I'm so FRUSTRATED right now

Nessc
Nessc Posts: 137 Member
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
A little bit lengthy...

Okay, so everybody thought this was going to be one of those threads where I'm complaining about not seeing the scales move or not losing. Well, it' s not. This is a different kind of frustration. First of all, I'm not trying to lose weight to be in competition with anybody else, I'm not doing it so that I can be smaller than anybody else, I'm not doing it so that I can say "hey, look at me." My NUMBER ONE reason for losing weight is so that I can be healthy. I am almost 40 years old, I am 5'0" and I have lost 15 pounds so far and am now weighing in at 145. I'm tired of carrying around this weight that will cause me to have health problems the older that I get. I received a phone call today from a person who was "braggingly" trying to make me feel bad (you have to know the person). They called and was telling me that they had gone shopping and was able to buy a size 10 and size small in clothes. Although this is hard for me to believe since they weigh more than me and are bigger through the hips than me, plus they are the same size bust as me. But the real problem is that this person, and she's not the only one, seems to be constantly trying to sabotage what I am trying to accomplish. I was saying something about keeping the food journal and they were like, well, I don't need a food journal...I can do it without one. That may be fine for them, but I need something to keep me accountable for what I am eating. Why is it that other people, even family members, cannot be supportive when a person decides to make a lifestyle change? Are they really afraid that you will look better than them? I'm just so tired of people acting like I'm crazy for trying to lose weight and trying to keep me down. It's like every time I get some confidence in myself and have self-esteem, someone is there to push me back down. I'm really trying hard not to cry at this point because other people don't know how to be supportive. I really do appreciate the support that I do get from MFP...It's really hard to stay motivated and not dive into a bowl of cookies after you've been treated the way I was treated today. I hope this makes sense and I hope that some good can come from this post.

Replies

  • Nessc
    Nessc Posts: 137 Member
    A little bit lengthy...

    Okay, so everybody thought this was going to be one of those threads where I'm complaining about not seeing the scales move or not losing. Well, it' s not. This is a different kind of frustration. First of all, I'm not trying to lose weight to be in competition with anybody else, I'm not doing it so that I can be smaller than anybody else, I'm not doing it so that I can say "hey, look at me." My NUMBER ONE reason for losing weight is so that I can be healthy. I am almost 40 years old, I am 5'0" and I have lost 15 pounds so far and am now weighing in at 145. I'm tired of carrying around this weight that will cause me to have health problems the older that I get. I received a phone call today from a person who was "braggingly" trying to make me feel bad (you have to know the person). They called and was telling me that they had gone shopping and was able to buy a size 10 and size small in clothes. Although this is hard for me to believe since they weigh more than me and are bigger through the hips than me, plus they are the same size bust as me. But the real problem is that this person, and she's not the only one, seems to be constantly trying to sabotage what I am trying to accomplish. I was saying something about keeping the food journal and they were like, well, I don't need a food journal...I can do it without one. That may be fine for them, but I need something to keep me accountable for what I am eating. Why is it that other people, even family members, cannot be supportive when a person decides to make a lifestyle change? Are they really afraid that you will look better than them? I'm just so tired of people acting like I'm crazy for trying to lose weight and trying to keep me down. It's like every time I get some confidence in myself and have self-esteem, someone is there to push me back down. I'm really trying hard not to cry at this point because other people don't know how to be supportive. I really do appreciate the support that I do get from MFP...It's really hard to stay motivated and not dive into a bowl of cookies after you've been treated the way I was treated today. I hope this makes sense and I hope that some good can come from this post.
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
    First off, you are doing great so far! :flowerforyou:

    Second of all, if these people are your "friends", I say forget 'em. If people can't be happy for all that you're doing to stay healthy, they don't need your friendship.

    If these people are family members, speak your mind about it! If you keep letting them put you down, you're going to feel down on yourself & there is NO reason for that. Kindly tell them that you are doing this to be healthier & to please keep their opinions to themselves!

