Healthy living = Bad parenting

ahsongbird
ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
edited October 3 in Motivation and Support
I took my kids to the zoo today with my sisters and their kids, they heard me talking to my step daughter about how I was going to stop buying junk food completely and that we would be eating fruits and veggies and more natural foods for snacks so that we have an easier time staying away from junk and so she could learn to eat healthier so she isn't overweight like me when she's older. That earned me several dirty looks and rude comments from my largely overweight sisters about how I was going to give my daughter a complex and she is going to be "anorexic" all bc " I want to go on a DIET." Honestly I want to scream at them sometimes, they make me feel bad for trying to give my kids a healthy life and I just feel like saying screw it eat what u want. Why can't they see I'm not torturing my kids by giving them actual nutrition? Why do so many people think it's okay to teach children to be lazy and eat like crap? And WHY am I being made to look like the bad guy!?! I'm so frustrated!
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Replies

  • swimmchick87
    swimmchick87 Posts: 458 Member
    Of course you are not being a bad parent by wanting your kids to eat healthier. That sad though, I will caution against the "no junk food" idea. My mom was like this growing up- she simply did not buy junk food. If I wanted a snack, I was told to eat a piece of fruit. Needless to say, I felt very "deprived." We only got "junk food" if it was a very special occasion and we "deserved it." Since I was never taught to enjoy "junk foods" in a healthy manner (in moderation), I've struggled with this my whole life. I had an eating disorder as a teengager and to this day I am an emotional eater. Although I know my mother was trying to look out for me and make me eat nutriously, having no junk food in our house backfired. Absolutely buy healthier foods and teach your kids to enjoy them- but teach them that it's okay to have that "junk food" in moderation too.
  • jellyfishjen
    jellyfishjen Posts: 1,787 Member
    Your children will learn from the example you set. Keep up the good work and don't let others bother you. Maybe they will slowly see the benefit and change their ways too.
  • slbeutler
    slbeutler Posts: 205
    It is important to teach your kids about healthy eating and your sister might be feeling guilty and taking it out on you. As long as you don't tell your kids they are fat and need to lose weight, I think it is okay to teach them about the effects of poor eating habits.
  • nomorearmflab
    nomorearmflab Posts: 76
    I am so sorry about this :C You aren't a bad mom, hell you are a better mom for teaching your kids what to eat. Generally kids want to eat whats fun and what their friends are eating so I commend you for trying to making your kids eat good food.
  • shiransom
    shiransom Posts: 83 Member
    You are a great mom for teaching healthy eating habits!
  • daves160
    daves160 Posts: 600
    Don't feel bad. I am doing the same thing with my daughter. Should we not discipline our kids when they disobey? how does that work out for them when they get to be adults?
    Why should our diets be any different? We teach our kids to do the right thing even if it is not the popular thing so they grow up to be responsible adults instead of spoiled overgrown children.

    Keep on doing what you are doing and don't worry about those who want to keep pulling you down to the bottom because that is where they are.
  • happy_vegan
    happy_vegan Posts: 200 Member
    This is basically what happened to me. Junk food was seen as a no-no so I would gorge in private. I'm just now even realizing that I had a problem with it. I don't think that's where you're going, but the healthiest thinnest people I know eat what they want just have REALLY GREAT moderation techniques. They grew up with them so it's easier for them than for me.

