Blatant lies told by parents

I tell my children I made them so I always know what they are thinking.

I usually DO know what they are thinking because it is so obviously written on their faces, so they believe me.

Yes, that apple juice is really Mt. Dew. Really.

I only have a one year old, so we haven't gotten to the mommy lies yet. But I remember when I was younger (10-11) my mom told me if I didn't support my newborn nieces head it would roll off. It scared me so much that I was scared to hold her (She only said it so I would sit down and hold the baby because I kept trying to get up.) So when I had my son, I was naturally afraid he was going to lose his head.

I told that story back to my mom and she was like. OMG I am so sorry I said that to you, I didn't even think it would have made that kind of impact, I was just trying to get you to sit down!

When my kids were little and would wake up crabby I would ask to see their teeth...then I would tell them that they needed to go brush their teeth because they didn't get all the grumpies out....served two purposes!

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)


I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.

HILARIOUS! I will have to use these when I have kids

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)

When I was a kid, my dad told me that bay windows were for fat people to look out of.

I was also told the same for skylights..

I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.


What are yours?

how cute!! no kids as yet but i'm taking notes

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)

When I was a kid, my dad told me that bay windows were for fat people to look out of.

I was also told the same for skylights..

I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.


What are yours?

OMG! That is hysterical!

My mom used to tell us that there were elves living in the broccoli and cauliflower 'trees' and we had to eat the trees to find the elves.

When we scraped a knee or something minor and were clearly crying out of wanting attention, she would ask us if we'd like that body part cut off so it wouldn't hurt anymore. If we were still crying, she'd tell someone else to go get the scissors and then we were like NO! It's ok, now.

My sister eats tomatoes like an apple, and one time she was over while I was babysitting my 4 year old cousin. My sister and I were sitting next to each other on the couch and my cousin came up to Cait and asked her what it was she was eating. Without missing a beat or looking at each other or anything, we both say 'poison.' My poor little cousin couldn't tell if we were kidding until I busted up laughing. She doesn't believe anything I say, now, and she's 9.

That people like the nice,good kids.

I only have a one year old, so we haven't gotten to the mommy lies yet. But I remember when I was younger (10-11) my mom told me if I didn't support my newborn nieces head it would roll off. It scared me so much that I was scared to hold her (She only said it so I would sit down and hold the baby because I kept trying to get up.) So when I had my son, I was naturally afraid he was going to lose his head.

I told that story back to my mom and she was like. OMG I am so sorry I said that to you, I didn't even think it would have made that kind of impact, I was just trying to get you to sit down!

OMG, my cousin said something similar to me when she brought her newborn son over (I was like 5 or 6). I was feeling his hair very softly and she walked in and screamed at me that if I touched his head it would cave in! I was terrified to touch him at all for a long time after that!

When my sister & i were about 4 & 5 my sister playing with my dad's after shave, so he told my sister "now you'll grow whiskers like dad" she screamed and never touched it again.

I told all my boys that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, strawberry milk comes from pink cows, vanilla chocolate swirl comes from those multi colored cows, dark chocolate milk comes from those very dark cows, and soy milk comes from light brown cows. They live in the city, what do they know. I have kept the lie up (forever), it just gets more complex. When they learned you could put things in regular milk to flavor them, I said "well, yes, but it isn't as good as the real thing".

So when my eldest was in 4th grade, he corrected the teacher on this point and they got into an argument. She tried to tell him the truth, but he would hear none of it. He came home and told me how uninformed his teacher was. I just shook my head.

He knows the truth now (he's 17), but he continues the lie for younger brothers . . . youngest is 6.

Oh, pink cows, of course they exist. Haven't you seen them. I see them from time to time when we are on long drives. The funny thing is that by the time I tell the kids, we've already passed them. Strange.

My daughter is getting too old and smart for my lies...she calls me out on them. I will tell her anything to make her be quiet.

For a long time she believed there was a "bad girl school" where parents send their bad kids--you don't get to come home at Christmas and they make you eat oatmeal for breakfast.

I told her to quit poking the chicken while in line at the grocery store "why?? why??" i said her finger would turn green and fall off if she poked it thru the plastic and touched the chicken. the guy in front of me thought it was hilarious, turned around and showed her his "missing finger" she almost cried. i laughed.

OMG to the last part, hilarious!!

My dad told us that if you see a bunch of cows in a field and they are laying down that it is going to rain.

haha that isn't true!? Everytime I see them laying down...I think... "yep it's going to rain"... I guess I am gullible :embarassed:

Giraffes say "oogie-boogie," turtles say "woot!" and the walrus says "coocookachoo"

Spaghetti grows on trees, and mermaids eat fishsticks.

Cannibalism haha