How do you get judged?

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Replies

  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
    People assume I am conceited, rude, stuck up, prissy, *****y you name it. And all I really am is just shy so I guess I don't always come off as friendly. But would it kill someone to at least know something first. And yes we all judge I am guilty of it. But I don't assume.
  • Thank you for posting this. I had a bad day today becaused I was being judged. Now I feel better that I'm not alone. (Far from it.) And I can have a good nights sleep. Tomorrow will be a better day. I can feel it.
  • Most men envy me. I'm a stay at home dad with a part time job (by choice) as a Personal Trainer/Group Fitness instructor not working more than 10 hours a week. I work out when I want, and get to do all the cooking so the family has to eat what I make. I get to kick it at home, watch movies, but best of all I get to be a dad to my daughter and a husband to my wife. Yeah, life is good.

    However I have had people on forums call me a wimp for letting my wife bring home the bacon, and not manly enough since I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. IMO, they're jealous of my situation.

    I think you are doing a wonderful thing. Yes they are jealous but mostly I think they are scared that their wife will make them do a little laundry now and then. I say if it works for you than great! Do it.
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    i don't know how people judge me. but i don't really care either.

    if you don't like me, you can sod off basically, i'm not wasting my time justifying myself or trying to get on people's good side. if you like me, great, if you don't, fine, i won't lose a second of sleep over it.

    my theory is that people judge and critisize you just as much as you critisize and judge others. so if you're not ready to cop that, perhaps you should be a bit nicer in thoughts and words.
  • Only God Can Judge Me -2Pac

    and now I've got that song in my head!
  • Most men envy me. I'm a stay at home dad with a part time job (by choice) as a Personal Trainer/Group Fitness instructor not working more than 10 hours a week. I work out when I want, and get to do all the cooking so the family has to eat what I make. I get to kick it at home, watch movies, but best of all I get to be a dad to my daughter and a husband to my wife. Yeah, life is good.

    However I have had people on forums call me a wimp for letting my wife bring home the bacon, and not manly enough since I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. IMO, they're jealous of my situation.

    You're awesome!!!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I also think people must think I am approachable, because I often get strangers at stores, etc. feeling compelled to tell me their stories. That judgment I can say I actually like. Its nice to think that people feel they can "trust" me to listen to them when they randomly walk up to me or start chatting it up for no reason, other than I guess they felt the need to talk. So, its not always a bad thing. :happy:
  • 3shirts
    3shirts Posts: 294 Member
    A lot of judging is actually projection. I get it because I am quite well spoken and was educated at a public school (for non-uk readers, that means it is privately funded). I try to be very positive about people as a I genuinely believe everyone is essentially good so I assume that until they prove otherwise. Some people, though, have hang ups about those that are well educated or even just 'sound posh' so they project onto me that I look down on them and then hate on me for it!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I have no idea. I don't ask people what they think of me because I genuinely don't care. I take things that people say at face-value most of the time. I feel so secure in who I am and what I do that I can't be bothered to check and see if other people see me the same way.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    We all know that people judge--it is basic human nature. If you say you've never judged anyone before, think again. If you say no one has ever judged you before, you're probably crazy :laugh: How have people judged you before? Did you tell them they were wrong? i.e., people think just because I'm (fill in the blank) means I'm (fill in the blank.)

    Mine would be that people assume and have told me before that because I don't pay rent where I live and that I got very few hours at my last job must mean that all I do is sit around. They think I have nothing to worry about, no stress, etc. and that my life is just so easy. My classmates who are all at least 4 years older, at most 30 years older than me think that of me. I had one woman actually say "Some of us actually HAVE a life and don't have time to study like you do." Here's the problem with that; just because I don't work AS MUCH and don't have 7 kids, doesn't mean I don't have a life. Also, I DON'T study! I have a 4.0 because I pay attention in class rather than talking like everyone else does. If she payed attention, she may actually absorb at least a little information. But she's constantly talking instead.


    How about you?

