I need to find a way to exercise

EmberRain27 · February 19

I have an elliptical, a treadmill, and a weighted hula hoop (I love that thing). I also stole my nephew's weight set. However, I don't know where to begin.

I haven't worked in over a year and a half due to anxiety and depression and my fear of people as a whole has grown exponentially since middle school. Needless to say, I haven't left my recliner much in that year and a half so now I'm all locked up and everything hurts even when I do the smallest things.

I've always had back problems and even cleaning my ferret's litter boxes is incredibly painful. I don't know if anyone has heard of "Spoonies", it's something people with chronic illnesses use to express how much energy they have for the day. Well, I feel like a Spoonie because of my mental health. Some people can get up, make coffee, get dressed, shower, have breakfast, go to work, and when they come home they still have energy or spoons. If that were me, I'd be negative spoons by the time I got dressed and every activity thereafter is taking spoons away from tomorrow's activities. Does anyone have experience with this and how to overcome it?

I started doing seated exercises through an app but on day 4 it made me pay for the full app and I lost motivation. I keep telling myself I'm going to bring a folding chair into my room so I have a place to do these seated exercises but I just... don't. If it helps, I strongly feel I also have undiagnosed ADHD and the paralysis is real. "I'm going to do this, and this, and then that" but I end up getting overwhelmed and scrolling on my phone.

I was doing well with the weighted hula hoop for about a month but I wasn't losing any weight and suddenly I couldn't keep up with the half hour I was doing and my feet were sore no matter what shoes I wore or not.

Since we got together, my boyfriend has also started coming over much earlier than I had originally told him, leaving me no time to myself. If I ask him to stay home or come later in the day, I get earfuls of, "What's wrong?"

How do you guys do it?

csplatt · February 19

First things first, do you see a mental health professional to learn strategies to cope with this anxiety, low energy/motivation, seclusion?

totameafox · February 19

I understand the use of spoons. I often use the terminology myself. I am disabled. I have been since birth, though my ability over my life time has decreased and will likely continue to decrease. I also have a new relationship with a guy who doesn't understand what it is like to live with a physical disability. I also do not like confrontation. I was stressing myself trying to avoid his ignorant comments.

You have to make adjustments yourself. You can only control yourself. You have to decide to do what is best for you and stand behind those decisions. You are the only one who can protect yourself and what you need.

As for spending spoons. I stopped using that as much. Sometimes you just have to do things regardless if you have the energy or not. You can think 'I'm out of spoons' but what needs to be done has to be done anyway and you find a spoon you didn't know you had. So if I say I am out of spoons, it is because I thought i was out... found a plastic one hiding somewhere and broke it finishing what I needed to do. Then I will say I am out of spoons.

When it comes to my boyfriend, whatever comes out of his mouth that is negative or ignorant, I ignore. That's his problem. I am not saying your boyfriend is negative. But just that you have to create the boundaries that you need without worrying that he is outside them or not. "I need you to stay home today because I need some personal time." and stick to it.

I agree that you need to see a doctor. Though I would say both a general practice and a mental health one. It sounds like you could use some physical therapy as well as some anxiety medication and a mental health councilor could help you with coping skills if they aren't also able to prescribe medication.

I have dealt with depression. Perhaps because I am disabled I was able to do what needed to be done regardless if i wanted to do it or not. You have to do what you need to do. sometimes it's just not a choice.

good luck.

Fursian · February 19

Hi, EmberRain,

This resonates. Going for an ADHD assessment may be beneficial for you. Not an easy decision, of course. In the meantime one thing I highly suggest is going to get your bloods done. It turned out that I had hypothyroidism which definitely can add to depression, and anxiety to some extent. Since being medicated for this, my mood has been pretty much regulated and the all-over joint/muscle stiffness I was experiencing disappeared.

With the ADHD and the paralysis-like behaviour that can come with it, some things that might help if you've not already looked into is looking into gamifying your life. There is videos that'll explain, but basically these tools can take the initial steps/headache (hurdles and brick walls) away from a task, whilst also providing external rewards. I've personally had some success with these approaches and definitely recommend giving some of the things a go.

As for your boyfriend, it is a red flag that they have chosen to continuously breach a boundary that you clearly set. With depression, self-worth can be in the toilet, this makes us vulnerable to letting in people who don't have our best interests at heart. I found books on co-dependency and childhood trauma useful.

EmberRain27 · February 20

Thank you all for the responses. I'm not sure how to reply directly to each of you.

I am currently on antidepressants and klonopin, but still agree I need an adhd assessment. My bloodwork is normal, fortunately, but I will bring up the idea of hypothyroidism at my next appointment. Thank you for the idea of gamifying things, also! I will definitely try.

Good luck to each of you as well, I appreciate your input!!

ShellYeah2025 · February 23

Hi there!

Have you considered inviting him to exercise with you since it seems like he is wanting to spend more time with you. Perhaps this could be a fun activity you could do together and it might add some more accountability and increase motivation! Also, if you’re not sure where to start, maybe he would have some ideas and introduce you to some new ways to get moving. I don’t know if you like walking outside or hiking, but now would be the perfect time to do your indoor exercise to prepare for some outdoor activities. Rather than looking at his interest and desire to be there earlier as a negative, use it to your advantage and if he has no interest in it, then at least he’ll know why you made the request. Then, if he can’t respect your quest to be more active, you’ll know what to do! Best of luck!

sarahmurch9925 · February 24

So lovely to meet you, this could've been me writing it so I truly understand the struggle.
Here for support if you need it, take care x

I need to find a way to exercise

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