I'm a compulsive eater and I'm just venting...

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legsfordays
legsfordays Posts: 32
in Health and Weight Loss
Right now I'm really ashamed at myself. Not only because I binged, but because I let myself down yet again. After almost 3 months of battling this urge to binge almost daily, I find myself back at square one yet again.
I can't tell you how many times I've "restarted" and within weeks and even days I was back to binging. I don't restrict myself anymore. I have dessert every night, exercise daily and eat a healthy amount for my body type. At night time is when it all goes down hill. For some reason today, I was extra hungry. I hate a big lunch, so when I came home after food shopping, I had a small dinner. I was still hungry, so I ate and I ate and I ate. And even when I told myself to stop, I ate some more. I decided that I didn't want these snacks in my house anymore, so I would eat them all tonight.
I know I know... tomorrow is a new day, but tomorrow never seems to come for me. It's not even I was upset about something. I just simply wanted to eat. Perhaps it was my monthly friend warning me for paying me a visit, or perhaps I just lost all control.
I don't want to start all over, but I have to. I have to beat this. I'm losing faith though, but I cannot live like this forever. I have tried seeking out help for my compulsive eating, but because I am not overweight, no one sees it as a concern... not even my therapist. I could go see a nutritionist, but I don't have the funds for one. My boyfriend has been here by my side throughout all of this, but still even he cannot talk me out of a binge, and even has triggered some of my episodes at times.

Does anyone else struggle with binge eating? I find that on GOOD weeks, I binge at least once. My binges can sometimes last for days at a time too, which is what I'm so nervous about now. I could've been at my goal weight by now if I had just gained back some self control. I know I'm not alone in this habit, but I feel as if nobody around me can empathize with me, especially when I live with 3 girls with normal eating habits. They can eat the good and bad foods without a second thought, whereas I am often found in the kitchen, staring into my cabinets for minutes at a time, contemplating on if I should eat or not.

Maybe I should've put this in a blog, but I needed to get this out some way somehow. Everyone I can talk to is asleep right now so I was hoping to get some support from someone on here at least. I'll take all the advice I can get.
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Replies

  • amberrrogers
    amberrrogers Posts: 98
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    I am a binger! I had to own that. I binged a few days ago and sat on the couch and cried for hours. I told my husband how worthless I am. I dont get to talk to i often as he is in afghanistan, but I cried and told him I am disgusting and worthless. But it was my first binge in weeks. I found that when i want to binge, I substitute veggies with things I would usually eat like chips or cookies or cake. I still get to binge but Im putting in several servings of veggies into my body. get some dannon light and fit vanilla yogurt and cut up some apples, dip the apples in the yogurt and eat until you cant move! if you do that, there might be 200 calories there but you have out something good into you instead of 1000 calories or more of garbage
  • healthy4self
    healthy4self Posts: 198
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    I am struggling with this too. I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's miserable. Something that I have been doing is fitting in all those foods that I crave. They are set, I know they will be there. I seem to eat less when I know that I will have that food. Truthfully, I haven't seen much difference in my weight since I started binging, I just don't like the feeling of being out of control.
  • Partyofpugs
    Partyofpugs Posts: 105
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    It's hard to overcome problems. You need to stop the night eating. And that is really hard. I suspect you are emotional eating instead of really being hungry. Find something else to do - anything! Take a big dose of benadryl and go to sleep if you have to. Go for a walk, sew, type out your feelings non-stop. Just keep out of the kitchen and keep your hands busy. It's my worse thing. I do it out of boredom and because it just feels good. But I've avoided the kitchen after dinner for over 30 days now. You can do it, but it's gonna take hard work and determination. If you slip up one night, then get right back on course the next morning. I chew a lot of ice in the evening. Good luck and keep venting - it means you are not eating! ;)
  • legsfordays
    legsfordays Posts: 32
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    I am a binger! I had to own that. I binged a few days ago and sat on the couch and cried for hours. I told my husband how worthless I am. I dont get to talk to i often as he is in afghanistan, but I cried and told him I am disgusting and worthless. But it was my first binge in weeks. I found that when i want to binge, I substitute veggies with things I would usually eat like chips or cookies or cake. I still get to binge but Im putting in several servings of veggies into my body. get some dannon light and fit vanilla yogurt and cut up some apples, dip the apples in the yogurt and eat until you cant move! if you do that, there might be 200 calories there but you have out something good into you instead of 1000 calories or more of garbage

