Bringing me down Mother...

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Cbcarter08
Cbcarter08 Posts: 33 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So I need some advice on this. I am trying to lose weight and get into great shape and I've been doing really great. Sweets are my weakness and I try to stay away from them. My husband and I go over to my parents house every Sunday for dinner and because I've been working so hard and focusing on being healthy, it always comes up in conversation. We always have a dessert at the end which usually consists of brownies and ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, etc. We also always have the option to drink soda with our dinner. My mother is mildly overweight and does not work out. I usually say "No thanks" to the unhealthy things she offers me. Right after I turn her down, she starts getting on me about how I'm obsessing over my weight and I shouldn't be so concerned with looks. She says I'm going to be anorexic and I shouldn't use the word "diet". When I tell her that I've met a goal of running, she says that I should stop running before it ruins my knees. It just seems like she finds something negative to say about all my positives. Instead of supporting me like I feel she should and being happy with my weight loss and goals, she always tears me down. Does anyone else have this problem?

Replies

  • sharonsjones
    sharonsjones Posts: 574 Member
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    The only negative I've gotten from my parents was when I told them I was going to run a 1/2 marathon my dad told me I was too old. LOL
  • midwifekelley2350
    midwifekelley2350 Posts: 337 Member
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    that is so sad but some people are just negative. maybe she just doesnt realize what she is doing is trying to sabatoge you. families are so hard! maybe it is better than having a mother who says..."you really shouldn't eat that!"
  • meg7399
    meg7399 Posts: 672 Member
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    I have not had those problems....but my mother has given me plenty of negative comments on other things so I understand! I would just keep going and focus on you. YOU will be the healthy one and it only matters what YOU think!!
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
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    Simple fix, don't go over for Sunday dinners.


    *If you simply can't do that, then try having them come over to your house for Sunday dinner. You could fix the meal and have no dessert following. You could also try telling her like it is by saying it's disrespectful for her to try to undermine your fitness goals.
  • harley_rose
    harley_rose Posts: 236
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    My mother is the same way, she recently had the gastric bypass. She came to my house telling me she is going to be smaller then I am since I am overweight. I started to lose weight the only thing she could be say was oh so you are staving yourself again. I was once an anorexic so she thinks I am doing it again. I told her I was doing it health and she said I am sure you are not you are just saying that... I GIVE UP
  • jessicaram2011
    jessicaram2011 Posts: 16 Member
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    Maybe since your making so many changes your mom could be feel left out. Invite her to walk with you once a week if you can. Let her see how you feel after you do what make you happy (your workout), then maybe she will get it.
  • nanodot
    nanodot Posts: 154 Member
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    Just look her right in the eye and say "It's not about you."

    Ugh. Actually it's really complicated, isn't it? Eating together is social. Getting high on brownies together is social. Mom probably has a chunk of self-worth invested in her cooking, and it hurts for the food to be rejected. The fact that you need to exercise and get healthy now implies that she was poisoning you/bad Mom all these years.

    So bring a fruit salad for dessert, give her a big hug, look her in the eye, and say, "It's not about you."
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    I would tell her that she is upsetting you and you would appreciate some positive support. She is probably just being a nurturing mother, and doesnt realise she's hurting your feelings.

    Just ring her up and explain?

    Good luck
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 615 Member
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    My mom does occasionally say flat out negative things but usually she is more subtle about letting little comments slip out. She'll constantly tell me that it's okay to reward myself and how one cookie isn't going to ruin anything. She's probably right but, I reward on my schedule and don't want them all to be food based and no one cookie isn't going to ruin anything but if I don't want it why should I eat it?

    My mom lost a bunch of weight last year after surgery and was thrilled, she flaunted it and bragged about it (nothing wrong with that, we all want to look good) and passed down to me all of her "fat" clothes. But now that I've lost so much weight (60 lbs with 20 lbs to go) and she has gained all hers back (she made no changes to her lifestyle or eating habits) I think she's jealous of how things have turned around on her.

