HEALTHY HABITS CAN DESTROY YOUR SOCIAL LIFE?!

Options
13»

Replies

  • havalinaaa
    havalinaaa Posts: 333 Member
    Options
    Tonight my boyfriend and I went out with our friend. We all shared several appetizers, had a bottle of wine, and had our entrees. We split a dessert. I went over my calories for the day by... 8. Yep, just 8. I had fun and drank and ate everything I wanted to at the restaurant and wasn't ridiculed and our friend even helped me figure out how many glasses of wine I drank when I was logging the meal.

    I also have friends that love to go for walks with me and my dog, go to the park or the zoo, and who love to come over to prepare meals together. I feel trying to lose weight has impacted my social life in only positive ways, I feel less self conscious in my going out clothes now that I'm down a few pounds.

    Drinking is not that bad for you in moderation, I had apxm two glasses of wine tonight and don't regret those calories even one little bit.

    I am sorry you are having trouble with this in your own life, but I don't feel any sort of social limitations on me or my life because of my weight loss goals.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,672 Member
    Options
    IMO, what's the point of eating so "healthy" if it causes unhealthy relationships with people you care about? Eating healthy the majority of the time and letting it go for a night isn't going to disrupt what you're trying to achieve. Life is TOO SHORT to regret not having a good time once in awhile.
  • Ambrogio1
    Ambrogio1 Posts: 518 Member
    Options
    Calorie Buffing is a good thing to deploy, create eating/drinking windows
    Fasting is and can be a big part of your enjoying a sat or friday night.

    Also low cal drinks. White Liq normally has lower cals
  • philsy1
    philsy1 Posts: 103 Member
    Options
    Interesting discussion. I see elements of truth in most all of the responses. However, I am not disposed toward extremes. I liken your social situation to situations in my own past. For example, I quit smoking almost 10 years ago (hear the applause?). But I knew that this would distance me from my smoking friends, as smoking has its own subculture. In that case, the transition was pretty quick and.. painful. Now I don't even know more than a couple of people that smoke. Another divisive issue for me was church activities. I really did not pay much attention to religion for many years, but when I remarried, I wanted to be compatible with my wife's views. Just attending church set me apart from most of the people I worked and socialized with. In this case, however, I did nothing to set myself apart from them. After 19 years, however, I find that most of my friends are church friends. We make choices, and those around us do too. My point is that it's only the strongest friendships that can weather the significant changes in our world view that happen to most people over time. We just have to decide which things are most important to us and accept the fallout that accompanies those decisions.
  • MIMITIME
    MIMITIME Posts: 405 Member
    Options
    I have felt the way that you do on the more commercial rigid diets because on those, if you mess up a little you have lost all of your hard work for the week. However, on MFP, I don't feel this way becase there is always something I can eat within reason. If I know I am going out, I cut back all I can in the earlier part of the day so I can enjoy my night out. As far as the alcohol, I have never been much of a drinker for the simple fact that I don't like the taste. I have never been left out because of it and I am always popular as the designated driver. So, yes, I think you can have both with MFP. Good Luck
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Options
    IMO, what's the point of eating so "healthy" if it causes unhealthy relationships with people you care about? Eating healthy the majority of the time and letting it go for a night isn't going to disrupt what you're trying to achieve. Life is TOO SHORT to regret not having a good time once in awhile.

    Every word of this!

    I'm reminded of a dude I used to know. Really uptight jerk. Once we were hanging out, playing video games, and his wife distracted him and he got shot. He was sitting on the couch, shoulders tensed, legs fidgeting, and yelled through clenched teeth, "I'M TRYING TO RELAX HERE!"

    If his methods of relaxation made him so stressed that he wigged out over getting killed in a video game, he needed much more effective relaxation techniques. :laugh:

    Likewise, if you're getting stressed over having fun with your friends, you need to examine ways for everyone to compromise a little so you can enjoy your fun. :wink:
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options
    NOTE: THIS IS A RELATIVELY LONG POST BUT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. PLEASE READ!

    At least in the Western culture, food (particularly the very unhealthy kind) and alcohol, both of which work against our health and fitness goals compose the majority, if not all of social interactions, friendships, and relationships. The vast majority of social events are based on unhealthy food and alcohol by default.

    Can you think of having a dating life where there is no food or alcohol involved? Maybe you can get away with some creative first dates a couple of times but how can you expect your partner/date to put up with the fact that you have to do cardio at least 5 times a week and weights 4 times a week and can eat only clean, lean meats and whole wheat grains and no alcohol. Wine, one of the oldest symbols for love and romance for example, is one of those things we have to stay away from. Maybe your partner is different since strong romantic feelings are involved (assuming you can even get to that point with all your crazy health habits) and she/he will understand or even love you more.

