The Never Ending Story; It's Still Me and My Body

shel80kg · April 2

Here is am again…..23 kg gained back in 8 months. Only 13 kg from where I started.

My feelings: Sadness, frustration, disappointment and……shame.

My thoughts: Hopelessness, futility, and resentment

Yet…here I am so I must have hope. It's my body and it can only rely on me to whisper soft messages of encouragement and strength because the journey is never ending.

Day One . A new beginning for an old story

alydraganov · April 2

you got this!

yirara · April 2

Sending hugs. It looks like you on average ate 670 calories above your maintenance calories each day. That's quite substantial. But good on you making a start again! Is there anything you want to do differently this time? If you find it so hard adhering to eating a reasonable amount of calories have you ever considered talking to a therapist? Whatever you chose: I'm rooting for you!

AnnPT77 · April 2

You've kept off 13 kg, and you're intervening before gaining more.

Give yourself credit for that. It's a step on the road to long-term success. Keep working at it.

A smart person here once said that successful weight maintenance is losing and regaining the same 5 pounds over and over. IME, that's pretty close to true.

I grant that 23 kg is a wider swing than that . . . but you've still kept some off, and intervened before completely regaining. You know how to lose weight, and have proven it. You can make the swing in weight smaller on the next round, or close to entirely absent.

I often type here that routine day-in, day-out habits - the things we do on repeat - are the power tools for long-term weight management. Focus on finding those routine habits. Yes, ultimately that includes figuring out how to fit in the occasional celebration, feast, or other special events into that context. Also in the balance are the occasional high-effort days of home projects or exercise that burn lots more calories than usual. But the first thing is finding the ideally happy - at least tolerable and practical - eating and activity habits that we repeat over and over on routine days.

You've regained: Why? (Rhetorical question, you needn't answer here.) If things like boredom, stress, self-comfort, distraction from emotions, time pressure, etc., are among the reasons over-eating happened, brainstorm some alternative ways to handle those situations that aren't food. Write the ideas down, if that helps. If the root problem isn't fueling or nutrition, the best solution isn't food. Address the cause rather than distracting or papering it over with food.

Yes, it's hard work on the psychological front, if those things need work. The rewards will be worth that work . . . and not just the reward of improved body weight and health, but also the rewards of self-knowledge, and self-empowerment; plus skills in goal-setting, planning and execution (including treating roadblocks as an opportunity to improve the plan, not as "failures"). Those assets can be used in other parts of life to great personal benefit, too.

You can do this. Commit. Do it.

Wishing you success!

shel80kg · April 3

Thanks All,

I had considered therapy and it does make sense to work through what might be underlying my recent weight gain. I think I have some insight however and it may because I have never really addressed a sustainable eating plan. If there is something that goes "deeper" then I may need to unpack that with someone in the mental health profession. I have gained and lost a lot of weight in my life time and there most certainly is a psychologcial dimension to how we (I) learn to eat and manage food.

I like the suggestion as well at focusing on what has worked and where I found success and I am giving that much thought. My body is not getting younger and I do not want to keep torturing myself by this constant (extreme) from feast to famine.

If I may, I would like to use this threat to track my thoughts and my progress. It is one of the strategies that has helped in the past. And your support has been central to that.

Day two almost completed.

Shel

yirara · April 3

You said something important here: find a sustainable eating plan. Now you have the opportunity for that. Eat enough for it to be sustainable. Don't go on a diet but make it a part of your life. Eat the food that you enjoy, just the right amounts. See if you can replace a few things and still remain happy. Because food can be happiness.

totameafox · April 3

My highest weight was 245lbs. I got to down to 216lbs and went back up to 238lbs. so you are not alone. There is no point in being down on yourself for regaining weight. You can't change the past. What you can do is make choices now and shape your future. I am currently at 215 lbs. And working my way to being 150lbs which I achieved in 2008 (from 192lbs). It is what it is. You know how to lose the weight. Now just set yourself up to make the change permanent. You can do this :)

shel80kg · April 3

Hi, Day 3 and highly reflective on how I disassociated again from the impact(s) of what I choose to eat and how my body responds.

