Dad jokes

JFinn26
JFinn26 Posts: 708 Member
in Fun and Games
Give me your best dad jokes:

I’ll start:

A priest, minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar.
The bartender asks “whaddaya having today?”

The rabbit replied: “I dunno...I’m only here because of autocorrect”

But the bartender is on his game... The bartender guesses correctly the bishop wants a glass of water, no ice so he can bless it. The priest got a glass of wine so he could use it for a small communion ceremony. They are amazed at the bartender’s ability. When he gets to the rabbit he puts down a big pint of beer. They all waited for an explanation....

‟I figured he’d want something kosher with hops.”
«1

Replies

  • LegionOfZoom
    LegionOfZoom Posts: 196 Member
    Bump
  • LegionOfZoom
    LegionOfZoom Posts: 196 Member
    edited March 2022
    Why is a cemetery like a bathroom?

    When you’ve got to go you’ve got to go
  • itsjustme1984
    itsjustme1984 Posts: 413 Member
    The dr told me I should do lunges to start getting in shape. It would be a big step forward
  • sandejones
    sandejones Posts: 1,840 Member
    A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
    The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?"

    "I'm probably a Type O", said the rabbit.
  • itsjustme1984
    itsjustme1984 Posts: 413 Member
    Why do you always take an extra pair of socks when you go golfing? In case you get a hole in one
  • Megan_smartiepants1970
    Megan_smartiepants1970 Posts: 43,603 Member
    Why don't pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
  • itsjustme1984
    itsjustme1984 Posts: 413 Member
    You think swimming with sharks is expensive? It cost me an arm and a leg
  • sandejones
    sandejones Posts: 1,840 Member
    What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
    1forrest1.
  • Megan_smartiepants1970
    Megan_smartiepants1970 Posts: 43,603 Member
    When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.
  • Destanieroberts06
    Destanieroberts06 Posts: 103 Member
    Megan_smartiepants1970 wrote: »
    When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.

    OMFG
  • Megan_smartiepants1970
    Megan_smartiepants1970 Posts: 43,603 Member
    Destanieroberts06 wrote: »
    Megan_smartiepants1970 wrote: »
    When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.

    OMFG

    LOL
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,460 Member
    What’s the formula for water?

    Hijklmno

    Huh?

    H to O
  • Mama_Jones5
    Mama_Jones5 Posts: 82 Member
    *Drives past cemetery*
    Oh look a party! Everyone must be dying to get in!
  • TakeTheLongWayHome
    TakeTheLongWayHome Posts: 816 Member
    I knew this guy with a wooden car. It had wooden wheels, wooden seats and wooden engine. Problem was, it wooden go.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,304 Member
    I imagined I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.

    It was just a fanta-sea.
  • Minion_training_program
    Minion_training_program Posts: 13,440 Member
    Trying to revive this thread, not because i am a dad, because i am not, but because i like this sense of humor.

    Here goes

    "The other day i was in a restaurant, and they served their meat in portions of 2,3,5,7 or 11
    It was their Prime Rib"

    "Which country is has a lot of bad singers? Singapore"

    "Me and some friends started a band. We call it Blanket. It's a coverband"
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,304 Member
    ladder rungs are made further apart than last century because people are taller

    Climb it change. B)
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 12,073 Member
    How do you remember your anniversary? Forget it once.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 439 Member
    How do you wake Lady Gaga? Poker Face
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 12,073 Member
    Two men walked into a bar. The third man ducked under it.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 439 Member
    Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 439 Member
    Whats so good about living in Switzerland ?
    I don't know either, but the flags a big plus.
  • COGypsy
    COGypsy Posts: 1,365 Member
    Did you know 90% of bald people still own a comb?

    They just can’t part with it.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 439 Member
    What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
    I don't know and I don't care.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 12,073 Member
    Doctor, it hurts when I touch my leg, when I touch my stomach, when I touch my face! What's wrong with me?

    You have a broken finger.
  • fatfrost
    fatfrost Posts: 367 Member
    I live between a tennis player and a lawyer. It’s makes things convenient. Every morning i just say “good luck on the court”
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 439 Member
    I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5.
    Turns out he only does odd jobs.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,304 Member
    I was playing with my toy boats.
    One tipped over so I used it as a hat.

    Because it was cap sized.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 12,073 Member
    I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

    He told me to stop going to those places.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 12,073 Member
    What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

    Outlaws are wanted.

Categories