    Tomorrow I am going food shopping, and ONLY picking up fruits and veggies. The problem is how expensive they are. I'd much rather binge on them as a personal preference too. I binged on pita chips, pretzels, crunchy peanut butter, saltine crackers and cheez its tonight. I'm not even big on cracker chip like snacks, but they were the most accessible thing in my cabinet. It didn't even taste that good to me. *Le sigh*
  • destinysativatank
    destinysativatank Posts: 25
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    Look up Over eaters Anonymous...not sure where you are at but there should be meetings somewhere in your area, and I have found it to be a safe place with people that don't judge.
  • alisha17m
    alisha17m Posts: 73 Member
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    I am a binge eater and I am really struggling as I am on holidays from work at the moment. When I'm at work I find it easier to eat healthily and in good portions. When i'm at home alone on holidays relaxing and unwinding from work I go and eat a whole 2 litre tub of icecream in 2 days. Plus all the other food urgh! I've only got 3 more days then my routine will really be back in full swing!
  • BiggestLoserTimmy30
    BiggestLoserTimmy30 Posts: 10
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    i wouldn't say im a binger but before i got myself into this strict new way of eating i was a big overeater... meaning i would overeat whatever i was eating till i was past full... now i don't do that anymore... but i will say try eating healthier options i agree with the last poster at least you will be binging on healthy food and not bad food... when i first started my plan i would overeat veggies instead of potato chips or tortilla chips.... because i would eat the whole bag if i let myself do it... serving sizes have helped me immensely.. maybe trying serving size of things then you realize how much of bad stuff you put in your body and i realize i eat it less since i get less of it... just a suggestion... also maybe plan on what you are eating each meal and try and then maybe it will help control some binging if you are planning more... hope things get better...
  • legsfordays
    legsfordays Posts: 32
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    It's hard to overcome problems. You need to stop the night eating. And that is really hard. I suspect you are emotional eating instead of really being hungry. Find something else to do - anything! Take a big dose of benadryl and go to sleep if you have to. Go for a walk, sew, type out your feelings non-stop. Just keep out of the kitchen and keep your hands busy. It's my worse thing. I do it out of boredom and because it just feels good. But I've avoided the kitchen after dinner for over 30 days now. You can do it, but it's gonna take hard work and determination. If you slip up one night, then get right back on course the next morning. I chew a lot of ice in the evening. Good luck and keep venting - it means you are not eating! ;)

    Thank you for these tips. At night time is when I binge typically because I am not busy. And yes, it is an emotional eating thing... but tonight I was honestly in a good mood... just tired from being out all day. I am going to dedicate my nights to something else from now on. I have these Popsicle makers. I'm going to freeze water and use them as my nighttime snack from now on. I am so over this habit... I don't care if I gain some weight back, I just want to be able to eat normal again. :(
  • ajm07
    ajm07 Posts: 32 Member
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    I am afflicted with this condition. I can be perfect for many many weeks, then something will happen, like I decide to have a single cupcake, and then all of a sudden this raging monster comes out and literally starts stuffing more cupcakes than can fit into my mouth, and once I'm done I pour some cereal, then have a milo drink, then eat some buttery toast. It's so violent.

    Okay dramatisation there, but not much.