I have returned to the (necessary) mindful approach that places me directly in the pathway of food choices and inevitable outcomes and consequences.

What I have to work on is enjoying food and being a "responsible" consumer without extreme/overly restrictive self-imposed rules or eating to excess.

It is has only take me 40 years to distill what I need to focus on.

One day at a time.

Shel

LauraCron · April 4

(((((HUG)))))) you got this!

68myra · April 4

hello everyone.

One day at a time :)

I'm glad threads like these have helped you in the past, Shel, and it will help you once again.

I tend to do my emotional eating at night, and after drinking alcohol, so…. i'll cut back on the alcohol.

baby steps. we can do this!

yirara · April 4

Just sending hugs. Sometimes this happens. If this happens on some days in any given time then that's a good start.

68myra · April 4

hugs back to you too, Yirara. I have had one "good" night….. that's a start :)

college daughter visiting… I have to remember i could eat like her….. 40 years ago! lol

Happy Friday to you all.

68myra · April 4

Shel wrote:

"highly reflective on how I disassociated again from the impact(s) of what I choose to eat and how my body responds" this is such a poetic description of how I operate under stress! Your words resonate with me, Shel, and I shall contemplate on them. thank you.

68myra · April 6

Happy Saturday to you all. it's been a lovely day in Sunny North Carolina. Lot's of outdoor time with nature, new friends, and a child visiting from college. Hope you all are well. Myra

shel80kg · April 6

Thank you all and welcome beautiful Myra!!

Such a blessing to be amongst such supportive knowledgeable people.
I think emotional eating makes more sense to me in my 60’s (I’ve had decades of time to acquire the insight) than when I was younger.its not just habit and patterned responses. For me it’s filling myself full with a weird kind of satisfaction that there is nothing left in the bags, boxes, containers etc. I leave no prisoners in the Tim Tam packages (Australian treat) and I stuff myself with the very last Twisty hiding innocently in the tiny crevices of its temporary home. I show no mercy to my finely processed carbs and to my horror they show no mercy to my waistline. But….there is hope. Instead of self punishing myself with huge tariffs ( thank you for the metaphor Donald), if I just slow down the entire process from imagining buying the rubbish to licking my chops following the feeding frenzy, I visualize the body I truly desire. I picture walking/lightly jogging along the foreshore where I live (and Greenpeace not thinking they have to rescue me).
imagining myself differently. Giving myself positive choices. Nothing is hopeless except giving up.
Day 4

Onwards

68myra · April 7

Onwards indeed! Always enjoy your posts, Shel. (thanks for the compliment, blush)

Mid-50s here and my eating behavior is much easier to reign in when I'm not buying items for visiting young adult children. My spouse has much better self control and can look at a bowl of chocolate candies and not eat any, or stop at ONE (?????) I have to pretend they are poisonous. 🙃

I DO talk to myself, out loud, in the grocery store. especially if i find myself in a store while hungry (duh). i'll look at something i want to impulse buy, say outloud, "I don't need that" and imagine the deleterious things it will do to my body (insulin spike, raise cholesterol, etc) and keep on pushing the cart.

Once it's in the house, however…. baby steps.

happy monday to you all. i'm signed up for wed and fri classes at the gym. telling myself to go today as well. :)

68myra · April 9

good Wednesday to you all. been doing yardwork instead of going to the gym, but it's all good. no self-punishing ;) will attend my classes today. hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there! safe hugs!

68myra · April 13

Hey everyone! just checking in. status quo here. all is…. well? (if one can ignore world news)

patriciafoley1 · April 13

Weight loss is 90% in the mind. You just have to wean yourself off sugar (which takes a few days to a couple of weeks) and eat high protein, low carb to stave off restarting the cravings. Then you need to weigh and log everything you eat. Pick a calorie deficit. Stick to it. Have goto items when you want a snack that are low calorie and within your diet - sugar free jello, a half dozen almonds, whatever. Then do not let yourself eat anything not on your diet. You can BUY it. You can have it in your house if you need the security of having high calorie treats available, and being able to look at them, and know I could have it if I wanted to go off my diet. (I find it sort of a comfort to know I have the stuff, I just can't eat it). You just don't eat it. Because the weight loss/health goals are more important. Walk 250 steps every hour, and try to increase that to 1000 steps every hour. That will boost your metabolism. It isn't really a hard journey, per se. If you are picking the right foods, foods you like, you won't be hungry (not much). And you'll be satisfied.

