Trying to make him understand

maryannmiclat · October 2011

My husband knows I am working on losing weight and he supports me 110% I'm just having a hard time getting him to understand that I don't want junk in the house. He's a naturally small guy and doesn't have to worry about anything he puts into his body. I feel bad if I tell him he can't have chips and other junk in the house. I try to tell him that by having that stuff around is how I got to be fat in the first place. Its like putting an alcoholic in a bar and saying "Ok, you can be in here but you can't have a drink." Its just not cool at all.

He loves to cook, but the stuff he cooks isn't always healthy and of course, I can't get through to him that I don't even want a little bit. I don't want all the rice and noodle dishes and I pick around it eating just the veggies. I'm happy with just a salad and baked chicken. When we go to a friends house and I don't want to eat he says I'm being rude and that I should have a little and I just tell him that its more of a cultural issue. I don't know how the food was prepared and I know its going to be loaded with calories just like most filipino dishes are.

I've talked to him until my face turns blue and its like talking to a dead horse. Has anyone else ever been faced with a problem like this? If so, how did you deal with it?

Leslietheriot · October 2011

Yes, mine understands just fine...he just chooses to keep the stuff in the house. You just have to be strong enough to stay away from it...or I had to anyway. They have junk in the house all the time and I have to remember that the diet is for ME...not for him. Good luck to ya.

wildkatt7 · October 2011

my husband is the same with food... can eat anything - I gave up corn syrup and the junk I buy him is the crap with corn syrup so I am not even tempted... It really works for me and I feel a million percent better

pain_is_weakness · October 2011

my husband is supportive as well but he doesn't do it with me like he says he will (he has a little to lose as well) and then if there is somethinggood in the house or if he has a craving he keeps telling me to eat it with him, partly so he doesn't feel guilty eating in front of me

jamielise2 · October 2011

My husband shows his love to others by buying them chocolate. That's been a hard change for him to understand. What I've learned that works for me is having a bite of whatever he fixes, then eat my healthy stuff. I've also given him my healthy recipes and asked him to fix dinner while I"m at the gym. And when he brings me chocolate I have ONE piece on the days I've worked out.

akharris715 · October 2011

Yeah just posted a comment on this same subject. My husband can eat anything he wants and not gain a pound. As I look at food and start to gain. Somebody please tell him to keep the cakes and pies out of the house. So I understand. Good luck.

Shajsum · October 2011

Well first of all just because he's small doesnt mean he shouldnt eat healthy. Heart disease has no weight limit, but anywho....I do believe that he needs to be more understanding. One compromise could be for him to have his own little section in the cabinet and fridge for his junk food. That way you know that those sections are off limits for you. As far as eating at other people's homes, Im sure if you were to just politelt tell them that your trying to get healthy they'll understand. I'll even suggest to bring your own low cal dish to share with every one...good luck!

Nyrissa · October 2011

My boyfriend does that. If you look at my log you can tell which days I went to his house because they are filled with Lucky Charms and McDonalds. xD

If there are some snacks he just wont give up, go to a thrift store and buy a small cabinet. Put a lock on it and give him the only key. The thought of stealing the key would probably deter you from thinking about eating any of it. And he can still eat his fill of junk food.

As for the meals, you could ask him to make a dish that has veggies, rice and chicken. Or something like that. Then you can eat the veggies and the chicken. And he can eat his rice and veggies, or all three if he wants to. Then he wont feel like he has to give up the foods he enjoys. But you can at least have some healthier options.

gazz777 · October 2011

Might sound difficult, but it isn't so hard when you think about what YOU can do.

He may not understand - I kept putting poisons in me despite everyone elses advice.

You know what worked ? I decided to change something that I could change (and you cant change other people).

I changed myself. WILLpower, raw WILLpower ... the power that says I WILL.

You have to get to a place where you say "forget what anyone else thinks" as YOU are ACCOUNTABLE to YOU for what YOU do.

More on my blog as to how I overcome ... ME

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/gazz777?month=201109

Gary

redefiningmyself · October 2011

I've tried to lose weight many times in the past. sometimes successful - for while, sometimes a complete bust. I used to ban all junk food from my house, and did the same - didn't eat out. But over time I found I'd just get really frustrated and give up.

So this time I've changed my attitude. I've come to a realization that junk food is everywhere. Homes, work, stores, gas stations -its unavoidable. So I decided that if I'm going to be successful this time round, then I'm going to have to learn how to co-exist in a world that's filled to the brim with crap food.

I don't expect my husband or anyone to change for me. But I make sure that if we're watching tv, or visiting friends and hanging out, that there's something I LIKE as a treat to have instead of the usual chips and chocolate. For example, air popped popcorn is good, as is cheecha puffs. and of course I make sure I have enough to share with everyone so I don't feel centered out - or punished.

As for going to friends, i call them ahead of time and let them know my dietary needs - Most of the time, they are more than happy to make something that works with my plan. Also, I offer to bring something to contribute to the dinner or snacks. Usually a bigg - veggie something. So that even if I'm not comfortable eating much of what they've made, then at least I know in advance there will be something I can eat. - same thing, I make enough for everyone.

