Desperate and panicking.

hjwm68khx4 · March 5

Hello 👋🏻

I am not new to the app but I am starting again. Again.

I am a mid 40 year old single parent to two kids. I work full time in a school and I am very overweight. I piled on the weight during my marriage which ended a year ago. I ate because I was unhappy and because I was being subjected to mental and physical abuse. I now know I ate so I was unattractive to try to stop the sexual abuse. I have been through therapy and am now divorced and happier. I just need to rid myself of this final layer of the old me and it’s a struggle.

There are so many diets, advice, theories that I find it completely overwhelming. I wish I could have someone say “do this and don’t do that” and I just follow the instructions. Life isn’t that simple though!

I used to run but I find it very hard now with so much extra weight. I have around 100lbs to lose.

I am desperate to lose the weight as it’s now a reminder of what I went through and I’m panicking that it’s too late and I’m now stuck like this.

Please throw all of your advice at me!

kelz1481 · March 5

Hi just wanted to say I am where you are so know how you are feeling I’m not new here either so starting again again like you! I’m 44 this year mum of 5 and escaped a violent relationship which made me eat for comfort really, I recently lost 1.5 stones but now put back on nearly 1stone due to illness and not being able to get out so again the vicious cycle of comfort eating I’m now back on my feet and need to shift this weight it’s affecting my mental health I’m a member of slimming world which works for me I’ve lost 6 stones over the years I’d be very happy to advise you on what to eat etc feel free to drop me a message also be proud of who you are now and that you are a survivor like me be nice to have someone who understands to chat to and help each other on our journey take care 😊

Lietchi · March 5

I'll 'throw' some advice at you

1) it's never 'too late' - 40-something is still 'spring chicken' territory to me

I'm 41 myself. There are several people who successfully lost weight at a later age still roaming these boards and dispensing great advice

2) beware, beware of diet myths, especially those saying one specific method is the one and only way.

3) my personal suggestion for you is:

- start by just logging your food intake as it is now. Do that for a few weeks, and then you can check how many calories you are eating and which foods offer the most bang for your buck (how much pleasure and/or satiation they provide).
I remember having a few aha moments: some foods really surprised me in how many calories they had! I reduced frequency and portion size for those, or found lower calorie alternatives. And I was also blown away by how many calories I was wasting by being too generous with cooking oils. Just to give some examples.

- once you've done that for a few weeks, you can set up your calorie goal on MFP for weight loss. Activity level: this is meant to reflect your daily activity level not including exercise (exercise should be logged separately) Having 100lbs to lose, you probably weigh more than 200lbs? In that case you could select 2 lbs a week as your weight loss rate (general recommendation is 0.5-1% of your bodyweight per week) but I'm personally not a huge fan of fast weight loss rates. It's not a race to the finish, it's about building new habits that you can maintain after reaching your goal weight, to avoid regaining afterwards. I'm very happy I chose a slower rate of loss: less hunger and suffering, and more time to build habits.

- Don't fall into the trap of overhauling your life in one go: look at your food diary and see where you can make gradual changes: smaller portions of high calorie foods, larger portions of lower calorie foods, lower calorie alternatives,... Don't ban your favorite foods, you're more likely to give up and quit. Some goes for exercise: increasing exercise is good, but don't try to force yourself into a punitive exercise regime just for weight loss. Choose activities you enjoy, and increase the frequency/duration gradually

- focus on calories first - that's what drives weight-loss (you need to be in a calorie deficit, burning more calories than you consume). But if you feel ready for it (not overwhelmed) don't hesitate to play around with your macros : protein is often good for satiation and also good for conserving muscle mass, high fiber foods are often considered sating as well. Fats aren't evil - no need to ban them (we need a minimum of fats to be healthy). Carbs: some people are less hungry when lowering carb intake, some people are miserable, and others have different experiences depending on the type/source of carbs. It's all very individual - find what works for you. Same with meal timing: some people need three meals a day and snacks in between, others prefer 'intermediate fasting' (for example skipping breakfast). There is no single right way: find what works for you.

- After you've followed your calorie goal for 4 tot 6 weeks (or full menstrual cycles if applicable) you can compare your predicted weight loss with your actual weight loss and adjust if necessary. No matter where you get your calorie goal from (MFP, other calculators, fitness tracker), it's based on population averages: you may or may not be average! Your own results trump any calculator

- don't let daily weight fluctuations derail you: our weight naturally goes up and down (fluctuations in water weight due to exercise, stress,... food waste in our digestive tract...) so keep a level head. I recommend using Libra or Happyscale to help you see the trend beyond the fluctuations

I hope that helps

(My 'credentials': I lost 75lbs starting in 2019 and reaching my goal in 2022. I gradually regained 6-7lbs in 2023 which I'm working on now.)