    But I definitely agree with you in general and I hate that western idea of a 'diet' like it's temporary or something. we all know that's not how it works.
    Of course you are not being a bad parent by wanting your kids to eat healthier. That sad though, I will caution against the "no junk food" idea. My mom was like this growing up- she simply did not buy junk food. If I wanted a snack, I was told to eat a piece of fruit. Needless to say, I felt very "deprived." We only got "junk food" if it was a very special occasion and we "deserved it." Since I was never taught to enjoy "junk foods" in a healthy manner (in moderation), I've struggled with this my whole life. I had an eating disorder as a teengager and to this day I am an emotional eater. Although I know my mother was trying to look out for me and make me eat nutriously, having no junk food in our house backfired. Absolutely buy healthier foods and teach your kids to enjoy them- but teach them that it's okay to have that "junk food" in moderation too.
  • megsie25
    megsie25 Posts: 49
    Jealousy attracts a lot of bad attention, don't worry about them xx
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    I took my kids to the zoo today with my sisters and their kids, they heard me talking to my step daughter about how I was going to stop buying junk food completely and that we would be eating fruits and veggies and more natural foods for snacks so that we have an easier time staying away from junk and so she could learn to eat healthier so she isn't overweight like me when she's older. That earned me several dirty looks and rude comments from my largely overweight sisters about how I was going to give my daughter a complex and she is going to be "anorexic" all bc " I want to go on a DIET." Honestly I want to scream at them sometimes, they make me feel bad for trying to give my kids a healthy life and I just feel like saying screw it eat what u want. Why can't they see I'm not torturing my kids by giving them actual nutrition? Why do so many people think it's okay to teach children to be lazy and eat like crap? And WHY am I being made to look like the bad guy!?! I'm so frustrated!

    FORGET THEM! Do they raise your kids or do you!

    I want to say the same thing to My Sister...She allow/buy her kids so much chips, candy, soda, sweet cereal, cookies, ice cream...it is CRAAZY. But because none of them are over weight now, she thinks it's ok. I just keep My Mouth shut...let her rear her kids like she wants to.
  • JDNOX
    JDNOX Posts: 619
    How are you a bad parent for trading junk food for veggies? That is just insane. We have a snack drawer at home that the kids if they ask can grab anything they want out of it. In there are small bags of carrots, grapes, rasins, fruit gummies, cheese sticks and bite size candy bars. I never want to deny them anything and make it into a taboo so they gurge themselves on it when they can I keep it available but contained. 90% of the time they will come out with the carrots or grapes or what ever fruit was on sale that week (hey healthy is expensive lol ) Yeah they grab a candy here and there but they are healthy and they make the right choice 90% of the time. That is more then I ever did and it is about getting them to make the right choices isn't it.

    Keep up the good work.
  • idiocracy
    idiocracy Posts: 275 Member
    because that's an issue you touched that THEY know they're guilty of but too lazy to do anything about it.
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    Of course you are not being a bad parent by wanting your kids to eat healthier. That sad though, I will caution against the "no junk food" idea. My mom was like this growing up- she simply did not buy junk food. If I wanted a snack, I was told to eat a piece of fruit. Needless to say, I felt very "deprived." We only got "junk food" if it was a very special occasion and we "deserved it." Since I was never taught to enjoy "junk foods" in a healthy manner (in moderation), I've struggled with this my whole life. I had an eating disorder as a teengager and to this day I am an emotional eater. Although I know my mother was trying to look out for me and make me eat nutriously, having no junk food in our house backfired. Absolutely buy healthier foods and teach your kids to enjoy them- but teach them that it's okay to have that "junk food" in moderation too.
    well my little ones don't care about junk food really because they love fruits and veggies, it was more for my 14 yr old step daughter and myself that I was wanting to get the junk food out of the house. We both get bored and just eat junk all day and she agreed that she didn't want to eat like that anymore either, it just so happened my sisters heard us talking about what I was going to do . My kids dont have a problem with it , if they ever did I wouldn't deny them anything in moderation but its easier if i'm not buying it every time we go shopping just bc my mind is set to thinking it's a necessity when it really isn't
  • ka_bateman
    ka_bateman Posts: 230 Member
    My son is 19 months old and eats more fruits and veggies in ONE day then sadly i do in a month...no joke. He loves them! He's had a couple bites of ice cream in his short life, but why not substitute with a treat that he loves anyhow?! I'm with you...the kids are growing, they don't need junk to survive.
  • elizwelshman
    elizwelshman Posts: 136
    I completely agree!!
    Do what is best for your family, don't let any negativity get in the way. You're a great mother for what you are doing for your children, they will thank you when they're older!!
    because that's an issue you touched that THEY know they're guilty of but too lazy to do anything about it.
  • gracemtn
    gracemtn Posts: 33 Member
    You should tell them their insecurities are showing and it is not becoming on them.
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    [/quote]

    FORGET THEM! Do they raise your kids or do you!