    MFP community is here for support so whenever you need to post about your wins or losses in this journey, you do it! Someone will be here with arms wide open for you. *hugs*
  • TroyJLehan
    TroyJLehan Posts: 15
    Keep you eyes on your goals, and get rid of neagtivity and negative people in your life.
  • happyhubbard
    happyhubbard Posts: 171
    Hang in there. There isn't much you can do about other people's attitudes. You only have control of yourself, so just try to keep a positive outlook and remember that you will be the one to keep the weight off because you're doing it right!:flowerforyou:
  • jljohnson
    jljohnson Posts: 719 Member
    I hear you on this! While I appreciate my husband telling me I'm beautiful the way I am, I know I can be better, and would appreciate his support, and help with my goals. I've also known people that sabotage you, and from what I've seen, they're either doing it unintentionally or they're jealous. I agree with babybeans that you need to (carefully) speak your mind about it. Whatever you decide to do, just know that you aren't alone in this.
  • xsargex
    xsargex Posts: 768
    Well you could always just dump these so-called "people". Or you could be like Jesus and turn the other cheek. Or better yet, you could reverse the mind games on them. Make up a bunch of stuff and sabotage their progress. Thats just me. I'm just mean. But it sure would be funnny.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    People are afraid of change. They are worried that if you lose weight, you will be a different person.
    Some may be competitive without know it.

    My friend, who has been my closest friend for 30 years has problems with me losing weight. She keeps trying to show me how loose her waistband is and she doesn't need to lose weight. I was always the fat friend and I am finally doing something about it. She is worried the balance of our relationship will change.

    As far as I know, I will still be the same Vicky I always was, just the packaging will be different!
  • aymie24
    aymie24 Posts: 227
    OMG My mom called you?!?!?!?! :bigsmile:

    Seriously, I know how you feel and you have to remember that sucess is the best revenge! I'm not encouraging bad behavior, but I DO know the kind of person you are describing and honestly, I think they act like that because they feel threatened. For whatever reason, they want to be the more capable, thinner, smarter, prettier, or whatever it is they are spouting off that moment and since you are being sucessful, it's a threat. Feel bad for this person, she obviously has low self esteem and keep on doing what you are doing, it's working for ya!!!

    You can do this, and you will do this and you can just smile and tell her "that's nice" next time she calls to brag.
  • Nessc
    Nessc Posts: 137 Member
    Thanks for the support!!!! I really needed to "hear" it.

    She keeps trying to show me how loose her waistband is and she doesn't need to lose weight.

    And Havingitall, I ESPECIALLY know what you're talking about...I have friends and family who do this to me. :mad: I could really explode or go off on them when they say this :explode:
  • Nessc
    Nessc Posts: 137 Member
    First off, you are doing great so far! :flowerforyou:

    Second of all, if these people are your "friends", I say forget 'em. If people can't be happy for all that you're doing to stay healthy, they don't need your friendship.

    If these people are family members, speak your mind about it! If you keep letting them put you down, you're going to feel down on yourself & there is NO reason for that. Kindly tell them that you are doing this to be healthier & to please keep their opinions to themselves!

    MFP community is here for support so whenever you need to post about your wins or losses in this journey, you do it! Someone will be here with arms wide open for you. *hugs*

    Thank you...The *hugs* were just what I needed! :smile:
  • bootsnspurs4horses
    bootsnspurs4horses Posts: 76
    Yeah. . . well, I sabatoged myself today and had mexican for lunch with my daughter. I wonder what this person would have to say about me !! LOL

    Keep your chin up, you know you are doing good work ! I love my food journal. I'm glad some people can do it without one, I personally enjoy keeping it and look back at what I have eaten sometimes.
  • MTGirl
    MTGirl Posts: 1,490 Member
    I don't know why some people have to be mean spirited, jealousy or fear or what not. I sure makes life hard sometimes! When I'm making progress and someone is like that to me, I usually just smile at them and say "That's great - congratulations" and let it go - or go for a walk or run or find a punching bag or whatever!! Remember to forgive them, and yourself, and remember that you are valuable! God has a purpose and a plan for you from before time began and he loves you! :heart: And I believe he is delighted in your success - that you are honoring Him by taking care of His temple. ((((hugs))))
  • fatstrat
    fatstrat Posts: 216
    It's like every time I get some confidence in myself and have self-esteem, someone is there to push me back down.

