Married Women
reese1206
Posts: 229
My husband has been very distant lately. I feel super unattractive and ugly. In turn I've lost motivation to work out the last 2 wks. Anything that you think may help? I need some motivation.......PLEASE.
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Replies
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I would just remind myself that I'm doing this for me not for him. It's about my body and my health so I'm going to keep working on it till I get where I want to be0
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I'm not married and cannot give you any sort of advice.
I just wanted to stop by and say that you are absolutely beautiful :flowerforyou: I really mean it. You have amazing eyes and a really sincere smile
I hope you can sit down and discuss this with your husband, maybe he is feeling sad or worried about something and isn't noticing that he is distant.0 -
I'm not married and cannot give you any sort of advice.
I just wanted to stop by and say that you are absolutely beautiful :flowerforyou: I really mean it. You have amazing eyes and a really sincere smile
I hope you can sit down and discuss this with your husband, maybe he is feeling sad or worried about something and isn't noticing that he is distant.
This. 100%.0 -
Maybe look in a mirror..I mean really look in the mirror and see how beautiful you are. Imagine where you will be if you keep your motivation. Talk to your husband too. maybe something is going on and he doesn't mean to be distant? :flowerforyou:0
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I'm not married and cannot give you any sort of advice.
I just wanted to stop by and say that you are absolutely beautiful :flowerforyou: I really mean it. You have amazing eyes and a really sincere smile
I hope you can sit down and discuss this with your husband, maybe he is feeling sad or worried about something and isn't noticing that he is distant.
This. 100%.
agree. i thought the same thing. you are absolutely beautiful
and you are doing it for YOU 0 -
Perhaps put a really memorable picture of you and your husband/family somewhere where you'll see it every day. On the fridge, or as wallpaper on your computer. When I need a push, either a really positive, or really negative image of myself keeps me on track.
My suggestion is a photo of one of your happiest times together. Might bring back some strong feelings and motivation.
Keep with it! You'll be improving your own life, and setting a good example for your children in the future.0 -
I'm not married, but I've been with my current bf for over three years. I have heard of men growing jealous over our successes, and feeling like they need to ensure we are down so they are still important and you wont leave them! Men are weird, I know
I have NO idea what the issue is, but honestly sweetie you don't need him to stay motivated! You got us!!! 0 -
i have been there. he may feel, like i finally dragged out of my husband, that im feeling more confident and secure with myself losing weight, guys are looking at me, and that his self-esteem was low, and he was dragging me down with him. i confronted him and i just tried to reassure him you arent going anywhere. in hubbys defense, i dont honestly think he was doing it on purpose, maybe he was, who knows, but now we are better that we talked it out. and no matter what, it is your health and body, and dont get me wrong, i still have self-esteem issues although ive hit my target weight, and you are doing this for you, not anybody else.0
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My husband has been very distant lately. I feel super unattractive and ugly. In turn I've lost motivation to work out the last 2 wks. Anything that you think may help? I need some motivation.......PLEASE.
Question...I see in your profile that he said your husband is deployed...is he still at the moment?? That's a big stressor...if he's not maybe you should talk to him about it b/c hopefully he doesn't have PTSD...that can really make a person depressed and push them away from their family0 -
THANK YOU FOR THE INSIGHT. I NEED TO TALK TO HIM. I KNOW HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME BUT IT'S BOTHERING ME AS WELL. I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. THIS SUPPORT HELPS. THANK YOU. I WAS ALSO NOT FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.....JUST ADVICE.0
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This girl has said many things tonight that I have 100% agreed with...I'm not married and cannot give you any sort of advice.
I just wanted to stop by and say that you are absolutely beautiful :flowerforyou: I really mean it. You have amazing eyes and a really sincere smile
I hope you can sit down and discuss this with your husband, maybe he is feeling sad or worried about something and isn't noticing that he is distant.
