Finally doing it

Hello,

There is nothing special or noteworthy going on in my health. I am not pregnant, obese, diabetic, asthmatic or suffer from other weight-related ailments. I've simply been struggling with weight my entire life.

I was an overweight child mostly because of my family's eating habits. My mother learned to cook old southern: everything's breaded, buttered and deep-fried (points to whomever gets the reference). I didn't realize how unhealthy my eating habits where until I saw my school picture in fourth grade: double chin, premature acne from all the grease I was eating, and my chest visibly protruding not from pubertal development, but from how large my stomach was. I got teased a lot for my weight in school and my depression made my eating habits worse. I ate when I was bored and sad, but more importantly I ate when I was lonely. By the time I was 20 I had reached 202lbs.

I had always promised myself that no matter how bad it got, I would never break 200lbs, yet there I was one summer staring at a scale realizing I had broken that promise. I decided to do something about it and did the most drastic thing I could think of: vegetarianism. Without exercise, I lost 40lbs in one year. I cried the first time I went shopping after I lost all the weight because for the first time I could go into a store, see something I liked and not have to worry about whether that store carried it in my size. I had always been in an awkward in-between state: I was too fat for regular department stores, but not big enough for plus-size stores. It was the first time I didn't have that problem.

I lost about 4 more lbs slowly during the next few months, held steady for about a year and.......started gaining it back a few months ago. I gained back about 2lbs last summer, and then another 12 this summer. I went through a great deal of transition in my life and was working so much (70+ hours a week) that I took no time whatsoever to take care of myself. Now I work almost as much between 3 jobs and still have no time to think about my health. I can't even make love to my boyfriend without my enormous thighs getting in the way or getting too tired (yes, I did actually just say that). It's even worse because my whole family is on a health kick and my mom has lost over 60 lbs, my dad nearly 40 and my brother just over 20.

I've hated myself and felt I was inadequate for years. I'm tired of it.

Starting at 172. We'll see were that goes.