    Don't let their warped view of the World have anything to do with how YOU feel about yourself. Self-esteem should have nothing to do with what other people think. Don't get angry, just get more determined to please YOU, not them. The more weight you lose, the worse THEY are going to feel, and the more they will try to knock you down a notch. Think of it as a reminder that you're actually doing well and let it drive you.
    I'm really trying hard not to cry at this point because other people don't know how to be supportive.

    This is why they do what they do, because you give them satisfaction by letting them get you another step closer to their level of misery. Don't give them that satisfaction! Laugh at them and throw it right back on them.

    I'd try something like this:

    "Wow, how horrible your life must be that you would try to burst my bubble. Well, I'm glad I'm not as miserable as you! Here's a tip, maybe try getting a little motivation of your own and then you won't have to be so jealous of mine. Seriously, it really makes you look like a pathetic douche."

    Or maybe not. :laugh: When you look at things from a different angle and realize it's their insecurities that drive them, you'll know what to say. Regardless, work on accepting yourself for who you are and stand up for yourself because you kick *kitten*! Nobody has the right to even try to make you think otherwise. Leave those thoughts with the fools who want to bring their rain to your parade.

    :wink:
  • csnealey
    csnealey Posts: 251 Member
    I know how you feel also. I have a sister that will try to get you to eat sweets if she finds out that you are trying to lose weight (I think it is because she is overweight also and doesn't want to admit it to herself). The thing you need to understand, like I had to do, is this.......no one can do this for you but YOU. Yes it helps to have the support of family and friends but if you can't have it that way you have to decide to do this, no matter what, for YOU. You will have the support from fellow MFPers. I had to decide the same thing. I went for months depressed and feeling that if I only had the motivation (they do support me but I guess I needed them to push me) from my husband and family that I could do it. Then I got tired of waiting on them and decided that with or without their motivation, I had to do something or die at a young age because I'm a diabetic. I prayed and prayed and then one day I started eating healthy. Then 2 weeks later I found this web site. I would have never thought that I could do crunches, but I found a challenge doing 100 crunches a day for 31 days that started on March 11. I started it on March 16, on Monday, and had all my crunches caught up by that Wednesday. This site will help you stay focused and the people on here are very supportive. Please don't give up. That is what some people are waiting for so they can say, told you so. You are better than that and I know that somewhere in you, you have the determination and will to keep up the good work. Hope this has helped encourage you.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • happyhubbard
    happyhubbard Posts: 171
    I'd try something like this:

    "Wow, how horrible your life must be that you would try to burst my bubble. Well, I'm glad I'm not as miserable as you! Here's a tip, maybe try getting a little motivation of your own and then you won't have to be so jealous of mine. Seriously, it really makes you look like a pathetic douche."


    LOL LOL LOL!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That was funny, girl!
  • Nessc
    Nessc Posts: 137 Member
    I have a sister that will try to get you to eat sweets if she finds out that you are trying to lose weight (I think it is because she is overweight also and doesn't want to admit it to herself).

    OMG!!! I have a sister, who this past weekend, told me that she started to call me and ask me what kind of Krispy Kreme Donuts I wanted. She wasn't going to bring me any, she was just taunting me.

    I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP...I've lost 15 pounds so far, yes, it is coming off slow, but isn't that what it's supposed to do?

    I truly am thankful, though, that I have my husband and my son that are supporting me. (My daughter is happy that I'm happy with losing weight...She's 16 and everybody knows how 16 year olds are) You would really not believe how supportive my husband is. He will take walks with me, he encourages me to use the treadmill and on Monday, he put an elliptical trainer together for me before he left for work (works evening shift). My son will encourage me to stay away from sweets and foods that are not healthy and he will even take walks with me. So, I think I need to focus on the support of my husband and my children and tell everybody else to get a life :drinker:

    THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT HAS REPLIED....I REALLY NEEDED THE SUPPORT!!!
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