I really hope you can find a way to talk to him.0 -
THANK YOU FOR THE INSIGHT. I NEED TO TALK TO HIM. I KNOW HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME BUT IT'S BOTHERING ME AS WELL. I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. THIS SUPPORT HELPS. THANK YOU. I WAS ALSO NOT FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.....JUST ADVICE.
dont worry. we are here to help. theres always lots of people on here with stories that can help you out. thats why this is such a great site. no matter what you do, are vegan, like me, need to lose 50-100 pounds, have issues with family, recipes, etc, somebody can always help you out.0 -
I'm sorry you are struggling sweetie!
I don't know if your husband is the same way but when mine is really stressed at work, he gets really distant and grumpy at home and it makes me really feel like it is ME a lot of the time. Keep in mind it could be other stressers that are keeping him distracted. I hope you guys are able to talk and get it worked out. Let me know if you want to talk at all! 0 -
You're losing weight / getting into shape for you, not for your husband. Lose the weight, and when all those guys start lookin at you like daaaammmnnn (lol) your husband will be jealous...he won't be so distant then!!! 0
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This might be one of those times where you bite the bullet and just let him know that you don't feel very close lately, in a nonjudgmental way, and if you're like me, try not to be defensive or bawl your eyes out. Just had a long talk like that recently with mine and actually felt a lot closer because of it. Didn't see the little things he was trying to do to be romantic, but when I thought back, I realized he was really putting in a lot of effort and i wasn't noticing or thanking him. So we talked about the things that make us feel closer to each other and are trying to do those things instead.
If you guys don't have an underlying history of severe problems, it's probably just a bump in the road. Oh, and let him be your mirror. If he says he likes the way you look, just believe him, and thank him. And wear something vavoom around the house for him. :-) and put some fun music on, like "I wanna see you dance naked," "shake it (like a poloroid picture)" or "fat bottom girls" and dance for your cardio. He won't mind spotting for you. I find I feel a lot better about my body if I just decide to own it even as I'm looking to change it.0 -
There will be those in your life, a husband, too, who will sometimes grow distant. These people might really love you and care for you, but subconsciously, they are hurting. They may feel that you are achieving a great goal, something really special, and your growth is outpacing theirs. If you know that they really care about you, you might have to be patient--love them, pray for them, hey--even help them out--bring them along for a flight on your success-jet! I hope that's the extent of it. In the meantime, you need to surround yourself with plenty of caring, supporting people. Those who make you feel proud and energized. Maybe some of the good folks here would be a great start. (Right, everyone?)
As for feeling unattractive, just look in the mirror, take a nice deep cleansing breath, and smile. Consider your photo here. You are very attractive! And I have excellent taste in women--I know my wife would agree! LOL
I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. You can do this. I can feel it! Peace--LEWIS0 -
**Please do not let your husband's actions (inattentiveness, distance, distracted ?) affect how you view yourself. That is HIS stuff! And, even though I do not know you at all, I'd be willing to seriously bet that his reason(s) for being more withdrawn have nothing to do with you lacking motivation to workout. Stay on track and do your best to talk yourself up, not down. Btw, you look simply adorable in your profile pic! :-)0
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Well put. Especially the "vavoom" part. I should tell my wife Eileen. No wait--it's ME who's trying to get in shape!0
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I know that my husbands moods affect me big time. I am trying to remember this time the reasons WHY I'm doing this. I want to live longer, I want to be an example for my kids, I want to have more energy, I want to be confident, I want to be more outgoing, and yes I want to look good for hubby too. Usually when he gets under my skin, I turn to food. Ex. We would get into a small arguement, or he would just be in a poor mood, and then my way of thinking was "I deserve to be happy, and ___(Insert yummy non-healthy food here)___ will make me feel better. Or I would be sad, mope and stay in jammies. NOW I'm trying to use it as fuel, because when I work out, I get that high, and everything seems to look better and his "moods" don't get to me so much.
I would try talking to him about it though. Letting him know that his behavior has been affecting you, and you (together) would like to find a way to get back on track, both with exercise as well as your intimacy level.