    You sound really intelligent, and I think those people are just jealous. People always assume I don't need money, since I don't go crazy to pick up my paycheck when I have a job. ^^ I know how it feels *sigh*

    Luckily, you don't have to study and have a 4.0! Honestly, screw them...you are so smart and awesome :D I have a 3.3 and go to every class and study a lot haha. :P
  • CorrieV1976
    CorrieV1976 Posts: 320 Member
    I have been judged harshly for being a lesbian and an atheist. I've lost both friends and family because of both aspects, and that's fine with me because if someone cannot like/love me for who I am then I have no place for them in my life anyway. Luckily I work in a field that is strongly based in science, and most of the people I encounter are fairly rational, but before I was in this field I was discriminated against in school and employment...especially school. Anyway, things have gotten better and they'll continue to get better, and maybe someday the masses will realise that judging others for such things is just silly, pointless, and completely irrelevant to their existence.
    This is what drives me nuts ...completely insane...with religious people (not all but a lot).... Let me first say...I do believe in God, however, your preference and your thoughts on religion or sexual preference is totally 100 % your choice and NO ONE has a right to judge that. I dont mean to preach because I am totally against people judging you....but in my thoughts...Only god has the right to judge ... no one else. (I know people will be judging me on this comment...) My brother is also an atheist , but that is his choice.... i'm sorry you get judged ...no one has the right to hurt another person, with words, or actions.....I wish people would understand that. By following the word of god, people are supposed to be kind to one another, and they are just being hypocrites by judging.
  • unsuspectingfish
    unsuspectingfish Posts: 1,176 Member
    A lot of people seem to think that, because I work retail, I'm uneducated. I have a college degree. This job? It's called "paying my rent".

    Alternately, a lot of people seem to think that, because I have an extensive vocabulary and frequently use a wide range of said vocabulary, that I'm trying to act more intelligent and/or trying to make them look stupid. It's how I talk. It's how I've always talked. I'm not going to stop just because you're intimidated. They should hear me when I'm drunk. I swear, my vocabulary gets even more extensive, then.

    Oh, and people automatically assume that, because I am intelligent and well-educated, I must have grown up in the city. I grew up on a farm (consisting of apple and various other fruit orchards), several miles from the closest town, the population of which was 2,000 people. I read encyclopedias for fun.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    I heard a lot growing up that people thought I was a snobby ***** because I was so shy I couldn't talk to anyone until I got to know them. Then they always said "I can't believe I thought you were going to be like that!" lol I still keep to myself a lot when I'm new some place, after I get used to my surroundings people think I'm funny and just a little bit crazy, but always admit they weren't sure about me in the beginning.

    Oh, hell. That's EXACTLY what people think of me! I'm SOOO shy when I first meet people. My best friend from high school (who is still my best friend to this day) said the first day she met me she thought I was a raging *****! It's so funny to think back on it now. Haha!
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
    Judging vs Perceiving is a component of psychological types.

    Essentially, most people (greater than 50%) are good at making decisions (a form of judgement) and additionally assess the decisions of others and judge those decisions as positive or negative.

    A minority of people (less than 20%) defer making decisions. They develop a process for having the decision fall out of their devised process. These processes evolve, and often these people are caught in the position of not being able to decide (or judge) for themselves the best course going forward. Additionally, these people aren't interested in assessing the decisions of others or judging those decisions. These people may speak up to correct what they perceive as a blatant error in information, while not having a particular opinion about the person disseminating that information. They themselves don't view this as judgment per se, but those who are "judging" types would definitely view this as judgment.

    Then there is the other 30% who may either prefer or defer making decisions, but don't also assess the decisions of others. These people tend to not appear to others as judging types. But they may be good at judgment. Or not. It doesn't really matter, because they tend not to assess others in those terms.

    Personalities are interesting. To better understand them, do research on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. These assessments are tools designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. These preferences were extrapolated from the typological theories proposed by Carl Gustav Jung and first published in his 1921 book Psychological Types.
  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
    my theory is that people judge and critisize you just as much as you critisize and judge others. so if you're not ready to cop that, perhaps you should be a bit nicer in thoughts and words.

    I certainly hope "you" is a generalized statement, because quite frankly you don't know me, and you don't know how often I do judge others. :)
  • MrsFarrow
    MrsFarrow Posts: 326 Member
    Most men envy me. I'm a stay at home dad with a part time job (by choice) as a Personal Trainer/Group Fitness instructor not working more than 10 hours a week. I work out when I want, and get to do all the cooking so the family has to eat what I make. I get to kick it at home, watch movies, but best of all I get to be a dad to my daughter and a husband to my wife. Yeah, life is good.

    However I have had people on forums call me a wimp for letting my wife bring home the bacon, and not manly enough since I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. IMO, they're jealous of my situation.
    This came off as quite arrogant to me. I don't think it was how it was meant, but who are you to say if they're jealous? They may have been brought up differently. I was brought up in an environment where the man worked, the woman stayed home to take care of the children. Period. No questions asked. That's how my husband grew up as well. However, we have switched roles because I can't stand being a "housewife".

