My friends won't play with me :(

2

Replies

  • Kany
    Kany Posts: 336
    Congratulations on your weight loss achievement. It's great that you're are losing weight and getting fit. I honestly don't think these women are jealous of your success. If anything they should be motivated to do what you do. Yes it does seem petty for them to stop talking to you altogether. They may have their reasons but out of pure jealousy, I don't think so. I really think that you should ask them the reason why they are being like this. It could a comment that you might have made that might have offended one of them (i know girls are sensitive). If they can't even tell you why the sudden change, then I say EFF them all! Who needs friends at the gym anyway? Gym are for exercising not for making petty acquaintances.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    I find this to be a disturbing trend here. Do we all need to feel better than other people and assume that they are jealous? And it always is heavier people jealous of the fitter ones.

    I will also patiently await an explanation.
    I am beginning to think this is the 'high-school go-to' response.
    OMG she doesnt like u..she's a HATER...she can't sit at our lunch table anymore...4-realz!!!
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
    Find some smaller friends! LOL!!!
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    I find this to be a disturbing trend here. Do we all need to feel better than other people and assume that they are jealous? And it always is heavier people jealous of the fitter ones.

    I will also patiently await an explanation.

    I don't want to be cruel, but I was sort of thinking the same thing. I'm a total 2x'er and would be happy for you and motivated by you, so I'm not feeling that excuse.

    Are you sure you didn't do or say anything that might have been offensive to one or more of them? or maybe they thought that you thought they were jealous? --not saying you did. But who knows people are funny and they are just acquaintances not really friends.

    Keep going with your weight loss.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.
    Because it's easy to think in binary terms. It follows TV plotlines. It requires the least amount of mental effort.

    There was someone who recommended the OP actually talk to her friends. I quoted it and agreed. But that approach is way more difficult (both to think about/write about and to enact). Directly dealing with people without jumping to conclusions - not to mention considering context, nuance, varying degrees of tone and meaning - that stuff is hard!
  • Kany
    Kany Posts: 336
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    ^^ and this
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.
    It is the MFP way. I'm kind of jealous that you ranted about this before I could.

    I'm jealous that you saw this rant and got jealous about it first.
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    I find this to be a disturbing trend here. Do we all need to feel better than other people and assume that they are jealous? And it always is heavier people jealous of the fitter ones.

    I will also patiently await an explanation.

    So you're saying I'm just really an A-hole and no one is actually jealous of ME?
    Sad panda... :sad:
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Have you asked them what the problem is? Maybe you made an offhand comment that you didn't realise was hurtful to one of them. There has to be a reason for this. I would urge you to find out what it is.
    This. I'm all about confronting people. Just say "Hey we're not working out together anymore and I wondered if there was something I said or did that caused that." If they're going to be passive-aggressive about this and tell act like nothing's going on, then wash your hands of them. Strut around in your XS's and remember to keep your chin up.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    34c3a85b-37c0-4e00-9805-c5360c8c70f9.jpg


    Jealously theory... Spock smash it.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    So you're saying I'm just really an A-hole and no one is actually jealous of ME?
    Sad panda... :sad:
    The fact that I am jealous of your A-hole-ishness is ironical.
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
    "Other people's opinions of me are none of my business "
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    I agree that this reason is mentioned far too often. But given the facts presented it doesn't seem a far-fetched supposition in this case.
  • Genem30
    Genem30 Posts: 431 Member
    If they're not people who could be happy for you and use your success as inspiration, they're not really friends at all. I wouldn't worry to much about it and find new workout friends.
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    It is unfortunate; how primitive we still are. Humans, like canine, have a yearning to belong. Everything we do we feel it can be done better if we have a partner or someone we can relate to/talk to.

    It is hard to look inside to see why you are doing things when you are doing them alone.

    These are the things I see:

    1. You are friendly and made "casual acquaintances" for other members in the fitness center

    2. As long as you all were in the same perdicament you were welcomed into the inner circle

    3. Once you evolved the envy came out from the acquaintances (not friends)

    4. You are hurt by the pettiness of what you have witnessed


    In the end your personal nature has failed to see the great success you have achieved while they did not take it as serious and remain unchanged.

    Embrace the you and what you have accomplished without getting hung up on the pettiness. When you make it a battle it becomes a war and when it becomes a war nobody wins.

    Wonderful words Thank you
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    It is unfortunate; how primitive we still are. Humans, like canine, have a yearning to belong. Everything we do we feel it can be done better if we have a partner or someone we can relate to/talk to.

    It is hard to look inside to see why you are doing things when you are doing them alone.