    But what about your friends? Is it really possible to spend time with friends without eating or drinking anything? As a guy I have to turn down invitations to going to bars and clubs all the time. I mean you either go to a restaurant, a bar, or a club with your friends. I can’t ask my friends to go to the zoo with me or to go for a walk in the park, or to go and have herbal tea and then later have a nice healthy can of tuna.

    When I do go out, I get pressured into drinking alcohol. Sometimes I do, but most of the time I don’t. The cost of not drinking when everyone else is drinking is that you look like a boring guy that doesn’t want to have fun and one who is not interested in fitting into the group. At restaurants, if you order something light, the group usually gets on your *kitten* about that too. If there are guys they’ll jokingly say things like “wow what a wuss!” or girls text each other things like “wow! Just a salad?! Seriously?!” Your friends will falsely sense a lack of interest in them and will slowly begin to get more and more distanced. I currently have very strong friendships but I don’t know if they can last, and if yes, for how long with my relatively new healthy habits
    .
    Having a very strong social life is very very important to me. But being in excellent shape is also very very important to me. I’ve suggested that you can’t be super strong in both because they are just not compatible. Do you guys agree or disagree? How do you guys cope with this problem? Any info or tips will be appreciated! Thanks!

    PS
    Ironically I just got a text from one of my best friends whom I haven’t seen for a long time asking me to go to a bar. What should I reply?

    what a load of rubbish!! you can go to a bar and have soft drinks, and you can order a salad in a restaurant - REAL friends wouldnt care!
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
    Options
    I kind of think a lot of it is self worry, over what others are going to think of your choices, and no so much what they actually think of them. Most of my friends are musician, and so all of our outings are in the night, club, bar scene. A few months ago I stopped drinking, not for weight or health or any reason other than I just didnt feel like it. Ive started drinking cranberry with soda and a lime and besides a close friend of mine who sometimes gets me a drink, no one else has noticed. I didnt make a big deal out of it, so its not a big deal.

    Now if I was like. oh no, I cant drink because blah blah, or no Im not even going to go to the bar because blah blah, then yes Im making it a huge deal that Im not having a drink. If you dont make it an issue, no one else will either.

    Same for food...just order what you want. Who care what anyone else is eating or having...and again, no need to make a big deal out of how many calories are in this or that, or make it a whole discussion over what you can or cant eat. Just figure out what you want, order it, and eat it when it arrives. One glass of wine on a date isnt going to destroy you, if you want it go for it. If you dont..dont. I have a general rule that I never drink on the first date with a guy, its a personal choice. I just decline and get what I do want, it doesnt need its own topic of discussion because it shouldnt be that big a deal if I drink or not.
  • shakybabe
    shakybabe Posts: 1,578 Member
    Options
    I don't really have an issue.. I don't get out that often and when I do its definitely a treat day!

    I don't like taste of many alcoholic drinks but I do love a brandy and coke, it is quite expensive though so I might get one or two and drink something else the rest of the time. People know how expensive brandy is in bars... and that I don't like much else so they don't really comment.

    As for food I usually pick what is physically easier for me to eat. eg shopping centre places where only get plastic forks for jacket potato etc.. I can't keep grip of them they too small.. so tend to pick something like burger or wrap that's easy to get hold of! My friends are usually good at picking somewhere with proper cutlery etc if we can.. as place also has to be accessible and have a loo I can get in too.

    In more posh places I avoid steak or meats needing lots of cutting, things that drop off forks easily, soups etc... people are very understanding, but maybe its cos my physical difficulties are part of the reason with my choice of food!

    Luckily we like carvery's which have a big selection of vegetables/salad and different meats and you can add as much or little as you want and I'm never short of willing volunteers to carry my tray/plate for me. I try and pick healthy meal and indulge with pudding as I absolutely love hot choc fudge cake and ice-cream!! :tongue:

    If you worried about calories.. maybe do lower cals each day at either side and do the exercises those days then you can enjoy the day or evening out without worrying about calories and sabotaging your diet/lifestyle?
  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
    Options
    I think part of it is finding friends with the same interests so finding friends who are interested in getting together to do active things and such.

    Otherwise, for me it's not too bad. I'm often at the bar (boyfriend's got a band so he plays gigs at the bar quite a bit) so I love to have a beer ... but I'm too poor to have more than one haha but otherwise I just sip on one all night or I have water. But otherwise I do think it's really about finding friends who are willing to do more than just go eat and drink. Ask friends you already have to do other things. If nobody wants to do anything else then maybe find some other friends that you can do active things with so that you can still have a social life. I think that will also help your personal goals. If your friends are active and healthy, then it'll be easier for you to be active and healthy.
  • juliesummers
    juliesummers Posts: 738 Member
    Options
    My social life has never revolved around food at all, so my being a health nut literally has zero affect on my decision to go out or not.

Categories