorie amount a significant amount while still getting protein.

Don't be hard on yourself. It takes time to learn this. Realize though, the flaw was not seeking more protein, it was not yet knowing how to order in a way that maximizes protein yet keeps calories down. You can learn this, it will just take time.

LOL, I worked in restaurants and food prep for years.

It's not against health department code unless the establishment is preparing your food that you brought in...but most owners simply don't want you bringing in food for financial reasons.

You'd be surprised what customers try to pull, though, "Hi, I brought my salmon in that I caught, could you have the chef throw it on the flame and cook it for me?" or, "I brought my own tequila/favorite soft drink etc., could I just have a glass with ice and a lime?" and in the five states in which I worked you can't bring in alcohol at all. We don't know how old you are and alcohol is strictly regulated. I know when I drank I'd have a flask, but I would just sneakily add more to the drink I bought. Restaurant cocktails were not strong enough for my taste.

Some people bring in their whole lunch in a bag - sometimes from other restaurants. So. Not. Okay...but not because of health codes - that's just what the servers are told to say. We make our living by selling you food and drink, not by heating up your food for free. Eat in your car!! Or wherever you bought it.

I meeeeeeaaaaaaannnnnnn....really? You just want to sit in our chairs and have us cook your food and serve it to you? Especially servers or bartenders. Their seats are their revenue. That's how they feed THEIR family. That's pretty b@llsy. No one is calling the Health Department on you over salad dressing, though. Nobody cares about salad dressing if you put it on yourself at the table. There's no money being lost with your salad dressing on a paid salad. Just don't ask a server to do it for you - that part they can't do. Down-low, that's the ticket.