Also, if we're going out for dinner, I do my best to get exercise in earlier in the day so I can have more calories if needed.

I hope these ideas might work for you too.

LesleyDewar · October 2011

Sadly, partners undermining your efforts is one of the biggest problems we come across when we start to take charge of our lives, health and our shape. That is his real issue : you want to be in control. It may only be what you eat, for now, but he probably doesn't even realise that is his problem.

My husband loved me but he always started undermining me when I started to lose weight and reshape. They also have a hidden fear that you become attractive to other men. Don't laugh. It is true, though he will deny it until the cows come home.

You have to stick to your own decisions. Don't challenge him over this because he doesn't even really know WHY he is doing this. It doesn't mean he is actually insecure, it's one way 99 men out of 100 react. With criticism instead of encouragement.

It also puts him on the back foot with his mates - whose wives may not be so concerned about their own health, weight and appearance. It makes them feel as though you are putting their wives down, and, so, them too.

It's a hard row we have to hoe when we decide to take charge of ourselves. Stick to it. Ask him to understand that you want to be more healthy, look better and be closer in size to him. Do not eat his junk food. Use your #MFP food log every day, exercise a little and stay on track. You need to do this for YOU!

Kougra · October 2011

People who don't have a weight issue don't really understand the temptation that "junk" food has for those of us who do have issues with weight. You can't change them but you can change yourself. Don't think of it as a "diet" but a lifestyle change. Instead of trying to make your hubby understand, tell him that you want to cook with him and teach each other better alternatives to rice and noodles etc. Knowledge is power. As for the junk food, keep a healthy alternative for YOU. Watching you get healthier will cause healthy changes in your hubby. Lead by example not by trying to change him by the way of making you crazy.

Good luck to you!

Apazman · October 2011

one side:
I think its difficult for people who aren't fat to realize what it means, perhaps being brutally honest about the way you feel and explain that you feel this way every moment of everyday. There is a lot to that most people don't realize.

for me, I try to be extremely honest, EMBARRASING, HUMILATINGLY HONEST. I explain what it is to be moving around with extra weight, just finding a comfortable position in bed can be a chalenge. You can't shop at regular clothes stores, and most stuff you find isn't all that stylish or just looks weird on a fat person. I worry about going to new restuarants and if the booths will have enough room or will the chairs be comfortable or have arms that will press hard on the sides of my hips. Whereas regular people just want to eat somewhere new, but its a whole calculation for a fat person. You don't want to get into someones small car as the seatbelt may not fit, and I worry about all these things all the time. So worrying about junk in the house is just another worry on the INCREDIBLE stack of worries and stress.

flip side:
The diet is supposed to be a way of life.. not just a temporary thing. You will always have temptation knocking at your door. So perhaps it might be good training to have that stuff in your house.. and consider it part of retraining your brain.

21karensmith · October 2011

My husband is really good about it and is actually doing all of this with me

. Our problem is our 2 year old son is a heart baby, he has had 2 open heart surgeries and has 2 more to go,and bc of his heart condition burns calories really really quickly

. So as a result he is underweight, which results in having every piece of junkfood you can think of in the house. You name it, we got it......soda, candy, ice cream, cookies, chips, pasta pasta and more pasta:sad: . Its really hard sometimes, to fight not eating any of it:frown: . But I want things to change, its not about dieting, its about a lifestyle change. Having a strong will power and saying no takes time, you'll get there:flowerforyou: . But you have to fight it. I cannot at any option remove the food from our house, otherwise we are looking at a feeding tube if our son doesn't gain the weight he needs to. Believe me, I fight almost everyday:sad: ....sweets are my downfall lol. Hang in there and be strong!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

kendf60 · October 2011

I've tried to quit blaming other people or using them as excuses for my weaknesses. I feel in control of myself and more confident when I do this.

servilia · October 2011

It's up to you what you put in your mouth. I don't think it's fair to expect him to give up his treats totally (not have them in the house at all) because of your goals.
When you're eating at home just the two of you, there's no need to load your plate with stuff you don't want to eat anyways - does he fix the plate for you?

premiumchilenita · October 2011

Yes, it is up to you but sometimes it's important to have your partners support. It's not enough to say "yeah babe, I support you". My husband was the same and he would make me feel bad if I didn't taste his ice-cream or take a bite of some fabulous tasting ultimately fatty dish. I actually gave him a challenge, if he helps me loose the first 10kgs, I would do something special for him, depending on anything he was really interested in. It's been working really well and now he encourages me not with just words but actions as well. He doesn't make me feel bad for being on my diet anymore, and culturally wise, he was always on my back for that too. I explained to him, if they didn't like me they wouldn't have me over. He understands that now and now he supports me when we do go to other peoples houses for dinner........I think he just wants his treat to come!!

maryannmiclat · October 2011

Thank you everyone for your advice.

leilaphoenix · October 2011

Only let him buy junk that you will not be tempted by - for me I get the bf to buy pork pies and custart tarts. These are things I don't like so I'm not tempted. Works for me. Also I took control of the weekly shop. Its great he cooks but just start buying lower fat ingredients - low fat cheese, milk, oil can make a big difference.

Trying to make him understand

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