    I've got no solution, other than to get back on the horse and resist with all my might the dreaded multi day binge. Usually these happen to me on a weekend, and going to work on a Monday is enough to snap me out of it. It's will power and self control. But it's hard.
  • Jadesmommy2003
    Jadesmommy2003 Posts: 36 Member
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    Hang in there. Binge eating happens to many of us. We control ourselves for so long and then boom we fall. I personally have this every so often and am going through a spell right now. One advantage I have is my lap band and I had lost over 113 lbs with learning and understanding this tool but just like any other tool, it is only as good as the user. I had my band opened wide and had no restriction. I thought I was going to be fine but it is amazing how quick a person can revert. I ballooned over 20lbs and it is my fault and it is from eatting and not stopping. I training myself to stop eatting as soon as I felt full and restricted but with my band open I had not feeling to que me into "stop stupid".
    I feel horrible but I will tell you, I come here with a few other bandsters and retake responsibility. I got my band tightened and I am going to have it tightened some more. I went back on my cymbalta to get me through the mental battle and I am using the numbers to remind me to put the fork down. If I pick it up I have to put it in the daily food dairy.
    Long story short, you are going to feel bad and I do to and tomorrow is only another day if you are ready to take back control. For binging I have found it is a daily step down and not an automatic drop. Good luck and hang in there.. and always vent if you need too.. feel free to add me and you can vent to me and my friends...
    Crystal
  • realrayne10
    realrayne10 Posts: 388 Member
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    Look up Over eaters Anonymous...not sure where you are at but there should be meetings somewhere in your area, and I have found it to be a safe place with people that don't judge.

    This.

    Bingeing is not my issue, but it is for others in my family. OA has helped them a lot. Good luck!
  • Ayla20103005
    Ayla20103005 Posts: 104 Member
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    http://www.shrinkyourself.com
    try this, its helping me, its for emotional eating, I am getting better, I am not 100% there yet, but I am able to stop myself much earlier than I used to
  • legsfordays
    legsfordays Posts: 32
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    Look up Over eaters Anonymous...not sure where you are at but there should be meetings somewhere in your area, and I have found it to be a safe place with people that don't judge.

    This.

    Bingeing is not my issue, but it is for others in my family. OA has helped them a lot. Good luck!

    Are they religiously affiliated? Because I went their website, and all the meetings in my area take place in a church. I am not a religious person by any means...
  • jolt9157
    jolt9157 Posts: 2
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    I really know nothing about compulsive eating, but I thought I would stop by and share my two cents. I've been dysthymic for at least the last 13 years. But now, I'm finally doing better. I've lost a good chunk of weight (plan to lose more), I'm happy, and I'm more productive with my days.

    How is this possible? Lots of help. I've been seeing counselors off and on since I was 19. I saw a counselor in undergrad sporadically throughout my four years. During professional school, I saw a psychotherapist regularly during my last two years. However, I waited two years after graduation to see a counselor again. She sent me to a doctor who discussed the benefits and drawbacks to adjunctive medication. And while it took 12 months of tweaking things to find the right regimen, I'm doing a lot better and have dropped down from seeing the therapist from 3-4 times per month to once per month.

    Anyway, my point is that your compulsive eating likely has an emotional origin and it would be helpful to sit down with a trained professional and have a honest discussion about your choices. I used to try to get better on my own, fail, and beat myself up - I understand that. But now I'm so happy that I made the choice to set aside the resources to help myself get better.

    Convince yourself you're worth it, because you are! You can do this, you just need a little help!
  • hippotx72
    hippotx72 Posts: 30
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    Oh, dear--I can relate to every one of you.

