Do you remember how you felt at your heaviest?

irishgal44
irishgal44 Posts: 1,141 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
Physically, I don't remember how I felt besides feeling the rolls of fat on my sides and feeling weighed down. I remember stretching my XL shirts just so I wouldn't have to wear XXL (when I should have been!!) I also remember when I'd get a picture of myself taken, I'd squeeze my thighs together and put one in front of the other and lay my arms out across the sides of my waist to make myself look smaller.
Mentally, I remember how I hated so much...I thought I was the ugliest person ever and I would walk behind my husband because I was ashamed for him and I was not confident at all. I have a hard time with self esteem still and I still catch myself hiding behind my husband - ugh. I'm sure in time that will get better. :heart:

I thought I'd remind us all of how we felt - to keep motivating ourselves ot push forward and keep going. I will never get back to that weight again - as long as I keep reminding myself of where I'm at now and what I was then. :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • ahavoc
    ahavoc Posts: 464 Member
    Like crap.
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
    I remember dreading clothes shopping.

    HAHAHAHAHAH.

    Shopping is my FAVOURITE thing in the world! <3
  • irishgal44
    irishgal44 Posts: 1,141 Member
    Like crap.

    LOL!!! That summed it up!
  • Queen_Christine
    Queen_Christine Posts: 342 Member
    Like my life was behind me.
  • quitmakingexcuses
    quitmakingexcuses Posts: 906 Member
    I compare myself to people more than I should, and both my roommates and best friend (at the time) were all really thing. Two dancers and one who just never gained weight. I felt awful most of the time. Whenever I feel chubby it reverts me back to fifth grade, when my weight troubles started and a girl in my class called me walrus. That's stuck with me for all these years, so I'm trying me best to get away from it.
  • elbandito
    elbandito Posts: 157
    I used to feel awesome when I was fatter. Really awesome, really cool and funny.

    Then I lost the weight and now I REALLY know what feeling AWESOME feels like. Being able to run... any distance at all... without falling apart. Cycling 50km without a worry in The World. Squatting my own weight, and then some, and checking myself out in the mirror... because while I'm not perfect, I'm a whole lot more awesome than I used to be.

    And as I say in my signature... it doesn't feel like it was that hard, now I've done it.
  • woja9640
    woja9640 Posts: 450 Member
    I felt like crap.

    I couldn't do things I can do now. For example I wasn't able to run from my house down the street to the school I lived by. I can now. I also make it a point to exercise in some way daily.

    I also wasn't able to just use my upper body strength to swing up onto the counter.
  • LilacLizabeth
    LilacLizabeth Posts: 36 Member
    super bad... I couldn't walk without breathing hard, none of my clothes fit, and I was one pound from being obese... thaks for posting this, it really motivated me.
  • Misiaxcore
    Misiaxcore Posts: 659 Member
    I felt fat.
  • dcfl2012
    dcfl2012 Posts: 53
    I've only lost 15 lbs so far- but I do feel the difference :) I'm happy ! (especially w/ the exercise!) And my "fat pants" are so loose now !
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,985 Member
    Like a slob and climbing stairs was a b*tch.
  • EricNCSU
    EricNCSU Posts: 699 Member
    Like crap.

    ^^This
  • Misiaxcore
    Misiaxcore Posts: 659 Member
    I used to feel awesome when I was fatter. Really awesome, really cool and funny.

    Then I lost the weight and now I REALLY know what feeling AWESOME feels like. Being able to run... any distance at all... without falling apart. Cycling 50km without a worry in The World. Squatting my own weight, and then some, and checking myself out in the mirror... because while I'm not perfect, I'm a whole lot more awesome than I used to be.

    And as I say in my signature... it doesn't feel like it was that hard, now I've done it.


    Wow, I 100% agree with your signature !
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    "Like crap" sums it up perfectly. :P
  • irishgal44
    irishgal44 Posts: 1,141 Member
    I've only lost 15 lbs so far- but I do feel the difference :) I'm happy ! (especially w/ the exercise!) And my "fat pants" are so lose now ! lol....

    GREAT JOB!! 15 lbs is a lot of weight!
  • Gallinagordita
    Gallinagordita Posts: 26
    LOL. I read this as "Do you remember how you fell at your heaviest?" And I was thinking...OOOh....yeah...that one time I tripped on jagged cement in front of the Indian restaurant and fell flat on my face in front of everyone in the parking lot, and I couldn't get up, and some nice man had to help me, and I totally felt like a huge beached out-of-breath whale. Yep.
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
    I don't feel all that different even after losing 100 lbs. Sure my clothing size changed and I can easily find things in stores now, but I'm still the same person and still feel self-conscious about my body and looks.
  • dckim
    dckim Posts: 311 Member
    at my heaviest, i cudn't really walk. i waddled like a penguin. :frown:
  • lovelee79
    lovelee79 Posts: 362
    Thank you for sharing all these old memories! Very touching.

    I haven't lost much yet... so I still feel like crap :sad:
  • misssuperstitious
    misssuperstitious Posts: 178
    Everything hurt! And I hated going out at all because it meant squeezing into something that was too smaller, or wearing a size I was ashamed of...or both. Going out also meant being the chubby girl nobody wanted to dance with, or near....
    My weight has been creeping back up since my back injury post-marathon, so I keep reminding myself that I do NOT want to start back at that awful square one again. Thanks for the reminder, love ya!
  • elbandito
    elbandito Posts: 157
    Wow, I 100% agree with your signature !

