Really with the attention !!!

JRW2010
JRW2010 Posts: 10 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
I have had so many days and nights of feeling out of place and feeling inadequate about the way I look. Years of crying myself to sleep and dreaming about how it would feel to be thin.

As I close in on 80lbs lost, I am certainly not in the thin category, as I am still 40-50 lbs from my goal, but the attention is different. I thought I would be really happy, but it simply makes me sad, as I am still the same freaking person. We all know that world is shallow, but experiencing first hand, demonstrates how unprepared I am for the attention.

People are telling that I am different, but I don't feel different, healthier yes, but different? I don't even know what that means. I actually had someone call me after a meeting on the phone and say, I can't believe how different you sound.

I do have wanderlust and want to be out of the house. I actually want have my picture taken, but does that change who I am? The only real difference is that men actually want to take me home with them and I hate them for it.

Replies

  • millionsofpeaches
    millionsofpeaches Posts: 372
    You are still the same you! Relish in the fact that you are now living a more healthy life and focus on that!

    Any big change will cause people to pay more attention so don't let it get you down.

    Smiles
  • Scarlett_S
    Scarlett_S Posts: 467 Member
    I could have written that myself. I'm down close to the same amount of weight as you, and about 13 lbs from goal, and its like I was invisible before - and its very, very sad. I'm very happy to be free of the weight and exercising so much now, but so unhappy that people chose to treat me that way all those years, and that I let them.
  • AwesomeSauce4
    AwesomeSauce4 Posts: 1,062 Member
    I could have written that myself. I'm down close to the same amount of weight as you, and about 13 lbs from goal, and its like I was invisible before - and its very, very sad. I'm very happy to be free of the weight and exercising so much now, but so unhappy that people chose to treat me that way all those years, and that I let them.


    Couldn't Agree More...^^^^^^ It makes me very upset alot of the time:ohwell:
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
    Unfortunately, honey, the world is very visual based - it is sad but true. All around us females have to be skinny or even a certain size. I have gotten it too that I am a "different person" which they are partly correct. I still have the same personality, but I do have a different view of myself (thanks to be ex). He has damaged my self-confidence in which I am trying to pick up the pieces and put back together again. It might not be that they are saying you are a different person, but maybe you have more confidenct in your voice and how you carry yourself. We all do it. It isn't necessary a bad thing - I enjoy the attention that I get. You are being notice. I see what you are saying though - it is annoying but true.
  • dez_yaoichan
    dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
    i've been finding that too. people act like it changes who you are (and maybe is does- as far as happiness goes) maybe that is what your friend meant on the phone- that maybe you sounded different bc you sounded happier?
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I am sure this will be an adjustment that takes time, be patient. The people saying you sound different probably notice a more upbeat tone in your voice that you may not even realize is there! Just know that the changes you have made have probably brought on so many more positive changes than just the physical apperance of your body! Keep up the great work!
  • Jenninedinburgh
    Jenninedinburgh Posts: 70 Member
    You have probably changed and don't realise it. For example, you reference how you longed for certain things before. Without realising it, your negative thought patterns in this regard potentially affected your outward presence of self.

    To be nice to others when they are complimenting you, you probably smile more as a courtesy to acknowledge their compliments. This is itself could appear to someone that you are happier than before.

    Regarding the attention of guys - you are getting closer to being your best you (inside and out). All they can see when they meet you is your outside - which is a reflection of what's going on inside. Something prompted you to lose weight - and that change is a change in itself - so you can hardly blame them for giving you attention now as you yourself have positively changed you. How could they not be drawn to that? It's a good thing :)

    Best wishes for continued success.
  • Bankman1989
    Bankman1989 Posts: 1,116 Member
    You have to change what's INSIDE as well. One of the things I find out about people who lose a lot of weight is that they still have the same ideology as they did when they were bigger. I had this conversation with a friend yesterday. Be proud of your accomplishments. Regardless of the old I am doing this for my heal speel we all are doing it also to show off our bodies and have people compliment us.
  • Jennieam
    Jennieam Posts: 300 Member
    I expect that yourweight loss has increased your vitality, as well as having given you more confidence to be "out and about". Perhaps that is what people are reacting to?

    Also my grandmother said that she always felt that she was about 18 years of age "inside".... and this is despite the many years of experience since then.

    This is starting to sound really philosophical, but perhaps you cannot notice the differences in how you are acting (ie the way other people "perceive" you), while the "core" you still remains the same? It might be worthwhile asking an acquaintance whether they have noticed any changes in you (apart from the physical) over the last year or so?
  • lisasdoinit
    lisasdoinit Posts: 216 Member
    Although I agree that people are shallow and there is a definite bias against the overweight, I remember reading someone's blog here yesterday (i'm so sorry i don't remember your name!) and she got me thinking.

    Someone said to her after she had lost a significant amount of weight that she used to shuffle past looking at her feet, but when she saw people she'd lift her head and smile her fabulous smile ...Now she always had her head up sharing that smile with everyone. Just, feeling it.

    This resonated with me because I know I do that.

    So maybe, there's something in your voice, in your eyes, in your whole way of being (maybe you are less tired, have less of a squeak in your voice from the weight bearing down on you) that is resonating with the people around you. At your core, you are still the same person, but to these people they are seeing the you that was hiding under the fat - both physically AND emotionally.

    hope that makes sense and helps you feel a bit better?
  • Falling_star
    Falling_star Posts: 204 Member
    i know how u feel i have been getting more attention since i have lost some weight and its so anoying that people can treat you diffrentley because of your size.but they do.
  • rfarinha
    rfarinha Posts: 388 Member
    Let's be honest... We don't like it when people treat us differently, but whether we think we do or not, we do act differently after losing a significant amount of weight!

    I haven't lost that much, but I have noticed little things like not complaining that my husband parked in the last parking spot, when there was one closer, because now I view it as an opportunity to get some extra walking in, instead of him making me walk. When friends want to go to a bar or club, I would find excuses not to go, because I didn't have anything "cute" to wear, and now, I would welcome a night out.

    How many of you are finding that you are doing things that you wouldn't have done 20 - 40 - 60 lbs ago? We ARE different! Not better or worse... just different. And Different is not a bad thing!

    Congratulations, and keep up the good work!
  • Honeyblue19
    Honeyblue19 Posts: 10
    You have to change what's INSIDE as well. One of the things I find out about people who lose a lot of weight is that they still have the same ideology as they did when they were bigger. I had this conversation with a friend yesterday. Be proud of your accomplishments. Regardless of the old I am doing this for my heal speel we all are doing it also to show off our bodies and have people compliment us.

    AGREE 100%!!! I still find myself hiding in the back when taking a pic
  • JRW2010
    JRW2010 Posts: 10 Member
    Good point!!!!! Thank you!
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