    These are the things I see:

    1. You are friendly and made "casual acquaintances" for other members in the fitness center

    2. As long as you all were in the same perdicament you were welcomed into the inner circle

    3. Once you evolved the envy came out from the acquaintances (not friends)

    4. You are hurt by the pettiness of what you have witnessed


    In the end your personal nature has failed to see the great success you have achieved while they did not take it as serious and remain unchanged.

    Embrace the you and what you have accomplished without getting hung up on the pettiness. When you make it a battle it becomes a war and when it becomes a war nobody wins.

    Wonderful words Thank you
    So just out of curiosity..you are going to go with the jealousy theory and not ask them what the issue is?
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,419 Member
    Are you wearing makeup at the gym? I've read that irritates people.
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    Wow..I didn't jump to any conclusion I didn't say anyone was jealous I was just
    kinda wanting to vent !
    As far as overweight people and people in 2x's (HEY THAT'S ME or uhhh it was me)
    did i get jealous at times when someone else is accomplishing what I wanted to and
    by my own fault could not DAMN RIGHT I DID!! AND SO DO ALL OF YOU ADMIT IT
    OR NOT :indifferent: I still get jealous of people who are the same size as me but
    much toner, able to endure more exercise than me even if there heavier
    But never ever would i be rude or let those feelings show :angry:
    I will ask them tonight before class why the tension is so thick with us all and if i offended
    anyone
    Thanks to all of you for your support and advise :flowerforyou: .
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    Make-up to the gym lol NO
    revealing clothing NO !
    the main culprit seems to be the one who wears the most
    make-up and has her booty hanging out.....
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    I agree that this reason is mentioned far too often. But given the facts presented it doesn't seem a far-fetched supposition in this case.

    I think you've hit on the point here. The facts presented do indicate jealousy, which is why some posters are helpfully suggesting that the OP might have inadvertently behaved as though they should be jealous. Since the OP only has control over her own behavior, the suggestions that she do something (like ASK them) are the ones that offer a solution. The others are kind, well-meaning platitudes.

    And now that I've let on how smart I am, everyone will stop speaking to me because they are so jealous. :-0
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    Wow..I didn't jump to any conclusion I didn't say anyone was jealous I was just
    kinda wanting to vent !
    As far as overweight people and people in 2x's (HEY THAT'S ME or uhhh it was me)
    did i get jealous at times when someone else is accomplishing what I wanted to and
    by my own fault could not DAMN RIGHT I DID!! AND SO DO ALL OF YOU ADMIT IT
    OR NOT :indifferent: I still get jealous of people who are the same size as me but
    much toner, able to endure more exercise than me even if there heavier
    But never ever would i be rude or let those feelings show :angry:
    I will ask them tonight before class why the tension is so thick with us all and if i offended
    anyone
    Thanks to all of you for your support and advise :flowerforyou: .

    This wasn't actually directed to you, OP. It just seems that everyone always assumes that the other people in question are jealous when one of these threads is posted.

    I do agree that talking to them in a gentle but straightforward manner is the way to approach this. As I said before, you may have said or done something completely innocently that one of them took offence to. To me, that seems more likely, because I find it hard to believe that people would just suddenly become jealous of someone, out of the blue.
  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 956 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.

    Wow..I didn't jump to any conclusion I didn't say anyone was jealous I was just
    kinda wanting to vent !
    As far as overweight people and people in 2x's (HEY THAT'S ME or uhhh it was me)
    did i get jealous at times when someone else is accomplishing what I wanted to and
    by my own fault could not DAMN RIGHT I DID!! AND SO DO ALL OF YOU ADMIT IT
    OR NOT :indifferent: I still get jealous of people who are the same size as me but
    much toner, able to endure more exercise than me even if there heavier
    But never ever would i be rude or let those feelings show :angry:
    I will ask them tonight before class why the tension is so thick with us all and if i offended
    anyone
    Thanks to all of you for your support and advise :flowerforyou: .
    Quite wise of you to ask and not assume. Talking to the other women appears in my opinion the best approach. Good luck
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    Thanks I will talk to them tonight, hopefully its just a misunderstanding
    on my part ! if not at least I took the high road :happy:
  • dnsrmr
    dnsrmr Posts: 99 Member
    Your insecurities are getting the best of you. Why don't you ask if it bothers you so much. Maybe there's a good explanation and your jumpin' the gun tryg 2 figure it out.
    Us women know all the bull-crap that goes with when we look good and lose weight.
    Not sure why but most women are just plain spiteful and jealous. It's some people's nature unfortunately.
    Either ask and deal with it or drop out and find another class you can start making new friends.
    Shame on people who can't except a better world through healthier people. Hope this isn't it, but it happens.
    Gd luck. Sounds like ur hurt by the sudden change, but either ask them, or have a private conversation with the instructor and tell her how you feel.
  • snorktharpe
    snorktharpe Posts: 41 Member
    you'd think people would outgrow the click mentality but too have noticed that they don't. maybe start going at a different time when they aren't usually there and make some new friends :)- but remember- its never your fault if other people choose to be jerks - its theirs :)
  • Jennieam
    Jennieam Posts: 300 Member
    I have been a member of my Gym for about 8 months now and have gotten really friendly with some of the ladies that
    I do classes with (zumba, body fit, spinning) ... I have done nothing wrong, but I can tell there whispering about me
    when we are all waiting for the class to start :cry:

    I wouldn't be at all surprised if they are whispering about you ...

    They are saying look at bmw4deb doesn't she look great. I wonder how she's lost that much weight. And she's really toned up, and in such a short amount of time. Perhaps she's found a "magic cure" to go with the gym work. Yep, I'd love to look like her ...

    Whatever they're saying - don't stress ... or if you're going to stress, put all the pent-up energy into your gym workout.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    Really, I cannot understand why everyone always assumes that people are jealous. None of you know what actually happened.

    Do you just assume that because people are overweight they are automatically jealous of people who are fit? If you are overweight, is that how you are?

    I do not understand this mentality. I would love it if someone could explain why so many people on this website immediately jump to this conclusion.
    It is the MFP way. I'm kind of jealous that you ranted about this before I could.
    I third this. I have never treated someone bad or been jealous because they were thinner than me. If thats the conclusion some of you jump to it makes me think that is how you behave. Which is pretty sad.
    My note was not saying the people or truly jealous or envious but the perception based on the OPS view. My recommendation is to embrace the good she have done for herself and not to start an unnecessary fight that is not worth her time.

    If she confronts them and it is a misunderstanding on her part, fine. If she confronts them and they respond back negatively, fine. In the whole scheme of things, does it matter?

    The main point is to embrace the wholeness of her life and not allow the distractions to affect her and what she has set out to accomplish. Wisdom is choosing your battles and some battles are not worth the time.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    It is unfortunate; how primitive we still are. Humans, like canine, have a yearning to belong. Everything we do we feel it can be done better if we have a partner or someone we can relate to/talk to.

    It is hard to look inside to see why you are doing things when you are doing them alone.

    These are the things I see:

    1. You are friendly and made "casual acquaintances" for other members in the fitness center

    2. As long as you all were in the same perdicament you were welcomed into the inner circle

    3. Once you evolved the envy came out from the acquaintances (not friends)

    4. You are hurt by the pettiness of what you have witnessed


    In the end your personal nature has failed to see the great success you have achieved while they did not take it as serious and remain unchanged.

    Embrace the you and what you have accomplished without getting hung up on the pettiness. When you make it a battle it becomes a war and when it becomes a war nobody wins.

    Wonderful words Thank you
    So just out of curiosity..you are going to go with the jealousy theory and not ask them what the issue is?
    Quoted the wrong one earlier but to repeat myself:

    My note was not saying the people or truly jealous or envious but the perception based on the OPS view. My recommendation is to embrace the good she have done for herself and not to start an unnecessary fight that is not worth her time.

    If she confronts them and it is a misunderstanding on her part, fine. If she confronts them and they respond back negatively, fine. In the whole scheme of things, does it matter?

    The main point is to embrace the wholeness of her life and not allow the distractions to affect her and what she has set out to accomplish. Wisdom is choosing your battles and some battles are not worth the time.
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    Update, I spoke with all the ladies last night, I just ask them politely
    if there was a reason or i did anything to upset them (they were a little surprised
    to be so bluntly ask )
    They replied NO and the ring leader T
    said honey we are all just so busy and stressed
    with the holidays coming and everything that goes with it!
    So at the end of the evening another girl in the same group walked to the parking lot with me
    and explained T
    likes to be center of attention and she has been saying that im way to perky and
    get on her nerves with my gung ho cheerleader attitude, This person apologized for her actions
    But you know what? I am over it I don't care if they speak with me or not ! my fitness is the only reason
    I go to the gym!!
    OH tomorrow night will be fun !! Sarah one of the zumba instructors ask me if i wanted to help her with the
    class on Wednesday sooo gonna wear my cutest outfit and be on my bubbliest cheerleader behavior :laugh:
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    Glad you were able to sort it out and figure out what the shiznit was. Look adorable tomorrow and be your super perky self. Like I said before, you don't need friends like that. Sounds like you figured out who the true friends are! Keep on rockin' it girl!
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