is this the right thing to do?

Options
babyblake11
babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
in Chit-Chat
sorry this isnt about nutrition or exercise but i really need some opinions here. so me and my partner have been together for about two years and we have a beautiful daughter that is 5 months old. hes always been a bit controlling and mean to me sometimes, but it was always outweighed by how nice he was the rest of the time. i love him, but lately he has been so disrespectful to me, and i havnt seen the nice him in a while. he will tell me to do things, and says that if i dont he will 'throw my food on the ground so ive got more to clean up' or 'make me sleep outside'. he says these things all the time and orders me around so much, then if i try to stand up for myself he will tell me to 'shut the **** up, my house my rules listen to me or ill deck you' and its just horrible, and ive finally decided ive got to leave him, as much as i wanted to stay a family for my daughter, i dont deserve this. i will ask him to feed her or change her nappy and he will tell me 'no thats your responsibility' as he is sitting his *kitten* on the couch. so im going to start looking for a place and buy some furniture without him knowing, then im going to take the baby and leave, is this the right thing to do?
«13

Replies

  • kc0kiu
    kc0kiu Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    yes, break it off before it turns physical.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
    Options
    You do NOT deserve to be treated like this...Get out before it gets physically violent.
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
    Options
    I would. It will only get worse. What is that teaching your daughter? It is okay for a man to treat a woman with disrespect and threats. What if he were to actually hit you? Your daughter will learn that it is okay to be abused. You need to get out before it gets worse.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    Options
    Get out. Tell a close family or friend who can help you. Take care of yourself and your baby!
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
    Options
    You know in your heart what the right thing for you and your daughter is. You both deserve to be in a loving, stable home - so if that's not what you have now, you need to find it.
  • tracielinn
    tracielinn Posts: 113 Member
    Options
    Do you have another place to go temporarily until you can save up money? I had a similar situation with my ex-husband. I ended up leaving him and moved back in with my folks. I had to block him from my bank account so that he couldn't use it on drugs and alcohol.

    You need to get out as soon as you can. There are safe houses everywhere for women in your situation if you can't stay at family or friend's houses.
  • auntied
    auntied Posts: 113 Member
    Options
    pack your bag and run. I was in a realationship for 5 years like that. It does not get better. Good Luck! and God Bless
  • jamk1446
    jamk1446 Posts: 5,577 Member
    Options
    Wow, no you don't deserve that. Nor does your daughter deserve to grow up seeing her mother treated that way or be treated that way herself. It may feel like you are breaking up your child's family, but getting into a healthier, happier, more functional environment will better show her how family should be. Get out and good luck.
  • Deckershann
    Deckershann Posts: 272 Member
    Options
    Verbal abuse is still abuse and is almost always the step before physical abuse.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    Babe, I'm so sorry. This is gonna be hard but you need to get out of there before he hurts you and your beautiful daughter!
  • babyblake11
    babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
    Options
    thanks guys, its so hard though :( im still in love with the guy that he can be, but not the guy he is...
  • nellie_88
    nellie_88 Posts: 307 Member
    Options
    Leave! if not for yourself do it for your daughter, no one deserves to get treated that way and as your daughter gets older she should not have to see you be treated that way either!
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    Options
    Okay if this is where you are at now then it is time to seek personal counseling and a safe haven.
    It is too far down the road where a promise from him to try to do better will work out.
    Get familiar with state or local agencies,talk to family if around there and or seek out spiritual guidance if you are so inclined.
    A physical threat to you is not a matter to be taken lightly.

    Ladies reading this that are in the lead up to the situation described read this line from her op.

    "hes always been a bit controlling and mean to me sometimes, but it was always outweighed by how nice he was the rest of the time. i love him".

    You can`t imagine how often I have heard this said or seen it written and it never,ever gets better.
    It always gets worse.
    I am not talking about getting into an argument and people getting mad but if a guy is mean at any time he is not worth having around no matter how charming or exciting he may be other times.
    He will always return to what gives him security and it is at your expense.
    "
  • surfrgrl1
    surfrgrl1 Posts: 1,464 Member
    Options
    Be very careful, and get out of there as fast as you can.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
    Options
    thanks guys, its so hard though :( im still in love with the guy that he can be, but not the guy he is...

    It is hard...I've been in a similar situation. Thankfully I got out before it got physical; but the mental & emotional damage was severe. A broken heart is easier to heal than a broken spirit or broken body. For the safety of both you & your daughter, get out before it escalates further than it already has.
  • livebelieving
    livebelieving Posts: 15
    Options
    Yes, yes, yes. It is the hardest thing to do, but this is abuse. Abuse is not acceptable behaviour. You do not want your child growing up with abuse. Leave!
  • fridayjustleft04
    fridayjustleft04 Posts: 851 Member
    Options
    Totally the right thing to do! You don't deserve it and you don't want your daughter growing up thinking it's okay to be treated that way. Your life will be much healthier by leaving and your daughter's future relationships will be, as well. Be strong; it sucks, I know it does, but imagine how much worse it'll be if you stayed.
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
    Options
    You do NOT deserve to be treated like this...Get out before it gets physically violent.
    yup. this all the way
  • jamiesadler
    jamiesadler Posts: 634 Member
    Options
    Absolutely. That is not a good place for your daughter to be either. As she grows up you will be teaching her that this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Get out while you can. No one deserves to be treated like that. Good luck!
  • livebelieving
    livebelieving Posts: 15
    Options
    You can't change him to the guy you think he can be. He is the guy he is. Full stop. Sorry, but I am talking from experience!!! Go and find someone who deserves your love.

Categories