GUYS: Moving in with your girlfriend?

My boyfriend tells me he is going to move in with me when I go out to visit him for Halloween. This would only be a temporary commitment, at least until June and then when I have to move out.. who knows.. but he also loves his social life..and I don't need to be the life of the party. So I have my reservations about him moving in too. I think it's best for the relationship to test the waters when you can. For me since it's only until June.. there's already a built-in out. But if we were to ever get a great job that we have to move ..would the other follow? It's questions like that I hope this test will answer. But my words of caution. You can Never change anyone.. if they want to change... they THEY are the ones who have to make the changes... I hope it works out for you.

I would suggest that you have a talk with him. Moving in is a big step and not something you should do with doubts. Ask him if he expects to continue his late nights out (and any other things you think you might need to discuss). You will both undoubtedly need to make some changes and adjustments, but some things are deal breakers. If you are really ready to move in, it shouldn't be difficult to have this conversation. He might surprise you and be totally on board with a more settled, domestic life with you.

Just keep in mind you reaallllyy get to know someone when you move in with them. It's a lot different than just being with them. I've basically lived with my bf since we started dating but from past experiences with roommates it didn't workout at all. Make sure he is really ready and really knows what the situation is going to be before you're stuck with a lease

i live with my bf and he comes home whenever he feels like it even tho he knows i hate it

I'm not a guy, but have plenty of guy friends. I'll tell you like it is: guys don't change for you, they change for themselves. You are in a tight place - you have the 3-year old to think about before the boyfriend, which makes your situation even tougher than the average couple. I would seriously reconsider bringing in someone who is used to doing their own thing on their own schedule. It doesn't mean he doesn't love or care for you, but unless he is currently shaping up on his own, it's unlikely to change. And, much as I love my husband and guy friends, they are LESS likely to change as they age, but women tend to become more flexible. Weird. Good luck with whatever you do.

Depends on the person and if he's ready for more of a family lifestyle. But it sounds like it will be a compromise. He will likely have to have more structure, and you will probably have to be open to putting up with at least a few late nights on his part. If you can, keep your rent current for the next couple months just in case it doesn't work out. You should both decide what changes you are willing to live with.

lay it out what you think life should be like when you move it and hear him out on his expectations...worst thing is to be surprised by something that you didnt expect...talk about everything. its a commitment not just to the growth of a home but to each other.

statistics say, cohabitation usually (in most cases) is worse on a relationship than getting married and living together.

I've read similar studies. I question how in depth the study actually was and you have to look at the couples who don't move in together before marriage these days. In this economy it usually "makes sense" to move in. People with STRONG religious values don't tend to live together before marriage, or believe in divorce.

I've been living with my boyfriend for over a year. Moving in with me didn't lead to any changes. He's a man. Has to change for himself.

I know I am not a guy but here is my opinion.... we are going over this in one of my classes in college actually and here is what the statistics say, cohabitation usually (in most cases) is worse on a relationship than getting married and living together. I am not saying go marry this guy lol just letting you know what the studies say. I can look up the exact statistic for you if you want me to but yea usually cohabitation is harder on a relationship because at any time he can decide that he does not want to live with you anymore and throw the deuces. (not saying he will) this will leave you with all of the bills. and everything which you are alrdy paying by yourself anyway but yea i am no expert just thought that it was interesting you asked about a subject we were going over in class

I'd be interested in the research for this? I'm only asking because I've heard many statistics say otherwise, and hey, I like reading.

I agree with Alexandra_Anne, though. You really don't know someone until you've lived with them. I personally couldn't marry someone I haven't lived with for at least a year or 2...my current boyfriend and I have lived together for over 2 years now, and we learned a lot about each other in that first year. I've lived with 2 other ex-boyfriends, as well...some you are compatible with, some you aren't. Your situation will be completely different, as you have a child and I do not, so I definitely say lay the cards down beforehand, because he needs to know how life will be like as a couple AND, essentially, as a step-parent. One of my ex's had a 2-year-old son, and I was never given any information about the boy. Through trial and error, I found out that he was an extremely picky eater, that he liked to throw things in the garbage (including my prescription glasses, argh!), that he didn't like to sleep alone, that he had developmental issues, etc. I definitely would have done better with more information regarding those issues, as well as tons of others that pop up. And honestly, while I usually agree that compromises can be reached....I have to say in this case, the coming home late thing...there should be none. It isn't fair that your child (and thus, you) have a high potential of losing sleep because he can't come home at a decent time. Plus children are inquisitive...what would you say if your child asked "Why does [insert name here] stay out so late every night? How come he isn't home for bedtime?" Those are just my 2 cents, as an outsider looking in on the situation. You will know best how to handle it, in the end. :flowerforyou:

One question I have is how much time does he spend with your daughter? Is he used to spending several hours a day with her, or do you most often see him when she goes to bed at night. Sounds like it will be a big lifestyle change for him. Personally, I don't think you should go through with it without a long serious talk with him. What happens when he comes home drunk and wakes up your daughter because he is bouncing off walls and knocking stuff down?

^^ This, completely. There has GOT to be a long talk prior to him moving in. Boundaries, etc.