    As far as I'm concerned, as long as the housework, cooking and such gets taken care of and the children get an amazing up bringing, I could care less if it's the male or female who's doing it.

    But jealous? Not I.
  • HollieDoodles
    HollieDoodles Posts: 678 Member
    My husband is a pastor, so people assume I am the typical pastor's wife in the South. So, you can imagine the assumptions that go along with that. It really pisses me off that people assume things about my marriage based on whether or not I bake cookies or make it to every single Bible study. People also assume that I am close-minded and judgemental because I am a Christian. We are not all like that, I promise :)
    I am also a doctoral student, so many people assume that I am a snob and I think I am better than them (which I don't). My family assumes that I am lazy, because I am in school instead of working. On the other hand, I get judged by people in the church because I am not a stay-at-home mom. I think people in the church mostly think of my going to school as a cute little hobby, except when it interferes with baking cookies...and no, I don't play the piano. So, pretty much no matter what I do someone thinks some crap about it.
    Honestly, I don't care anymore. I know who I am and my husband loves me for who I am. The rest of them can suck it!!

    You ROCK! If you were in my area and your husband's messages were 1/2 way as laid back as you sound, I would definitely attend a service or two :)

    People have said things to me about who they think I am. I used to just keep my mouth shut, but not so much now.
    I've been told that people assumed that just because I'm a church goer, volunteer at a local support/shelter, want to eventually volunteer as a Pet Assisted Therapy Team Member, and I'm majoring in Social Work at a major Christian university...... it means I'm a goodie-goodie, don't know how to have any fun, can't get rowdy, I think I'm perfect, I can't accept anyone for who they are unless their values/morals line up with mine, only listen to Christian music, have nice manners, and stellar grades.

    Are they right???? NOT EVEN CLOSE
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    This came off as quite arrogant to me. I don't think it was how it was meant, but who are you to say if they're jealous? They may have been brought up differently. I was brought up in an environment where the man worked, the woman stayed home to take care of the children. Period. No questions asked. That's how my husband grew up as well. However, we have switched roles because I can't stand being a "housewife".

    As far as I'm concerned, as long as the housework, cooking and such gets taken care of and the children get an amazing up bringing, I could care less if it's the male or female who's doing it.

    But jealous? Not I.
    It's my opinion because I hear at the gym everyday from many guys saying their job sucks, they wish they didn't have to commute, wished they could have more free time, don't like to go home to a nagging wife, etc. If that's the average male, and I compare my life, then it leads me to believe they are jealous because I may have it better than them.
    You don't have to agree. Your opinion is your own, but like the theme of this thread people will judge others kinda just like you judged me.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    I have been judged harshly for being a lesbian and an atheist. I've lost both friends and family because of both aspects, and that's fine with me because if someone cannot like/love me for who I am then I have no place for them in my life anyway. Luckily I work in a field that is strongly based in science, and most of the people I encounter are fairly rational, but before I was in this field I was discriminated against in school and employment...especially school. Anyway, things have gotten better and they'll continue to get better, and maybe someday the masses will realise that judging others for such things is just silly, pointless, and completely irrelevant to their existence.
    We have a lot in common. I like women like you do and I'm an Atheist.:wink:
  • MrsFarrow
    MrsFarrow Posts: 326 Member
    This came off as quite arrogant to me. I don't think it was how it was meant, but who are you to say if they're jealous? They may have been brought up differently. I was brought up in an environment where the man worked, the woman stayed home to take care of the children. Period. No questions asked. That's how my husband grew up as well. However, we have switched roles because I can't stand being a "housewife".

    As far as I'm concerned, as long as the housework, cooking and such gets taken care of and the children get an amazing up bringing, I could care less if it's the male or female who's doing it.

    But jealous? Not I.
    It's my opinion because I hear at the gym everyday from many guys saying their job sucks, they wish they didn't have to commute, wished they could have more free time, don't like to go home to a nagging wife, etc. If that's the average male, and I compare my life, then it leads me to believe they are jealous because I may have it better than them.
    You don't have to agree. Your opinion is your own, but like the theme of this thread people will judge others kinda just like you judged me.
    I didn't judge, I merely stated how a comment came off to me. I didn't say YOU seemed arrogant :) If you want to get into it, you are judging them by saying they are jealous. You know? It's no biggie, I'm not trying to ruffle your feathers or anything. Like I said, it was the comment that seemed a bit off, not you personally. Chill, no harm no foul :)
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