Symbolic_Fit · May 23

I'm new to this so I won't give detailed advice. I will just say start small. If it's overwhelming do one thing and stick with it. Portion control is an easy first step. Than once your portions are good you can start changing your diet. You can also incorporate little workouts throughout the day instead of trying to do a big workout. I do little 15-20min workouts at least once a day and 2 stretch videos. Nothing wild but enough to get strength back in my body! I personally always recommend yoga as it stretches but also strengthens and there are many variations for all abilities. Feel free to connect with me!! And don't stress about it as much. Baby steps are all you need to start 🥰

ddsb1111 · May 24

1. Set up your goals in MFP
2. Eat that many calories per day
3. Log your food in your food diary

That’s pretty much it. If you’re stuck for more than 4 weeks you might need to tighten your logging. A food scale to measure how much you’re actually eating will take out all of the guesswork, and save you weeks of trying with no change. I’d rather just weigh the food and move on with my life 😆

The 3 steps above are the only things you need. It’s simple but not easy. But if you’re serious about losing the weight, start immediately and don’t give up.

Hobartlemagne · June 19

You can do this!

The most concise advice I can think of is to understand and record what foods/drinks you consume.

Start by cutting out any drink that has calories. Our bodies have a hard time managing fullness signals with drinks. If you're a regular snacker, switching from sweet to savory can help a little bit with calorie control, but it will also help wean you off sugar cravings.

girlwithcurls2 · June 20

Welcome! @Lietchi has wise words. One of the reasons to try their suggested method is that you see where you are making your caloric mistakes. It is eye opening to log everything without trying to cut back at all. It helps you learn and understand how you want to move forward. My only other advice is to trust the process. For me, as a mid-50s woman, I already know that if I need to lose 30 pounds, I'm not going to see the change in my body for weeks. Two months, maybe. So just do the work, don't look for results when you wake up every morning. Learn about your body (and that natural fluctuations are what bodies do, so no, you didn't put on 6 pounds in the night). I started logging here again after a few years of a slow gain (Covid shut downs, menopausal fatigue and lack of motivation, an international move with a new job), and I am finally feeling a little bit better in my clothes. I have a way to go, but I know that if I set a goal for a certain number of pounds each week, my loss is too slow to reflect that. So maybe consider that whatever you do is something you can do forever. That will give you the best long term results.

I'm sorry that you're hear because of such a traumatic experience, but I hope you are proud of how far you have come and that you see yourself as worthy of better physical health too

You can do this. Surely you've done much harder things.

pawsrbabies239 · June 20

Welcome aboard! And first off, congratulations on step one, walking away from a very bad situation. By doing so, you have made a giant step toward a new you and show you are a strong young lady and can do this.

Logging is so important! You will be surprised at what, when, how much you eat and what triggers you to eat. Once you see your eating patterns, it really helps towards the end goal. Review your log, see some little changes, no more soda, no more chips, no candy, less potatoes, etc…..start with small changes.

Life is busy but our health is important, find some time, for menu / food prep for a week at a time, big help.

You got this! And it will take time. Don’t always think in pounds, think in how you feel, how you look, one day, those jeans will feel not so tight and that is a good feeling better than the scale!

ch2pjjzmkk · June 20

I’m new to this app, I have been logging for the past 20 days and I tell you, seeing the scale move up from one day to the next is heartbreaking but reading all this advice helped me not panic. I know I am on the right path.

So I’m sharing what I learned the past three weeks about my body. As an Asian woman living in Britain, standard food here is higher in calories than what my body is used to growing up and that is why I gained 20kilos since I moved here 5yrs ago. I have now been consuming food similar to my diet back home which includes rice(white jasmine rice because it satisfies me more than fast reduction in weight) but healthier portion, more leafy greens and more fish. My progress in the weight department has been slow but my energy level spike feels like an overhaul.

I have also been tracking my period and noticed the spike up leading to it and it made me panic less and I have been reading more about its impact to weight loss. I’m in my mid forties and it’s never too late to go on a journey for self improvement.

Kudos to you for having the strength to leave a bad situation. You’ve overcome the worst, you have it in you to do what is necessary. I’m not aiming for a summer body, but I want to feel good about my dress for the new year.

Desperate and panicking.

Replies

Categories