    Thanks. :) I still feel that way and my biggest regret is not starting sooner. :)
  • Tonnina
    Tonnina Posts: 979 Member
    I actually was okay with it for a long time because no one told me it wasn't okay to be so large... I didn't have health issues (yet) and I had good friends and even a fiance... So I felt fine and loved.

    Then I met my sister in law (to be at the time) and she thought she was fat and the girl was a little chunky but nothing like me. She was a size L in most things and I think her pants size was 14 or 12. She made me feel confused because I thought I was okay but then I started to wonder if that was the case.

    When my Lady parts doc said I'm too hypertensive and too heavy for normal birth control that was my first red flag.... Then my body doctor told me I was hypertensive and had a small heart issue and possibly had bad cholesterol. These where the other red flags... Last thing was when my Sister in law actually lost a little weight (she was about a size 8 at the time) I felt like "well if she can do it and feel that good about herself then I can do it too!"

    I signed up to join a gym this year because I want to take care of myself before getting pregnant. I had also seen plenty of larger people getting pregnant and having extra issues added to the complexity that is pregnancy. I didn't want that at all.

    I'm happy to say I've almost reached my 1/4 of the way point (I'm .2lbs away from 25lbs!) and I'm even happier to say that I FEEL so good about it and about myself. Way better than just "okay"!!!
  • JacksMom12
    JacksMom12 Posts: 1,044 Member
    I went through drug rehab and gained a lot of weight, I then got pregnant and gained even more weight... so 90 lbs in a year will do a lot to someone's self worth. I felt like I was trapped in a foreign body and would cry when I caught glimpses of myself in the mirror. Going from a size 0 to a 16 in a year also makes shopping miserable. I hated leaving the house and I felt sorry for my husband that he had to be seen with me. I made fat jokes all the time about myself because I knew that's what people were thinking when they were around me. Part of me was happy that I beat a brutal drug addiction that ruined every aspect of my life at the time...but I was ashamed at the weight and thought it was like my punishment for the life I was living before. I am slowly gaining myself and my confidence back but it is still very hard and I still break down when I see all of my old clothes or have to remind myself not to be shocked when I see my bigger self in the mirror.
  • Samerah12
    Samerah12 Posts: 610 Member
    Funny you should ask. I just (literally JUST) tried on a pair of sz 8 jeans (hand-me downs from my last roommate, I've never been a sz 8) and I got them on but they were tight. My first thought was "oh man, this is how my sz 16s used to feel..."

    Other than that- physically I felt ok, although I couldn't REALLY have felt ok. I think because the changes have been so gradual for me (1yr + to lose almost 60lbs) I don't really notice significant differences in day to day stuff. If you dropped my brain back off in my fat body right now I'd probably feel like crap.
  • u2fergus
    u2fergus Posts: 422 Member
    Ugh... heartburn, knees hurt constantly, if I took too long to tie my shoes, I'd have to straighten up and breathe before finishing, because my fat stomach was crushing my lungs so much, I couldn't shop at decent stores for anything but scarves and shoes and purses, fat arms that looked like legs, fat stomach that stuck out farther than my chest, fat legs that were constantly rubbing together at the top so I'd have to get new jeans every few months because there'd be holes in them, a double chin and moon face, and worst of all... the constant, ever-present fear that somebody would notice me and say something mean to me about my weight.

    Yeah... I don't miss this at all. I'm still a long way from my goal, but I'm very happy not to be living like this anymore!
  • EricInArlington
    EricInArlington Posts: 531 Member
    I remember this guy looking at me on an airplane and getting super pissed because he had to sit next to me, I had my sunglasses on and was pretending to be asleep, he really made me feel like sh!@#

    I remember not being able to tie my shoes very well and when I did it felt like someone had a choke hold on my neck, like all the blood was rushing to it.

    I remember always getting extra food for free from the people at the fast food places, like I needed more.

    I remember going through my phone numbers and seeing two pizza places and one Chinese food places on the phone number list

    I remember all the sweat pouring off me like crazy, now I cant go without an under shirt, before it was way too hot

    I remember not taking any pictures for the last 10 years or at least not on purpose
  • sufikitkat
    sufikitkat Posts: 583 Member
    I felt low on myself and unproductive! Now I feel unstoppable :-)
  • irishgal44
    irishgal44 Posts: 1,141 Member
    Wow, thanks so much friends for sharing your stories and some really sad ones - you all look amazing - keep up the fantastic work!! :heart:
  • RyonsLions2
    RyonsLions2 Posts: 350 Member
    I didn't realize how bad I felt until I lost the weight and now I realize how bad I felt and how heavy and slow and tired and big and awkward. I also realized how tight my car was. My belly actually touched the steering wheel all the time and now I am about 3-4 inches away from the steering wheel!! I definitely feel SOOOO much better! :laugh:
  • irishgal44
    irishgal44 Posts: 1,141 Member
    I didn't realize how bad I felt until I lost the weight and now I realize how bad I felt and how heavy and slow and tired and big and awkward. I also realized how tight my car was. My belly actually touched the steering wheel all the time and now I am about 3-4 inches away from the steering wheel!! I definitely feel SOOOO much better! :laugh:

    I agree with the car thing!!! I remember one day I got in my car and I felt little - I actually had to move the seat up. It was a first for me since I had always had the seat as far back as possible.
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