New to the gym as a fat girl

Hi there!

I'm really new to using the gym. Before I gained a lot of weight, I liked going to the gym. I used to go two or three days a week and although I was never a total gym rat, I was pretty comfortable using the equipment and felt like I belonged. But that has changed.

I'm now significantly overweight and with my 43rd birthday around the corner, I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I worry that people will stare or take embarrassing photos and put me on socials for a laugh.

My starting weight 5 months ago was 260, I'm now 225. I feel good, my energy level is much better. I'm swimming and cycling a bit, but I want to start going to the gym again to tone up and lose more weight. I want to be a positive influence for my young daughter (she doesn't have a weight issue at all, but I want to be a better influence for her as she enters her teens). Anyone else ever feel like this? Like you just don't belong? How did you overcome that?

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,890 Member

    I stopped going to the gym when people started using phones in the locker rooms and communal shower area. Even though the gym has signs up about not doing that, there really is no way to enforce it so I stopped going. If there were private showers and changing areas with locked doors I would likely still go. For me it was more a privacy issue, like you said.

    There are plenty of other ways to get exercise and many of them you can take your kids. Be creative! It's also easy enough to set up some basic weights if you have the space at home. Even in the garage or extra porch area.

  • claireychn074
    claireychn074 Posts: 1,914 Member

    My experience is mostly in strength gyms rather than general gyms, but I think most people are either worrying about themselves, trying to get a workout in during the limited time they have, or battling demons. We all think everyone is looking at us - but everyone else is being just as paranoid. The only time I’ve had someone really stare at me was because the woman wanted to ask where I’d bought my gym top! I think do whatever exercise you enjoy and go for it!

  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 10,232 Member

    been there done that. No one cared. They were all too busy with their podcast, phone call (why would someone think I wanted to have a log convo while they’re grunting and breathing heavy and not giving me their entire attention) or their own person struggles.

    That buff guy over there is busy looking at the buffer guy and critiquing his own self.

    Ask about gym policy.

    My gym has a No Photos/Filming policy, and even went so far as to put a signal blocker in the dressing room and pool area.

    If you want to see a bunch of people lose their *kitten*, take a photo in the pool. Instant lynching mentality. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s funny/scary. The members take it seriously.

  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,760 Member

    It sounds like you crushed your first round of weight loss. Really amazing!

    I think we can all relate to your feeling about going to the gym. There are certain gyms where I wouldn't feel welcome (64y male— It's those buff youngsters!). But, there are gyms where I feel totally welcome! As @AnnPT77 suggests, get a tour and don't hand out any money until you're convinced it's a good environment for you!

    Also, there are lots of smaller venue exercise options that make things a bit more tailored and can be really FUN. Things like GetInShapeForWomen, for example. (I know someone who really likes that org, but there are lots of options.)

    I also agree with @cmriverside that there's lots of great exercise to be had outside the gym sphere. The simplest is walking. Extra credit if you can bring your daughter! It's a good excuse to get a dog, BTW.

  • Nutbugs2
    Nutbugs2 Posts: 105 Member

    Congratulations on your weight loss. I have lost 50 and have about 70 more to go. I am feeling the same way about the gym. I'm so fearful to be made fun of on Tik Tok or whatever without my knowledge. I've been overweight my whole life and been made fun of my whole life and the last thing I need to do is try to go into a gym to do the right thing and have some idiot making fun of me. But then also there is the thought pattern of just feeling like I don't belong. So you're not alone in your feelings and your thoughts. My husband asked me a very important question though. He said what is it going to do to you if these people do take videos of you on the treadmill or on the weight machines and post it and make fun of you that is not a Feeling. And he's right it's not going to hurt me it's not going to change my weight loss all it is is a feeling of embarrassment. One other person commented above that these people who do that it just shows how stupid and immature they are. So for you and I and anyone else who feels the same way let's just get out there and do it and see where it takes us. Cuz I need to do something more than what I'm doing now if I want to continue with this weight loss.

  • rudyzenreviews
    rudyzenreviews Posts: 74 Member

    I hear you and it’s tough walking back into the gym when you feel like all eyes are on you. But honestly, most people are too wrapped up in their own workouts to notice. And even if they did, your progress is proof you’re already crushing it also you’ve lost weight, boosted your energy, and you’re setting such a powerful example for your daughter. Start slow, stick to what feels good, and let your confidence build step by step. You belong there just as much as anyone else. You’ve already shown you can do hard things! Keep Rocking….

  • mar_sbar
    mar_sbar Posts: 196 Member

    Hi, big congrats on your weight loss progress so far! About gym anxiety, like many here said, the vast majority of people there are just focusing on their own work. They are there to just get their training done, maybe chat with an acquaintance or two, and leave. I promise, if you go in there and just focus on your training, the time will go by so quickly, and you'll be done. Doing this is already a great way to model a good example for your daughter. Going in to do what you need to do to better yourself in spite of those worries or concerns is a truly noble thing to model. Just start going a couple of times a week and then increase it as you feel more comfortable. You can do this.

  • rsccore
    rsccore Posts: 34 Member

    I'll repeat the same verbage that people at the gym are mostly focused on their own workouts, not other people. And I have never encountered a "tik tok" scenario at the gym. Having said this, I see very few significantly overweight people at the gym. I am just being honest, and that includes myself. Even though I love using the gym now on cruises and on vacation, being in that energetic environment, when I lost 90 lbs, I did that mostly at home on my own treadmill and weights, and a lot of walking around the neigborhood or while out shopping. I am only saying this to point out that you should also develop a non gym routine (walking etc.) as well. Most people need this anyways, not because of gym anxiety, but because of scheduling and time management. It takes very little equipment at home to meet the "weights" aspect of this journey. Dumbells and a bench. And it wasn't that eyes were on me back then, it is just a different experience when you are trying to burn off a bunch of fat and maintaining muscle, vs staying in shape and fitness. Just keep your eye on the real prize, your journey back to a fitness and a healthy weight. If you can make the gym part of that now, then do it, if not, no loss, it will be there when you get to it.