    I want to say the same thing to My Sister...She allow/buy her kids so much chips, candy, soda, sweet cereal, cookies, ice cream...it is CRAAZY. But because none of them are over weight now, she thinks it's ok. I just keep My Mouth shut...let her rear her kids like she wants to.
    [/quote]

    see thats one thing, ur sister isn't seeing the negative results of her childrens diets, but my sisters daughter is 10 and already considered obese. She lets her eat whatever , whenever, even today when we were at the zoo I had a little bit of a mocha moolatte at DQ and my step daughter asked if she could have one, I told her no but she could have any non coffee treat she wanted, then my sister turns around when I'm about to throw my mocha moolatte away and she gives it to her 10 yr old after she had already eaten 2 ice cream cones and a large freeze with ice cream in it. But yea I'm the bad parent...
  • cheeksv
    cheeksv Posts: 521 Member
    I can tell you from experience you are going about it the right way. If there is no junk in the house and EVERYONE is partaking in just having a hleahtier lifestyle you are in no way going to hurt her. I was my moms only overweight child so she alienated me , making me feel bad for eating what everyone else got to eat and even going so far as to slip me diet pills.We only had junk in the house and that made it difficult.I never learned what healthy eating habits were becasue I had no example only ridicule and that is what makes for a complex. There is a difference and wanting your whole family to have healthier options is a wonderful thing. I think they are confusing a better diet with dieting. The next time they bring it up just say you are teaching your family better eating habits not putting them on a diet. And if they still don't get it, tell them to MYOB.


    You could also make healthier cookies and stuff so they feel like they are eating a treat but w/o the crazy stuff in store bought sweets.
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
    Of course you are not being a bad parent by wanting your kids to eat healthier. That sad though, I will caution against the "no junk food" idea. My mom was like this growing up- she simply did not buy junk food. If I wanted a snack, I was told to eat a piece of fruit. Needless to say, I felt very "deprived." We only got "junk food" if it was a very special occasion and we "deserved it." Since I was never taught to enjoy "junk foods" in a healthy manner (in moderation), I've struggled with this my whole life. I had an eating disorder as a teengager and to this day I am an emotional eater. Although I know my mother was trying to look out for me and make me eat nutriously, having no junk food in our house backfired. Absolutely buy healthier foods and teach your kids to enjoy them- but teach them that it's okay to have that "junk food" in moderation too.
    I agree,my mom didn't allow us to have junk food or soda unless it was a special occasion.She would hide our halloween candy and only give it to us as a treat for being good.I used to sneak the halloween candy and binge,to in turn get caught and get the speech about how it will make me fat blah blah blah.When I got older and was able to by my own food,I felt like I had to make up for being deprived and would eat candy like it was going out of style.I noticed that my friends that had pantries full of junk food and could eat it whenever they wanted,really didn't care too much for it and I would make a goody bag to take at home and hide .My mom also is the reason I have body issues ,because she would always comment about me needing to lose weight,even bought me diet pills when I was 16,When I lost weight 2 yrs ago and had gotten down to 160,I was so proud of myself and felt great.Made the mistake of asking her if she was proud of me,hoping to get approval,for her to in turn say,well I think you could still lose 20 more lbs.My mom is 5' maybe 110 lbs and couldn't possibly have anymore fat on her body to lose no matter how much she works out(which is every morning) and she thinks she still needs to lose 5 lbs.So hearing from her that I could lose more weight from someone that is skinny and isn't happy with her body made me feel like I would never be skinny enough to meet her approval.I'm not saying that you wanting to introduce healthier foods into the house and eliminate junk food with have the same effect.I just think you should also let them have a treat every once in a while,and sit them down and explain to them why it is important to them to eat healthy and how it will benefit them in the future.Remind them that you think they are perfect the way they are ,this will just help keep them healthy and strong.
  • SailingMike
    SailingMike Posts: 237 Member
    I am a father of 7. YOU are the parent and you are doing a good job. Personally, we limited the junk food but never eliminated it. We only bought soda for parties or for the rare treat, but always had juice in the fridge.
    We had a snack schedule on the fridge allowing them to choose ONE limited snack of a set size twice a day (1 popsicle or 3 small cookies, etc) but allowed eating fruits etc anytime. This worked well for us and the kids were not pestering their mom all the time. They also had only a 2 hour window to eat that snack, so if they missed it.... gotta go for the apple.