I miss PB&J, coffee cake and russian teacakes the most. But I am three pounds from no longer being officially overweight and normal BMI (high end) and it hasn't been that hard a journey. It takes the right mental attitude though. Just say no to those bad things. You can do it.

68myra · April 14

thanks for your perspective, Patricia. and CONGRATS on being within three pounds! good for you! I'm glad for you, that it's not really a hard journey for you. i can't say the same, but everyone is different. I really like the 250 steps in an hour goal…. i think i'll steal that from you :)

I'm the opposite about availability of certain foods. when my weak moments arise, and they always do… it's much easier to not have things in the house, at the ready. i'm too lazy to drive to a store when the urges hit, lol.

everyone is different, but we can certainly be supportive of everyone's unique path. I'm not so much overweight as I eat foods that I KNOW are bad for my brain. "first world problem" is what i like to remind myself. i'm so grateful to have this problem and not my house being bombed, but i digress….

68myra · April 24

hello all. Hope everyone had a lovely Easter. I had two of my children home 🥰 it’s been hard for me to get back on track, but I’ll get there. I’ve been getting plenty of steps in, so at least there’s that 😎. Just wanted to check in.

cmoak54 · April 25

Hello ,

I decided today to get back on MFP. Just reading posts to find anything that resonates with me, this one is similar to my current point in life. I lost 70+ lbs between March 2023 and June 2024. I struggled after that, slowly gaining and losing the same 10-15 pounds for another 6 months. Oct. 2024 I gave up entirely and have regained 55 pounds from my lowest weight in June 2024 (currently at 235). I was tired of not eating my favorite foods whenever I wanted to, I was tired of watching what I eat all day, every day. I was tired of thinking about what I was going to eat at every meal and making separate meals from my DH.
One of my granddaughters is getting married May 10, I put off buying a dress because I didn't know what size I would need. So yesterday I went and tried on dresses and I am devastated at how bad everything looks on me, (after hiding in sweatshirts and yoga pants all fall and winter). I know I can't lose enough weight in two weeks to change that, but I need to get back in control. So here I am, knowing what to do, and hoping I can get through the 1st week of sugar withdrawal without failing again.

yakkystuff · April 25

So understand. Worth the struggle when the urge hits - and hopefully land back on feet. Go Go & Go \○/

68myra · April 30

welcome, cmoak. we can all support one another here, wherever we are on our journey :)

we have faith in you…. and you can borrow it anytime :)

happy wednesday and last day of April everyone.

68myra · May 5

good morning all. Just checking in. Regressed a few pounds. I know what to do. I just don’t really wanna? Gotta re-find my motivation. 😎

shel80kg · May 19

Hi everyone,

Apologies for disappearing again. It has been quite a difficult month for me as I am a full time carer for my wife with dementia as I still try and run my professional world. I lost my footing with regards to my health goals and yet again….starting over. But hey…it isn't the first time and quite likely won't be the last. I know what to do and I will just do my best. It almost seems as if there is a stubborn switch in my wee little brain and it takes quite a lot for me to switch it "on". I think I achieved that last week and I do feel motivated to give this body another crack at good eating and great health. One day at a time but I do see the bigger picture. I want to live as long as I can; as healthy as is realistic and being obese is just plain dumb. So…here goes. Will keep writing on the forum as it really helps.

Thanks

Shel

68myra · May 27

Hello all,

I'm sorry for your personal struggles, Shel. safe hugs to both you and your wife. I have also fallen off the wagon, so to speak. again. such is life. Please keep coming back, as your life situation allows…. I can't begin to imagine all the plates you must keep spinning.