    Your mom may be jealous that you're taking control and changing yourself for the better. Instead of seeing how this shows the hard working person she raised you to be all she is probably seeing is that you will look better physically than she does.
  • 77tes
    77tes Posts: 7,927 Member
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    She's your mom, it's what we do. Turn it around. She accepts you for who you are: "You don't need to diet." She wants you to be happy, "Have a cookie, Sweetie." She worries about you: "Running is bad for your knees."
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
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    I would tell her exactly how you feel, that you are making a lifestyle change and would appreciate her support. You've chosen not to indulge regularly in the things that you feel don't fit this new lifestyle i.e. cake/cookies/brownies/pop. Then I would tell her if she does not have anything nice to say then don't. I would only bring out the "we're not coming" to Sunday dinner over if she keeps up the not so nice comments. Is your Dad supportive? Ask his help if he is. That's what I did. I also had to have a hard talk with my own mother about stuff like this. She knows not to say nasty demeaning things to me anymore or we'll have words. She's actually turned very supportive of what I'm doing and makes sure when we visit that she has things I can eat.

    Good luck!
  • ktfitzgerald
    ktfitzgerald Posts: 369 Member
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    That stinks that your mom doesn't see the value in what you are doing! I would just tell her it's not about getting skinny, it's about staying healthy. And that you intend to with or without her support. Continue to feel good about your choices regardless of whether or not she does. You're doing the right thing for yourself and those you care about. And all of us at MFP support you!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Sorry you're dealing with that...maybe its a generational thing and your mother just doesn't understand fitness and nutrition and thinks she's looking out for your somehow?

    I've been lucky, my parents are very proud of my recent success.. I'm 41 and they told me the other day I'm starting to look like I did in high school again...which was fantastic to hear.

    Congrats on your hard work, and keep it up! If your mother doesn't come around, maybe you just need to have a talk with her and tell her that you feel like she's sabotaging you.
  • OKmac3
    OKmac3 Posts: 192 Member
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    My gf does have the same issue but with her step mom it always has to be about her and who cares about anyone else, unless she wants to brag about them which we do not care to hear the bragging. She is what I call a life sucker and we try to stay away from her as much as we can. I know it is tough but just do what you have to do and then surround yourself with life givers so that you can be brought back up.

    If it was me, I would probably call her out and tell her how you feel...but then you have the issue of being too opinionated and do not know your place or know how to respect your elders....tough place to be.
  • katcod1522
    katcod1522 Posts: 448 Member
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    My mother is the same way. Shes always been 120 lbs..and a size 6. I was a 200lb size 18. She cant believe Im wearing 10s and 12s now! Now that Ive lost 30+lbs..and her friends comment how good Im looking..she thinks she has to start dieting. Shes so afraid that I am going to look better than her! Shes competitive and not supportive. We also go to my parents for dinner on Sundays. Its become a ritual where Ill take my own food to eat. She gets pissy sometimes but it works for me.
  • midwifekelley2350
    midwifekelley2350 Posts: 337 Member
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    Just look her right in the eye and say "It's not about you."

    Ugh. Actually it's really complicated, isn't it? Eating together is social. Getting high on brownies together is social. Mom probably has a chunk of self-worth invested in her cooking, and it hurts for the food to be rejected. The fact that you need to exercise and get healthy now implies that she was poisoning you/bad Mom all these years.

    So bring a fruit salad for dessert, give her a big hug, look her in the eye, and say, "It's not about you."


    this is great advice...straight forward and still loving!
  • firedragon064
    firedragon064 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Does not matter how old you are, you are still her baby - a 2 years old. She just feels the need to prevent bad things happen to you, to try to protect you.
    Do compliment on her cooking. My mom likes that.
  • Cbcarter08
    Cbcarter08 Posts: 33 Member
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    You guys are all awesome!! Well I'm heading to my mom's now for a birthday party so I already know ice cream and cake are going to be on the menu. I'm going to confront her in a nice way and maybe invite her to go walking this week. We'll see how it goes! Thanks for all the advice! :) Keep up the great work!!

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