    All kids are different and teaching them good nutrition is important as teaching them to avoid drugs, alcohol, tobacco etc. its all connected.

    Just ignore your sisters. They have their own problems and are justifying their bad behavior. Don't get mad at them, feel bad for them and the mistakes they will regret.
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
    Of course you are not being a bad parent by wanting your kids to eat healthier. That sad though, I will caution against the "no junk food" idea. My mom was like this growing up- she simply did not buy junk food. If I wanted a snack, I was told to eat a piece of fruit. Needless to say, I felt very "deprived." We only got "junk food" if it was a very special occasion and we "deserved it." Since I was never taught to enjoy "junk foods" in a healthy manner (in moderation), I've struggled with this my whole life. I had an eating disorder as a teengager and to this day I am an emotional eater. Although I know my mother was trying to look out for me and make me eat nutriously, having no junk food in our house backfired. Absolutely buy healthier foods and teach your kids to enjoy them- but teach them that it's okay to have that "junk food" in moderation too.
    well my little ones don't care about junk food really because they love fruits and veggies, it was more for my 14 yr old step daughter and myself that I was wanting to get the junk food out of the house. We both get bored and just eat junk all day and she agreed that she didn't want to eat like that anymore either, it just so happened my sisters heard us talking about what I was going to do . My kids dont have a problem with it , if they ever did I wouldn't deny them anything in moderation but its easier if i'm not buying it every time we go shopping just bc my mind is set to thinking it's a necessity when it really isn't
    oh ok,now that you say that I think you are going about it in the right way and it is awesome that your 14 yr old step daughter would make that choice on her own to be healtier!
  • RachelJE
    RachelJE Posts: 172
    Kids are so fragile, and you really have to be careful the way you word things. I have put some restrictions on what my kids eat, but I would never say to them "its so you won't be overweight like me someday." You are setting her up for failure saying that. She will constantly be worried about being overweight when ALL SHE NEEDS TO BE CONCERNED WITH IS BEING HEALTHY. Even if that's what I'm thinking in the back of my mind, I would never say "don't want you to be overweight". Unless you raise your daughter in a CAVE, I'm sure she is judging herself constantly against images she sees in magazines and on TV. These air-brushed fakes are impossible goals to live up to. If you create a healthy environment, eat well and encourage your kids to do the same, exercise and encourage your kids to do the same, then you will all become healthy. But if I was standing there, I likely would have given you a look too because kids take one sentence like that and can get totally spun out about it & end up starving over it. She will be obsessed with pleasing you and living up to this completely unrealistic image set forth by the media. I'm just asking you to be careful and gentle about how you word things. That's just my opinion. (I was a youth pastor for 10 years and now have a 2, 4 and 24 year old).
  • Jemmuno
    Jemmuno Posts: 413 Member
    I feel like I need to say this when I was in third grade my step mother put me on the slim fast diet when I went to see my father for the summer and she completly controlled my food intake while everyone was have two or three pieces of people I could only have one piece with an apple at the age of 10, yes I was probably a little overweight for my age, but not obese. So, just be careful about how your teaching healthy living. I'm sure your not going to put your step daughter on a specific diet, it sounds to me like its a whole family change not wanting to buy junk food for the family which I think is great.
  • SailingMike
    SailingMike Posts: 237 Member
    well my little ones don't care about junk food really because they love fruits and veggies, it was more for my 14 yr old step daughter and myself that I was wanting to get the junk food out of the house. We both get bored and just eat junk all day and she agreed that she didn't want to eat like that anymore either, it just so happened my sisters heard us talking about what I was going to do . My kids dont have a problem with it , if they ever did I wouldn't deny them anything in moderation but its easier if i'm not buying it every time we go shopping just bc my mind is set to thinking it's a necessity when it really isn't