    I have tried and tried to lose weight and get healthy so many times, now.
    What I'm working on right now is to not beat myself up for those times, and not think about where I could have or should have been in reaching my goals by now. And, of course, this is easier said than done, but I try not to be too hard on myself after a binge. Binges happen, and what's done is done. I don't know that I'll ever overcome this problem. Some days are great, others are full of delicious chocolate doughnuts, cheetos and Big Red (the soda, not the gum).
    In fact, Saturday was my first day back on MFP. I promised myself I wouldn't binge, and it was SOOOO hard, but I got through the evening without doing so. This is dumb, but I googled acupressure for cravings. There was a lot of stuff out there, so I spent the evening massaging my forehead and ears and nose or whatever, and eventually just forgot about the cravings. I don't think it was the acupressure; I think the key was getting my mind off of food. After that battle, it was easier the next day and the next. . .and guess what I did today? Yep, more doughnuts, and even a brownie, with icing. Actually, I BOUGHT more doughnuts and all that, went ahead and added them to my log, ate a few bites of the brownie, and went on with my day. Before I knew it, it was almost midnight, and all I had eaten was the brownie! I stored my doughnuts for another day (I find that they microwave nicely), had a snack, removed all those wonderful things I had planned to eat from my food log, and found myself below my calorie goal! Right now, two things have helped me: slowing down at meals and snack time, and reminding myself that if I don't get to eat that bowl of ice cream today, I can eat it tomorrow. Lately, by the time tomorrow gets here, I've forgotten about it. I've come to accept that I'm probably going to have to spend the rest of my life playing these mind games with myself just to overcome binge-eating for ONE day.
    I guess the point is that we all develop our own little tricks to use, and some days they're not going to work. It doesn't doom you for life, so shake it off and go on. Please don't give up on yourself!!! I think this will be a good board to visit regularly for encouragement, so I hope to see all of you again soon! To our health!
  • legsfordays
    legsfordays Posts: 32
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    I really know nothing about compulsive eating, but I thought I would stop by and share my two cents. I've been dysthymic for at least the last 13 years. But now, I'm finally doing better. I've lost a good chunk of weight (plan to lose more), I'm happy, and I'm more productive with my days.

    How is this possible? Lots of help. I've been seeing counselors off and on since I was 19. I saw a counselor in undergrad sporadically throughout my four years. During professional school, I saw a psychotherapist regularly during my last two years. However, I waited two years after graduation to see a counselor again. She sent me to a doctor who discussed the benefits and drawbacks to adjunctive medication. And while it took 12 months of tweaking things to find the right regimen, I'm doing a lot better and have dropped down from seeing the therapist from 3-4 times per month to once per month.

    Anyway, my point is that your compulsive eating likely has an emotional origin and it would be helpful to sit down with a trained professional and have a honest discussion about your choices. I used to try to get better on my own, fail, and beat myself up - I understand that. But now I'm so happy that I made the choice to set aside the resources to help myself get better.

    Convince yourself you're worth it, because you are! You can do this, you just need a little help!

    I put myself into counseling this month, and honestly, she did not help me at all. She retired now, so they are scheduling me with someone else, but I am skeptical. I'm hoping my new counselor will be more supportive and helpful. Like I said, no one I talked to (beside my boyfriend, who has seen me REALLY hit rock bottom) sees this as a severe thing, but not only does it make me feel bad about myself, I know it is bad for my health in the long run as well.
  • dckim
    dckim Posts: 311 Member
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    i eat a lot when i am bored or stressed. am i a compulsive or emotional eater? :huh:
  • legsfordays
    legsfordays Posts: 32
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    i eat a lot when i am bored or stressed. am i a compulsive or emotional eater? :huh:

    Maybe, if you feel out of control when you're eating.
  • tulaniq
    tulaniq Posts: 46 Member
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    I don't have anything really helpful to add, but I will say that I am a binge eater. A little less than a year ago I was 15 pounds lighter than I am right now after spending a few months logging on MFP and now, after a 3-4 month hiatus from logging and regular binging I am really struggling :(
    But, today is my day 1 with no binges and if I am lucky tomorrow will be day 2 and for now that's all I can do.
  • dckim
    dckim Posts: 311 Member
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    i eat a lot when i am bored or stressed. am i a compulsive or emotional eater? :huh:

    Maybe, if you feel out of control when you're eating.

    what's the diff between compulsive & emotional eater?

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