DIVORCED WOMEN I NEED YOUR HELP!

Wow... just, wow. I guess the only solace you can take is in the fact that he was obviously a selfish, sad human being who is more of a boy than a man. My boyfriend left me in 2003 when I found out I was pregnant, so I've never been divorced, but I can relate to a degree. I was recently married to a man who was 10x the man that my daughter's father could even dream of being. Took me a long, long time to trust someone again though. A LONG time. That said, the fact that your husband was so selfish and juvenile as to leave his children in the middle of the night is beyond disgusting to me. I know you didn't ask for your husband to be bashed, but I am so angry that a "man" could do that to his own children. I am just... disgusted.

I am so sorry you've gone through all this. Things do happen for a reason, though, so things will get better. I can't even begin to tell you how to get over it. All I can say is that time will heal you, but it will also leave a scar that will affect you for the rest of your life. I really, really feel for you. (((hugs)))

I know I'm not a woman but I had to weigh in since I am in the exact same boat you are. After what seemed like a perfectly good relationship, my wife walked out on me a little over a month ago. Packed her stuff and left while I was at work and moved in with her mom. Thankfully we don't have any kids.

The one thing I've taken away from the experience is that she is selfish and was not concerned about "us". I've also realized now in that "hindsight is 20/20" kind of way, that I am better off without her if she is going to act that way. Your ex has done the same thing, acted selfishly and in his own best interest not the "family".

Tell yourself you are better off with him gone, your daughters are better off with him gone. Also, Condolences on your mothers passing

Hopefully my 2 cents helps...

I can speak as a man about the same issues. I got married too young, to a woman who was not ready to grow up. She decided she wanted to move on, because my job sent me away for a while, and I'm guessing she realized she was not in love as much as lust. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out exactly where I went wrong, what I could have done differently. You know, after a lot of sould searching and embarrassment, I had to realize I didn;t have the problem she did. What I hope you realize in this. The feelings you have are natural and will run their course. If you don't deal with them now, you'll deal with them later. So cry as much as you want right now. That way it's out of your system. Just try to grow stronger everyday...

Was in your place last year, only not married, but together for a little over 6 years and 3 young children. Went out on a first date with his current GF the very next night. Feel free to add me

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm the dumper not the dumpee and my ex-husband and I had no kids but the way I coped was focusing on other things. Throwing myself into my job and my friends.

You're asking about all the emotional things that go with it instead of the things like who gets the house and kids and such so I'm going to assume that you already have a lawyer. If not, get one stat.

It takes time to let go. That's all there is to it. One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. Do whatever it takes to distract you (without neglecting the kids or putting them in any danger of course). See your friends and other family as much as you can but do your best to NOT talk about him. Get a new hobby or get reinvolved in one you already have. Just anything to focus your attention on to keep it off him.

I was divorced from my 1st husband about 8 years ago. My 2nd husband and I were separated for about 2 years, and reconciled early in 2011.

That said, when he (2nd) left me, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I actually slapped myself across the face to wake myself up (which really sucked, because I'd had wisdom teeth pulled the day before). I went through absolute hell, for lots of reasons, for quite awhile. Part of the big problem was I had been mis-diagnosed with a mood disorder, and the medicines messed me up a lot. A lot, as in almost killed me.

But...

I found a therapist that I adored. She'd stay on the phone with me when I cried so hard I couldn't breathe.
I went to all my necessary doctor appointments (found out I have hypothyroidism which affects mood, weight, and lots of other stuff).
I kept a journal. You never have to go back and read even 1 single page of it, but writing is tremendously therapeutic. Get it OUT.
I thought about my two kids. Every day, all the time. Many days that's the only thing that got me out of bed.
I learned about mindfulness. What an invaluable life tool. I suggest everyone on the planet practice this every day!!

One day at a time. You can't do more than that whether you want to or not, so don't even try! If you have to tell yourself a thousand times a day that things will eventually get better, then tell yourself.

Be there for your girls, but remember that you're only going to be able to do so if you take care of yourself.

Sending you tons of mental hugs and good healing energy. Time heals, I promise.

http://www.marriagesherpa.com/ if its really over it has a section for that toooo.......

I would say it takes time, but since you have a child you really have to stop focusing on the question why and focus on your child and family. Nothing happens without reason therefore I would just thank the happy years spent together and move on. There will be someone who will stay. It never worth to cry for those who doesn't really care.

“Assume that every problem in your life is a lesson to make you stronger. Then you never feel like a victim.”


If there is something in your life you don't want, stop worrying about it and stop talking about it! The Energy you put into it keeps it alive. Withdraw your energy and it will likely go away!

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.

