is this the right thing to do?

yes, break it off before it turns physical.

I would. It will only get worse. What is that teaching your daughter? It is okay for a man to treat a woman with disrespect and threats. What if he were to actually hit you? Your daughter will learn that it is okay to be abused. You need to get out before it gets worse.

You know in your heart what the right thing for you and your daughter is. You both deserve to be in a loving, stable home - so if that's not what you have now, you need to find it.

pack your bag and run. I was in a realationship for 5 years like that. It does not get better. Good Luck! and God Bless

Verbal abuse is still abuse and is almost always the step before physical abuse.

Okay if this is where you are at now then it is time to seek personal counseling and a safe haven.
It is too far down the road where a promise from him to try to do better will work out.
Get familiar with state or local agencies,talk to family if around there and or seek out spiritual guidance if you are so inclined.
A physical threat to you is not a matter to be taken lightly.

Ladies reading this that are in the lead up to the situation described read this line from her op.

"hes always been a bit controlling and mean to me sometimes, but it was always outweighed by how nice he was the rest of the time. i love him".

You can`t imagine how often I have heard this said or seen it written and it never,ever gets better.
It always gets worse.
I am not talking about getting into an argument and people getting mad but if a guy is mean at any time he is not worth having around no matter how charming or exciting he may be other times.
He will always return to what gives him security and it is at your expense.
"

thanks guys, its so hard though im still in love with the guy that he can be, but not the guy he is...

It is hard...I've been in a similar situation. Thankfully I got out before it got physical; but the mental & emotional damage was severe. A broken heart is easier to heal than a broken spirit or broken body. For the safety of both you & your daughter, get out before it escalates further than it already has.

Totally the right thing to do! You don't deserve it and you don't want your daughter growing up thinking it's okay to be treated that way. Your life will be much healthier by leaving and your daughter's future relationships will be, as well. Be strong; it sucks, I know it does, but imagine how much worse it'll be if you stayed.

Absolutely. That is not a good place for your daughter to be either. As she grows up you will be teaching her that this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Get out while you can. No one deserves to be treated like that. Good luck!

Wow, it sounds like your relationship is definitely on the slippery slope of abuse. Right now it's verbal and emotional, but he's threatening violence and soon he'll probably carry that out, and not just on you, but on your daughter, too.

Instead of waiting to find a place on your own, find a women's shelter in your area and get out now. The problem with this kind of man is that he views you as his property and it's his right to treat you how he wishes, including hurting you and forcing you to return to him. You can't, under any circumstances, let him know that you're planning to leave. You need to go some place where he can't find you. My aunt used to run a shelter in our town and they will give you a place to stay, help with clothes for you and your child (and some women DO need to get out so fast they have nothing but what's on their backs), help you find a job (if needed) until you can get your life back on track.

I hope everything turns out well for you. Keep us posted if you can.

ETA: The problem is you're now seeing the guy he really is. He was nice while the relationship was new and he was trapping you into it. He's now showing his true self and you can't love a man who treats you like nothing. He has no respect for you as a person and I highly doubt he loves you in the traditional sense.

Yeah, if you stick around for that, imagine the life your daughter is going to have. Imagine the partners she'll choose in the future if you establish this as "the norm". Usually when a guy thinks his girl is serious about leaving, he will suddenly become the guy you hoped he'd be. I'd seriously recommend not going back when he does this. Just keep it movin'. If he straightens out later somehow, great. But you know no one changes "just" for you or because of something you said. Most people need a wake-up call or a traumatic event to bring about change in their lives.

1st, get out before he does get violent. Ask a friend or family member for help. WHat he's doing is abusive. Abuse doen't just mean physical.

hes always been a bit controlling and mean to me sometimes, but it was always outweighed by how nice he was the rest of the time.

This part really struck me. No one should deal with a relationship where you have to justify it by saying that the nice outweighs the mean and controlling. It's one thing for good times to outweigh the bad but mean and controlling is NOT love and cannot be outweighed by anything.

I've been married for 18 years. We've been together for 22 years. One time early in our marriage we got into an argument. He threw up his hand in an "I give up" sort of manner. I flinched. That ended the argument right the and there. My flinch at his hand flying up crushed him. It was just an instinctive move on my part. I knew he would never hit me. I wouldn't have married him if I thought that was ever a possiblity. He cried, apologized, and hugged me.

In 22 years he has never said "No that's your job in regards to caring for our children. You didn't make that baby yourself. Caring for and raising her should be both parents job and responsibility. Hubby has also never said he'd make a mess bigger so I'd have more to clean (although puttin his socks in the hamper is apparently beyond his capabilities. :laugh: ) or said that he'd kick me out. Those aren't things that are done in a loving, functional relationship.

Your daughter will grow up with your relationships as an example of what love is all about. If you show her that "the good outweighs the mean and controlling" you will be setting her up to be in an abusive relationship in the future. Please, break this cycle before it affects her.

I've been there (first marriage) & it usually only gets worse from there. You are only risking your life & the life of your baby if you stay, so you need to get out while you can & take your baby with you. In this day & age, there are enough places to go to be safe & enough legal routes to take to make sure that both of you stay safe. :flowerforyou:
Hopefully, you have kept a diary or taken notes of when these things happened, what brought them on & what happened (throwing food, etc.,) because that will only strengthen your case if it comes to a custody battle for your baby.

that is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do. He is showing typical abusive behaviors. Its the cycle. they're nice, mean, apologetic, nice then mean again. and as the cycle continues it gets worse! if you need help, I am sure there are local charities or organizations that can help you. What state are you in? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE message me if you need help. Your daughter needs a safe happy environment more than an environment with a typical family structure. A situation like this just makes a breeding ground for a sad, hard, and traumatic life for your baby. believe me, I know from experience.