My issues are depression-related, but not situational. sure, I'll always worry about my four kids, but, overall, life is good!

Hang in there everybody!!!

Myra

shel80kg · June 1

Thanks for sharing Myra. You are a special person and deserve happiness.

Depression is such a debilitating state of mind. It might best be described as hopelessness "on steroids". It's more than feelings of sadness and dispair. It takes us to the brink of believing that nothing is worthwhile and things just won't get better. The rigidy that sets in keeps us thinking these narratives.

The good news is that we can "jar" our brain into thinking flexible thoughts because EVERYTHING changes and nothing is permanent; not the least of which is Depression. We can make tiny little changes in our day, make simple and manageable baby steps forward and be kind and gentle with ourselves. Just keep it basic.

I am fairly sure that if we make little changes over time…the big obstacles in our lives stop looking so huge.

As I am emmersed in the journey with my wife who is requiring more care and thought with regards to her future, I have also re-committed to my own personal goals and well being because if I fall apart, how can I be there for her? Lifestyle management including what we eat and how we treat our bodies is the motherload of self-care and self-management so let's not abandon ourselves during our trials and tribulations with our lives. Let every morsel of food that passes through your lips be a considered choice; a decision: is this good for me? How will this make me feel an hour from now? How is the helping me…honestly?

It may feel good for a second or a minute, but the damn consequences drive us….or at least for me…crazy and want to have a healthy old age. If I am meant to be alone…so be it. But it will be alot easier if I have a body I can move around without a hoist. (not quite there yet at 65…but who knows)

I did a 7 k walk and have resumed intermittent fasting. Eating fairly regularly within the framework of IE and am not hungry during the day. It's nice to get back in control of food. But..like one ladder said to another, we got here one step at a time.

Take care

Shel

68myra · June 12

HI Shel,

So glad to see you check in… congrats on your determination, amidst what has to be a very challenging (understatement) time in your life. I truly feel for you.
I don’t have the mastery of words that you do, but I do have an endless supply of empathy 🤗

A 7k walk and Intermittent fasting! Good going, Shel!!! Keep up the great work! And if a slip comes along, shake it off and get back on that horse 😎

I have decided to enter reminders in my phone calendar to check in here at least weekly…. I’m still only in my 50’s but seem more and more forgetful. Such is life. At least I have a solution for that 🙃

I am laid up for the next little while after a minor foot surgery, so I’ll have more down time. Good for my foot, maybe not for my brain, but I’ll abstain from alcohol at least. I’ll take that victory!
Safe hugs to you all…

Myra

shel80kg · June 26

Thanks Myra,

My wife is now in permanent aged care and there is no doubt that I am in active grief. She is my soulmate and I will always love her and support her. I will do my best. She is a very young beautiful 71 year old woman who never deserved to be stolen away from her family, her home an community by the wretched Dementia that is destroying her mind. I have had to confront who I am in this process and how I manage myself as I go through this inevitable reality.

I am working out every morning and have found it easier to eat moderately and responsibly without the previous tendencies to deprive myself and obsess about Keto etc. I am now at 100 kg which stil feel heavy for me but it is just one data point as I descend back to my preferred weight of 80 kg. If it takes a 5 or 6 months…so be it. I want to be healthy as I merge into the senior's lane and I am pleased with my progress.

It's ironic in a way. When I first joined this forum many years ago…I acted like I knew something about self-care and appropriate choices for good eating and weight mangement. Now, I realize that I was just one of those "yo-yo" dieters who kept trying to beat the odds and play a type of Russian roulette with human physiology and metabolic processes. I am noone special and my body responds like everyone elses to calories in and calories out.

I hope I can maintain this healthy and positive attitude now because I truly love life; in all of it's bitter-sweet truths and I would like to enjoy as many years as I have left. I am starting a mountain climbing program this weekend and I would like to challenge the Kakoda Trek with a very close friend (my age) this time next year. A nice goal and one that I think I will be able to achieve.

Hope I am not boring you with my averagle life but may average is good.

Thanks for reading this

Shel

The Never Ending Story; It's Still Me and My Body

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