Twenty Lines to Make you smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't...
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5 .. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year old…as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
9.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
10.. Procrastinate Now!
11.. Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them… personally I think if you hear them whining is because you are not pressing hard enough the pillow.

12.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
13.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
14.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
15..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
16.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
17…I keep hitting 'escape' but I am still here
18.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
19.. Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down… are the ones who got you mad in the first place.



20.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on...

17…I keep hitting 'escape' but I am still here