    You are a GREAT mom, with a GREAT attitude! Your kids will grow up and do very well.
  • SailingMike
    SailingMike Posts: 237 Member
    I feel like I need to say this when I was in third grade my step mother put me on the slim fast diet when I went to see my father for the summer and she completly controlled my food intake while everyone was have two or three pieces of people I could only have one piece with an apple at the age of 10, yes I was probably a little overweight for my age, but not obese. So, just be careful about how your teaching healthy living. I'm sure your not going to put your step daughter on a specific diet, it sounds to me like its a whole family change not wanting to buy junk food for the family which I think is great.

    YIKES! I am SO sorry you were treated that way. Can i slap her for you? I really want to!
  • Jemmuno
    Jemmuno Posts: 413 Member
    That should say pizza. sry pulling a 20hr shift.
  • 99Tinkerbell
    99Tinkerbell Posts: 384
    Sounds like you are doing the right thing and for some reason your sisters don't agree. Well that's on them and don't let it bother you. You run your house the way you want and let them do the same. It's just a shame they don't see they aren't helping their children by exhibiting poor eating habits. Maybe you could introduce them to this site.
  • fordster99
    fordster99 Posts: 181 Member
    You know I came from the other side of the fence where we ate a lot of snacks and junk food. We ate candy, cookies and all of that and I rarely remember a time where we had apples, oranges or any other healthy snack available. As you can imagine, I developed a weight problem. My mother never said anything about my weight but I was told at a young age by a doctor I need to lose weight and I was made fun of repeatedly for that as well. I had a low self esteem during my teenage years and I have had a horrible relationship with food. With that said, I would not let your overweight sisters make you feel bad for doing what is right. I would sit down and gently discuss the situation. I would explain to your daughter that you are trying to eat healthier and want her to be the healthiest person she can be instead of making it about her weight. Your sisters are not doing their children any favors by letting their kids eat whatever they want, whenever they want. Believe me, I know. I am almost 40 and I still have issues. If your step daughter complains or has issues then maybe make a scheduled time through the week that you will go to the local ice cream shop or something. Good luck. You are doing the right thing.
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    Kids are so fragile, and you really have to be careful the way you word things. I have put some restrictions on what my kids eat, but I would never say to them "its so you won't be overweight like me someday." You are setting her up for failure saying that. She will constantly be worried about being overweight when ALL SHE NEEDS TO BE CONCERNED WITH IS BEING HEALTHY. Even if that's what I'm thinking in the back of my mind, I would never say "don't want you to be overweight". Unless you raise your daughter in a CAVE, I'm sure she is judging herself constantly against images she sees in magazines and on TV. These air-brushed fakes are impossible goals to live up to. If you create a healthy environment, eat well and encourage your kids to do the same, exercise and encourage your kids to do the same, then you will all become healthy. But if I was standing there, I likely would have given you a look too because kids take one sentence like that and can get totally spun out about it & end up starving over it. She will be obsessed with pleasing you and living up to this completely unrealistic image set forth by the media. I'm just asking you to be careful and gentle about how you word things. That's just my opinion. (I was a youth pastor for 10 years and now have a 2, 4 and 24 year old).
    it wasn't like it sounds, we have discussed our health numerous times, when I say overweight she knows what I'm implying bc we have discussed the struggles that come with being overweight aka unhealthy and she has seen me fight to get my health back. She is a confident girl and when I talk about being overweight it is about the inability to live life to the fullest, the pains and the health risks, not about looks.
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    That should say pizza. sry pulling a 20hr shift.

    I liked it better the first time u wrote it hahaha "slices of people" lmaooo
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