Good luck, Men suck sometimes
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tell him how you feel...i know as a guy, and a married guy, i would want to know...no games, no wondering...attack it and then you will at last have pc of mind.
life is too short to play games with the ones you love...0 -
First omg you're hot! Second, yes let him know how you feel!0
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I have four kids also and hated the way my body was after the last two and they are 16 months apart. It upset my husband when I didn't believe him when he would tell me I was beautiful. He also loved what having his babies did to my body. He made me feel comfortable in my skin and sexy. I have found that he doesn't care what size my body is, as long as he gets to see it, naked, in little workout clothes or wiggling on the treadmill. I am a talker and I always get right to it when something is bothering me. My husband is the more calmer quieter one and I am a bit more dramatic. Men keep a lot of things inside and do not realize how it looks on the outside, so talking to them usually works. Well, with mine anyways. You are very beautiful, I hope you can see it too.0
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Super great advice here! I am married and have been for 14 years. And let me say there are times when we both get like that. I know that men sometimes have a harder time expressing themselves. And if something is going on with them at work or with friends they sometimes bottle it up and act weird. From experience I can say my husband is very odd about me losing weight. His own personal insecurities are starting to show, which sucks. I want him to be supportive not jealous. I think I need to take the advice being given here as well. The guys on here point blank say talk to him and I agree. Men are not good at guessing what is wrong or why we are upset, you just have to spell it out. I think once you do, you will feel better too. (perhaps I will too)
And P.S. I'd LOVE to look like you cause you are gorgeous!! Hugs!0 -
I have four kids also and hated the way my body was after the last two and they are 16 months apart. It upset my husband when I didn't believe him when he would tell me I was beautiful. He also loved what having his babies did to my body. He made me feel comfortable in my skin and sexy. I have found that he doesn't care what size my body is, as long as he gets to see it, naked, in little workout clothes or wiggling on the treadmill. I am a talker and I always get right to it when something is bothering me. My husband is the more calmer quieter one and I am a bit more dramatic. Men keep a lot of things inside and do not realize how it looks on the outside, so talking to them usually works. Well, with mine anyways. You are very beautiful, I hope you can see it too.
Shannon I could have wrote your post exactly. My husband is the same way and we have six kids. I will talk till I drive him crazy.
Spouses dont always know how to deal with weight loss in their partner. I have gone from a size 18 to a 4 and my husband never ONCE made a comment about my weight loss. Not once. He was actually quite defensive about it. He felt like I would leave for someone else now that I am getting my "Old" body back (we just went through a LOT of stress." I had to remind him that it was him that I wanted and I was not going anywhere. Now that he knows how I feel (like he should have questioned it) he is cheering me on and being my biggest cheerleader. Just talk to him or write him a letter.0 -
Thank you all so very much.0
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Communication communication! Talk to him and find out why he is distant.0
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Jump him... no seriously. As a married man, father of two, working, and school I often get stressed out and need..... a *ahem* reminder. If you don't feel like going that route, no worries, but do have a talk with him and figure out what's going on. Chances are its not what you think.0
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tell him how you feel...i know as a guy, and a married guy, i would want to know...no games, no wondering...attack it and then you will at last have pc of mind.
life is too short to play games with the ones you love...
This. Especially the last part. My husband has worked really hard to 'train' me (:laugh: ) to talk to him when I'm upset about something. Good luck!0 -
Maybe look in a mirror..I mean really look in the mirror and see how beautiful you are. Imagine where you will be if you keep your motivation. Talk to your husband too. maybe something is going on and he doesn't mean to be distant? :flowerforyou:
This. I know there are a few times where my hubby has become distant but it was mainly due to issues with work and just general things that he was going through. Try talking to him and maybe change up something in your routine to spark that motivation to hit the gym. Keep pushing! Don't let this set you back. Big hugs.0 -
I've tried to talk to him the last cpl weeks but he's not opening up. I know he will eventually but its making things hard.0
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