Dad jokes

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Replies

  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    An ant decides to get 9 flat mates to share the rent. What are they called?

    Tenants
  • Minion_training_program
    Minion_training_program Posts: 13,496 Member
    Justice is a dish best served cold,
    if it were warm, it would be justwater
  • Minion_training_program
    Minion_training_program Posts: 13,496 Member
    I asked a German girl for her number and i am still waiting for the rest of the digits.
    So far, all i got is nine.
  • Minion_training_program
    Minion_training_program Posts: 13,496 Member
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  • Minion_training_program
    Minion_training_program Posts: 13,496 Member
    Smoking will kill you.
    Bacon will kill you.
    Smoking bacon will cure it.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    Why is sausage bad for you? It brings out the Wurst in people.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 15,634 Member
    What's blue and is not heavy? Light blue.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 15,634 Member
    I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,563 Member
    I wondered why the ball was getting closer - and then it hit me.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? It’s because they’re so good at it.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 15,634 Member
    I'm not saying I'm Batman, but you've never seen Batman and me in the same room at the same time, so...
  • COGypsy
    COGypsy Posts: 1,475 Member
    90% of bald people still own a comb.

    They just can't part with it.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    My friends told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I couldn’t quit cold turkey.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 15,634 Member
    What does a house wear? Address.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    Did you hear about the lion that ate his friends? - He had to swallow his pride.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    What are the strongest days of the week?
    Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school.
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 15,634 Member
    Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

    “Oops!”
  • ThatClintGuy
    ThatClintGuy Posts: 62 Member
    My friend was in the hospital when they asked us what blood type he was.
    He just kept saying “Be positive”
    Such good advice.
    We’re really gonna miss him.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    "I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words too.
  • Sandeagain
    Sandeagain Posts: 1,880 Member
    Why can’t you trust a balloon? It’s full of hot air.

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