How do you stay on track during grief?

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anxietyfairy
anxietyfairy Posts: 169 Member
in Motivation and Support

I have Bipolar and am scared it will trigger a manic episode. I just found out my dad has cancer and we don't know how long he has left, whether it's months or years. I don't know if I need to be careful from now or wait until/ if he dies. I don't want to regain the 25kg or stop eating. He doesn't want that either. I don't know how I'll keep eating healthy or go for walks without crying.

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  • DiscusTank5
    DiscusTank5 Posts: 802 Member
    edited May 5

    I'm sorry for the bad news! I got a colon cancer diagnosis in Dec 2023. The hardest part was not knowing what we were dealing with (stage 2a, now no evidence of disease after surgery and chemo pills). Once you know, you can get a plan in place. It is okay to cry a lot. That's a normal response for most of us in the circumstances you are in.

    I am now in better shape than I have been in in nearly 20 years, eating right, even ran a 5K last weekend. I pray the news on your Dad will be as good as possible and that you both can keep on striving for your health goals.

  • anxietyfairy
    anxietyfairy Posts: 169 Member

    I should probably mention, he's turning 70 this year and I'm 35. I know a lot of people have lost their parents, but I feel too young to lose my dad. My Nana died when she was about 93. Her husband died much younger but he drank a lot.

  • anxietyfairy
    anxietyfairy Posts: 169 Member
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/48595870#Comment_48595870

    I'm glad you bet your diagnosis, that is very good news. Thank you for the prayer. My dad has cut back on his walking for now (he has a weight problem), but is planning to do more once he is getting treatment.

  • anxietyfairy
    anxietyfairy Posts: 169 Member

    I actually think I'm a bit manic now, I might log off for a few days and come back when I'm feeling calmer. I want to post lots of threads and that's not generally a good sign. I woke up at 4am this morning because my babysitting charge usually wakes at about 5:30am and asks for my device (she doesn't even knock, haha, rude). Also had an energy drink today so not sure how I'm going to sleep. Anyway, sorry if I'm slow to respond to threads. I'm older now, I need to do better and not let myself end up in hospital again.

  • DiscusTank5
    DiscusTank5 Posts: 802 Member
    edited May 6

    Take care of yourself, @anxietyfairy ! These threads and posts will still be here when you feel ready to return to the boards.

    Rooting for you,

    DiscusTank5

  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 37,227 Community Helper

    I think whatever a person needs to do to manage grief - in the best way and to the best extent they can manage it, which isn't some theoretical ideal of perfection for any of us - their grief management is fine. Crying is fine, specifically. If getting off social media - including MFP Community - helps . . . that's fine and good, too.

    If you have limited energy, but can keep some/all of your healthy eating habits, or can go for some walks - even if crying alongside - that would be a good way to spend energy. Those habits, if feasible, can help keep energy level and mood in a somewhat better place than their opposites would do. If there are ways to simplify the eating habits but still put some priority on healthy choices, that could be limit the energy required to keep the habits, not sure.

    I've gone through some low periods, too. Probably the worst was a period of around 2 years where my father in law, husband, mother in law died; my dad had an accident where he was blinded at age 83 and went from independent to needing assisted living; and I was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer (so surgery, chemo, radiation needed).

    Though I'm not saying what would work for you, because we're all different, what worked best for me was to tell myself I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other, metaphorically speaking, whether I was feeling it or not - just going through the motions of doing my job; helping organize estates, getting my dad recovered and settled in a new place; and slogging through cancer treatment.

    Eventually, for me, the fog began to clear, and the meaning and purpose started to seep back into the motions I'd just being going through mechanically. It was slow, but it happened.

    My heart goes out to you: We all need different strategies and take different paths, but I hope you're able to find the right route for yourself (and your dad). Hang in there!

  • ds27svqk9b
    ds27svqk9b Posts: 1 Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I will keep you both in my prayers. ❤️

    I just lost my dad back in January. The shock and utter disbelief is unreal. I’m about to be 24, and he was just barely 58. Way too young. This has been the saddest, most devastating thing I have ever gone through.

    My therapist shared with me something that has helped so much in this strange, terrifying, and uncertain time. Find ways, big or small, to honor your dad every day. On some days it may be the only source of motivation to keep you on track and healthy. It’s so incredibly difficult. I struggle daily. Sometimes the thought of eating makes me overwhelmed and angry. I’ll often think of my dad, and the last time we ate dinner together. He was waiting until I was done talking, and as soon as he could fit a word in, he said “EAT!” 😂❤️He was (is!!!) the best dad in the world. My best friend. My lifeline.

    I pray that both of you find comfort amidst all this uncertainty. Take care of yourself. Make him proud- I know he already is. ❤️

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