People Avoider

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Animaniac87
Animaniac87 Posts: 74
in Health and Weight Loss
Does anyone else avoid people while they're trying to lose weight? Or ditch friends because of their weight? Yes on both for me. I pushed most of my friends away when i reached 200+lbs because I was embarrassed of the way I look/ed. However now that the weight is (slowly) starting to come off I noticed I'm pushing people away, I try to avoid social gatherings, even family gatherings, because I don't want people to see the "in between." I'd really love to shock people when they see me around the holidays when I'm (hopefully) down 40lbs. For some reason I think their shock will make it all worth it. But I can't help but wonder if this is mentally healthy or just a bit cuckoo?

Any feedback is helpful, thanks!
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Replies

  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    The danger with pushing people away and avoiding social gatherings is that people will stop inviting you if you keep saying "no" to them. Just something to consider.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    I think you will soon want to be showing off you new look.
  • Aegelis
    Aegelis Posts: 237 Member
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    If someone pushed me away because of my weight, I would be sad.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I find myself doing the exact opposite sometimes. When I notice that I've packed on the pounds and decide it's time to start working them off, I sometime purposely wear clothes that I think make me look fat so that when I lose it will seem more dramatic.

    OMG, that sounds so pathetic when I read it back. I'm such a tool sometimes!
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
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    Mostly I think it's just *me* that pushes people away :)

    The only way I've found that I can really eat in moderation is if i focus on it...all the time...without stopping. If I don't I'll just mindlessly eat. As a result I haven't yet mastered the art of not talking about my weight loss or nutrition or exercise all the fracking time.

    People get tired of hearing about it. I'll have to learn to feign interest in whatever it is in their lives that warrants a conversation.
  • ReginaB13
    ReginaB13 Posts: 87 Member
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    Been there, done that. I pretty much pushed ALL of my old friends away. I'm lucky I got any of them back when I came to my senses. I'm still the queen of doing that from time to time... Not good.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    My friends don't want me around because of the way I look. They genuinely like me as a person. Your post makes me sad.
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
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    I don't avoid people so much as situations where I'll be making a scene denying or turning down food/drinks etc. I'm trying to avoid alcohol as a general thing (of course there are occasions I will drink) but in my job... the bar is sort of the only "social" out of hours place in the mess and you are mocked for not drinking so I find it best not to go. Either that or you get **** about being on a diet and that you must be obsessed/possessed and that you look fine yet they're all talking about girls in a very brutal way...
  • lstnlondry
    lstnlondry Posts: 1,794 Member
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    I don't push people away but I don't go making dates either. I have a 1 track mind when I lose weight and if I know I will be tempted with food (or booze) I will steer clear of being around those that do. That could be what you are doing too...
  • jgic2009
    jgic2009 Posts: 531 Member
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    The danger with pushing people away and avoiding social gatherings is that people will stop inviting you if you keep saying "no" to them. Just something to consider.

    This.

    If one of my "friends" is always turning down invitations, I stop inviting him or her.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    My friends don't want me around because of the way I look. They genuinely like me as a person. Your post makes me sad.

    True, but you're also hot.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    My friends don't want me around because of the way I look. They genuinely like me as a person. Your post makes me sad.

    True, but you're also hot.

    Well, yeah.
  • cocolo89
    cocolo89 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    I was the same way! i tried to avoid going out in public because of the way I looked. I hated myself and didn't want anyone to see how fat i was. But now, i'm a social butterfly. everyone is amazed at how much weight i lost and i constantly get comments about how great i look. Its a good feeling when your there, but i know how your feeling now.
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
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    I'm the same way,plus a majority of my friends are skinny but make really bad food choices and consider drinking a weekend hobby.I have a family now and choose not to consume alcohol anymore,even though other friends who are married with kids still think going out every weekend is ok.I've chosen to surround myself with people with a similar lifestyle as me and are trying to live healthier.Also the last time I lost weight,the old friends started acting weird and actually sort of jealous even though they have always been skinny themselves,so I didn't understand that.I'm still cordial but rarely see them,because now that I am trying to lose weight and get healthy for good,they aren't that positive in the looks and comments they make when I mention it.
  • fish119
    fish119 Posts: 67
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    I 100% understand! I still wear baggy clothes to hide the progress! I refuse to talk to my brother (he lives in another state) about my progress because he ALWAYS picked on me about being big and I want it to be a shock when he comes home around the holidays. My self esteem was/is really low when I started gaining weight and hit the obese category. I felt like everyone was looking at me and would assume they were talking about the fat chick at the party. I didn't feel comfortable eating at social gatherings because I felt like everyone was watching me and they would think, "she really doesn't need that piece of cake or pizza or whatever they were serving).
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    I don't have that issue. My friends are my friends.

    They've seen me fat, they've seen me thin(ner), and they've seen me fat again, and I'm not making a secret out fo the fact that I'm trying to lose again--but I also don't obsess on it or make it the only topic of conversation. My friends have supported me, ignored my weird eating rituals, kept their mouths shut when I make poor food choices, tell me that I look GREAT when I wear something that looks good on me, and again keep their mouths shut when I'm frumpy and sloppy and not looking so fab.

    I have nothing to hide from my true friends, and who the hell else matters?!
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
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    Pushed away because of my weight? No. Pushed off? Yes.

    Well, she tried anyway. Said I was "crushing" her, or "smothering" her. Whatever! :laugh:

    Seriously, please consider seeking professional help, this is not a good thing.
  • caroln3
    caroln3 Posts: 217
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    I do but not intentionally because most of the people I know are not supportive when I am trying to lose weight or they just can't really relate. Trying to eat healthier and exercise is a real lifestyle change and that includes changing some friends or better making new ones.
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
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    I'm fat, but don't push people away because of that. I just don't like people.
  • STACEBAR
    STACEBAR Posts: 21
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    I avoid social situations with my friends and our friends. AND I hate when someone asks me if I've lost weight, it's embarrassing to me. (I even deny that I've lost weight when I clearly have) I can't explain why I do this...... Now if they just say something about me looking good, I react in a whole different way. *shrugs part of my illness I guess!

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