Show him that you were worth it by letting him go, if he loves you he will find the way back if he doesn't than like I said he doesn't worth a moment to waste on him.

Focus on the things that you can control...taking care of your precious children, taking care of yourself and how you choose to react to what he has done. In time you will realize that his leaving had way more to do with his shortcomings not yours. He has already hurt you and your kids enough by leaving, don't subject yourself to more pain by wondering who's with, why he left ect....focus on healing. Counseling is a must and surround yourself with supportive, positive people. So sorry about your mom's passing. Best wishes.

Well...In 2004 I was divorced myself after 8 yr relationship. He found someone younger and skinnier. (but not prettier, lol) JK>

Anyway, I went thru a lot of private counseling to overcome this and it REALLY helped. I found my friends and family could only help so much. Some how a complete stranger can give a better perspective on things. There are stages on grief, and when you hit the angry phrase you will feel much better.

You need to be strong for your girls. Put all your hurt into something productive. My mother also died a few years ago. So I feel your pain. You need to find something positive to focus on, join a support group. It all really helps. I wish you all the luck in new life. I leaned on friends when I needed to and talked about it as much as i needed. And in time I healed and so will u! Add me if you want and we can talk anytime you want. I definitely know what your going thru.

I think there is no easy route out when you are the one had been doing the holding one and the person had been on the letting go. For me its better to go through the whole cycle of self sympathizing, getting angry, letting go and taking charge. The faster you get through the phases its the better it is.

I am so sorry for you; I know from experience how hard it is to go through that. My ex left me a few days before I had my youngest son. My older son was 4 and I had a newborn. I was panicked, in a financial crisis and I felt like the world was falling in. The husband situation would be hard enough and it breaks my heart to hear you say that you had to go through this along with losing your mom.
What got me through was I started going back to church and started reading the bible. I know that isn't a pc answer but that really is all that got me through it. I found support there in a divorcecare ministry and some counseling for my son, who truly needed just a male counselor - someone who he could feel cared about him when it didn't seem like his dad did.
Take things one day at a time - spend time reflecting on things, take time to do some relaxing for yourself and try your best to find time with friends who will be there for you.
Time will get you through it - it's been over 4 years for me now and looking back I couldn't have planned it any better.

From personal experience, any man who ever told me he could not be the man I needed him to be was absolutely right.

Convince yourself that his leaving is actually a good thing.

Run. I don't know how it works, but it just stops the cyclical thoughts. I was never married, but I went through something akin to divorce. Running was the closest I ever felt to happiness during that time. If you can't run yet, just walk hard and fast for as long as you can stand it. You'll feel the effects of it for hours afterward. Mentally and physically.

Remember that no matter what happens --you're going to be ok. You will always be ok.

I'm so sorry for all your going through. I can say divorce was like a death for me. There's a healthy dose of denial, then a whole lot of grief, then a giant helping of anger, and then it didn't really matter any more. I was remarried to a great man within a couple of years.

It took a while but after all the divorce dust settled I have managed to have a really good relationship with my ex. We communicate constantly about our child and both do our best to make sure he's not missing any family events in either of our families. It's really the best it could possibly be post-divorce and it surprises anyone who sees all of us together Just had a class reunion and my husband and ex were joking along while my high school friends looked on with their eyebrows arched. I never would have thought that was possibly ever when my marriage was ending. It was full on war between us.

You just keep getting through each day until the day your realize you aren't STRUGGLING so hard to get through each day.

I am currently separated from my husband. He told me he wanted a divorce 3/31/11. I found out about the other woman 4/17/11. He moved out of the bedroom within days. We tried to live in the same house for a few months (for financial reasons). I finally told him to move out in July when he continued to contact his former gf. He moved out on 8/16/11. He tells me he just needs space and to concentrate on himself b/c he doesn't know what he wants. He is extremely depressed and is not making good choices.

I, too, have no clue how to let him go. We have been married for 20 years. He is my best friend. We have been together more than half our lives. He is so distant at this time. He makes comments about "taking baby steps" toward trying to reconcile. However, his actions do not show it. He is struggling with something within himself that only he and God can fix. I know the good man inside him but he is not here right now.

I don't know if our marriage is salvagable. I am quite hurt and angry myself. I always knew I was going to spend my life with this man. I imagined growing old with him. He was my only love. I don't know how long I am supposed to sit in limbo. Most days I am strong. I am good at putting on a great facade. However, inside I feel like I am losing my life.

Sometimes, I think that maybe I should just go ahead and initiate the divorce. That way I could be free to find a man who will love me, enjoy being with me, and that will treat me the way a husband should treat a wife. I know I want to give those same things to the man I am to spend the rest of my life with.

So, I don't have an answer but I do understand your pain...feel free to add me